by Giacomi, A.
“Oh my God! You do like him! I was just kidding, but you do, don’t you?” And with that, Janna starts laughing hysterically.
She tosses a towel at me as she leaves the bathroom. I am left frozen like a statue, mortified, angry with my body and its betrayal. I want to sob, but I think it best to have that shower and try to forget my feelings for a moment. I won’t be able to pretend in front of Cam if I seem upset; he will know that Janna is right. It will only be a matter of time before Janna brings this up. It is like waiting for a grenade to go off.
I head downstairs to find that Cam is awake and none other than my little sister is sitting next to him. Janna is wearing the largest, most unnatural smile, and it takes everything I’ve got not to walk up to her and smack her so hard that she may need plastic surgery.
I take a deep breath and pour myself some cereal as I greet them both. Cam looks a little groggy still, but he wears a little smile as he finishes his bowl of cereal. I wonder what the little grin means but try not to read into it or I’ll have a mini heart attack.
I play with my cereal and ask Cam what he thinks about heading over to see Eve’s family this afternoon. And with that, his smile flees, and his brows furrow. “I’m not sure I’m ready yet,” is all Cam comes up with, and then he changes the subject immediately. “I would like to head over to the cemetery today and bring some flowers to my parents.”
Janna’s smile is missing too. So she does still have a heart. That is good to know.
I didn’t forget that Cam is an orphan, and I can’t even begin to understand his pain. He lost his mother in a tragic car accident when he was young. His father was an abusive alcoholic, and Eve killed him while under the influence of the Azrael Virus. Unfortunately, Henry Jackson didn’t die the first time. Eve turned him accidentally, and we were then faced with having to bury him again.
Cam had not had much luck in the family department, but he had two great friends, one of which left, and the other I fear is no substitute. In a way, I want to replace her, to take his pain away, but I’m not sure that will ever happen. He will never love me like he loved Eve.
Later that day, I drive Cam to the local flower shop in Little Lake. He picks up some colourful Gerber Daisies for his mother and some plain white carnations for his father. The flower selection speaks loudly about where Cam’s feelings remain.
Tension fills the passenger seat as we drive up to the cemetery gates. Cam can’t smile; his jaw is clenched too tightly for that. I think he may shatter his teeth from the clamping force he is using to hold back his tears, anger, disappointment, perhaps all those things at once.
When I park the car, Cam stares out at his parents’ graves. He seems unable to move, paralyzed by his grief. I take his hand and caress it to let him know I am still there. He brushes it away and opens the car door with flowers in hand. I am unsure if I should follow him out to the graves. His rejection of my affection leaves me feeling a bit deserted, and I decide to give him some time alone before joining him.
He kneels in front of the tombstones and bows his head for a few minutes before placing the flowers by the graves. Cam glances at Henry’s tombstone briefly, but he places his hands over that of his mother’s, almost as if he is expecting it to hug him back. It is in that moment I fully understand how much time has been stolen from him. He was never a child; he had too much weight on his shoulders to afford the luxury of innocence.
I sprint out of the car and crash into him, hugging him from behind with ferocity. Cam sobs under me and finally allows me to hold him without dismissal. I hold him so tight, begging my arms to absorb his pain and that I may take it away just by sheer will to do so.
When Cam is calmer, we walk back to the car. Not a word is uttered that afternoon. Some days, words are just too much to bear.
***
The next few days are spent begging Cam to come and visit Eve’s parents, who have been asking to see him for weeks now. We are their last connection to Eve, and it feels terribly selfish not to grant them this simple request.
When I badger Cam enough, he decides that he will head back to campus. He keeps telling me over and over again that he can’t see them, that it will make him ache again. I tell him he is being a cowardly, selfish baby, and that leads to our first real argument. That same day, he thanks my mother for allowing him to stay, kisses Janna on the forehead, and leaves in a huff. I’d like to feel guilty for my words, but they are true, and truth is the only gift of friendship I can offer him.
***
I decide to head over and see Mr. and Mrs. Brenner on my own a few days later. Maybe Cam can’t face them, but I can, and if it brings them any sort of comfort, then I am happy to do it. When I enter the house, I am greeted by Winston jumping up on me with delight, and Eve’s parents hug me so hard I think I might snap in half.
We sit down for tea in the kitchen with Mrs. Brenner’s fresh-made scones. She is one of the better baker’s in town. It is a shame she never opened her own shop. I observe them as they fuss around me as if I am their own daughter. They seem much grayer, and more wrinkles surround their faces, but their eyes still shine with love.
Eve’s mother is still the charming, exceptionally kind woman she always was, and Mr. Brenner is still his quite yet observant self. Not much has changed. Jane is still tutoring part time, and Tom is still the town’s only handyman, which keeps him busy enough.
After a few hours of catching up, I ask if I can go up to Eve’s room. The question catches them off guard, which leads me to believe that perhaps no one has been up there since Eve left. Mrs. Brenner escorts me up the stairs but does not enter. “I’m afraid I can’t go in there yet, Alex, but please go ahead. Whatever helps you heal is welcome.” She kisses me on the forehead and returns downstairs.
