Mayhem

by Catharina Maura

  “I want you,” I whisper. “Just for one night, Carter. Can I call you mine for just tonight?”

  He pauses and pushes himself up a little to look at me, the sweetest smile on his face. “Emilia, I’ve always been yours. I’ll always be yours,” he says solemnly. If only that could be true. I sigh and pull him back to me, his lips crashing against mine. It reminds me of the way I awkwardly kissed him that very first time and I giggle against his lips. Carter smiles and kisses me while my hands roam over his body. I pull his t-shirt up and Carter stops kissing me only long enough to let me take it off.

  I don’t stop there, and Carter soon realizes what I’m up to. He looks at me heatedly as he helps me take off the hoodie I’m wearing, and the rest of our clothes soon follow. At last we’re naked together for the first time since we went skinny dipping and it couldn’t have felt more perfect. Carter settles back on top of me and his erection presses against me. He rests his forehead against mine and inhales deeply.

  “I want to touch you,” he whispers, and I nod eagerly. Carter smiles as his trembling hand traces my inner thigh, until he’s finally touching me where I want him. He kisses me and moans when he realizes just how wet I am.

  “Fuck, Minx,” he whispers. I feel frantic and turned on beyond reason. I need him to touch me. I need more. I look up at him pleadingly and he grins when his fingers find their way between my legs. His fingers brush against my slick heat and a soft moan escapes my lips. “You’re really wet, Minx,” he whispers. I blush as he pushes a finger inside me. “Emilia, I don’t really know what I’m doing,” he admits nervously. Carter seems anxious and clumsy and I can’t help but giggle against his lips. I place my hand over his and guide his fingers so his thumb touches me right where I want it. He keeps up the movements I showed him and I slowly but surely lose control.

  I’m frantic as I boldly wrap my hands around his erection. I still vividly remember how he touched himself, how he pumped up and down until he lost control. In my mind I’ve replayed the scene I watched over and over again, imagining that it’s my hands touching him in his bed. Now I finally get to do it.

  The pace Carter touches me with increases and within minutes I’m close. “Carter, I can’t hold on,” I whisper. He deepens our kiss and smothers all my moans with his lips. I moan his name as I shatter and Carter’s eyes fall closed. Seconds later he comes all over my stomach. The way he’s panting afterwards and the little whimpers that escape his lips are hot as hell. He drops his forehead to mine and smiles at me.

  “Fucking amazing,” he whispers, and I nod shyly, in full agreement. I giggle and Carter laughs before kissing me again. He sits up just a little and reaches for his bag.

  “I brought napkins... they were actually for the cake,” he says awkwardly. He wipes me clean up and then lies down, opening his arms for me. I settle into his embrace and Carter yawns.

  I look up at him and smile happily. I can’t remember the last time I was this intensely happy. I lift my face and kiss his cheek gently. I’m filled to the brim with love and affection. I’m not sure I can even hold the words in much longer. It’s like those three little words are fighting to burst out. I want to tell Carter that I love him but I know it wouldn’t be fair to say those words when I know we can’t be together. I know Carter wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he and I ended up making both Helen and Kate unhappy. The love and respect he has for his mother and sister is one of the things I admire most about him. Neither one of us would be able to forgive ourselves if us dating destroyed the delicate balance that’s in place now.

  Carter and I stay cuddled up together and manage to actually watch the remainder of The Notebook. I don’t think my birthday could’ve been any more perfect. If only things could always be like this between us.

  Chapter 29

  Emilia

  I walk into the living room and smile when I see Carter lying on the couch. He’s wearing sweats and a tee, his hair a mess. He looks hot. Carter looks up when I walk in and smiles at me.

  “Hey,” he murmurs. I’m secretly thrilled to find him alone. I was hoping I would. Ever since my birthday we haven’t been alone for a single moment. Every time that I think we’ll have just a few seconds together, Kate interrupts us. It’s almost like she’s developed some sort of sixth sense that alerts her whenever Carter and I get too close. Or maybe it’s a sign. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me that I’m doing the wrong thing here. I know I am, but it’s just so hard to stay away from him.

