Lord to Love Again: A Sweet and Clean Regency Romance

by Grace Sellers

  Nelly’s brow furrowed as one of the peas bounced off her arm and landed near her plate.

  “I do think it’s time he retired from the table,” Lord Stanwyck said, and a nurse came to take the kicking boy away.

  “I hope you all have a hearty appetite as you may need your strength for dancing later,” Stanwyck said to the ladies and looked at Wolfolk pointedly.

  Alice squealed, and she and Nelly exchanged glances across the table.

  “Dear, you’ve ruined the surprise,“ Lady Stanwyck said to her husband.

  Wolfolk leaned toward Nelly. The wine was making him bold.

  “I hope you’ll do me the honor the first dance, Miss Featherton.”

  “Of course, my lord.” She smiled and tilted her head. There, he had reserved the first dance. But her eyes then flashed to where Sutherland was seated. Wolfolk considered this before he took another generous sip of claret.

  After dinner and time for digestion, the guests made their way to the smaller ballroom, which Caroline noticed was decorated with tapers and more fresh flowers. The chandeliers sparkled with lit candles as she joined the matrons and children sitting to the side. At least she didn’t need to worry about dancing. It had been a long time since she’d attended a dance, and the glittering room lifted her spirits, even though she knew it was not set for her.

  Across the room, Alexander stood with Lord Stanwyck as a small group of musicians readied themselves. Alice and Nelly stood nearby, whispering conspiratorially to each other. Alexander leaned over and said something to Nelly and gestured to her glove. It must have been humorous because both the girls smiled.

  Well done for the Silent Earl. Now if he could keep that up.

  He must have sensed her eyes on him because he caught her gaze across the ballroom. Caroline warmed and immediately glanced away. But then she stopped herself. Why was she blushing and looking away? As Nelly’s companion, she had every right to watch her and her gentlemen callers closely. That was her job.

  She raised her gaze back to them.

  To him.

  It’s not like he could read her mind anyway.

  He couldn’t know she’d noticed how his broad shoulders contrasted with his tailored greatcoat deliciously. Or how slim his hips were under those wide shoulders. Or that his physicality stirred something in her, she barely recognized. How it made her hot and cold at the same time. How the sight of him swayed her brain away from shoulds and responsibilities and made her feel strangely seen for the first time in a long time.

  The strings began, summoning the dancers onto the floor for the first dance—a waltz. Alexander and Nelly met in the middle of the floor with a bow and curtsey before their bodies moved closer together to waltz.

  His arms curved around Nelly’s small figure, which made him seem more significant by comparison. His bicep bulged under his coat. He had a fine, athletic build, a bit like a classical statue.

  He smiled at Nelly, who was looking up at him from under her lashes. His posture reminded Caroline of when he gently scooped up the baby squirrel and how large and gentle he seemed.

  He positioned his hands in respectful, appropriate places on Nelly’s waist, but still, something about his large hand on Nelly’s frilly ruffles seemed, well, Caroline struggled to describe it. She seized her fan and began fanning herself, wondering when the room had become so warm.

  Alexander and Nelly talked and smiled as they danced. Perhaps they were beginning to thaw to each other. Hopefully, Caroline could relax now, and things would go according to plan.

  But instead of relief, something irritated her throat.

  The barest tickle.

  She cleared her throat discreetly, but it was still there.

  Still there.

  She swallowed again, but still felt the irritation. Maybe it wasn’t her throat at all, but instead in her chest—a reminder that something wasn’t right. A server walked by with several fizzing glasses on a tray, and she impulsively grabbed one. Maybe this would help.

  Caroline swallowed champagne and watched the couple swirl around the room. Nelly wore a delicate lace muslin with a sheer ivory layer over it, and when she moved the fabric floated around her ankles gracefully.

  Caroline concentrated on the design of the dress to avoid thinking of the tightness in her chest. Maybe she needed fresh air, although she had never been one of those women who swooned. What was happening to her in her middle age?

