Baked with Love

by Peggy Jaeger

  The anguish in his voice was exactly what I’d hoped to avoid ever hearing, ever causing.

  “I’m…I….”

  His grip tightened.

  “I don’t know for sure,” I finally said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I can’t give you an answer because I don’t know.”

  “I don’t understand. Didn’t you all get tested after Eileen was diagnosed? Wait. I know you did. Cathy told me you all had, just to be sure you weren’t carriers of that”—he shook his head—“whatever gene. Even Fiona got tested. You were all in the clear.”

  And here I was now, faced with the truth and consequences of my inactions. I couldn’t lie to him, but the truth would be no balm.

  “Aren’t you?”

  “I…never…got tested.” I huffed out a huge breath, my stomach quaking. “I never went to the clinic and had it done.

  The expression in his eyes went flat and hard. “Why the hell not?”

  I shook my head again. I couldn’t look at him, couldn’t bear to see the anger and disappointment in his eyes.

  “You lied to everyone? Your sisters? Fiona? You let them believe everything was okay with you when you really have no idea if it is? You don’t know if you carry the gene mutation that killed your sister?”

  I nodded. “Now you understand why I can’t marry you. Why I knew there was an end date for us. I can’t—won’t—allow you to think we could have anything permanent. I won’t put you through that. I can’t stand the hurt it would cause if I get sick.”

  “You are one of the most intelligent individuals I’ve ever known,” he said, his voice as hard as marble, “but that’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.”

  My spine stiffened, and once again I tried to pull out of his hold. His grip was like cement.

  “That’s insulting.

  “It’s the truth. You don’t even know if there’s anything wrong with you, but based on the fact there could be, you’re gonna deny yourself any kind of a future? That’s stupid in my book and would be to anyone else who heard it. Why the hell don’t you go get tested? It’s an easy enough thing to do. Cathy said one tube of blood and you’re done.”

  “Easy for you, maybe. You’re not the one who has to live with the results; the one who may be given a death sentence.”

  “You’re scared of the results? That’s the reason you won’t get tested?”

  “Terrified.”

  “My God, Maureen, do you hear how ridiculous you sound? A simple blood test could erase your terror.”

  “Or enhance it if I’m positive.”

  “I don’t think you are—”

  “You have no way of knowing that, Lucas. You’re not a psychic.”

  “No, but what I am is rational, something you’re not being right now.”

  “Again,” I spat, “insulting.”

  “Call it whatever you want, but you’re not thinking about this the right way. You need to get tested. If you’re sick, then we’ll deal with it.”

  “No, Lucas, I’ll have to deal with it. And I’ll have to watch my sisters and grandmother and even my absent parents go through the horror of another death of someone they love. I won’t do that to them.”

  “So it’s better if they just watch you wither away and die with no explanation? Or find you one day dead in your bed? That’s what you want to happen?”

  I winced, again.

  “That’s too dumb for words, Maureen. Look. Get tested to prove you’re okay. I may not be psychic, but I’d think since you’re an identical twin, if you were a carrier, you’d have been sick already. Which makes sense. What doesn’t is never finding out for sure. If you have the gene, then we’ll deal with it. And if you’re not a carrier but never find out, then you’re denying yourself a chance at a future with a man who loves you beyond all reason. And as I said before, that’s just stupid.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “You’re right.” He finally released my arms and took a few steps backward. “I don’t understand why you think it’s a better option to live in ignorance. If it was me, I’d move heaven and hell to know the answer. And I can’t understand why, if you love me like I suspect you do—even though you haven’t told me in clear, uncertain terms you do—you wouldn’t do me the courtesy to find out for certain.”

  I shook my head again and repeated my statement.

  “One thing I do know, Maureen, is this. I love you, and I won’t stop loving you. Gene mutation or no. The vows say in sickness and in health. You don’t stop loving someone when things get tough. Think about that.”

  Without another word or move toward me, he left. The sound of his boots clanged on the carpeted stairs as he shot down my staircase and out the door. The last thing I remember hearing before collapsing in sobs on the kitchen floor was the sound of his truck as it rumbled over my gravel driveway.

  Chapter 15

  “You’re not sleeping much, lass.”

  Since it wasn’t a question, I didn’t bother to give Nanny an answer as I refilled her mug.

  “You do look tired,” Cathy added as she rocked baby Eileen Belle.

  “What’s going on with you?” Colleen asked. Of the three of us she was the one who cut to the chase the quickest.

  “I’ve been busy. Running the inn, starting the renovations out back.” I shrugged as I put the kettle back on the stove. “Sleep’s a commodity I don’t trade in.”

  Even though I was facing away from them, I knew they were all looking at one another with raised eyebrows and questions tugging on their lips, so I girded my loins and waited.

  It didn’t take long.

  “I saw Lucas yesterday,” Cathy said. “He told me about Robert.”

  If I’d gotten the sleep I so desperately needed and had been thinking strategically like I knew I had to around my lawyer-sister, I would have responded in a much different way than by turning around and asking, “Is he still upset?”