  “Come here,” he murmurs, his voice husky. I grin and run up to him, crashing into his arms. Carter laughs and wraps his arms around me, hugging me tightly. I rise to my tiptoes and he looks into my eyes. The way his eyes twinkle tells me he feels the same way I do. I just know it. “I can’t even remember the last time I got to hug you,” he whispers. “I miss you.”

  I melt against him and tighten my grip on him. “I miss you too,” I whisper, truly feeling it as well. Even though I’m right here in his arms, it still feels like it isn’t enough.

  Without overthinking it, I press my lips against his. Carter kisses me back instantly and I smile against his lips. I’ve wanted this for so long. Carter threads his hand through my hair and I sigh happily.

  A door opens near us and we jump apart guiltily. Helen walks in seconds later and pauses, her eyes jumping between us suspiciously. She looks at us through narrowed eyes, but thankfully she decides to ignore our awkward behavior. She hasn’t brought us dating up again but almost getting caught reminds me that it’s not just Kate I’m betraying. It’s Helen too.

  “You’re here early, Milly. Kate is still asleep,” she tells me. I nod as though I didn’t already know that. She looks at Carter with raised brows. “And you’re up awfully early. Usually I can’t get you out of bed until noon.”

  He looks away embarrassedly and glances at me with a sweet smile on his face. Surely he isn’t up early because he too was hoping we might have a moment together? Carter shrugs and his mom shakes her head knowingly.

  “Hungry?” she asks him. He looks at her in disbelief and she laughs. “Of course you are,” she murmurs. She tips her head towards the kitchen and we follow her in.

  “You look beautiful,” he whispers. His eyes trace over the spaghetti straps on my dress, his eyes darkening instantly. It’s obvious what he’s thinking. If his mom wasn’t right here he’d be pushing those straps out of the way. I glance down to find him hardening rapidly. He looks at his mom anxiously and then readjusts himself to hide his arousal. I burst out laughing and he glares at me, but I just can’t help it.

  “What are you doing today?” he asks, his eyes roaming over my body. I’m too embarrassed to admit that I dressed up for him. “Nothing much. Kate and I said we’d hang out. Feels like we haven’t hung out in a while. I think she said she wanted to go shopping or something? I’m not too sure. I just want to spend some time with her. I miss our friendship and the way we used to be. She’s always been like a sister to me but recently it’s almost like we’ve become strangers. I know hanging out won’t fix that but I think it’ll be a good step in the right direction.”

  Carter sighs and shakes his head. “Minx, I don’t know. You’ll both need to put effort in, but her more so than you. You’re not the one that ditched her over Gabby so don’t take on all the responsibility of saving your friendship. Kate needs to work at it too.”

  Helen smiles at me and nods. “Carter is right. It breaks my heart to see what you two are like these days. You used to do everything together and now it’s like you barely know each other, but that isn’t your fault Milly. I saw how hard you tried and how Kate pushed you away. I’ve always said that I love you as my own daughter and I mean that. Don’t ever feel obligated to remain friends with anyone that doesn’t treat you right - Kate included. My doors will always be open to you, Emilia. I would love for you and Kate to go back to how you used to be, but I don’t want you to feel forced to do anything.”

  My heart feels so full it migh
t burst. I’ve known Helen for years yet she never ceases to amaze me, she never fails to make me feel loved and welcome. I feel terrible for what I did on my birthday and then again this morning, after she asked us not to get together. I can’t believe I betrayed her the way I did when she’s only ever been amazing to me. I’m terrified of losing the only real mother I’ve ever really known, and this time I’ll be to blame. My heart hasn’t recovered from my own Mom leaving, and I don’t think I’ll survive losing Helen too. Especially if it’s because of my own actions.

  Carter nods and hands me a glass of orange juice. Helen looks at us with wide eyes and I pause just before taking a sip.

  “You...” she says. “You didn’t put anything in Emilia’s glass, did you?”

