“Well, don’t. We both know you aren’t.”
Our eyes lock in a battle of wills. Seconds later, she sinks in the mattress and seeks my body. I raise my chin to the ceiling as agony washes over me. In my attempt to push her off me, I find myself holding her instead.
DAMIEN
“And so we come to memory number seven.”
Bria wraps herself around me as I stroke her back. I try to conjure the image of the perfect little girl who stole my heart long before I knew what the repercussions would be. In her place, the woman I can never hate more than I have loved her. I dig my fingers into my shut eyes as to shove away the misery engraved behind them.
“My very first memory is of your bubbly face, and with you in my life, there has always been a determination in me to protect you.”
It’s not the first time during this night I catch her eyebrows draw together, and a pensive expression dawns on her fair skin after one of my admissions. I prop myself on my elbow, and my mouth is only one inch from hers as I suck in her breaths.
“You did a great job.”
“Not always.”
She rolls her eyes and sighs, “You couldn’t have watched over me twenty-four-seven, and it’s a known fact kids tend to hurt themselves.”
“The scar on your knee proves your point.”
She raises one hand to my forehead and tucks the strand of hair that hangs over my eyes behind my ear. I have to restrain myself from grabbing her, putting her in my lap, and ravishing her until the dusk of the day after forever arrived. She suspends my obnoxious thoughts when she resumes talking.
“You whispered such encouraging words while you carried me back home from the playground. I didn’t even feel the pain.” She positions her head against my shoulder blade. Her addictive sweet scent and her nearness do odd things to every part of my anatomy.
I give her a look. “When you screamed, and blood dripped down your right leg . . .”
“I thought you could do anything, and I wanted to prove to you I could too, by showing you I could fly,” she answers and shakes her head, her lips arching into a bemused smile.
“You succeeded in making my heart halt for a moment. Fear paralyzed me while you raised yourself on the branch, yelling you could fly.”
Her giggles rush straight to my heart as it drums an old, forgotten tune.
“And did I fly . . . for all of two seconds. But I was a really brave girl afterward.”
She winks at me and clutches my hands in hers. With every second, Bria melts something in me, shoving the darkness in me away. Will I allow it, though?
“At least for a while. I watched after you like a hawk.”
A small smile lifts in the corners of her lips. “Yes, you always watched after me. Thank you for that, but don’t feel guilty about something you couldn’t have prevented. I was a stubborn and rather independent girl on a mission.”
My eyes bulge out, and I fake-cough. “You were? That would imply you’ve stopped being one, which I can’t believe. I recall the years I was there massaging the throbbing in my head over your good-girl behavior.”
She pokes me in the ribs and the playfulness screws with both my head and heart.
“Hey, I wanted to impress you. You can’t hold it against me.”
“You just had to flutter your lashes or open that smart mouth of yours, and it had the same effect.”
I stare at her as her cheeks turn crimson. “Are you blushing?”
She nibbles on her bottom lip. “That was beautiful.”
“You were the most beautiful girl in the world, and you became the most beautiful woman to me.”
She taps her mouth and her brows furrow. “Except for the time between those two,” I rave, holding her gaze.
“There hasn´t been a day where I saw you as anything less than beautiful.”
She raises her eyebrows at me, and I purse my lips not to add how I sprinted to her house when nightfall emerged. Not tumbling on my head as I climbed the tree next to her bedroom window night after night was a miracle. But the view cloaked any rationality as I would drink in the image of her—her minuscule flowery-imprinted shorts leaving little to the imagination, glued to her round bottom and creamy thighs, and her top melding on her perky tits. I restrained myself to stay put. Spit gathered in my mouth viewing her flawless skin shining in the diffused light. I draw to mind every contour and line of her lean body. The sight of her golden-brown hair covering her entire back as she brushed it, and those carnal lips turning up into a smile as I texted her.
Damien: You´re gorgeous.