  Wolfolk had powerful legs. She couldn’t help but notice. Even through his breeches, she could see his muscles flex as he spun Nelly around the room. What was it about a dancing man that was so attractive?

  It had to be the heat of the room, the dim candlelight, and the sight of a handsome man in a fine coat affecting her head and making her feel dizzy. Somehow the champagne wasn’t helping. She had no reason to feel envious of Nelly—or the other dancers—being held in strong men’s arms. She had had her share of her own dancing moments in a man’s arms in her youth.

  Lady Stanwyck appeared at her side. Caroline attempted to stand up straight and appear normal.

  “Are you enjoying your stay at Howsham?” Lady Stanwyck asked.

  Caroline forced her face into a cheerful smile. She was grateful that the lady of the house actually made time to speak to her. It spoke well of her and Lord Stanwyck that they worked to include someone who was only a lady’s companion to the home and she should show her gratitude.

  “It’s amazing. I particularly enjoy walking in the gardens in the morning. I’m very fortunate to accompany Miss Featherton.”

  Lady Stanwyck smiled and nodded. “The garden is a favorite of mine too.”

  Alexander and Nelly swept past them. Lady Stanwyck watched them pass and then shifted her glance to Caroline.

  “They seem to be getting on well.”

  The tightness was still there, and looking at Nelly made it worse.

  “Yes,” Caroline replied in a strange, constricted voice. She hoped Lady Stanwyck didn’t notice. She felt so odd and unsettled. Her pulse raced. She forced herself to smile cheerfully again.

  Passing them from the dance floor, Alexander caught and held her gaze for a moment. His eyes were dark from her vantage point, and there was something haunting in his look. She watched them turn again across the floor, his arm around Nelly’s tiny waist before she felt she could take no more.

  “Are you quite well?” Caroline heard Lady Stanwyck ask, looking at her with concern.

  “I … yes. I’m afraid I’m overwarm. Please excuse me.”

  Caroline tried to smile again before stepping away from the gleaming chandeliers and the couples moving to music. She needed to get outside. Away from this scene. Her stomach churned, and she wondered if she might be ill.

  She quickly turned and walked through the open ballroom doors, stumbling a bit on the threshold. Hopefully, Lady Stanwyck hadn’t seen that, or she’d think she was foxed. Maybe she was foxed.

  Outside, she gulped the cool air and moved away from the din in the ballroom. In the darkness outside, she found a stone bench behind some shrubs, and she sat down, grateful for the cool stone under her palms.

  She sat and trembled for a few minutes as her breathing calmed.

  You are feeling sorry for yourself.

  She was ridiculous. She didn’t have a fortune. She was past being a lovesick schoolgirl. She couldn’t expect eligible gentlemen to be falling around her. She hadn’t wanted that even when she was young. At heart was she simply a shallow girl who wanted no more than to wear pretty things and be admired? She pictured Alexander sweeping by her, sadness in his eyes, Nelly in his arms. This was the outcome they all wanted. It was why she was here.

  No, she didn’t want to be Nelly.

  But she wanted to be in his arms. Her breathing quickened again as her chest grew tight. For a moment, she imagined him bare-chested, his muscled arms curling around her. Her face grew hot with embarrassment. She was infatuated with Wolfolk, that was all. That’s why her head pounded, and s
he couldn’t breathe. She’d heard that infatuation affected people like this, though she had never experienced it before herself.

  Calm down, she told herself sternly. Her feelings meant nothing. She couldn't have him, and he certainly didn’t want her. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Thankfully no one would ever know about this.

  “Are you well?”

  Her insides froze. She knew exactly to whom the voice belonged.

  Alexander.

  “Yes, I’m quite well. I became overheated, that’s all.” Caroline didn’t even turn around to answer him, which caused him to walk around in front of her. Drat. She looked at the grass as his boots appeared in front of her.

