Release

by Aly Martinez

  Not who I wanted to hear about, but shocking all the same. “Tiffany Martin’s mom?”

  “Yep.”

  “Like what kind of dating?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess the kind you do a million years after your wife dies and you finally decide to get back in the game.”

  That was my chance. An opening. I could ask a subtle question about Thea that I could disguise as a question about Joe dating. Something along the lines of Has Tiffany clawed Thea’s eyes out over it yet? I could add a laugh to make it sound like a joke. But it would force her into telling me how Thea was feeling about her dad dating and hopefully segue into every fucking detail about Thea over the last two months.

  Battery acid pooled in my stomach when a thought struck me. Tiffany had an older brother. Kyle Martin was a cocky jock a few years older than we were. He had gone off to college before I’d been arrested. He would have been home by now though. My stomach rolled. Maybe that was how Joe had met Misty. Thea and Kyle were getting hot and heavy. Time to introduce the parents. Boom! Built-in double dates for life.

  “Why do you look like you’re about to puke?”

  She’d been hanging out with Thea too much. She even sounded like her now. It was a kick in the balls almost as much as it was a gift.

  “What? I don’t.”

  “Is everything okay with you? Anyone giving you any trouble since they transferred Paulson? You need more money in your commissary account?”

  Now, that felt like a kick in the balls sans the gift. I hated that she had to take care of me. And more than that, I hated that there had been money deposited in my commissary account before Joe had allowed her to get a job. Which meant it had been either Joe or Thea buying me snacks and deodorant. Everything had tasted bitter in those years.

  “No, I’m fine. I’ve got plenty. I want to know what the hell is going on with you.”

  “I already told you I just miss you.”

  “Right. Which means you’ve already lied to me once since you’ve been here. Don’t make it twice.”

  She cut her gaze over my shoulder. “Ramsey…”

  “Spill it.”

  She put her foot on top of mine and pressed down. It was the visitation equivalent of a reassuring squeeze. “Last week was the four-year anniversary of Josh’s…ya know.”

  My stomach sank, and I didn’t give one fuck what the guards had to say about it. I reached across the table and caught her hand.

  “Nora, he was a shit human being. I don’t feel bad about what happened.”

  “I don’t either,” she whispered. “Though I kinda wish he was the one behind bars and not you.”

  “Stewart!” the guard shouted. “I’m not going to tell you again. I catch you touching again and visitation’s over.”

  I silently fumed while Nora yanked her hand away and kept talking.

  “Anyway. They did a whole special for him on the local news. His parents were on there, crying and holding on to each other. His dumbass brother, Jonathan, gave his part in his police uniform. He held up a picture of them as kids and did some seriously bad acting as he reminisced about what a great guy Josh was. It was all I could do not to break the TV.”

  I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Jesus. What the hell is wrong with that town? That piece of shit doesn’t deserve to be remembered.”

  “Oh, he definitely deserves to be remembered. Just not like that.”

  I scrubbed my sweaty palms over my thighs. Shit. I bet Thea was a mess, having watched that douchebag’s family completely ignore what he’d done to her. Parading it around on TV, forcing it down her throat, and pouring salt in her wounds. I couldn’t imagine how she lived with—

  My heart stopped as yet another thought dawned on me.

  What if she wasn’t living with it anymore? What if she hadn’t been able to handle it? What if that’s why she stopped writing me letters? What if she’d gotten so dark and the fucking Caskeys had come out of the woodwork and pushed her over the edge? What if that was what Nora’s tears were about?

  What if…

  What if…

  What if…

  What if Thea was gone?

  I shot to my feet, and the words were out of my mouth before my brain had the chance to filter them. “Is Thea okay?”

  Nora’s eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open.

  “Sit down, Stewart. Last warning.”

  Bile blazed a trail up the back of my throat. Slowly sinking to the chair, I begged, “Whatever it is, just tell me. She hasn’t been writing me and you haven’t been talking about her.”

  She closed her mouth and didn’t say a word.