I avoided the topic of Eve’s death, since her family was told a lie that I promised to keep. In order to cover up the zombie attacks last year, CSIS staged a rather elaborate campus fire, and they named Eve as one of its victims. It felt so unfair that they would never know the truth about their daughter. They would never know that she is still out there, battling something much worse than death.
Eve’s room is slightly dusty but still smells of her, a mix of lilac and vanilla, two of her favourite scents. I sit on her bed and admire the room. The walls are still filled with photos of us. I stand to pluck one off the wall, a high school graduation picture of Eve, Cam, and me. The three of us are smiling so large and look so young. I place the photo in my pocket as a memento.
When I walk back to the bed, I lie down and face the ceiling. There he is, swinging through the air, the great Spider-Man, aka Peter Parker, aka Eve’s favourite superhero. I often found her chatting to her poster; it is always a strange sight, but I now find it endearing. In fact, I miss it most.
I decide that it might be fun to have a chat with him myself. I smile at the ceiling as I begin speaking to the poster.
“Umm…hi, Spider-Man? We haven’t really talked before, but you and Eve had many conversations in my presence, so if you don’t know me by now, that’s just kinda rude.” I laugh out loud at my own stupidity but force myself to continue for old time’s sake. “So I was wondering if you could do me a favour? You see, I’m not really sure where Eve is, and Cam and I miss her terribly. Could you just pass on that little message for her? That we miss her and love her very much…could you do that for me and make sure she’s safe?”
I close my eyes and fight back tears after that last word. I just hope she is safe, but the not knowing is too difficult to stomach some days.
I hear something shuffling in the room, and then the next sound makes the hairs on my arms stand at attention.
“I’m okay. A bit of a zombie these days, but nothing some rest can’t fix.”
I bolt upright and see Eve sitting by the window. At first, I have to rub my eyes; I don’t know if I am seeing something real or if my eyes are playin
g tricks. I rise from the bed to inspect her closer; surely I can touch something real. When I touch her face, it feels cool, and her lips spread into that mischievous smile I remember. I hug her fiercely, and I don’t remember when I let go. Hours, days, centuries?
***
Soon, Eve is telling me about an underground lab and how Dr. August is her only ally there. She also mentions something about becoming a secret agent; that seems all too farfetched to believe. When I ask her if she’ll visit Cam, she shakes her head.
“Al, I can’t do that to him. He can’t handle it. You know that! You know how he told you he saw me when he was high?” I nod. “Well, that was actually me. That’s as good as it’s gonna get. I meant what I said. I can’t be near you both and keep you safe. In the facility, they have guards that can stop me, walls that can contain me. Here, I’m a walking time bomb.”
I understand her reasons, but I just want to see her from time to time. Then it dawns on me. Why is she here in the first place? “Eve, how did you know about Cam?”
She shrugs and says, “Surveillance cameras.”
“So you’ve been watching us?”
She grins. “Just a little. Why, you got something to hide, Al? I know all your secrets, remember?”
I laugh uncomfortably. She doesn’t know how I feel about Cam. Or maybe she does?
“Look, Al, I’m begging you to keep an eye on him. Take care of him, stay close to him. Be his freakin’ girlfriend for all I care. Just keep him alive, or there isn’t much point to me staying away, is there? I don’t want to fail you guys. So just please stay safe, hold onto each other, and give me one less thing to worry about, okay?”
I nod, feeling sort of guilty about my feelings for Cam but happy that she approves of it if it ever happens.
Soon, it is time for her to go. I just got her back, and she is about to dissolve again. I pull on her sleeve. “Eve, how do you expect me to keep this a secret from Cam? You know how bad I suck at secrets.”
She hugs me and whispers, “I know you’ll do it because you love him, and knowing this little secret would hurt him. Besides, I trust you.” And with those final words, she jumps out the window and races out of sight.
A hollow feeling consumes me as I continue to stare out the window. It is as if I have woken up from a beautiful dream, only to find that my reality is far worse than it was before I went to sleep.
My thoughts are disrupted by a knock on the door. “Is everything okay, Alex? Are you talking to someone in there?”
“No, Mrs. Brenner, just myself, just me…”
***
As I drive towards Guelph U, I dread meeting up with Cam. He hasn’t been answering his calls or his emails, and I am starting to worry that I might find him deceased on his dorm room floor. My stomach twists with every curve in the road, and I drive a little faster than the roads deem safe.
When I arrive, I immediately head to Cam’s room. I wave to a few classmates along the way but do not pause to make conversation. I am much too nervous for small talk.
I reach Cam’s door and knock on it with such a force that I almost punch him in the face when he swings the door open quickly.
“Yes? Can I help you with something?” He smiles at my fist, which is just inches from his nose.
I lower my arms, but my hands remain in tight fists. “Yes, you can tell me where the hell you’ve been and why you haven’t answered any of my messages? That’s wrong, you know! So wrong!” I am almost whimpering the last part with all the anger and relief pent up inside of me. I want to hug and punch him so badly at the same time.
