She taps one finger on her arched lips, a fine line appearing between her brows. “You have other qualities.”
Why does she have to be this adorable? It makes me weak in my knees.
“All in all, we were all four together, reunited on a peaceful, funny weekend.”
Suddenly, she smacks me on my upper arm and then crosses her arms over her chest.
“Peaceful, Damien? Peaceful? Did you forget you fractured a guy’s nose?”
I raise my hands in the air and answer without a trace of remorse, “The scumbag deserved it after he grabbed your bottom after you passed by and smirked as if proud for touching you without permission.”
The memory still has the power to affect me when I realize my palms ball into fists at my side. Bria places her hands above mine. I open them, and our fingers interlace. Just like that, my anger evaporates.
She cups my face, drawing me toward her, only a breath of air between our lips. “I think me shouting at him while everyone stared him down sent him the message with you not having to show your fighting prowess too.”
“But if I remember correctly, you didn’t seem to mind it too much based on what happened afterward.”
I waggle my brows at her. A touch of red spreads from her cheeks to her neck as a flash of recognition dawns on her. I missed you, old buddy. I grin like a fool at the visual as she slams her head on my stomach and growls.
“Well, you idiot, I was too concerned for you. Your knuckles bled, but your ego kept you from feeling any pain.”
“I think the correct answer is it was adrenaline-induced.”
“Thanks for the correction, you arrogant ass.”
She scrunches her nose and crosses her hands over her chest. How I missed her snarky comments, they are such a turn on.
“But you took good care of my hand and other parts of my body that day.”
Her head shoots up, then she grips my chin and shakes it as she bites her bottom lip. My grin only widens.
“Of course, it’s one of your favorite memories. Now, I get it.”
“Shall I say it or let you?”
“You’re crass.” She shields her face behind her palms as a giggle slips out.
Is she trying to feign horror? It isn’t working.
“And you gave this ass his first blow job. You did a great job of taming the caveman in me. I expected no sex at all with you shouting at me all the way to our suite, but then I received such an unexpected reward. You ruined my good guy image because I got all the kinkiness by being bad.”
Bria peers at me as I lean into her, and she grabs my chin. “I wanted the trip to be memorable for you. Maybe the timing was all bad, but I don’t regret it. How your eyes bulged, and your jaw dropped when I came from the bathroom after cleaning your hand . . . priceless.”
Oh, she wants to play? No problem, baby. I’m the right man. My grin could be seen from outer space.
“And you wore this sexy, black lace, see-through lingerie. My adrenaline kicked right back in when I saw you in it, and then you blew me off, literally.”
“You smart ass. And when I got to my knees, you kept babbling . . . what were the exact words, Damien?”
It doesn’t help that her fingers curl around my belt as she inches me further to her, and the vixen shows up as I gulp my desire down.
“Okay, I admit it. It was not one of my brightest moments. But I had been fantasizing about it for months.”
My eyes glue to her mouth as her tongue peeks out. She wets her lower lip, and my vision blurs with lust.
“The grin plastered on your face afterward . . .” She smiles. “You didn’t talk for minutes as you stared up at the ceiling.”
I conclude she likes to torment me. How the hell can I think of anything else than her lips wrapped around me now?”
What brings my sincerity to me? A slap on the abdomen.
“I should have teased you more. You sure deserved it.”
I’m sure, but, hey, I never implied I’d been a good guy, just one in love.
I place my hands on the window, caging her face as I dip my head and whisper, “I can’t forget your lips on me and your hot, probing tongue. It propelled me straight to paradise.”
I kiss the top of her small nose as she gulps and says in a hushed tone, “All you spilled was, ‘Bria, baby, I love you so much. You’re perfect. What you’re doing is perfect, and for the love of all that is sacred, don’t stop’. It was the first time. You would think it was perfect.”
I’m used to the many sides of Bria, but her insecurity guts me. To me, there are two types of sex, fucking, and sex with her that’s in a class on its own, nothing and no one can top.
I don’t want her to doubt herself, so I put my mouth to her ear and confess, “You were the best.”
The baby hairs on her neck stand up, and her words leave me all warm inside. “I loved you, Damien, like there was no tomorrow. In all the years we were together, it’s how I loved you every day. Like it was my last day on earth, and I had to show all of what you meant to me.”
“I know you gave it all until there was nothing more to give. I felt it until . . .”
Until you wrecked me, Bria.
She hugs her waist and tilts her head to the side. Her teeth jab into her lower lip, and tears gather in the corners of her eyes.
I brush her cheek and sway her toward me. “You were my world.”
She grips my hands in hers as her intense gaze pierces me. “There was not even a second I didn’t feel cherished and loved by you. The love blazing in your eyes whenever you spotted me is an image I can’t erase, raw adoration, love scratching on obsession. The intensity rippled inside me. Us being together felt so right, so natural as if we were made to be together.”
Why the fuck did you ruin us then? Didn’t I fucking deserve an explanation, closure, or peace? Instead of asking her the question she has no answer for, I purse my lips, and shove my anger back in the pit of my stomach.
