I'm Pretty Sure You're Gonna Miss Me Ronin McKinsey

by M. J. Padgett

  “I um... tried to stay in there as long as I could to mind my own business, but that whole thing was awkward. It seemed like you needed an escape.” She shrugged and smiled. She’d saved my life and my sanity just by walking out of a bathroom stall. “Anyway, she was super-pleasant. What did you do to get on her good side?”

  I chuckled sarcastically. “I got dumped.”

  “Ahh, say no more. I know the type. Let me guess. She’s your former best friend turned boyfriend stealing arch-nemesis?” She tossed the towels in the trash and leaned against the wall, killing time.

  “You forgot, she also stole my position as cheer captain,” I said, leaning against a stall door to seem as casual and laid-back as she did. Bad idea. It flew in, and I tripped, falling onto the floor with a thud. My butt hurt, but my head hurt even more. One should never, ever hit her head on a toilet seat.

  “Oh, gosh! Are you okay?” She helped me up and looked me over. “I can get you some ice for that bump, then we’ll fill out an accident report.”

  “Oh, no, no report. I’m clumsy. It was all my fault.”

  “Still, I’ll get you the ice. That’s gonna hurt for a while.” She escorted me out, and I waited by the employee door while she got the ice. She handed it to me, wrapped in a towel. “Here, I also snagged these for you. Maybe you can use them on a night super-pleasant ex-bestie isn’t here.”

  She handed me two movie tickets with a smile. “My name’s Natalie, by the way.”

  “I’m Hazel, and thanks for this. It was really nice of you,” I said just as I heard Sara whining about something the poor guy behind the counter did wrong. Bless his soul, he deserved a medal for dealing with her.

  “Does she have an off button, seriously? She reminds me of my ex-best friend, always telling me what to do and whining when she didn’t get her way.”

  “You know what, now that you mention it, she has always been on the whiny side.” I contemplated my friendship with Sara and realized it had all been very one-sided, and she often made a big deal out of the smallest things.

  The guy behind the counter apologized profusely as Ronin tried to convince him it was not his fault.

  “I’m the shift manager,” Natalie said. “I should go see what’s going on. Go enjoy your movie, Hazel.”

  I thanked her again and turned on my heel to go. I heard Natalie speaking to Sara, apologizing for the miscommunication, and informing her that they would fix her order immediately. Just as I was about to turn the corner to head back to the theater, I heard Sara squeal. A quick glance, and I saw Natalie holding back a smirk as she said, “Oh, no! I’m so, so sorry! I guess the lid wasn’t on tight enough!”

  Sara stood in a puddle of red slushy, her blonde hair stained red, and her perfect outfit covered with the icy drink. I laughed, catching Sara’s attention as well as Ronin and Natalie’s. Natalie gave me a thumbs up, the devious little thing, and Sara stormed out the front door trailing slushy behind her.

  Ronin’s eyes settled on me, and he smiled—a small smile, but it was still for me. Tanner couldn’t stop laughing at Sara as he tugged on Ronin’s shirt sleeve, distracting him from me. I’d been gone a while, and Rose must have grown concerned. She appeared at my side in time to see Tanner and Ronin leaving.

  “You okay?” she asked.

  “Never better, Rose. Never better,” I said.

  Sara was a slushy covered mess, Ronin wanted me back clear as day, and I might have found a new friend in Natalie. At the very least, I owed her a huge thank you. She single-handedly improved my mood with one dumped slushy.

  “What happened?” Daniel asked, standing behind Rose. “You disappeared. I thought you left us.”

  “No, why would I do that?” I asked. Daniel watched closely; the change in my mood was evident even to him. “I wouldn’t leave my best friend behind, Daniel.”

  Even as I said it, it didn’t feel quite right. But it made him smile, which only solidified my position. He wanted a friend, not a girlfriend in Hazel Simmons. He took my hand, something I decided was a gesture of friendship and led me back to the theater. Thank goodness, the movie was almost over.

  Just before the ending credits, Daniel leaned over and whispered, “Why don’t we give them some alone time and take a walk, maybe go to our place?” I nodded my approval and slid out of the seat. Natalie was busy with customers, so I decided I’d thank her the next time we came in. Thinking of what she did made me smile.