  My pulse skyrocketed as my fears assaulted me. “Please. Nora, I’m dying here. Tell me she’s okay.”

  A slow Cheshire cat grin stretched across her face as she whispered, “I knew it. I freaking knew it.”

  The smile helped, but it was a lot like throwing a bucket of water on a forest fire. I needed the words. I needed proof. Fuck, I needed Thea.

  Her smile fell and she leaned across the table. “Tell me you love her. Tell me you are a dumbass who still loves her. Tell me she’s your person and I’ll tell you what Thea has been up to.”

  She wasn’t my anything anymore. But I loved her. Every minute of every day, even when I didn’t want to.

  Emotions four years in the making flooded my eyes. I refused their escape and shook my head. I couldn’t say it. I’d been through hell trying to forget her. I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing her. She was never smiling or laughing the way she had done almost every day during the six years she had been mine. When I closed my eyes, all I saw was Thea crying—broken and shattered. I needed it to stop. I needed her to be able to smile again. It was ripping my heart from my fucking chest to stay away from her, but I wanted her to be able to truly live again.

  “Tell me you love her,” Nora demanded.

  I sucked my lips in, trapping them between my teeth. I couldn’t tell her that. I didn’t want it to be true.

  A tear teetered at the corner of my eye and I scrubbed my hands over my face before it had the chance to fall. No one needed to see that kind of weakness from me. Not Nora. Not the guards. Not the other inmates no doubt gawking from across the room. I was twenty-one years old; collapsing into a puddle of tears wasn’t an option anymore.

  “Good enough, Ramsey. Good enough.” Her smile returned. “Thea’s fine. She just got home from Australia.”

  My head snapped back, and I coughed to clear the emotion from my throat. “Australia? Really?”

  “Yep. She’s been touring the great Outback for the last few months. She got home middle of last week. She asked me not to tell you. I know you guys made plans to travel the world and stuff. She didn’t want to rub it in.”

  I nodded, relief coating the inside of my chest. She was better than okay. She was traveling. Exploring the world. Moving on with her life without me. Yeah, it fucking hurt. But it also reaffirmed that I’d done the right thing by setting my Sparrow free.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled.

  Nora shot me a wink. “Any time. All you have to do is ask.”

  I wouldn’t. Not ever again. But after that day, Nora went out of her way to make sure I got a Thea update with every visit.

  “So, now that we’re on the topic of Thea, I guess I can tell you the other thing she asked me not to mention.”

  I looked at the table, not sure I wanted to hear but also hanging on her every word.

  “After the Caskeys’ interview, she bought a billboard in downtown Clovert. Two days later, pictures of her bruises and bite marks from that night along with a few magnified lines from her medical records were plastered fourteen feet high, forty-eight feet wide for the whole town to see. She put this big black stripe across the top that said Remembering the real Josh Caskey.

  My mouth gaped. I didn’t want to remember the way she’d looked that night. But knowing that Thea was a badass who wasn’t hiding anymore made a
n unlikely laugh bubble from my throat. God, I was proud of that girl.

  Nora laughed too. “It was hands down the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. His old man got it removed the next morning, but it was incredible while it lasted.”

  I bet it was incredible. It made sense. Thea was incredible.

  Nora and I chitchatted about everything and nothing for the next hour. A sense of peace washed over me as I watched her walk out that day.

  I’d done the right thing. I could feel it coursing through me, icing the lava in my veins.

  Everyone was finally moving on with their lives.

  Nora was doing well. She still cried sometimes, but it was progress. She was going to college to become a teacher and had her whole life ahead of her.

  Thea was traveling. If it wasn’t already douchecanoe Kyle Martin, she’d eventually start dating someone else. And that was a good thing.

  I was dying a little more each day.

  But they were okay.

  Me: He chewed the gum! I repeat he chewed the gum.

  Nora: Duh. It was gum and it was Ramsey. He probably still has a piece hidden in his mouth. Tell him to open up so you can check…with your tongue.

