by C. M. Boers
He put up his hand, stopping me. “Just open it.”
I peeled off the paper and peeked inside the box. Inside lay a single picture of a beautiful cabin on the lake. The faintest touch of winter hung on the empty branches.
I picked it up and looked more closely. My eyes lifted to Jack, questioning.
Only excitement showed on his face as he watched me. “Flip it over.”
On the back, scrawled in his handwriting, it read:
Come away with me. In two weeks. Just you and me. What do you say?
“Here?” I asked, pointing at the cabin in the picture.
He nodded.
“It’s beautiful.”
“Is that a yes?”
“That’s a yes. I’d love to.”
A wide smile spread across his face. “Good.”
“Where is this?”
“The woods, about an hour from here. It’s my family’s cabin. It’ll just be me and you, and well, the caretaker too, but she’ll stay out of the way.”
“The caretaker?”
“She looks after the place when we’re not there. You’re going to love it. It’s gorgeous.”
This lavish lifestyle where you had people to take care of your houses shouldn’t seem so out of this world to me. It seemed to be the same way in which I grew up. Though, it got me wondering if my parents owned any other houses. Truth be told, I was sure they did. Only, I still couldn’t remember any of that.
Somehow my mind fixated on my memory, or rather lack thereof, the rest of the night, forgetting all about my exciting new adventure. Maybe it was the guilt of not having told Jack yet. There had only been a few times where the lack of a story had really been a problem, all of which I’d been quick to change the subject. I knew I had to tell him, but the longer I waited, the harder it became.
Later that night, the moment I walked through my front door, I called Grace, excited to share the news of our upcoming trip and my dress-making success with her.
“What’s up?” Grace answered.
“I have news!” I squealed.
“Ooh, what?”
“Do you want the Jack news or work news first?”
“Work news, huh? Let me hear that.”
“So, I was going through a box in my garage, and I found a sketchbook. Apparently, I can draw, like, really well. I used to design clothes, Grace.”
“Wow, that’s pretty cool. Hopefully, they’re better than the prim and proper stuff you always wear.”
I shook my head but ignored her comment. “I had to see if I could still do it, and I did. I drew a dress and sewed it last night.”
“Wow, all in one night?”
“Yeah, we won’t even discuss how tired I am, but I wore it to dinner with Jack tonight, and he loved it. This is what I want to do. I’m going to make clothes.”
“What kind of clothes? Like, just dresses, or other things too?”
“I don’t know. I mean, it looks like I’ve mostly done dresses and dance costumes in the past, but really, there’s no limit.”
“Dance costumes?” I could hear the reluctance in her voice.
“Yeah, I guess my best friend was a dancer.”
“Well, I’m here to be a model if you need me, unless it’s a frilly dance costume. You’ll have to find someone else for that.”
“Noted.” I giggled.
“You better send me a picture of this dress you made.”
“I will.”
“Now, what’s the Jack news?”
“He asked me to go away with him.”
“Ooooh,” she cooed. “Man, my best friend’s really on a roll.”
“I know. I’m really excited about it.”
“Ah, you should be! I’m jealous. When do you go?”
“Two weeks.”
“Oh man, that’s so long to wait!”
“Eh, it’s not that long. I’m kind of nervous though.”
“Well, you wouldn’t be you if you weren’t.” I could just see her eyes roll in my head.
“Yeah, yeah. But seriously, I think I’m going to tell him about the accident.”
“I still can’t believe you haven’t yet.”
“I know. I just didn’t want to make him treat me different. And then it got harder and harder to tell him.”
“As with any lie,” she said pointedly.
“You aren’t helping.”
“Yeah, well, that’s why I have my honesty policy. I’m honest about everything.”
And she was. Sometimes brutally.
“I know you are.”
“For what it’s worth though, you should tell him. Anyway, I really should be going. I’ve got to go get ready for my date with my boyfriend.”
“Yeah . . . wait, what? Boyfriend?? Since when?”
“Oh, just a couple of weeks.”
“And you’ve kept that from me?? Miss ‘Honesty is best’?!”
“Well, I didn’t want you to think I was turning into you, you know, if he wasn’t going to stick around.”
“And he is?”
“It’s looking that way.”
A grin formed on my lips. “Wow, the Earth must have changed its axis. Grace is settling down.”
“Hey, don’t spread it around or anything.”
“I’m happy for you.”
“Me too. This whole boyfriend thing is actually pretty nice. He brings me coffee all the time. Nobody else did that.”
“Pretty cool, isn’t it?”
“You’d better pack something really revealing in your suitcase. Or better yet, make yourself something revealing,” Grace added. “Gotta go. Don’t forget, send me that picture.”
“I won’t.”
And she hung up. She never was one to be an advocate for relationships—too much fun to settle down with just one. But there was just something different in the way she spoke that had me questioning if that had changed.
I opened my texts and sent her the picture she’d asked for, then opened my closet and started pulling out things I could bring on our weekend away, yet nothing seemed “right.”
“I need to go shopping.”