  “What’s so funny?” Daniel asked.

  “That lovely girl over there,” I said, pointing to Natalie. “Her name is Natalie, and I think I love her to death.”

  “Well, this all took a sudden turn,” he said.

  I smacked his arm. “She dumped a slushy on Sara’s head. That’s what I was watching while you were watching people get dismembered,” I said.

  “Aw, I missed that? I think I love her, too,” he said.

  A thought popped into my head. “Hey, maybe you can ask her to prom? She seems nice. I mean, after the whole argument with Sara in the bathroom and whacking my head on the toilet, she was really sweet and helpful.”

  Daniel stopped at the door, his hand hovering over the handle. “Wait... What the heck happened in the bathroom?”

  “Oh, I didn’t get to tell you everything. I saw Ronin, Tanner, and Sara in the lobby when I came out of the bathroom. Sara saw me, so I tried to get away, but she cornered me in the bathroom with her silly threats—”

  “She threatened you?” Daniels’ eyes flamed, a deep golden color. I’d never seen eyes that color at all, so I kept staring at them until he turned away. He pushed open the door and took my hand with a grumble. We started walking toward our place as I continued my story.

  “No, she didn’t threaten my life or anything. She was just saying stupid stuff, nothing to worry about.” I waved it off and continued with the part about Natalie. “So, this girl, Natalie, she was in the stall and heard the whole thing go down. When she came out, Sara left in a huff. Long story short, Natalie made a few comments about how annoying Sara’s behavior was, and I slipped, fell, and cracked my noggin on the toilet.”

  Daniel stopped short. “I thought you said you didn’t need help in the bathroom?”

  “I don’t.”

  “One who slips and cracks their skull on a toilet most certainly needs supervision when peeing,” he said but found it challenging to keep a straight face while he did so.

  “Anyway, we got to talking, and she gave me these.” I handed him the tickets Natalie had given me. “So, she got annoyed with Sara because she was mean to another employee, and she dumped a slushy on her head, which was hilarious. You should have seen it. And I was thinking, maybe we can come back next week, and I can thank her properly for making my day. Then, you can ask her to prom?”

  “You want me to ask a total stranger I have never spoken a word to, to prom?” he asked.

  “Sure, why not? She seems great, plus bonus points for ruining Sara’s night,” I argued.

  “I’m not asking a total stranger to prom, Peaches.”

  “You kissed a total stranger, Daniel. What’s the difference?”

  “When did I... Oh, that’s way different. When I kissed you, at least I knew you went to our school, and you weren’t weird. I mean, the jury is still out on that last part, but going to prom with a stranger is different,” he said, suddenly picking up the pace. The bookstore would close in an hour, and I guessed he wanted a snack.

  “How is it different?” I asked, curious.

  “I kissed you, that’s way different than asking someone to go to a dance and stare at me for four hours.”

  “Stare at you? What, exactly, do you think happens at prom?” I was beginning to think his social ineptness was far greater than I’d realized.

  “You know what I mean. Dancing, talking, blah, blah, blah,” he said. “None of that is fun with a total stranger.”

  “You sound like you don’t really want to go. What’s the deal?” I asked. We stepped in the
store, and I followed him to the back corner—the one where he told me his secret. Was that our thing, too? Did we tell each other our secrets in dark corners of little, dusty bookstores with old man bears watching us?

  He sat on the floor and reclined against the shelf. I tried to sit, but... short dress.

  “Here, come here.” He offered his hand. When I took it, he pulled me onto his lap. With his legs crossed, there was enough elevation that I could sit comfortably without showing the world my undies. However, it also made me feel quite unlike a friend, and a lot more like a girlfriend. He pulled me back, so I was leaning against his chest. My little heart kicked against my ribs with all the fury of a toddler in the throes of a temper tantrum. It wanted me to listen to it, to tell Daniel how I felt about him, but my brain scolded me for even considering such things.

  “I have another confession. I can’t dance,” Daniel said, his breath warming my ear and toying with my hair.