  Me: I’m thinking we are still a long way from tongue cavity searches. He basically told me that he never loved me, that he was only a teenager trying to get laid, and I needed to get the hell over it because I was insane to still be pining over my high school boyfriend.

  Nora: Oh. My. God. He did not say that to you.

  Me: Oh, he absolutely did. That was the abridged version though. The full version had a lot more F-bombs.

  Nora: Please tell me you didn’t fall apart.

  Me: Nope. I took your advice, told him that I still loved him and there was nothing I wouldn’t do to get my best friend back, and then I made him a rasher of bacon, a plate of maple sausage, and a southwest omelet. Oh, while I’m thinking about it, there is a rasher of bacon, a plate of maple sausage, and a southwest omelet in the fridge if you’re hungry later.

  Nora: Jeez, he’s a stubborn one.

  Me: He snuck a piece of bacon when he thought I wasn’t looking, so I’ll chalk it up to a victory.

  Nora: Did you get him to his parole officer on time?

  Me: Yep. I’m chilling in the car, checking some last-minute flight prices, and waiting for him to finish up.

  Nora: Flights for you or for a client?

  Me: Client. You know I’ve got three years before I’m flying anywhere again.

  Nora: I know. Just making sure that hasn’t changed in the last twenty-four hours.

  Me: It didn’t change for twelve years, it’s sure as hell not going to change in twenty-four hours.

  Nora: That’s my girl. Give him hell, wildcat.

  Me: Lol. So what are you really doing today?

  Nora: Sitting in Starbucks, in the middle of the day, doing not a damn thing while my kids are probably running around the classroom like a bunch of wild banshees and bringing a substitute teacher to her knees. It’s glorious. Truly glorious.

  Me: You love those wild banshees though. Even the snotty nose one who always wipes it on your pants. Ten bucks says you’ve actually been sitting there stressing about them instead of enjoying your day off.

  Nora: Witchcraft! Get out of my head and go babysit my brother.

  I laughed and clicked back to the flights. I was in a much better place mentally and emotionally after my late-night chat with Nora.

  I’d come into this expecting a war, yet at the first sign of trouble, I’d been ready to lie down and die. Ramsey wasn’t the only one who was overwhelmed. I’d had high—and yes, slightly delusional—hopes about finally being able to press play on my life again. But just because Ramsey wasn’t behind bars didn’t mean I had him back.

  We’d get there though. Losing him again wasn’t an option.

  Nora had been right. I had been a miserable drip once and Ramsey had won me over. I could do the same. I hadn’t yet perfected the smile the way he had when we were kids. Though after seeing the way Ramsey’s muscles had strained against the confines of that plain cotton tee that morning, I wasn’t having a lot of childlike feelings toward him at all.

  God, he had grown into a gorgeous man. I’d seen pictures of him that Nora had snapped during holiday visits at the prison, but seeing him in person was an entirely different experience. From his shoulders all the way down to his hips, his body was formed of sharp angles and contoured planes that a camera couldn’t possibly do justice. He’d always been taller than me, but he was bigger now, rugged and purely masculine. When we were younger, Ramsey didn’t have much. Jeans, T-shirts, and boots were his high school uniform. But the way he filled them out now, using them to enhance his body rather than simply covering his nakedness… God, it was sexy.

  If I hadn’t been two seconds from bursting into flames when I’d seen him standing in that bedroom, I would have laughed at how neat and meticulously styled his hair had been. It was a far cry from the shaggy mop he’d worn when we were younger.

  It looked good on him. All of it.

  Then again, it was Ramsey. He could have been wearing the prison scrubs—as Nora called them—and I wouldn’t have cared.

  The door to his parole officer’s building swung open, drawing my attention from my phone. Ramsey came jogging down the steps, a folder in his hand and his eyes aimed at the ground.

  Butterflies swarmed in my stomach, and it didn’t matter one bit that he hadn’t looked at me or spoken to me again since our argument in the bedroom. He was there. That was all I needed.