DAMIEN
I extend my hand, and she grabs it like what we’ve done for years. The intimacy of our behavior twists my insides into a knot. I gulp at the nagging feeling of looming agony just to prolong these feelings of home she ignites in me a little longer. Back on the plush mattress, I draw her body next to mine.
“Number four, Damien.”
“Number four. You skipped an entire week of school to accompany me to London when I started college.”
Bria folds her hands in front of her, and her eyes sparkle with a happy recollection.
“It was our first home together even though you would spend the next year without me in it. Twenty-seven hundred square feet with three bedrooms, each with an adjoining dressing room and gorgeous bathroom, black shiny marble and silver accessories. But the best part was our master bedroom with its king-size bed. We could see the Thames passing by from our balcony and London’s skyline. And, it was near the new headquarters, yet far enough we could enjoy our youth and love without feeling the pressure of our upcoming responsibilities.”
Lines stretch on her forehead, and I dip my head to kiss them away.
“And the wall of photographs. I spent at least six hours on it, but it was all worth it to see your awestruck reaction,” she adds, entrapping all my attention.
I plop myself back in bed in time to watch recognition dawn on her face. Without shame, I copied her idea.
“Sue me,” I challenge and wink at her.
“Nah. What would I do if I win, and you are locked up? There is no me without you.”
We both stiffen at her admission, the lump in my throat choking me, and her eyes widen. Why does she torment me like this?
She envelops my hand and changes the subject. “And our constant visits to Holland Park when I came to visit.”
“All because of the Japanese Kyoto Gardens with the waterfall. You always loved to look at the dahlias and the koi carp. You were as excited as the children in the park.”
She presses her face in her hand, and her d
reamy eyes lock on mine. “Don’t forget the peacocks with their richly colored feathers, strutting around, and the many kisses we shared at the foot of the waterfall.”
I trace with my finger around the contour of her lips. Every inch of her calls to me. She stills, and I crave to have her.
“You would grab my hand as I had to follow your lead through the park. When you found something you liked, you jumped straight into my arms, kissing me. I encouraged you so I could admire the view and your display of love. I did everything for my selfish pleasure.”
“You liar.”
My fingers and head slump, and I confess, “The last part, though, only the last part. I’ve always wanted to make you happy. So often, in the years that followed, I imagined us having children of our own. And my most fervent wish will never become a reality.”
“You just have to want children, and one day you’ll have them.”
She undoes me as tremors rock her body, and her head hangs. I lift her as she lets out a small gasp and place her on top of me. I make sure our eyes are locked when I say, “But not with you, Bria, and so my turmoil begins.”
She traces my brows and lets her finger glide all over my face as tingles explode from within me. “You can curse and snarl all you want. I know your soul, Damien, and souls stay true even when we quench their essence. I once felt your love penetrating every cell of my being. One day when you drop the pain and make peace with the past, you´ll let yourself have everything we didn´t get.”
This woman . . . if someone analyzes my DNA, they will find even there the bruises she inflicted. Does she believe the bullshit she tries to feed me? She altered everything in me . . . there’s nothing left of the boy she remembers. I’ll make her witness the man who emerged from her betrayal, it’s the only way. She buried my soul, along with hope and trust. What is a human without these? A robot framed in the flesh.
I shake my head in disbelief. She really is something.
“Fuck it then, and let’s end this stupid conversation because it leads us nowhere. Let me stay in the time we enjoyed our first and only home in London when we had it all.”
My chest rises and falls with the exertion of wandering through the memories.
She disentangles from my arms and straddles me. Her eyes round with a plea as she chews on her lips and her fingers play with the buttons of my shirt.
Here we go again as I prepare my body to go rigid at any moment. I recognize that look on her face too damn well. In the past, it brought me to my knees. Now she has to do better.
“Can you give me a key to it?”
“Over my dead body. You’ll have the key after I am six feet under the ground. It’s stipulated in my will if you are still alive, you can have it.”
She gasps and places her fingers on my cheeks. “Damien, I have a right to it, and you can’t forbid me things like this.”
I peel her off me, and deadpan. “I can, and I will. I won’t let you taint that home by going there as if nothing happened. There’s only one owner, me since I bought it.”
“So only you are allowed to go inside? How generous.”
I don’t let my anger over her evident disapproval catch me in its claws. Instead, I jerk on her bottom, gripping her so she won’t lose balance. I’m in her face, almost nose to nose, and growl, “I stopped going there the moment I caught you in bed with someone else. I have a place far away from it.”
Did she just cross her arms and squint at me? She has balls. Maybe I should trade mine with hers.
“At least you didn’t bring all those women to our place.” She shoves me and then tilts her face to the side, nostrils flaring.
“This is what I should have done, but I didn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I followed your example. You had the decency to fuck someone else in a hotel room and not bring him to any of our places, so it was decent of me to have a neutral playground as well,” I snarl, and her head snaps to me, eyes drilling into mine.
“Screwing everything with legs was decent?”
I raise my hands in the air, frustration oozing from me in waves. “No, that was fucking amazing. Decent was my decision to bring them to a place we have never shared. What the fuck, Bria, I’m not the bad person here.”