To gaze at the dreamy expression transforming her face jolted the chord right to my heart. I lived to follow Bria spring to her phone, her lips curving into a knowing smile as she replayed.
Bria: Don´t fall!
The little vixen.
Even when I struggled to stay away and withdrew for a while, I couldn’t escape the pull she had on me. It was then when my obsession with her developed and rooted in my cells.
Bria nudges me, and I surface from my memory.
“I have to show you something so you can clear out your guilt.”
She lifts her right knee, and I gulp the lump in my throat as I trace the lineal harder tissue.
This is such a bad idea, but it allows me to caress her bare skin.
“Damien . . .”
“What is it?” My voice turns guttural and full of desire.
“Your touch . . . it’s just . . . so much . . .”
“Should I stop, then?”
She has to shove my hand aside. “No . . . yes . . . I don’t know. When you touch me, all rational thought vanishes.”
Why, after all this time, does she still take my breath away? Her admission cracks some more of my slippery control. My finger throbs but ascends, and I find myself subdued—soft, warm, and so damn feminine—it makes the man in me want to claim and mark her. When I reach the apex of her thigh, my hand stills, waiting to see if she’d stop me. I trace the line of her lace underwear, and raw lust overcomes me. The air turns heavy with our desire. Only inches separate our lips.
“I touch you just once and lose all control. I see only you, feel only you, want only you. It’s maddening. What should I do now, Bria?”
I groan, and she peers at me through her thick lashes.
“Whatever you want.”
I expected any other response, but not for her to hand me what I crave wrapped in an untold plea.
“Do you like to play with fire?” I whisper as I bite her earlobe, and the skin prickles in response. “It may burn you in the end.”
“Then, I shall burn by your lips and touch.”
It’s all I need to lose myself in her. I kiss her as if to brand and destroy her for any other man’s touch. Fireworks erupt, painting the dark sky in my heart. My ears pound, my hands grip her silky hair, and my lips attack her full, sweet ones. I release her hair and cup her breasts. She makes these sexy noises that echo through me as my body presses into her. Desire unleashes itself in me, but when I open my eyes, it hits me as I state the obvious, “You’re not mine to take any more, now are you?”
Her mouth opens to contradict me, but I press my finger to her lips and shake my head.
“Don’t say something that would only make things worse. One night, baby, but I can’t let you ruin me again afterward.”
I adjust my slacks and slide toward my side of the bed with my back to the bed frame as my lower body part curses me through hell and back. My entire body shouts at me . . . fool! But my heart and I, we know better than to give in to the temptation of Bria du Mont. I place one hand on my chest and massage my temples with the other while my eyes fasten on hers.
She folds her hands in her lap, tilts her head, and complains, “Your willpower is admirable.”
“Do you want me to reduce you to a quick fuck, Bria?”
I spat while she taps the place above her heart, and her face goes blank.
“I won’t.”
N
ow my address information should be—on Pain Avenue, take a right to the Masochist Road. After a hundred meters, you’ll reach Asshat Place, living alone, yours intended, neighbor to self-punishment dick and sanctimonious bitch.
DAMIEN
The temperature in the room drops by the second, matching the storm gathering between us. I hold my chin high and demand, “Why won’t you say you’re sorry for what you’ve done?”
She glances up at the ceiling as her arms drop on the mattress. “What would my apology bring to you? Everything but forgetting, so no.”
“I’ve forgotten nothing about the promises I made to you, and tonight won’t change it if this is what you’re after.”
Her head snaps as our breaths merge and battle for supremacy. “I have only one goal left, Damien. For you to let the past rest, so you can find your happiness.”
“Who said I haven’t?”
She raises an eyebrow, overpowering the challenge in my voice. “Then say it, and this ends here and now.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“No, I’m just stating a fact.”
It’s hard to tell with her poker face now on, but I remain unfazed. It never lasts long with our emotions scattered everywhere around the room.
“Reverse psychology, Bria? You should keep practicing because it doesn’t work on me.”