  The moment the words left my lips, I knew I’d made a tactical error. Three sets of eyes peered at me across the kitchen. Two of my sisters held newborns, and my grandmother had a teacup in one hand, a scone in the other. None of them were what anyone would consider swift moving on an average day, despite Colleen’s history as a high school track runner. I calculated how fast I could bolt up the stairs to my apartment and lock myself away, knowing they’d never be able to catch me.

  Cowardly? Yup. Not gonna deny it.

  “Upset about…what?” Cathy asked.

  I tried to think of a quick response, but my hesitation before saying, “About Nora coming back early,” proved my answer wasn’t truthful. “And him not wanting to come back and work anymore,” I added in the hope it would sound more honest. It was, after all, the truth. Lucas had texted me Sunday evening Robert wanted to spend the rest of his vacation at home so he could practice for his driver’s test.

  All three pair of eyes narrowed at me.

  Colleen repeated her question.

  “Lass? Is there somethin’ you should be tellin’ us?”

  I couldn’t blame brain drain and lack of sleep on what happened next. The pain I’d been carrying around in my chest since Lucas walked out of my apartment over a week ago finally became too much to keep hidden.

  A deep, guttural, and heartbroken sob rose up from the depths of my core. All three women instantly rose and came to engulf me in their arms. My sisters wrangled the babies one handed, while their free arms went around my shoulders and Nanny slid both her gnarly hands around my waist and pulled me to her. At five seven, I towered above her barely five foot frame.

  The sobs went on for a few minutes, and while they did, I was led to a chair and pushed into it. Cathy’s voice calling out to Sarah to take care of things was a distant echo as I laid my head down on the table and cried until I had no tears left.

  A cup of tea was shoved into my hands with a command to drink it. The fact it was laced with the Irish whiskey I kept stocked for Nanny’s winter h
ot toddies proved she’d been the one to make it.

  “There now, darlin’ girl,” Nanny cooed once my bawling eased. “Drink the rest and tell us all about it. You’ll feel better once ya do.”

  So I did. Despite being the sister who keeps everything so close to the vest you need to pry info from me, I told them about Lucas and how we’d begun a relationship, but it was over now. The one thing I didn’t divulge—couldn’t—was his offer of marriage.

  “I knew it,” Colleen said with a self-satisfied grin gracing her face. “The man can’t look anywhere but at you whenever you’re in the same room. Slade even said at Cathy’s wedding he had to ask Lucas something three times before he responded. He’d been watching you the entire time.”

  “Lass, I feel like you’re omittin’ something. What caused the two o’ ya to call it a day if you’ve been gettin’ along so well?”

  Admitting to Lucas I’d never been tested had been a million times easier than having to tell these three women I hadn’t. It took me a few tries to get the words out, fear doing its darndest to keep the secret hidden.

  When I finally did, silence rang around the room, scaring me so much more than yelling ever could.

  Their faces were masks of differing emotions. Cathy wore shock across her widened eyes and open mouth; Colleen’s scowling brow and pursed lips told me how angry she was at my behavior. But it was Nanny’s face, rife with disappointment, which tore at me the most.

  “Lass, aside from lying to us about taking the test—which is a bad enough sin in me book to begin with—why in the name of all that’s holy, haven’t ya?”

  “I was afraid of the results. Eileen was my genetic double, Nanny. Getting tested and knowing for sure I was positive felt, well, like a death sentence. Not getting tested gave me—I don’t know.” I shrugged. “A little sense of hope, maybe? What I don’t know can’t hurt me?”

  “That’s just stupid,” Colleen said, shaking her head.

  “Lucas said the same thing.” With my elbows propped on the table, I dropped my head into my hands.

  “He’s right,” my oldest sister asserted. She sat down next to me and dragged one of my hands into her own. When I lifted my head she said, “You need to get tested. As soon as possible. No”—she pointed her index finger right in my face when I start to speak—“let me finish.”

  I slammed my lips together.

  Cathleen took a beat, and from the concentrated, thoughtful look in her eyes, she was weighing her words, just as she did in court when she was preparing to argue a point.

  Forget about a come to Jesus moment. This was gonna be much worse.

  “You’re the one who always pushes us to take care of ourselves. The one who trolls Google and on-line medical sites for cures and research on problems.”

  “Truth,” Colleen interjected. “When I was suffering with morning sickness, you were the one who found the right combo of foods and fluids to get me through it.”

  Cathy nodded.

  “And when me hands were aching so with this arthritis and nothing was helpin’,” Nanny said, lifting a hand to my face, “you were the one who discovered me vitamins were preventing the pain pills from being absorbed.”

  With another nod, Cathy added, “And I don’t need to mention what you did for George when he was dying, do I?”

  I shook my head, not liking where this conversation was leading.

  “You take the time to make sure we’re all informed, nourished, and fed appropriately, and you take measures to ensure we stay healthy. That’s what you do, Mo. You’re a born caregiver.”

  I shrugged.

  “So I have to ask you.” She stopped and squeezed my hand, forcing me to look at her. “If one of us did what you did, or didn’t do as the case is, how would you feel? And more importantly, what would you do about it?”

  Having sisters who knew you better than you did yourself is, at times, wonderful. At others, it’s wicked annoying, like right now.