* * *
After packing and unpacking my suitcase at least twenty times, going shopping, and then deciding that what I’d picked the first, second, and even the third time wasn’t good enough, I told Jack I needed to go shopping one last time. I’d even debated making some things too, but there just wasn’t time to squeeze that in too. We were leaving first thing in the morning, and this was my last chance to get it right.
“Mel, you’ve been shopping twice already.”
I meekly held up three fingers.
“Okay, you’ve been shopping three times in the last two weeks. How much could you possibly need? It’s just the weekend.”
I leaned against him in-between our cars. My hands straightened the collar on his button-up dress shirt.
“I’m just not sure if I like what I got. Last time, I promise. Besides, you still have to pack.”
His hands made circles on my back as he spoke. “Five minutes, that’s all it’ll take. Besides, it’s way more fun to be with you. Why don’t you come over and help me?”
“No, I have to go shopping.” I pulled away. “Besides, you’ll have me to yourself all weekend.”
“Can’t wait.” A child-like grin flitted on his face.
“Good, then move so I can go.”
I gave him a quick peck on his cheek and pushed him to the side, moving him away from my car door. He held the door for me to get in, and when he shut it, I rolled the window down to say one last goodbye.
“Pushy, pushy, in such a hurry.”
I stuck my tongue out.
“You aren’t nervous, are you? About this weekend, I mean.” His brows knit together as concern made its way to his face.
“No,” I lied. Though I was pretty sure he could tell, the worry in his brow remained.
He reached in and grabbed my hand from the steering wheel. “It’s going to be great,
you’ll see. I’ll pick you up in the morning.” He kissed the back of my hand and backed away.
Gripping the keys, I turned them in the ignition when a flash of something hit me.
Headlights in my face and an immediate sense of fear shook me. I froze, gasping, unsure what was flashing through my mind, as there was nothing in front of me.
The ringing in my ears was so loud, it muffled Jack’s voice, and I couldn’t hear a word he said.
And then, just like it began, there was nothing, and Jack’s face had moved closer to mine, his hand gently stroking my cheek.
“Hey, are you okay?” Jack’s soothing voice was in my ear as he leaned down into the space in the window.
“Oh, ah . . . I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? Your face . . . you just looked so scared for a second there.”
“Oh, yeah. Just a bit of a headache all of a sudden.”
“Are you going to be all right driving? I can take you—”
“No. I’m fine. Really.”
“If you’re sure . . .” He trailed off.
“I’m sure.” I smiled and gave him a quick peck.
He was skeptical still when he stepped away from the car; the uncertainty was etched in his creased forehead.
I smiled, backed out of the space, and drove away.
What was that? I’d never experienced anything like that since I could remember, which of course wasn’t very long. Just as quick as it came to me, it was gone, and I couldn’t really even picture what had me so shaken in the first place. Was there something more to it? Was it a memory trying to wiggle its way back to me? I’d read about that. Flashes of things would come and disappear, as if they’d never existed in the first place.
Whatever it was, more than likely stress, it was gone now. Not much I could do about that now. But boy, did it frustrate me.
Once I was at the store though, I realized there wasn’t anything better than what I’d packed in my bags at home, or maybe I just wasn’t in the mood anymore. The store didn’t have that confidence I was looking for anyway. Clothes couldn’t give me that, not in this situation anyway.
On my way home, I called in a Chinese food delivery. A little comfort food to calm me enough to settle in for the night.
My bags met me at the door, packed and ready to go. Between the nervous butterflies and flutters of excitement, I was feeling a little queasy. So much that I took my Chinese food up to bed and fell asleep with the half-empty boxes lying next to me.
Pressing my face to the window, I tried to get a better look of the moon ahead. “Hurry, it’s getting higher.”
My toes tapped the floor to the beat, my angst to get there adding a bit more force with each tap.
“Don’t worry. We’ll get there, and the moon will still be there.”
“But not as big, or bright.”
“Look at it. It’s lighting up the whole sky. It’ll still be just as bright in five minutes.” Jeremy flashed me his big, beautiful smile, and the whole world melted away.
The engine purred at a stoplight. Music blared as we danced along.
I bounced from side to side in my seat, watching him bang his head back and forth until the light changed to green again. We sang along at the top of our lungs until the song ended and a slow song started to play.
He reached over and put his hand on mine, pulling it to his lips. “I love you,” he whispered against my skin. He pressed his lips to the back of my hand, sending fire through my body in the best way. I relished the way he made me feel.
I watched him sing along quietly to the song on the radio as he focused on the road ahead.
As we passed through the intersection, a bright light caught my attention. I turned. My breath caught in my lungs.
A bright light blinded me from the side, and for just a split-second, my body seized as I saw the headlights coming towards us. Fast.
“Jeremy!”
Time froze. Shards of glass suspended all around me as if tethered by invisible fishing line. My arms and legs lifted in defiance of gravity.
Then, all at once, everything caught up. My body flung back against the seat. The crunching metal and breaking glass rang out so loud, I could hear nothing else.
Just as quick as it began, there was nothing. Darkness.
