Jaq With a Q

by Jettie Woodruff

  I turned to the guy there to get some estimates, back to Jaq, and to my blinking phone. Gone like the wind. Undoubtedly locked behind the bathroom door. “Good afternoon. I’m well, and you?”

  Once I’d showed the guy what I wanted done, I let him do his job while I did mine, calling Jaq before restarting. “Hey, it’s just the guy here to look at the things I want done around here. He’s just looking around. Come out. You’re fine, and I’m right here.”

  “You’re so stupid. I hate you. Why would you do that? Now he knows where we are. He’ll come back.”

  I scratched my head and had a serious talk with myself. Why did I do this again? “Stop, you’re being silly. He’s here because I hired him. Believe me, you don’t want me building our dock. That wouldn’t be safe. I’m good with my mind, not my hands. Come back.”

  “Call me when he leaves.”

  Click.

  Transferring dirt from my hands to the stubbles on my chin, I dialed Silas.

  “Hey, I was just about to call you. What’s up?”

  “Silas do you remember a brick walk out by the old tractor tire?”

  “Tractor tire?”

  “Yeah, the one we used to play with dump trucks in. I cut all the briars away from it this morning. There’s a brick walk here, like a path.”

  “No, there was never a brick path there. Wait, where was that tire? It was by the hammock, right?”

  I glanced around at landmarks, resting my hand on one of the pines, a piece of a rotten birdhouse left hanging from the past. “No, by that big snowball bush and the patch of pines where we used to play paintball.”

  “Oh man, paintball. I haven’t done that in years. I’m putting that on my list of things to do this year.”

  “Silas? The brick path.”

  “Oh, yeah. Sorry, man. There was never a brick path, I’m sure of it.”

  “What about our mother. When did Dad build this place?”

  “I don’t remember her being there, but I wasn’t even three yet when she died. I mean it’s possible, but I doubt it. He would have told us about that.”

  That thought simmered in my mind for a quick second. “He never really told us anything about her, Silas. Don’t you think that’s odd?”

  “I mean, I never really thought about it. They weren’t even together for five years, maybe he got over her and didn’t feel the need. You know how Dad was, he didn’t hold on to the past.”

  I thought about that, too. He didn’t hold on to the past, or he didn’t talk about the past? There was a huge gap between the two. “Yeah, I guess. What’s up with you?”

  “Not much, going to take a friend to lunch, maybe play a game of golf. How’s the wild girl?”

  Even though it did piss me off, I honestly didn’t mean for it to sound as vile as it came out. “Stop calling her that. She’s not a wild girl.”

  “Damn, Oliver. I was just messing with you. Calm down. How did the night go?”

  I didn’t calm down. I let him know I didn’t find the humor in it. “She’s not a freak, she’s not a wild girl, and she’s none of your business. Don’t worry about how the night went.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m just going to let you go. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. Call me when you stop bleeding from your vagina. Geesh.”

  I tossed the shovel to the ground out of frustration, unsure of who I was frustrated with. Silas for being such a douche, Jaq for being so different, or myself for ever getting involved?

  The contractor spent an hour drafting and measuring around the property while I shoveled dirt from the mysterious walk, my baffled mind taking over the irritation, and Jaq. It was sort of hard to be irritated around her. There was something so innocent about her, so raw, and vulnerable. Like a baby bird lost and alone in this great big world. As crazy and weird as it sounded, I felt very protective over her.

  It only took two nights to talk Jaq out of the house. That was way sooner than I thought it would take.

  I had just put spaghetti and salad on the picnic table on the porch and begged her to come out.

  “Okay, I’m out.”

  I almost choked on own tongue, not expecting that at all. “Good, see how nice it is out here. Sit down, I’ll stay on the steps.”

  “No, I won’t eat in front of you and I’m real hungry.”

  I smiled and slowly walked toward her from the ground, my plate already in hand. “We’ll both look at the lake. I gave you wind. Sit down and enjoy the day?”

  “Ollie.”

  “You’re okay. I’m right here.”