She rises on her knees as I crane my neck. “I’ve never manipulated you or tried to play you.”
The line between my brows grows deeper, and I sneer, “But in the end, you played me like a fucking fool.”
“So much rage inside you. It’s not good for you.” Her shoulders sag, and she slumps onto her bottom.
“As if you care about my well-being. Quit pretending.”
“You obtuse idiot,” she shouts, her eyes blazing. I grab her and pull her onto my lap.
Bria’s head falls back. She turns me on so damn much I fight for control as I nibble on the sweet flesh under her ear and trail wet kisses on her soft, alabaster-exposed neck. “Do you miss having me buried inside you? How I spent hours learning and devouring every sensitive spot on your skin?” To reinforce my point, I pinch her erect nipples through the fine fabric of her dress to the edge of pain as she moans in response and grips my arms. For every moment of weakness she awakens in me, I´ll take my control back out of her writhing body.
With my last shred of control, I lift her and place her beside me again.
She hugs her legs, her head resting on her knees, her gaze forlorn. “Just tell me the next one of your top ten memories.”
I reach for her but stop mid-air, yanking my hand to my side and add, “Number six is of you swimming with that dolphin in the Bahamas. We both tilt our heads as we find the one picture I’m talking about among hundreds plastered on the wall, and the corner of her mouth curves up.
“You were radiant, sun-kissed, sea-kissed, dolphin-kissed, dreamy eyes, and light freckles covering your delicate nose. You looked out-of-this-world beautiful.”
Her eyes well up and I drown the desire to hold her to my chest.
“I was seventeen, and you were nineteen. It was our first holiday trip alone. Just the two of us . . . with our love, and certain yearnings . . .”
I burst into laughter, remembering, and she muffles hers as I confess, “This is the second-best part of my memory. I had you all to myself, and did I ever take full advantage of the situation.”
She sends me a knowing look that has me playing a very dirty movie in my head with us in the key roles, and lust surges through me.
“Our parents’ reaction when we came back was hilarious.”
I say in a falsetto voice, “Bria, Damien . . . weren’t you supposed to go to the Bahamas? You don’t even have a proper suntan.”
“A blush enveloped us from head to toe. They all wore the same knowing look, and it made everything worse. It was your fault, Damien. You couldn’t get enough.”
“Yes, right, blame it on me, although you instigated me too. Remember?”
“We had to make up for all the missed opportunities.”
Yes, I had to make up for years of pent-up energy, frustration, and hunger. How I stayed sane during those years is worth at least a trophy.
Why can’t I forget about those times? I squished my all-consuming love for Bria, but it appears it’s the memory of her I can’t get rid of.
“If it’s even possible, I fell deeper in love with you on that holiday.”
Sincerity shines in her eyes, and it guts me.
“I would have made every one of your wishes come true if you’d stayed by my side. Now, we’ll never know how far we would have gone.”
I peer at her as she rests her chin on her knees and rocks on her bottom and asks me in a meek voice, “Even if I’d said I wanted a baby at eighteen?”
“Didn’t you hear me? Everything, until the last one and more.”
Her lower lip wobbles, and her eyes flood with tears. My heart cracks, and I gather her in my arms. Through whimpers, she says, “The pain is killing me. It chops me every day, bit by bit. Everything else in me is so damn numb, but the pain is all-consuming and always present.”
I am stare-shocked, and my body hardens into a statue by her strong physical reaction. Isn’t her pain what I wished for, then why does it cripple me to witness her like this?
I kiss her temple and brush her hair as I gather her in my arms. “Would you have wanted a baby at eighteen, Bria?”
The sigh rushing from her body slices me.
“I wanted everything with you, and if possible, all at once.” She just had to ask, but instead, she betrayed me. Split between her treason and her distress, I end up comforting her. Tomorrow I will recoil, but for now, I hold her to my chest.
Am I naïve? Would everything have gone as smoothly? Even if not, I would have slain every obstacle. Since I can recall, this had been my plan—being with Bria and exceeding in business. The sour taste of half-failure grazes my taste buds.