  “Hey, how’d it go?” I asked when he opened the door on the new black Toyota 4Runner.

  The SUV had been a recent splurge, one I didn’t need considering my old Camry was sitting in the garage. I’d paid cash for it a few weeks earlier and it drove like a freaking dream. I didn’t plan to be driving it long though. As soon as Ramsey was allowed to get his driver’s license, it would be his. Nora had rolled her eyes when I’d asked her to drop me off at the dealership. I was usually the more frugal of the two of us, choosing to squirrel away money in investment accounts rather than spending them on frivolous purchases. But Ramsey coming home was exactly what I’d been saving for.

  I worked my ass off as a travel agent. I’d started when I was eighteen. It had been slow at first. Planning vacations for the people of Clovert usually consisted of a two-night stay at the closest budget hotel that had an indoor pool so the grandkids could swim in January. I had my eyes on bigger adventures though. Things like seeing the giant tortoises in the Galapagos Islands, driving classic cars in Havana, and getting lost inside Istanbul’s Grand Bazaar. They were extravagant vacations I hadn’t been sure I would ever be able to afford, but I planned them all anyway.

  It wasn’t until I started a website called Travel For Me that things really took off. It wasn’t the normal travel agent gig where people would come to me and I’d put a vacation together around their specifications. No, these were trips I’d made around my specifications, and people would come and purchase them like a floor plan on a home. There were different packages and price ranges. Add-on or bonus itineraries. But for the most part, I was selling my dreams to strangers, all the while banking the money so I could one day share that dream with Ramsey.

  When I’d first started the website, I’d set a countdown for sixteen years in the top right-hand corner. Not a single one of my thousands of customers knew what it meant. A ton had asked. I lied to some. Played dumb with others. But I’d never told anyone the truth. Anyone who truly knew me assumed it was a countdown to when Ramsey was scheduled for release. An homage of sorts. It was more than that though. So much more.

  That countdown was a reminder of how long I had to save every single penny I would need for both of us to retire and travel the world the way we’d discussed so many times growing up. I lived on around ten percent of what I actually made each month. Taxes and insurance took a solid forty percent of the rest. But that remaining fifty perce
nt that I deposited into an investment account each month was how I fell asleep with a smile every night. Pinching pennies and living cheap was a small price to pay for that kind of security.

  Ramsey slid into the black leather passenger seat. “I need to find a job.”

  “Nora told you I was going to add you to my payroll, right? Did they give you the paperwork? I can fill it out now if you want and you can run it back in there. Get it ticked off your to-do list.”

  His gaze never flickered my way as he buckled his seat belt. “A real job.”

  “Uh, it is a real job. I have boxes you can move. Filing that needs to be done. I’m not sure you have the cheerful demeanor needed to deal with my good customers yet, but I have a few assholes I’d really enjoy listening to you cuss out.”

  He opened his folder, took out a piece of paper, and passed it my way. He gave no explanation as he stared out the windshield.

  “What’s this?”

  He. Said. Nothing.

  Ohhh-kay. It appeared as though I was on my own to figure out what the hell he wanted.

  The top of the paper read Potential Employment Opportunities. It was a short list that contained a random smattering of everything from restaurants to scrapyards.

  I turned in my seat and looked at the side of his face. “Blink once if you want me to drive you to all these places so you can apply for a job even though I said I’d give you one. Blink twice if you’re a robot from the future sent back in time to save our world.”

  His lips thinned and I leaned toward him, making a show of watching his eyes.

  I jumped back when his head suddenly turned my way.

  “I don’t want to fucking be here with you,” he growled. “But thanks to you and Nora and your stupid games, I don’t exactly have a choice in the matter. I don’t want to work for you, Thea. I don’t want to live in the same house with you. I don’t want to fucking talk to you. So quit with the goddamn jokes and just drive. The sooner I can find a job, the sooner this nightmare can be over.”

  Hurt swirled in my stomach, but I didn’t let it show. “See, now I’m not sure what to do. You blinked three times.”