  The cat to the right of us caught my eye and I shot it a dirty look, telling it to go beg for food somewhere else with my glare. Unfortunately, cat-telepathic wasn’t my thing. The stupid thing meowed at me. “Oh, look at that. Did you see that fish jump?” I questioned, my tone soft and my eyes on the lake.

  “I saw it. The fish.”

  A smile moved around my bite of fish, fighting the urge to turn to her. “Silas and I used to catch some monsters out of here. Have you ever been fishing?”

  “No, I don’t know how.”

  “I’m going to teach you.”

  “Yeah, sure you are,” she replied, doubt in every word.

  Our first meal together was a huge success. Not to mention, it had a way better view than the one in her apartment would have been. I felt like we’d taken a few steps forward. Jaq talked to me, not about anything serious, but I would take it. If it took counting Skittles to make her happy and feel safe, I’d take it. I would do it.

  I took great caution in my actions, not moving too quickly, and keeping my tone soft and tender, walking up the steps to her. Our eyes met as I took her plate, stacking it on mine. A gaze held by something powerful, evocative, and magical kept me from breaking the trance we shared. The fear in her eyes was still there, but not like it had been. They held a mixture of sadness, caution, and hope.

  Jaq blinked first, but only because of the stupid cat. Her gaze left mine for the meddling animal. “I—I think she’s hungry.”

  I stepped back, giving her space, but holding my ground. “We’re not feeding the cat. Once you do that, she’ll never leave.”

  “Why does she have to leave? Maybe she doesn’t have anywhere to go. I bet she’s hungry and she’s worried about where she’ll have her babies.”

  I looked straight through her, knowing without a doubt we’d just adopted a cat. “I just bought a couple cans of salmon. You can give her that until I go back to town, but I’m not taking care of her, you are.”

  “Really? Okay, I will. I promise. Maybe we should make her a bed, somewhere out of the weather where her babies will be protected.”

  The smile was fake. So fake. I didn’t want one cat, let alone a litter of them. Needless to say, I fetched the can of food. If she was that excited about befriending a cat, who was I to tell her no? At least she wasn’t locked in the bathroom, she was letting me come within a few feet of her, and she was talking. That was worth a litter of kittens. Maybe.

  My feet shuffled across the wet wood and then stopped, hearing the sweetest angelic voice I’d ever heard in my life. Jaq spoke soft words to the cat, trying to coax her to the porch. “Hey, young lady. What are you doing out here all alone? Huh? Can you come up here? Come on, it’s okay. I’ll take care of you. I promise. You can trust me.”

  The plates crashed in the bottom of the sink when I let go too soon. I left them with food still on them in order to get back to Jaq, a beer in hand. Jaq’s new furry friend jumped from the porch, skipping every step to get far, far away from me.

  “No, wait, come back. It’s just Ollie. He won’t hurt you. Tell her, Ollie.”

  Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen.

  I glanced back at Jaq glaring at me, but that frightened her. Her irritated annoyance with me over scaring her cat away instantly changed to terror. I ignored it, keeping my tone quiet and my eyes on the lake. “I’m sorry, little guy,” I called, my thoughts not matching the sissified tone.
>
  Frightened? I meant feisty. Her tone didn’t match either. Her expression showed something different than her smart mouth. “She’s pregnant, so yeah, she’s not a guy.”

  I went to bed that night with my notebook, writing down anything and everything I thought to be important. Jaq liked cats, Jaq was becoming more comfortable with me, her sassy tone the proof. I talked her outside, but not off the porch. She tolerated me being close to her, but not too close. She could be a smartass when I kept my distance, but clammed up if I got too close. She hated every vegetable I gave her, yet ate every bite I placed on her plate. Jaq liked wine. A lot. And Jaq locked herself in the bathroom to do whatever. Even my conniving plan to play a game with her to get her laptop in there failed. She lied, telling me she was tired and she was going to bed. Her bedroom stayed empty the entire night.

  When I looked in on her the following morning she was curled in the chair blocking the door, sound asleep, a blanket pulled clear to her chin.