As if she can gauge my distress, she lifts her hands and caresses my back. I inhale her sweet scent to ground me here with her, far away from all the what-ifs we would never get the chance to relive.
“Hmm, still madly in love, still rocking the entrepreneurial arena, and being a daddy to the most beautiful girl in the world, a miniature of her stunning mommy and a sweet baby boy. You three would have been my entire world.”
She wraps her arms around me, squeezing me to her, and I go limp in her arms.
“But I took it away from us. That is what you were going to add.”
“Good to know you can read minds now.” My voice drips with sarcasm as she whispers, “Damien, please, you can still have these, you know—”
“How can you insinuate such a thing after I just spilled my guts and drew you a picture of how our future would have looked? How can you go and imply I could have something . . . what? Similar? Acceptable? What, Bria?” I rant, and my chest heaves with the exertion. “There’s nothing that can ever compare to this perfect family portrait of you and me. For once, show an ounce of respect for our love.”
Her head drops, and she sighs.
“Do you realize we start by reminiscing about beautiful chapters of our love, but we end fighting over things we are incapable of changing?”
She strokes my jaw, and my muscles relax. I bury my face in her soft palm and let her warmth offer me a modicum of comfort.
“It’s how things are. They are so interlinked there’s not one without the other. Both the good and the bad shaped our lives, so we have to cope with our frustration.”
Yes, then when will you begin dealing with it? Now, this is a fine example of a double standard, Damien. Keep telling it, and maybe it will get through that thick skull of yours. I’m losing my damn mind by the minute.
DAMIEN
Bria leaps off the bed as I stretch my muscles. In her place remains just a trace of her form like a 3D picture. She hops on the window seat, and the space accommodates her fully the moment she rais
es her knees to her chin. Her face cranes toward the stars as her fingers wipe the corners of her eyes. My heart speeds up the moment my head cocks to the side to size her up. Her long hair covers her chest. Two-thirds of her legs peek from under her dress, and her skin glows in the moonlight. Her voice jolts me from the trance she put me in in the first place.
“Let’s move on to number five on your top ten memories list,” Bria says, yanking me from my thoughts.
“Halfway point already! My number five is the weekend trip to the French Alps you and I and Sophia and Filip spent together during my spring break. We drove from Zürich to St. Moritz and checked into the suite. If that whirlpool could talk!”
She tilts her head, and I notice her cheeks turning pink and eyes glistening with playfulness.
“I couldn’t even stand afterward, so you had to carry me to the bed. I think I’d long been asleep before you tucked me in.”
“I held you the entire night. Sleep eluded me as I laid there beside you, tracing patterns on your exposed back and daydreaming about the future. All the time, I thought about how lucky I was to have you.”
“We were late for breakfast, and, of course, our siblings scowled. Sophia kept grumbling about our disgusting public affection, that it wasn’t cool to be kissing all the time and acting so stupidly in love.”
“Puberty hormones sure hit her hard with her temper.”
No one would ever believe she used to be a spitfire and a brat looking at the tamed, indrawn version of her now. Sophia’s moods switched from “let’s hug” and “I love you two” to stomping away and shouting how we embarrassed her.
“Right. And then Filip turned into a recluse. He hardly ever came out of his bathroom anymore.”
“Believe me. You don’t want to know the need of a teenage boy to wash himself. It is overwhelming. It feels like you’ve discovered Nirvana.”
Her mouth hangs open, and indignation laces her words.
“Damien!”
Her hand flies to her mouth to stifle her giggles, and I jump to my feet. I need her skin against mine. I rush to her and entwine our fingers. Her back leans on the window as her legs spread, and I settle myself against her heat. My hand rests to her exposed thigh, and through half-lidded eyes, and I say, “How ungentlemanly of me.”
Shattered Love : A Billionaire Romance (Forever Us Book 1) Page 13
