Facing the Gray

by Carol Beth Anderson

  The first two days of Jenevy’s quest, she’d met several women who were grateful to talk to someone about health issues they’d tolerated for far too long. In between these successes, however, Jenevy had suffered unkind words, laughter, and doors slammed in her face.

  They were all relieved that, on day three, Jenevy was at last in the neighborhood of the Gray House. Soon, she would walk up to the front door of that house and knock.

  After a few more minutes of listening, Tullen tapped his ear sharply. Seeing the prearranged signal, Tavi activated her hearing gift to listen with him.

  At this distance, with hundreds of other conversations in the vicinity, it took several seconds for her to hone in on Jenevy’s voice. When she did, she heard the apprentice midwife say, “ . . . estimate will be just fine.”

  Another voice entered Tavi’s glowing ears. “I think it was probably around the beginning of autumn.” She sounded like she was Tavi’s age, maybe younger.

  “Very well.” Jenevy’s voice was warm. “I know you don’t want your parents to know, but I doubt you’ll be able to hide it much longer. It would be better for you to tell them than for them to figure it out themselves. I can come with you when you talk to them if it would help.”

  “Oh, could you?” The girl sounded like she was crying. “I’m so scared. I don’t know what they’ll do.”

  “I don’t know either,” Jenevy said. “But I know you can do this. I’ll help you, and the other midwives will too. And when your baby is born, you’ll be as ready as any mother can be. We’ll make sure of that.”

  Tavi raised her eyebrows, meeting Tullen’s gaze. It felt awkward listening to such a private conversation. Tullen gave her a sad smile.

  The girl was definitely crying now, and based on the muffled sound of her voice, Tavi guessed she was hugging Jenevy. “Thank you,” the girl said, repeating the phrase several times.

  Tavi listened to them make plans for Jenevy’s return the next day. Jenevy moved on to another house, and Tavi asked, “Why did you want me to hear that?”

  “You have sympathy for women and girls who are struggling.”

  He noticed that? Tavi felt an unexpected lump in her throat.

  “Want to take a shift?” Tullen asked.

  Tavi nodded, keeping her hearing magic active. As Jenevy visited a few houses with no responses to her knocks, Tavi let her mind wander.

  Jenevy had handled the delicate situation of the young, pregnant girl with kindness and empathy. Tavi could see why Jenevy wanted to be a midwife. Her temperament was perfect for it.

  Tavi reflected on their months in Savala, and a thought entered her mind. I like Jenevy. She started at the words, but they were true. She had tried her best not to like Tullen’s friend. But she couldn’t help it. Jenevy was, well, likable.

  “What is it?” Tullen asked.

  Tavi realized she’d been shaking her head in wonder at her own thoughts. “Just thinking,” she said. “Everything’s fine.”

  Tullen nodded and looked out toward the street. Tavi knew he loved to watch the city’s residents. They were so different from the Meadow Dwellers he’d grown up with.

  Jenevy continued to move from house to house, dropping off flyers and engaging in short conversations with residents and servants. As Tavi listened, she joined Tullen in watching the crowds.

  Savalans didn’t talk much to strangers unless they had a reason to. Tavi watched people brush against each other on the street without so much as an “excuse me.” She’d also noticed that in Savala, people didn’t pay a lot of attention when someone used magic, unless they displayed it in a dramatic way.

  A woman walked in front of the café, her glowing fingers sculpting an icicle, molding it into a swirl pattern. While all Blessed experienced a sensation of warmth when using magic, it usually brought minimal heat to the skin. This woman’s magic was different; her fingers were melting the ice. But no one was watching her except Tullen and Tavi.

  Several minutes later, Tavi looked across the street and saw an adolescent boy. He stood, arms folded, his mother pulling at him. The belligerent boy was rooted to the sidewalk; he must have a stride gift that allowed him to attach his feet to the ground beneath him, even through his shoes. He laughed aloud as his mother pulled him nearly horizontal, his feet not moving an inch. Then Tavi saw the mischievous look on his face just before he released his magic. He fell flat on the sidewalk, but so did his mother, and he laughed even harder.