  I shook my head, wondering how the hell to get her to sleep without more drugs, and grabbed clean clothes for a shower. From there, I thought about how complex she was, soap running over my body. But then something hit me, an epiphany, if you will. Jaq wasn’t complex at all. She was simple like the universe. I smiled at myself and my analyzing, pausing to for the sound I thought I heard. Simple like the universe, I repeated in my head, stopping to listen again, this time turning the water off.

  Jaq’s scream sounded like she was being murdered right that second. I jumped out of the shower, my heart in the pit of my stomach, grabbed a towel, and ran out. The screaming lowered to a muffled cry, and the pounding on the door stopped me in my tracks. With a frown and great confusion, I opened the door, grasping the towel around my waist.

  “I—I’m sorry. I was just trying to get someone to answer the door. We’re here to start on your dock.”

  I looked past him to the crew of men, four of them all standing around with deadpan stares.

  “Is she okay? Should I call for help?”

  “No, no, she’s fine. You can start on the dock. You don’t need to knock on the door for that. I’ve already talked to the contractor.”

  “Yes, sir, and I’ll remember that tomorrow, but I need this okayed before we start. John thought it would be better to put the sand on the left for more shade, that way we can give you another six feet of dock.”

  Annoyed, I glanced at the clipboard in his hand. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be down soon.”

  With that I slammed the door and went to Jaq. “Shh, Jaq. It’s just the construction guys. You’re okay.”

  Jaq was hunkered in a corner between the dresser and the wall, sobbing with her face buried in her hands. I squatted to her level, not thinking about anything but calming her down, not how close I was, not how wet and naked I was, and not about touching her.

  Talk about fast. I didn’t even know what hit me. I’m pretty sure it was the heel of her bare foot, high on my cheekbone, but low enough to miss my glasses. Jaq screamed again, her voice a shrill, and her body thrashing. I straightened my glasses, and like an idiot, I went back for more. It took an elbow, a knee, and a fist before I had her wrapped in my wet body, the towel barely covering me. The strength it took to hold her down and close to my body took everything in me. The combination of talking to her with soft words, promising that she was okay, and the lock that I had on her finally calmed her down. That’s when I felt the throbbing below my eye, pulsating with the tempo of adrenaline rushing through my veins.

  “Shhh, you’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

  “I can’t do this, Ollie. I don’t want to. You promised,” she cried. “You promised.”

  “Shhh, you’re okay.”

  Jaq flared her arms, twisting herself right out of my arms. “I’m not okay! What’s wrong with you? I’m not okay, and I’m never going to be okay. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be anywhere. Why can’t you get that?”

  I held my hand over my towel, tucking it back to safety. “Come here, Jaq.”

  “Stay away from meeeeEEE!” she screamed, her tone elevating, and her head tilting to the ceiling.

  That was enough for me to grab her and tackle her to the bed, but she didn’t fight me like I had expected. She released her resistance and cried in my chest.

  “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be like everyone else?”

  I squeezed a little tighter and kissed her forehead. “You’re getting better.”

  “No, I’m not. I thought he wanted to hurt me. You didn’t come. I thought you sold me.”

  That got a frown, and another kiss to her head. “I was in the shower. I didn’t hear him knocking. I’m sorry. I’ll make sure you’re never alone around any of these men. I promise.”

  “What men? I don’t like it.”

  I moved her hair from her face, trying to get her to look at me to no avail. She kept her eyes down, away from mine. “This place needs work, Jaq. I can’t do it all. Everything will be done in a couple weeks, and it’ll just be you and me, but I promise to stay close by you when they’re here. Deal?”

  Jaq sniffed and dropped her head back to my damp chest, agreeing to let me be there for her. “Okay.”

  My lungs depleted from the held breath, and the nerves settled. Never mind the feelings I had from holding her so close, her body giving into mine, surrendering to me. Trusting me. I held her like that, neither of us speaking a word for over an hour. Thoughts of what all of this meant moved in and out of my mind. The receptors in my brain were going nuts. This was bigger than me. More than I could grasp. I would kill anyone who touched her. Something powerful pulled me, emitting some sort of emotion I didn’t understand. She was suddenly all that mattered. Simple and complex like the universe.