  He looked at her carefully, his eyes narrowing as if he didn’t believe her.

  “You don’t look well,” he said. He scowled again. Maybe he wasn’t really, but his face made it look as though he were. Of course, he would choose this moment to examine her appearance. He was so exasperating. How quickly could she find another glass of champagne?

  “Thank you for saying so. What does it matter if I appear homely and unwell? Aren’t you supposed to be dancing?”

  As soon as she said it, she wished she could take it back. She sounded like a harpy, and she had just snapped at a nobleman who would almost certainly reveal this to her employer and have her sacked. Could this evening get any worse?

  He shifted his weight in his tall spotless boots. Finally, he stepped toward her and crouched down, so she had to look at his face. He put his gloved hands together and rubbed one thumb over another. His long body was crouched tantalizingly near her, his weight balancing on the balls of his feet. She could smell him again. Leather and spice. A curled lock had escaped from one of her hairpins and fell over her cheek. Blast. She pushed it back.

  “I did not say you appeared homely,” he said quietly. “You could never be homely.”

  Caroline stopped breathing.

  His foot slid out from under him, and he lost his balance, tumbling backward onto his aristocratic behind in the grass. He looked stunned.

  She couldn’t help it. She laughed.

  Out loud.

  His face opened up, and his lips turned up in a smile.

  They giggled at each other in amazement for a moment before Caroline held out her hand and offered to help him stand up.

  His warm hand enveloped hers. She helped him up and he stood over her, his dark hair and jacket made his face glow in the moonlight.

  “What are you doing out here?” She asked.

  “Miss Featherton has several other partners.”

  His eyes squinted again, filled with the sadness she’d noticed before.

  His face came toward Caroline’s and she stopped. She wanted to both flee and stay exactly where she was.

  Was he going to kiss her?

  Without thinking, her eyes shut, and she felt his nose brush softly against her cheek a moment before his lips touched hers.

  It was delicious.

  A shock ran through her entire body. His lips were warm and tangy. She breathed in his warm scent. She wanted to drink it in. She had kissed men before, but not like this one.

  She wanted more. She wanted to bury her head in his chest, lean into him and have him put his arms around her. She hadn’t been touched like this in so long. She wanted to forget about her brother and her lack of funds and the fact that she was here to sell Nelly to him like breeding cattle. His lips fell to hers again in another moment of mind-blotting bliss. His mouth explored hers, tender and insistent.

  But then he pulled back. She remembered herself and did the same.

  When she opened his eyes, he looked unnervingly calm, like the bored earl she had first met. She wondered for a moment if the kiss had even happened.

  “What are you doing?” Caroline whispered.

  9

  Alexander didn’t know what he was doing.

  He was supposed to be courting her young charge, not romancing the girl’s near-elderly companion.

  Well, she wasn’t elderly. She was likely a few years younger than he, but she was past her youth and technically into spinsterhood.

  She wasn’t remotely homely. That made him realize how ridiculous she was as she stood there radiant in the moonlight. Her face soft and regal and lovely, and all he could think to do at that moment was kiss her delicate mouth, so he had. He hadn’t thought about the consequences.

  Until now.

  He kissed her on a whim, a slightly inebriated and not very well thought out one. He had not kissed a woman in a while. A long time, actually. Her lips were softer than he expected, yielding and sweet and the tenderness of the kiss seared him to the core.

  He hadn’t felt like this in so long. Maybe ever.

  He wanted to fall off the precipice into the kiss and never come out. It shook him, as though he had been plunged underwater and he could barely make sense of it. The empty, longing part of him—the part that had been with him for so long now—felt warmth and tenderness for the first time.

  Something in him woke up.

  Her grey eyes bored into his with confusion. Dash it.

  Now he’d done it.

  One can’t unkiss a woman.

  She backed away, almost knocking him over. He stepped back.

  “I’m sorry, I must … excuse myself. Forgive me,” she said.