  If we’d been in a courtroom and she’d been pleading a case with that kind of logic, the jury would have voted in her favor one hundred out of one hundred times.

  I sighed, pulled my hand from her grip and rose.

  “I’d tell you that you were being ridiculous, and then I’d bring you to get tested myself so you couldn’t weasel out of it.” I refilled my teacup and brought the kettle to the table.

  Nanny beamed and nodded when I held it to her. “There you go, lass. No one ever accused ya of being stupid, now.”

  “Colleen just did,” I said as I refilled her cup.

  “No, I said not getting tested for the reason you gave us was stupid.” She shot me an eyebrow-lifting glare. “You’re one of the smartest people we know, Maureen.”

  Lucas had said that, as well.

  “But not getting tested is dumb,” she added. “And one thing you never are is dumb.”

  “I feel like it right now,” I admitted.

  Colleen grabbed her phone and began typing one handed while Cathy took my hand again.

  “I need to ask you this, and I want you to be honest.”

  “I’m always honest.”

  She stared, hard, at me.

  “Most of the time,” I amended.

  She nodded. “Are you in love with Lucas? I know you love him. We all do. He’s been in our lives forever. But do you love love him, all the way to heaven and back and everywhere in between?”

  To hear her quote our grandmother when the woman was sitting at the same table was almost comical. Nanny must have thought so too, because she sniggered.

  I didn’t even have to think. “Yes.”

  “And do you know how he feels about you? Really feels?”

  “Yes.”

  She cocked her head as if waiting for me to say more. She really was a good lawyer.

  “And you know this because…” She pierced me with another of those glares that made people squirm.

  Oh, well. I’d told them everything else, I might as well get everything out.

  “He asked me to marry him.”

  Once again the table went silent. Even Colleen’s tapping on her phone quieted.

  “I’m gonna take an educated guess that’s when you told him about not getting tested, right? When he asked you to marry him?”

  I nodded.

  “And I’m also gonna guess,” Cathy continued, “something you know I never do, you told him you couldn’t because of this crazy notion you may die.”

  I shrugged again and took a sip of tea.

  “What did he say?” Colleen asked, then resumed typing.

  “That he didn’t think I had the gene mutation, but we’d deal with it if I did.”

  “So, he still wants to marry you, regardless.”

  It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway.

  “Well, now, it seems I’ve misjudged the lad all these years,” Nanny said. The three of us simultaneously gaped at her. One thing our beloved grandmother never did was admit she was wrong—even when she blatantly was.

  “Okay.” Colleen broke through our shock. “You’re all scheduled to have your blood drawn. Tomorrow at ten. You can get through the morning rush and be back in time for lunch.”

  Cathy reached into her bag and pulled out her phone.

  “You made me an appointment? How can you even do that? What about privacy laws and stuff?”

  She waved her phone at me. “It’s done.”

  “I’m free,” Cathy said as she typed on the keyboard. “And I’m your ride.”

  “Pick me up as well, lass,” Nanny told her. “Might as well make it an outing.”

  “Wait a minute—”

  “No,” Cathy said. “No more waiting. This gets resolved once and for all.”

  “You’re not the boss of me.” As an adult it was a pretty piss-poor retort, but I couldn’t come up with anything better.

  “No, but I am,” Nanny said, steel in her tone. “And you’re going, Maureen Angela. No arguments. Have I made m’self clear?”
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  “Crystal,” I mumbled, pouting.

  “Now, about Lucas,” Cathy said.

  “One t’ing at a time, Number One. Let ’er get tested before we start plannin’ her weddin’.”

  “Who said anything about a wedding?”

  “You leave it all to Colleen,” Nanny said as she patted my hand. “Now, I’d like another scone, if you would, please, lass.”

  I don’t know what surprised me more: the fact Nanny had called Colleen by her Christian name, or the way I’d let myself be railroaded into doing something I’d vowed never to do.

  Some days it really doesn’t pay to get out of bed.

  Chapter 16

  The lab technician informed me my results would be available within a week.

  “There now.” Nanny sighed as she settled herself in the front seat of Cathy’s car. “ ’Twasn’t so bad, was it? Now ya can have peace o’ mind you’ll be living a long, happy life, lass.”

  I wasn’t certain on either point, but I nodded, knowing arguing with her wouldn’t serve anything.

  “I’m starving,” Cathy said as she maneuvered onto the county road. “Let’s go to the Last Supper and get something to eat.”

  “Ya won’t get an argument from me,” Nanny said.

  “I should get back. Lunch service starts soon.”

  “Sarah can manage,” my sister told me. “The inn won’t go into foreclosure if you’re not there to supervise a meal.” Her phone pinged with an incoming message as she stopped at a light.

  “Oh, shit.”

  “Cathleen Anne.”

  “Sorry, Nanny,” Cathy said at the same time I asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “Martha just texted me there’s been a shooting at the courthouse.” She flicked her gaze at the rearview mirror and connected with mine.

  “Oh, my God. Did she say who was shot?”

  “No names have been released, just that a police officer and a bailiff are on the way to the hospital in serious condition. Lucas was due in court today,” she said, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. “And Asa was scheduled to preside.”