Covered in sweat, tears running down my face, I shot straight up.
Jeremy.
Everything came back to me in one blinding, emotional rush. The good, the bad, the heartbreaking. The time I ate too many marshmallows at Emily’s birthday party and threw up white fluff in her back yard. I sobbed a little harder. Drawing, and even sewing. Graduating high school and walking across the stage with everyone cheering, even if not for me. And Jeremy, the sweet tender moment sharing our first “I love you,” exactly as he told me it happened. It was every bit as amazing as he said, and more.
Every single memory I’d ever experienced was at my disposal in one incredible, overwhelming rush.
I tried to gulp back the knot that formed in my throat as my mom’s face came into focus. Her drive to always be there for me in everything I did. She was at every single thing I asked her to be. Not hovering, not the way she had after the accident, worried I needed her there because I might forget something important, like to breathe, but there because she was one of my best supporters, right there alongside my dad.
“Oh my gosh, what have I done?” I doubled over in bed as my stomach heaved.
The last night Jeremy and I were together before the accident came to my mind, and my heart ached for him then, and for every moment we’ve spoken since, each like a dagger to my heart, knowing how much that must have hurt. Like being an outsider in a story he was meant to star in.
I had to go to them, all of them. I had to apologize for everything I’d done.
I thought of all the time I’d spent here, building a whole new life. I had Jack and his family, friends, a great job I loved. I had a routine. I couldn’t just abandon it. But isn’t that what I’d done before?
Everything was so messed up. How could I have thought moving was the way to solve all of this? All I’d done was create a bigger mess.
The stress burned at my core. I popped an antacid as if it would be more than a bandage on the real problem.
The need to get home, hug everyone, and tell them how unbelievably sorry I was kicked me into gear. I booked the next flight out from my phone.
I grabbed nothing except my purse and flew out of the driveway.
It wasn’t until I was sitting still on the plane that I started to consider all the possibilities after this.
What would Jeremy say? Where would I live? Could I go back home now? Did I even want to?
How was Jack going to feel?
Jack.
I left home to get clarity, to find myself, hoping to get my memories back. I never dreamed that once they came back, I’d ache for home so much. For my parents. For Jeremy. And for Emily. Someone I’d completely cut off contact with, no matter how many times she called.
For months now, Grace and Jack filled those gaps, and now . . . now, I didn’t know where I stood with any of them. How did everyone fit into my life now?
I was in love with Jack, yet there was a place for Jeremy there too. Like, somehow my heart grew in a matter of minutes, as I recalled everything that made me love Jeremy in the first place.
Two men. Two of the most amazing men I’d ever met.
I pushed everything aside and exited the plane.
Jeremy would be at his internship. I got a car service to bring me straight there. It was almost lunchtime when I arrived.
I jumped out and marched straight to the receptionist—the first desk on the third floor, where I knew he’d be, based on the hospital directory.
“Can I help you, Miss?” she asked in her very proper and poised voice. To me, it read snobbier than anything else. Her bun was extra tight, not a single brown hair askew. A little too much for a hospital. I mean, most of these people don’t even have a b
ack to their gowns, leaving their tail end in the breeze.
I gulped. “I’m looking for Jeremy Hawes. He’s an intern?”
“Who may I tell him is here?” she asked.
“Ah . . . can you not tell him?”
Her eyebrows raised like I was some sort of threat, waiting.
“I just want to surprise him.”
She hesitated, her hand hovering over the phone before she gripped it and made the call.
“Mr. Hawes?” She paused. “Someone is here to see you . . . she wouldn’t say.” Then she replaced it in the cradle. “He’ll be right out.”
I nodded and found a seat in the corner, where I could see the double doors open. I crossed and uncrossed my legs, feeling like I was sitting on pins and needles. I stood back up and paced by the window. The minutes seemed to drag on. And the watchful eye of the secretary made me more uneasy by the minute.
I jumped when I heard the double doors open. I turned, holding my breath for him to step out.
He was dressed in a white dress shirt, missing the white jacket doctors typically wore. He wasn’t a doctor yet, so I knew he wouldn’t get the privilege. One day. His tie rested against the buttons of his shirt, swaying a little as he turned towards me.
His hair was shorter now.
My stomach clenched. “Jeremy.”
When his eyes fell on me, he froze as a huge smile filled his face. Then he made his way over to me in just a few huge strides.
His arms fell around me, larger and heavier than I remembered. I briefly wondered if he’d been working out.
“What are you doing here?”
I looked up into his blue eyes, tears welling up in mine.
“I remember.”
“Oh my god, Melanie. Seriously?”
I nodded.
“That’s huge . . . and amazing.” He seemed to be lost for words. “When?”
I looked at my watch. “Four hours ago?” I raised my shoulders like I was guessing. “I jumped on a plane.” I looked myself over. “I didn’t even bring anything with me.” I nervously giggled. “Sort of crazy, huh?”
He shook his head, eyes alight. “No. Sort of great. It’s so good to see you.” He turned back towards the doors and placed a finger to his lips, thinking. “Have you eaten?”
I shook my head.