  I blink and look up at Carter suspiciously but he merely shakes his head. Come to think of it, he hasn’t pulled a single prank on me lately, and I haven’t pulled any on him. Usually we’d never dare accept any food or drinks from each other. I take a cautious sip, but it doesn’t seem like there’s anything wrong with it.

  Carter laughs and shakes his head. “I swear, Minx. I didn’t do anything,” he murmurs. I look at him through narrowed eyes and hand him the glass. “You drink half,” I order. Carter shrugs and empties half the glass in one go before handing it back to me.

  I sip my orange juice in silence while Carter wolves down his breakfast, offering me a bite or two every once in a while. Eventually Kate comes storming into the kitchen. She looks surprised to find me here already, and I wonder if I’m being just slightly suspicious.

  “You’re here,” she says, glancing at the clock. It’s only eleven, and on weekends I usually don’t come over until one. I nod and move away from Carter to sit next to her instead. I see him frown from his peripheral vision but thankfully he doesn’t say anything.

  “I was thinking of hanging at the shopping center today. I wanted to buy a new dress for my birthday. Maybe we can go to Starbucks too?”

  I nod, already imagining the caramel frap I’ll have later. I can’t wait. I’m not a huge fan of shopping, but Kate is obsessed with it.

  “I’ll drive you. I need to drop by the shopping center to grab some sports gear anyway,” Carter says. Kate freezes and looks at him with furrowed brows before nodding slowly. She then looks at me, and my heart hammers in my chest. I have a feeling she might be onto us, and it terrifies me. Carter and I aren’t dating. We aren’t really anything, but our lips are definitely too intimately acquainted. Other parts of our bodies, too. I know we’ve already taken things too far and I feel incredibly conflicted about it. I’m racked with guilt but I also can’t stay away from Carter. It’s like he’s the air I need to breathe, and even though I try to resist, I feel like I’m not truly alive unless I’m with him.

  I’m nervous as we make our way to Carter’s car and linger behind purposely so that Kate ends up in the backseat. I open the passenger door and she frowns at me.

  “What are you doing?” she asks. I look at her in confusion and she throws me an annoyed stare. “Carter said the whole rule about one of us sitting in the front is out the window, right? Why would you sit in the front?”

  I glance at Carter and he looks just as exasperated as I feel. He grits his teeth and is about to turn around to look at her but I shake my head subtly to tell him to keep quiet about it. I sit down next to Kate quietly and she smiles at me. Something is off, though. Her smile is somewhat calculative, and I’m worried she might know something.

  Carter parks the car and Kate jumps out almost immediately. She pulls me along and waves at Carter. “Thanks, bro,” she shouts. “We’ll text you later to see if you’re near so we can hitch a ride home.”

  Carter looks startled, and it’s obvious he was planning on spending some time with us, or with me, maybe. He nods at her and sighs before walking off in the opposite direction.

  “That’s nice of him, to drop us off,” she says as she hooks her arm through mine. I nod absentmindedly, scared to reply too strongly. She seems on edge somehow.

  “Don’t you think?” she says. I nod. “Yeah, I guess,” I murmur. Kate laughs humorlessly. “I guess you’re used to it. When you’re around, he always drops us off. When I was with Gabby he’d straight up refuse.”

  My shackles are raised and I can’t help but want to stand up for Carter. “That has more to do with Gabby than it does with me. I’m not all over him like she always was.”

  Kate looks at me with raised brows and an unamused smile. “Aren’t you?” she says. I bite down on my lip and shake my head. I’m unable to deny it vocally – I’m unable to lie straight to her face. Just a week ago I was touching Carter in places I shouldn’t have been. Just a week ago I was lying underneath him, and just this morning his lips were locked with mine.

  “Yeah, you wouldn’t. You promised, after all. Our friendship would be over if you ever broke your word. I’m sorry, I know you’re not Gabby. I’m just thinking too much.”

  I gulp and nod at her, trying my best to smile. I know Kate well enough to know this is a very thinly veiled threat. I’d never risk my friendship with her or my relationship with Helen, which means I’ll have to work harder at letting go of Carter before it’s too late.