  Unlike the touch-blessed woman, this boy had a small audience. Most people, however, walked by without taking notice of him. Tavi glanced at Tullen, who was watching the same scene. She couldn’t see his mouth, but his shaking shoulders and crinkled eyes made his laughter obvious. Tavi joined him, muffled giggles bursting through her scarf.

  It was early afternoon when Jenevy whispered, “I’ve turned onto the street where the Gray House is located. It’s about halfway down the street.”

  Tavi passed on the message to Tullen. “Want to take over and let me know when I need to listen in?”

  Tullen agreed, and Tavi released her magic. After a quarter-hour of silence, Tullen tapped his ear again.

  Tavi activated her magic and listened for Jenevy’s voice. Soon she heard the apprentice midwife whisper, “I’m here.”

  Tavi heard a fist rapping against a door. Several seconds later, the knock was repeated. After two silent minutes, Jenevy whispered, “I left the flyer in the door.”

  Tavi sighed. “I know Reba said they never answer the door, but . . .”

  “But you hoped they would anyway. Me too.”

  “You can conserve your gift; I’ll keep listening.”

  She listened for another half hour. Jenevy got into one extended conversation about a woman’s troublesome cycles, and the level of detail brought a blush to Tavi’s face. Seeing Tullen’s raised eyebrows, she said, “I don’t know why these conversations make me uncomfortable; I’m a woman too.”

  “A few months in the Meadow would cure you of that,” Tullen said. “But I think you’re a little too independent for Meadow life.”

  His last sentence left Tavi with a smile. “Just like you are.” After listening for a while, she asked, “Do you want another turn?”

  Tullen nodded. He’d only been listening for ten minutes when he grasped her arm and tapped his ear urgently. Tavi activated her hearing gift.

  “I’m so glad you came out to find me,” Jenevy was saying. “How can I help you?”

  “It’s my cycles,” a woman’s voice said. “I bleed so much I can’t keep up with it. I use the best products available, but it’s not enough. I end up with . . . accidents.”

  Embarrassed, Tavi glanced at Tullen, but he looked perfectly comfortable listening to such details. Of course he did.

  “Who do you get your products from?” Jenevy asked.

  “The little shop on Talivar Street.”

  “You’re right,” Jenevy said, “those are the best. We have a tea that may help reduce the bleeding.”

  “That would be wonderful,” the woman replied. “How can I purchase some?”

  “We offer it as a public service,” Jenevy said. “But the leaves we make the tea with are restricted. They’re very strong, and only midwives and healers can purchase them and brew with them. I’ll have to make it for you.”

  “I have to come all the way to the midwife house each month?” The woman sounded desperate.

  “Oh no, I’ll come to you,” Jenevy said. “You just need to send me a message, and I’ll come that very day. Multiple days if you need me to.”

  “You’d come here?”

  “Yes, I’ll brew it right in your kitchen.”

  “I just don’t know.”

  After a pause, Jenevy’s voice, calm and kind, came through. “Wrey, when you’re having these issues, you can’t live a normal life. Please let me help.”

  Hearing the name Wrey, Tavi’s jaw dropped, and Tullen smiled and nodded in return. Tavi closed her mouth, but a trium
phant grin played at the corners of her lips.

  Wrey said, “I live with several other people. Some of them are men. I don’t want them to know.”

  “I understand,” Jenevy replied. “I’ll keep it discreet. But if you live together, they probably know you’re struggling. If they care about you, they’ll be glad you’re getting help.”

  “This is so embarrassing,” Wrey said.

  “Nonsense! When we have any other ailment, we rush to a healer for a tonic or a magical touch. Why should it be embarrassing because it’s a woman’s issue?”