He invites me inside, but I’m still too nervous to sit. Cam walks over to his desk and picks up a newspaper article.
“I’ve been doing a little research and a lot of thinking. I’m sorry, Al. I just got caught up in my own little world. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I don’t accept his apology, but I allow him to continue.
“I found this article in the paper the other day, Al.” He hands me an article from our student newspaper The Ontarian and then continues. “It says something about Chichén Itzá being attacked by a local gang, but if you read it further, it says the gang seemed to act like cannibals with bodies strewn about the tourist site. They’ve closed it off to the public due to some bombing and fires on site, and they fear some of the gang members are still at large.”
I’m not sure what Cam is getting at. It does sound horrible, but, “So what?” I say impatiently.
He rolls his eyes in frustration. “So what? Al, this doesn’t sound a little familiar to you? Come on, think about it for a second!”
I honestly do sit there and ponder his meaning, but I don’t see the connection. The one thing I do notice is that his eyes are bloodshot and wild. Something about this story has him rattled.
I throw the paper on the bed. “Cam, just tell me! I’m tired, and I’m just not up to riddles right now, so just for the love of God, spill it!”
He paces the room so feverishly that I fear the rug beneath him may catch fire. “Okay, Al, cannibals…in Mexico? Really? I think we know a little better than that now. A little something called the Azrael Virus could have easily caused this. Then there is the fire and explosions. Look what they did here at school. They set fire to a few buildings to cover up the zombie infestation caused by Claire. So don’t you think this could be another cover up?”
Cam’s meaning suddenly dawns on me: he is thinking of Eve. Something in this article seems connected to her. I try to disagree with his theory; Eve won’t want me encouraging him. “So you think this is all a big conspiracy? Cam, the Azrael virus has been contained. I’m sure it’s just some awful gang in Mexico. Horrible stuff happens all the time without zombies being the cause of it! Just listen to yourself!”
He grabs my hands suddenly, taking me by surprise. “Alex! What if she’s there? What if she’s part of the gang? What if they’re making her do this? We don’t know what kind of tests they’re putting her through. We have to stop them!”
I get to my feet and yell, “No, Cam! This is not a conspiracy. Get a grip! Do you even hear yourself? You want us to go to Mexico and do what? Look for a zombie? Look for Eve? Are you completely insane?!”
That last comment wounds him. Of course, he feels a tad insane. Anyone in his situation would. He is in love with a ghost; she still lives inside of his heart and haunts him daily.
Cam throws the chair at his desk to the ground with such a force that I hear it crack. His rage frightens me. If he can’t learn to control his emotions, I fear he might turn back to drugs and alcohol. I promised Eve I will look after him, and I’m not about to let him out on a wild goose chase.
I walk up to him cautiously, and when it seems safe enough to approach, I tuck my body under his arms and lift my chin towards his lips. I hope that I can become his distraction.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
EVE
My return to the CSIS Facility feels a little strange. I didn’t ask permission to leave, and I am extremely surprised that Special Agent Vallincourt isn’t angrier with me. I suppose Agent Williams covered for me sufficiently.
The other part that feels strange is the fact that I was a free woman only moments ago. I had time to see my friends and hide a trinket in my room that Dr. August gave me for safe keeping. I think it will be safer out of my hands. Most things are.
The trinket is a small red stone that Dr. August paid heavily for. The price tag was the loss of one friend and his own freedom. We are still unsure about the glowing red stone. It seems to ward off zombies but not in every case. The mystery will have to be solved at a different time; I have more pressing things to attend to, like curing myself of the Azrael Virus.
When I enter Special Agent Vallincourt’s office, I am surprised to find a slew of agents waiting for me. One holds out their hand to congratulate me, and the others welcome me.
Agent Vallincourt clears up my confusion by explaining that this is to be my swearing in as an agent.
I place my hand on a Bible that one of the other agents is holding and recite the words that are given to me.
“I, Eve Brenner, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend this Country against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.”
When I have taken my oath, the agents clap and welcome me to their team. I am handed a set of keycards that will allow me to access the CSIS Facility at my leisure, I am given a suit to wear with my specified measurements, and I am given a new name, Agent Brenner. I like the sound of that.
It feels wonderful to be part of a team. I feel more human now that I am accepted and given a role. They have given me a purpose, and it is revitalizing.
However, my brief moment of bliss is shattered when I approach Agent Williams. He congratulates me frostily and leaves the room abruptly. Although I’m not his biggest fan, I’ve been starting to warm up to him, and so his rejection stings a bit. He owes me an explanation, and I will get it later, but for now I am going to enjoy the free champagne that Vallincourt is pouring for all the agents.
***
Hours later, I am back in my room. I decide to kick off my shoes and plunk down on my bed. The bed swallows me, and my body relaxes immediately.
I hear a click at the door and notice that Jazz has let herself in. She greets me in her over-the-top cheerful manner and apologizes for disturbing me. As she stocks my bathroom with fresh towels and toiletries, I decide to make a formal request.