  He didn’t want her to leave.

  “Of course,” he answered and stepped back so that she could pass.

  He couldn’t let her go. He had to do something.

  Just before she’d stepped out of reach, he gently caught her arm.

  “Dance with me first,” he said. “One dance. I’ll not bother you again.”

  He said it so softly he sounded like a different man.

  Her face turned to his with incredulity.

  “We cannot.”

  She was right, of course. This was a terrible idea that could only make people talk. But one dance, one opportunity to hold her in his arms. Maybe then he’d be able to move on. He was sure his reaction was the byproduct of too much drink and that it would wear off.

  “Please,” he added. “Miss Featherton is dancing with Sutherland.”

  He was sure she would say no, but to his surprise, she paused and nodded quickly. He led her into the ballroom by her trembling arm.

  The dance was a quadrille, and he bowed and she curtsied.

  His face wore that mask again. Almost as though he were bored, but she could see the traces of sadness underneath. He looked as though all he had known was grief, and part of her wanted to change that. It was romantic silliness that even she didn’t believe, but that’s how she felt. She wanted to help him. She wanted to believe she could.

  His gloved hand took hers as they promenaded next to the other couples. He held her hand high as she tried to spin gracefully in time of the music, but caught her slipper on the floor and had to scurry to the next formation. She hoped he didn’t notice.

  She was warm, and they were dancing in an overheated ballroom. Someone had even opened several of the windows along the wall. She needed to keep her head about her. She was turning into a bacon-brained flirt, as Nelly would say.

  Nelly. Across the room, Nelly and Sutherland danced and she beamed up at her partner. Caroline couldn’t help but note that she was not wearing the polite look she wore dancing with Wolfolk. She wondered if he saw. Perhaps conversation would help distract him. She tried to think of what to discuss with him, but her brain was unable to come up with topics.

  Bacon-brained, indeed.

  All she could think of was his kiss.

  She could still taste him.

  “Quite a damp summer we’re having,” he eventually said.

  This was the most clever thing she could think of: commenting on the weather?

  His mouth twitched up in a small, knowing curve.

  “Yes, it has been … wet.”

  She looked away. Oh, why had she made that comment? She needed to change the subject. />
  “It seems warmer than usual. This summer, I mean.”

  He smiled down at her in a way that wasn’t a polite, pleasant smile, but one knowing and sensual. She checked to see if others were staring at them, but no one seemed to be paying special attention.

  “You think I haven’t noticed them, but I have,” he said quietly.

  What did he mean?

  “My lord?”

  “Miss Featherton and Sutherland.”

  Her throat went dry.

  “I’m aware of their connection.” His voice was a rich baritone as he moved towards her.. “Your plan isn’t working.”

  Plan. It wasn’t a plan. It was a desperate hope. Her only way to help her brother and herself. It wasn’t as though she actually cared which aristocrats married the other.

  “I don’t know what you mean,” she said.

  The humidity caused his hair to curl around his face attractively.

  “I know you are hired to facilitate a courtship between myself and Miss Featherton. I’d wager you have special instructions directly from her mama.”

  “I am hired as a companion for Miss Featherton. That is the extent of my employment,” Caroline said.

  He raised a skeptical eyebrow, which made him look even more handsome. Damn him.

  “And you do not personally benefit from a connection between her and me?”

  Her face burned again.

  “Do not employees benefit from employers in happy circumstances?”

  “That does not change the fact that your plan has some serious obstacles. Your heroine does not seem to care much for the hero. As a matter of fact, she seems like she prefers the company of another man altogether.”

  By heroine, he meant Nelly. Caroline looked out across the dance hall at she and Sutherland holding tight to each other’s arms.

  “And I’m afraid the ‘hero’ prefers the company of someone else as well.”

  Her gaze shot back to him. What a forward thing to say.

  She took a turn with another dancer before coming back to Alexander.

  He looked at her with that smile on his lips.