  “I guess you’re right.” Tavi heard Wrey take a deep breath and release it. “I’ll send a message when it’s time. It won’t be for another three weeks or so.”

  “You’ll be so glad to find relief,” Jenevy replied. She wrote her name on a flyer and gave it to a grateful Wrey. The women said goodbye.

  Jenevy’s whisper sounded in their ears. “I hope you heard that!” she said. Tavi and Tullen smiled. “I think I’m done for the day,” Jenevy said. “My feet are tired. I’ll meet you back at the midwife house.”

  Tavi released her magic and scooted out of her chair. But Tullen’s voice stopped her. “Want to people watch for a little longer before we go?” he asked.

  “Sure.”

  As they watched the street and talked about nothing in particular, Tavi considered the question she’d been musing over for the previous three days. Nice, she concluded. Sitting here with him isn’t annoying. It’s nice. She still felt sick thinking about his actions in the forest on that terrible day. She didn’t know whether they’d ever be truly close again. But for now, nice was enough.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Answer their questions, and be honest. We do young people no favors when we skirt around hard truths.

  -From Training Sun-Blessed Students by Ellea Kariana

  Ash pulled open a drawer and removed the small stack of papers he found there. He set them on top of Konner’s desk and scanned the first page. It was a list of gray councillors, and it lined up with the information Ash already had. He set it to the side.

  Several more papers were just as unenlightening. The bottom page of the stack looked more interesting, though. It contained a hand-drawn diagram of the council building. The drawing was marked up with symbols and words, written in Konner’s precise hand. Ash examined it, finding no conflict between what Konner had told him and the paper’s contents. He closed the drawer, unsure whether to feel disappointed or relieved.

  He’d already pored over all the papers on Konner’s desk, but he picked up a few pages, glancing at them again. Everything lined up with the plans he and Konner had made. No, the plans Konner made and informed me of afterward. Sava, how he hated the man, hated his power over everyone around him.

  Ash checked himself. For the first time, he recognized his own jealousy. Was that all this was, envy masquerading as skepticism? He needed to take a step back and remove his resentment from the equation. Perhaps what he sensed from the banker wasn’t deception, but pride.

  Ash considered this. He could trust someone with an ego bigger than Cormina. But he couldn’t trust someone who wouldn’t tell him the truth. Konner certainly fit the former description, but what about the latter?

  The door opened. Ash looked up, not attempting to conceal the papers he held.

  Konner took two steps into the room and stopped. “What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to have a chat.”

  Konner strode all the way to the desk. “Looks like you wanted more than that. Get out of my seat.”

  Ash set the papers down and moved to a chair in front of the desk. Konner reclaimed his desk chair.

  “Find anything interesting here?” Konner held up a sheaf of papers.

  “No. Everything is just as we’ve discussed.”

  “Did that surprise you?”

  Ash answered with lifted eyebrows.

  “What did you want to chat about?” Konner asked.

  Despite thinking about this conversation for the previous week, Ash wasn’t sure how to answer the question. There were many things he wanted to ask. Would you have ever told me about that barrel of black powder if Aldin hadn’t mentioned it? Why did you choose me as the next king? And above all else, How much are you not telling me? He swallowed his most pressing questions, settling on “I want to know what will happen if our plan doesn’t work out.”

  “It will work out.”

  “But if it doesn’t?”

  Ash watched Konner, watched his eyes narrow and his lips purse. At last, the banker said, “If it doesn’t work, we’ll find a different plan. What are you really asking, Ash?”

  I’m asking whether your ego can handle the blow of a failure. I’m asking how many people might die if your legendary ability to strategize isn’t enough. “I’m asking,” Ash said, “whether we’re still committed to accomplishing our goal without violence.”

  Konner slammed his hands down on the desk, and the papers jumped. “I’m tired of answering that question. If the people will give us a peaceful transition of power, there will be no need for violence. But that will require every Gray to perform his or her role to perfection, acting rationally rather than emotionally. And, Ash, the more you and I talk, the more I question whether you’re capable of that.”