  Chapter Twelve

  As soon as I got dressed, I poured a cup of coffee and walked down to the dock. The morning was beautiful. Even though the sun hadn’t made her appearance over the tall pines, she was still warm, promising a new day of bright blue skies, fluffy white clouds, and radiant heat. My morning may not have started off the way I had planned, but I still felt fulfilled, rejuvenated with the magical sun.

  “I’m sorry again. I didn’t know.”

  I shook the guys hand as I neared him, but I really didn’t want to. There was something about him that I didn’t like, that I didn’t trust. “No worries, but you don’t need to do that again. I’ll be overseeing this project. You’ll be seeing me plenty without walking around my house, beating on doors.”

  “What’s wrong with her?”

  I stared at the guy while my mind considered whether or not he’d really just said that. Of all things he could have said, that wasn’t what I expected. Yes, sir or sorry again. Maybe an agreement and a promise not to let it happen again, but not that.

  “You know; I think I’ve changed my mind. You guys can head out.”

  “Excuse me? Are you serious? I said I was sorry, dude.”

  I sipped my coffee, speaking over the brim of my cup. “Yeah, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I’ve just decided that I don’t want you here. That’s my prerogative, so if you’d take your crew and get off my property, that’d be great.”

  The guy blew out a puff of haughty air and picked up a shovel. “Come on. Let’s get the fuck out of here, guys.”

  I watched the crew walk back toward the two work trucks, hearing comments about the freak with the wild girl. The judgmental words swooped in and bounced right back off. This was a great day. Jaq took a giant step, the lake was majestic, and everything around me came to life. There wasn’t one thing any of them could have said to change the high I was on. The liberation I felt was too powerful to let them change that. This gratification felt too right to let them change my mind and so I chose let go of the ores, turning to catch the tail end of a fish, splashing in my lake.

  Looking back toward the house, I thought about my father’s notebooks, and his breakthrough drug that I knew could help Jaq
. I’ve had a photographic memory for as long as I can remember, yet I couldn’t get a clear picture to save my ass. A trace of LSD, sertraline hydrochloride, and a blur. Maybe from my dad hastily taking the notebook from my hands, but why. That part baffled the hell out of me. Why wouldn’t he want me to see that? Everything in me told me he would have wanted me to know. He would spend hours telling me about his discoveries, but not this one. Why? Why the hell didn’t I dig deeper back then? Oh yeah, because I didn’t know I would ever have a need for a normal pill.

  I made myself a bacon sandwich and opened my laptop, deciding to look in Buford, the town over for help. It was a little further, about forty-five minutes’ verses twenty, but I didn’t mind that at all. They even had a Kroger’s store. I liked it way better than the local one I’d gone to, and they had plenty of contractors in the area, not just one, whose brother worked here, and their friend worked there. If only I would have chosen that route to begin with. The short cut isn’t always the path of least resistance. I planned on keeping that in mind for future references.

  I glanced to my ringing phone, answering it with a smile. “Good late morning. Come out here. I just made bacon sandwiches’.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “You’re not hungry?”

  “Yes, but I don’t want to come out there, but I’ll open the door for you. You can bring it.”

  I thought about my response, chewing the food in my mouth before replying. She let me hold her naked in my arms, but she wouldn’t come out and eat breakfast with me. Made sense. “They’re gone. I told them to get the hell out of here. I’ll let you help me with the next crew. How’s that?”

  “What do you mean? Help you what?”

  “Come out here and I’ll show you. Please.”

  Silence filled the space and time between us and I let it, making her reply without being coaxed. “Okay.”

  I swallowed my surprise and stood to fix her plate. “I’m getting you coffee now. Come on.”

  To keep from making eye contact, I kept my back to her. “Sit. Do you like your bread toasted? I like mine toasted with butter and then the bacon.”