“No, you’re just a man whore.” Her fingers dig into my chest, and she’s fighting back tears.
“Is the pot calling the kettle black?”
I’ve hit a soft spot by the way her body shudders and her lower lip trembles.
“You know nothing about it, and it’s for the best.”
I clasp my hands on her shoulders. “There’s nothing that can change reality. Or have I remembered it wrong, and it did not happen? Look me in the eyes and say, ‘Damien, you didn’t catch me naked with another man in the bed in a hotel room.’ Say it, and I’ll erase everything and put my life on your altar again. Say it, damn it!” I pluck the ends of my hair, and I dare her to lie to me to my face.
She goes limp. Her breathing turns slow and sparse, and then it seems to stop. Shivers roll down my spine as I grab her. Every fiber in me constricts as I shake her, panic strangling my vocal chords. “Bria, baby, breathe, come on, breathe for me.”
For seconds, my heart beating suspends. When she drags a lungful of air into her body, I exhale a breath I held too long.
She heaves her body into a sitting position. Her breathing evens and some color begins to return to her face.
My body turns to jelly, and my brain is fuzzy. She stumbles off the bed and arranges her dress before she says, “It must have been some kind of panic attack.” With a wave of her hand, she brushes it off.
I don’t know which thing pisses me off more as I regain some control in my body.
Something eludes me, but what? What, damn it?
Bria settles herself between my legs and caresses my face. Her icy fingers jolt me from my petrified stance as she says in a hushed tone, “Damien, you have to let me go, us go . . .”
Anger floods me. This is all I have left. Doesn´t she realize it. Yet, I do what any other stupid man in my position would do—I comfort her. I shelter her in my arms, stroke her hair, and ask if she’s all right over and over again.
“I’m fine. You’ve always freaked out when something’s not right with me.”
“Can you imagine how I feel now?”
She offers me a small, sad smile, her eyes filled with understanding but says nothing. With fear constricting my throat, I ask, “Are they frequent?” She shrugs and threads her fingers through my hair, avoiding my gaze.
“Define frequent? It happens when I’m overwhelmed by various emotions all at once, and I’m not capable of controlling them for a while.”
“Have you consulted a doctor about it?”
A grim laugh escapes her lips. “Don’t worry. I have everything under control.”
“Why don’t I believe you, then?”
“Can you just let it go?”
The request surfacing in her eyes has me nodding with a clenched jaw.
“You’re not well. My gut shouts you’re telling me a bunch of crap. I wonder how your loverboy copes with you.”
She huffs and disentangles herself from my arms. Bria crawls toward the end of the bed, her hands clasped around her flat stomach. “Do you honestly want to talk about the people in our lives because I could ask you the same question. How does Monica put up with the ass you have become?”
My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach with the pain and the betrayal flashing in her eyes. Rage surges through me. I am not the traitor between us. By now, she shouldn’t make me feel at all. And still . . .
“I fuck her through nine heavens. It would be one of many aspect—” I don’t get to finish my sentence, her hand slams to her heart, eyes wide and teary as she springs to her feet. When her eyes seek her high heels, something gives way in me as the realization smacks me in the face.
I rush from the bed and plead like the moron I am. “Please, I’m not ready to let you go. Stay with me, baby,
just for a little while longer. I lied. You kill me. Do you see this man in front of you? I’m more or less a ghost of a man, and sarcasm and cruelty are how I cope with it. I wake up every day, and it’s another day without you. I’m this man today because I’ve lost the light you brought to my life.”
Her heart-wrenching sobs wreck me. I don’t know if she cries for her, for me, or for both of us, but her sobs are knives dragging through my heart. The next thing I do is what I’m no longer able to control. I kiss her swollen eyes, teary cheeks, and wobbling lips. She still loves me. In a broken and mad way, this woman is still in love with me, and I’m sure she isn’t even aware of it. It makes this whole messed-up scenario bearable. For one night, let the consequences be damned.
“Bria, baby, look at me.” She tilts her head, and I catch myself reflected in her welled-up eyes. We’re both naked and vulnerable in front of each other once again.
“Let me make love to you, and I will give you more than memories. I will give you us again in this present time where we’re no longer together. Let me love you one more time for all the times I’ll never be able to love you again. Give me one night in which I can breathe and feel something more than ugliness and darkness. Let me heal us for a little while. Let this one time be our forever.”
And for the first time in a long time, I catch a sparkle in her eyes, and a mesmerizing smile unfolds on her face. An uncontrollable urge to feel something else for a while . . . with her, only her, forever her, envelops me.
She raises my hand to her mouth and kisses each of my fingers, breaking something inside me and allowing something lost and forgotten to reappear-the need to love. “Damien . . . you’re the only man I’ve ever loved. Here I am before you with a broken heart and spirit with all I’ve done, with all my mistakes and shattered love and dreams. Please, baby, don’t mock me in this state. I literally don’t know if my heart can take it. If I feel your hatred . . .” Tears stream from her eyes. “I don’t know if I can survive it.”
Shattered Love : A Billionaire Romance (Forever Us Book 1) Page 14