  Ash kept his voice level. “I can and will act rationally.”

  “Are you sure? I have grave concerns about you. Your paranoia grows by the day. I’ve given you no reason to distrust me. Yet you seem determined to create one.”

  “No reason?” Staying calm was becoming more difficult. “You didn’t tell me you’d sent Aldin out to gather large quantities of black powder. And when I asked about it, you lied!”

  Konner looked at Ash with a mixture of pity and spite, and he spoke slowly, as if the younger man was a simpleton. “We’ve talked about this. I planned to tell you about the black powder once I was certain Aldin could retrieve it in sufficient amounts. You have a history of overreacting to such things—your actions at this moment are a case in point—and I wanted to prevent you from suffering unnecessary stress. As for the fib, Camalyn had just left the room, and I wasn’t ready for her to hear those details.”

  “She was long gone.”

  “From where I stood, I couldn’t tell for sure.”

  “Fine.” Ash looked away from Konner. Doubt wasn’t just gnawing at him now; it was ripping huge chunks out of his credulity. Konner’s explanations were full of holes. But he spoke with such confidence, such certainty and rationality. After conversations like these, Ash doubted his own sanity.

  He’d tried to convince himself to trust Konner as he’d done in the beginning. Then, it had been easy. All Ash had seen was Konner’s mask of wise and sober calculation. Now, it frightened him to contemplate what was underneath that mask. Was it a simple, ordinary lust for power? Or something darker?

  “Ash.”

  Ash snapped his head up. Konner was staring at him.

  “Were you off in another world for a little while?” Konner asked.

  “Just thinking about the future.”

  “Speaking of the future, it’s past time we came up with a kingly name for you. Something related to Sava would be best. Perhaps Savan or Savas?”

  “You know I’m not comfortable with such a name,” Ash replied.

  “I won’t force you to take a religious name, but you should consider it,” Konner said. “There is a rich history of—”

  “Konner,” Ash interrupted, “we’ve gone round and round this issue. My opinion won’t change. If Sava exists, I don’t want to thumb my nose at him by claiming to be more religious than I am. Let’s think of other names.”

  “Very well, I have another suggestion. King Relin.”

  Ash chuckled. “As in, Relin the Fierce?”

  “Why are you laughing?”

  “It seems a little self-congratulatory, don’t you think? Naming myself after one of the most celebrated heroes of history? It seems rath
er . . . obvious.”

  “You know nothing about influencing the populace, do you?” When Ash didn’t respond, Konner continued, “Our every action must be obvious. These people don’t understand nuance.”

  “King Relin.” Ash tried on the name and found it fit better than he’d expected. It was like a new pair of shoes. Not quite comfortable, but he thought he could break it in. “It’ll work,” he said.

  Konner’s smile was one of the most genuine Ash had seen on the man. “It won’t be much longer.”

  Ash folded his hands. “I’m still not sure about the method—”

  “Our goal,” Konner interrupted, “is to give the people the ability to imagine how bad things could be. When they realize our society isn’t as stable as they thought, they’ll embrace a king who will bring us into a new era. An era where ancient drive is married to modern magic.”

  A laugh escaped Ash’s mouth. “How long have you been practicing that speech?”

  “I don’t have to practice it. It’s what I think about night and day.” Konner leaned forward. “And Ash, I know you’re still not sure. But trust me in this. It’s the only way.”

  “But to use fear as a motivator—”

  “Just enough to show them it’s time for a change! Keep the end in mind, King Relin.”

  This conversation is useless. Ash stood. “I’ll do what has to be done.”

  “I always knew you would.” Konner’s mouth widened into the toothy grin of a carnivorous fish.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  RELIN: There were twelve men in your party! Why are you the only one to return?

  SCOUT: Sir, we went the wrong way.

  -From Relin: A Play in Three Acts by Hestina Arlo

  “Remember the pet snake you tried to raise?” Tullen asked.