  “Honestly, Daniel, that doesn’t surprise me,” I said, laughing at him. “I can teach you. It’s easy. You’ll be a pro by prom.”

  “Really?”

  “Sure. You get me an A in calculus, and I’ll have you cuttin’ a rug in no time. Rose can help, too. She’s better than me, actually.” I toyed with the hem of my dress, having nothing else to do with my hands.

  “My mom called while you were in the bathroom. Becca’s so excited about her appointment Monday. I really hope it goes well.” His subject change wasn’t all that odd since I was already wondering how Becca was doing with all the stress, so I went with it.

  “I hope so, too. When are they supposed to be back?”

  “Monday night,” he said, settling his chin on my shoulder. “Probably late.”

  “Want to hang out tomorrow since they’ll be gone? And you’re welcome to have dinner at our house, if you want,” I offered, trying to fill any and all silence that could pop up. Silence would give my mind and heart a chance to confuse me further about my feelings.

  “Okay. Listen, Peaches, I wanted to ask you something.” He lifted his head and leaned it back on the shelf. “I was wondering, if this thing with Ronin doesn’t go how you want, would you maybe—”

  My phone started ringing, so I pulled it from my bag. Ronin was calling. I glanced over my shoulder, and Daniel nodded. “Go ahead. I can wait.”

  He helped me up because I like to wander around when I talk on the phone—a habit of sorts. “Hello?” I answered.

  “Hey, can we talk?” Ronin’s voice sounded a little strained, annoyed even.

  “Sure, but I thought you were calling tomorrow?” I asked, running my finger along one dusty shelf. I spotted a book I wanted to buy, so I slid it out and tucked it under my arm as I walked.

  “Yeah, I don’t think this can wait. This has all gone too far,” Ronin said.

  “What’s gone too far?” I stopped at the end of the aisle, confused.

  “Sara told me what you did, Hazel. It’s not funny, and I would never have thought you’d do something so mean. It’s just not like you. At least, I didn’t think it was until today,” he said.

  What did I do? I thought back over our interaction in the bathroom and couldn’t come up with a single thing I’d done that could be considered mean. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I’d tried to bite my tongue when all I wanted to do was smack her. “What are you talking about? What did she say I did?”

  “Attacking her in the bathroom? Screaming at her to stay away from me?” he said, his tone very angry. “I know you guys aren’t friends, but you can at least be civil to one another.”

  “Ronin, I didn’t do that! She was the one who—”

  “Then paying that girl to spill slushy on her head. That was just low, Hazel. Forget about talking tomorrow. I’m so over this craziness.”

  Wow, how Sara could spin the truth. But Ronin should have known I would never behave that way. Sure, I thought what Natalie did was funny, but I would never ask someone to do that.

  “Ronin, I did no such thing! Sara was the one who yelled at me. As for the slushy, she earned that all on her own. Maybe she should be nicer to people, and they wouldn’t want to drown her with her own drink!”

  “I had to listen to her complaining the whole way back to her place, Hazel. We broke up, deal with it, okay? Just move on and stop attacking my friends,” he spat.

  “I am dealing with it. You’re the one who asked me to talk, Ronin. What else do you want me to do? She attacked me, and if you think I’m lying, then you don’t know me at all.” My voice cracked. Tears started to sting my eyes again. I walked around to the next aisle, so Daniel wouldn’t see them.

  “I thought I did. I thought I knew you better than anyone. What happened?” Ronin asked, his voice suddenly much calmer than before.

  “You decided I wasn’t good enough for you anymore, that’s what happened. I didn’t change, Ronin. You did.” Silence filled the line, and I thought he hung up until he sighed.

  “I’m sorry. You’re right. Sara is a lunatic,” his voice was sincere, but I wasn’t so sure I cared. “She’s driving me crazy, always talking about all the things you did wrong.”

  “Well, you’re dating her, so what does that say about you?” I asked coldly.

  “Whoa, I’m not dating her. Oh no, she annoys the snot out of me. Tanner is into her, so he begged me to let her hang around for a while,” he admitted.