  Chapter 30

  Emilia

  “Ugh, I totally failed calculus again,” I mutter. Kate loops her arm through mine and shakes her head. “Let’s just wait for the results because you say this every time and you usually do really well,” she says as she rolls her eyes.

  I shake my head and pout. “Not when it’s calculus.” No matter how hard I try I’m always only barely scraping by. Kate drags me to the picnic benches behind school and I follow listlessly. She stops all of a sudden and stares at one of the tables with such fascination that I can’t help but follow her gaze. I’m surprised when I find Asher at the receiving end of her fascination. Carter and he are sitting down at a table scattered with papers. I can tell from the way Carter grits his teeth that he’s frustrated, so they’re probably working on their college essays. Carter is incredibly good with scientific and numerical subjects but he absolutely hates anything for which there is no one correct answer. Creative writing and essays are his nemesis and he’ll usually have his mom and me read over his essays multiple times before he’ll submit them. He looks ridiculously cute and my heart skips a beat as I try to drag my eyes away from him. I glance back at Kate but thankfully she’s still too focused on Asher to have noticed my little slip.

  “You like him,” I murmur. Her head whips towards me and she looks at me with wide eyes. “You like Asher, don’t you?”

  Kate shakes her head immediately and bites down on her lip. She looks conflicted and guilty as she looks away, unable to hold my gaze.

  “You know I won’t tell Carter, right?” I say, my voice soft and kind. She looks up at me pleadingly and I can see internal torment flashing through her eyes. For just a second she looks completely devastated.

  “I know, Milly. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you or anything… I just didn’t know how to bring it up.”

  I know all too well how she feels. I’ve been wishing I could talk to Kate about Carter because it just doesn’t feel right to keep it from her, and on top of that, I just miss talking to her. There are so many things I would’ve loved to giggle and joke about with her but I can’t — because it’s Carter.

  “I tried not to, Milly, I swear. I’ve been staying away from him as best as I can and nothing is going on at all. I could never do that to Carter, you know. But I also can’t help how I feel. I’ll get over it at some point. Once Asher leaves for college I’ll get over it for sure.”

  I hesitate before I speak and turn towards her nervously. “I don’t think Carter would mind it that much, you know. He trusts and likes Asher, so I don’t think he can even think of a better guy for you.”

  She looks at me in confusion and shakes her head. “No way, Milly. He’d never be okay with it. That’s like you dating Carter. I’d never forgive eit
her one of you so I just know my brother would be the same. He’d never forgive me. Besides, what if we dated and then broke up? I don’t want to be the reason things get awkward between Carter and Asher. Not that it could even work out with him going to college soon and all.”

  The reminder that Carter is going to college soon hurts. When he leaves he’ll forget about me. I know he thinks he won’t, but I know what it’s like. I can barely even remember my mother and I know she definitely forgot about me. If my own mother can forget about me then Carter and I don’t stand a chance, especially because we aren’t even dating.

  I nod absentmindedly and Kate tugs on my hand. “But we can hang out with him, right?” she whispers. I laugh and nod. “Of course, Kate. You don’t ever need an excuse to hang out with your own brother, you know.”

  She looks up again as though she only just realized that Carter is there too and I bite back my smile. Kate has been on dates before and she’s had crushes before, but this is the first time I’m seeing her act so flustered and cute. She tugs on my hand and leads me to the table, her palm clammy against mine. I can’t believe that she’s so nervous just walking towards Asher.

  Carter looks up when we approach and his eyes roam over my body appreciatively. I blush under his gaze and he smiles at me, making the butterflies in my stomach go wild. Just a single look from Carter has my heart beating in overdrive… it’s ridiculous.

  “Hey,” he murmurs. He takes his bag off the bench to create space for us and scoots closer to Asher. Kate’s smile drops just a little and I wonder if I should create an opportunity for her to sit next to Asher instead. Before I can do so Carter pulls on my hand to get me to sit next to him. The edges of my lips tug up as I take a seat while Kate sits down next to me. Both of us take out our textbooks to study with the guys.