  “Tanner has a girlfriend. You know what, I don’t care. Good luck with the love triangle... square... whatever love shape thingy you’ve got there. I’m over it too.”

  “I know you are. You moved on pretty fast for someone who supposedly loved me,” Ronin said, hitting low. However, from his point-of-view, that was what I did. “One minute you wanted us back together, the next you were kissing some guy. It was literally the same day we broke up, not even an hour later, Hazel.”

  “That was... I...”

  “Were you cheating on me? With him?” he asked.

  “What? No! I wasn’t—”

  “Forget it. I did want to talk to you about getting back together, but this whole thing is too much. I can’t take the drama anymore.” His tone was stressed, and he sounded like he was ready to puke.

  “So, when you said you loved me, was it a lie?” I asked, afraid to know the answer no matter what it was, but I needed to know so I could find a way to move on.

  “No, I loved you. I still do,” he said, “But it’s not enough.”

  “What more do you want?” I asked, tears slipping from my eyes. One would think being dumped publicly, humiliated beyond belief, and losing your best friend would be the worst pain you could imagine, but I was wrong. Hearing someone tell you they loved you, but it wasn’t enough—that was the worst pain imaginable.

  “Hazel, we just don’t work. I miss you, but I’ll get over it and so will you.” His voice was sorrowful, making me wish he’d kept up his jerkiness. Maybe it wouldn’t have hurt as much if he’d had a nasty tone rather than one that sounded as miserable as I felt.

  “I’m gonna hang up now, Hazel. I think it’s better if we don’t talk anymore, okay? Tee really likes you, and I’m fine with sharing friends, but we should probably steer clear of each other for a while. It’s for the best in the end, you’ll see.” With that, he hung up the phone, shutting me out of his life forever. We wouldn’t be together. We wouldn’t even be friends.

  I loved him, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

  It felt like an elephant sat on my chest, squashing me until I couldn’t breathe. It was so final, so over. At least before, I had hope. Now even that was gone.

  “Peaches?” Daniel’s voice pulled me back. I was on the floor, sitting in a crying heap of Hazel. “What did he do to you?”

  Daniel was angry, but it was fleeting. He scooped me up and stood me on my own two feet. I leaned on him, but he made me stand upright. Every time I tried to use him as support, he made me support myself. It felt awfully mean, especially since all I wanted was his comfort
ing embrace. It’s what a real best friend would have done. A real best friend would have coddled me and told me I was pretty until I felt better, but not Daniel. He wouldn’t let me. He did wipe a few stray tears from my face before looking me in the eyes.

  “I care about you enough to make you do this on your own, Peaches. You’re strong enough; you don’t need to lean on me. I’m here. I always will be here, but you’re standing on your own two feet because you can.”

  I stared at him, feeling lost and confused, but also something else. “I’m not good enough.”

  “For him?”

  “For anyone.”

  His anger returned, but again, it was only fleeting.

  “Wait here.” He walked away for a moment and returned with the giant stuffed bear. “Here, take this.”

  “Why?” I asked, wiping tears.

  “Just take it, please. Here, take its hands.” He shoved the bear’s hands into mine and began swaying it back and forth.

  “What are you doing besides making me look like a fool on top of being miserable?” I asked sniffling.

  “This old man bear, he sits on that chair all day, every day. He probably wants to gouge his eyeballs out or plug his ears just to get away from the monotony of his day, but guess what? Today was different. Today, the old man bear got to dance with a beautiful girl. You did that, Peaches. You made this bear happy today.”

  He dropped the bear to the side and took my hands, swaying to nonexistent music. “Teach me to dance, Peaches. Be here with me and forget about Ronin and his insecurities, because they aren’t yours.”

  “The store closes in fifteen minutes, Daniel.”

  “Better get to work then, huh?” he asked, still swaying like a ten-year-old at his first dance.

  “Fine, come here, dork.”

  For fifteen minutes, I taught Daniel how to dance, and for fifteen minutes, I forgot about everything that worried me. I didn’t need Ronin to make me feel good about myself. I didn’t need anyone to make me feel good about myself. Daniel was right. I could do it on my own. I certainly could, but it was sure nice knowing I had Daniel in my corner, too.