Release

by Aly Martinez

  Each night, she’d settle into her corner on the couch, wearing one of her many pairs of baggy pajama pants. Most of them had a ridiculous pattern like dueling bacon and eggs or Bill Murray’s face. It pissed me off how much they made me want to laugh. Worst of all though, she paired the damn things with a tank top that hugged her breasts and left me holding my cock every time I got a minute alone.

  It was hell. Absolute hell. My PO had a lead on a room for rent in a privately-run halfway house of sorts. But not living with Thea only solved a few of my problems. I was still working for Joe. He’d blackmailed me into taking the job, so I assumed that leverage extended to me keeping the job as well. My sister was still living with her, which meant she’d still be a part of the equation no matter where I rested my head at night.

  And there was Thea. Stubborn, determined, and hell-bent Thea.

  Cutting her out of my life hadn’t dissuaded her. Neither had being a dick. It seemed prison walls were the only thing that could keep her away.

  I needed to step it up a notch. Though I had no fucking clue what that entailed.

  Opting out of another shower when I remembered the way she’d looked on her knees in my fantasies the night before, I used a washcloth to clean up, and then I got dressed.

  When I opened my bedroom door, I was hit with the sound of Thea’s laughter ringing down the hallway. Like an emotional masochist, I froze, hidden out of sight, and allowed myself a second to absorb it.

  “She called it pot roast.” Thea laughed. “But it tasted like that mystery meat they used to serve in the school cafeteria.”

  “Oh, come on now. It wasn’t that bad,” Nora replied.

  “Yes. It was. I haven’t had to hide food in my napkin since I was six.”

  “She caught you, didn’t she? Oh, God, please tell me she caught you.”

  “Would it be my life if she hadn’t?”

  Together they burst into a fit of laughter that washed over me like a cool summer breeze. That made it worth it. All twelve years and listening to them make jokes and tell stories, breathing free and easy, made it absolutely worth it.

  I was still grinning when a woman appeared at the mouth of the hall.

  “Shit!” she yelled when she saw me. She clutched her pearls and blew out a ragged breath. “Jesus, you scared me.”

  She was familiar, but my brain couldn’t pinpoint who she was or why she was standing in our house at seven thirty in the morning.

  Pink, glossy lips.

  Long, blonde hair.

  A flowy dress and towering high heels.

  It clicked. Tiffany Martin. Thea’s once archnemesis-turned-stepsister.

  It was odd, running into people from my past. A few of our old classmates had been into the shop. Jeremy Dantis had greeted me with a handshake. Mike Shriver had turned around and walked right back out, slamming the door to his car before peeling out of the parking lot.

  I waited to see which type Tiffany was.

  A row of white teeth nearly blinded me as she smiled. “I brought some donuts. You want one?”

  I wedged a hand inside my front pocket. “I’m good.”

  “He won’t eat if I’m here,” Thea called out. “Sometimes I sit at the kitchen table and read just so he has to go hungry.”

  Tiffany’s smile grew. “You’re like that deer repellent my mom sprays in the garden to keep the does off her tomatoes.”

  “Pretty much.” Thea laughed. “Come on, Ramsey. I’m going to be late if we don’t leave soon.”

  Like my own personal superhero, Nora rounded the corner to save me, holding a chocolate donut no less. “Here. I saved you the custard-filled one.”

  “Thanks,” I mumbled, taking the donut. My stomach rejoiced that it wouldn’t have to settle for a banana for the seventh morning in a row.

  “I packed you a lunch for today too. Misty called and ratted you out about not eating the takeout Thea brought over yesterday.”

  “See? Deer repellent,” Thea said from the kitchen.

  Tiffany cocked her head to the side. “You know, ‘snitches get stitches’ is not a concept my mother has ever embraced.”

  “Apparently neither is pot roast.” Nora gave my arm a tug. “Come on. Thea’s been waiting on you. She has a call at eight fifteen and she needs to be at the office to take it.”

  “I’ll be in the car!” Thea called out. “See ya, Tiff.”

  Tiffany’s silver bracelets jingled as she lifted her hand and waved. “Bye, sweetie. Have a better day.”

  Better day? Had yesterday been bad? She sure as shit hadn’t acted like it as she’d followed me around while I swept the shop, updating me on every single asshole we’d ever so much as crossed paths with.

  I followed Nora out of the hall, passing Tiffany without speaking to her again. I pretended that wasn’t because of six years of Thea training me not to.

  Demolishing my first donut in over a decade, I watched Nora swirl around the kitchen. She wrapped up another donut and poured coffee into a travel mug. Then she handed them to me along with a brown paper sack.

  “There ya go, buddy. All set for the day.”

  I grinned while still chewing. “Thanks, Mom.”

  She rolled her eyes and gave me a shove. “Go. And be nice to Thea. She’s been up since three.”

  My eyebrows jumped up my forehead. “Why?”

  She curled her lip. “What do you mean why? Because you’re a dick. Why else?”

  “What did I do?”

  She gave me another shove toward the door. “Nothing.”

  Juggling my coffee and my donut as I walked, I looked at her over my shoulder. “So why am I a dick?”

  “Nothing doesn’t mean you didn’t do anything wrong. It means you did nothing.”

  “I have no idea what that means.”

  She swooped in front of me and opened the front door. “It means you’re a dick.”

  I stared at her for a long beat. “Women are freaking crazy.”

  Shooting me a bored glare, she retorted, “Says the man who will starve to death before eating anything Thea touches.”

  As usual, my glare was better than hers.

  “All I’m asking is that you be nice. You don’t have to reveal your undying love—” She shoved her hand in my face when I opened my mouth to object. “Shut it, Ramsey. This bullshit silent treatment you’re giving her is really starting to piss me off. You have a roof over your head because of her. A bed to sleep in. Clothes in your drawer. A job. A ride to your job. A ride home from your job. Everything.”

  “I didn’t ask her for any of that.”

  She poked my chest. “I know. Which is exactly why she does it. She feels guilty. If you want to get rid of her so bad, stop acting like an injured puppy she can’t catch. She’s never going to let go if she thinks there’s a possibility you might need her again. Show her you’re okay. Be nice. It won’t kill you.”

  I wasn’t sure I agreed with her about that last part.

  Thea was not a woman who was going to accept casual conversation. If I so much as cracked open the door to more, she was going to barge right through, dropping me to my knees. And once she was in, I was terrified I wouldn’t have the willpower to make her leave again.

  Mainly because I didn’t want to leave.

  I wanted to go to our tree, back before Josh Caskey had ruined it. I wanted to sit in the branches and listen to my Sparrow talk about anything and everything that happened to pass through her mind. I wanted to climb down and pull her into my arms. I wanted to kiss her so I could finally breathe again. I wanted to get to know the woman she had become and I wanted to give her the life we’d planned and then take selfishly that for myself.

  But that’s exactly what following through on my desires would have been.

  Completely. Totally. Utterly selfish.

  “Please. For me?” Nora begged.

  I let out a loud groan. “I’ll try. No promises.”

  She squeaked, jumping on her toes and clapping her h
ands. “Start with something simple. Like, like… Oh, tell her she looks nice today.”

  “No.”

  “Okay, what about complimenting her perfume? She has to smell better than sweaty guys in prison.”

  She did. She smelled like flowers dipped in honey. And every time I walked past her, I held my breath because of it.

  “Not doing that either.”

  Crossing her arms over her chest, she narrowed her eyes. “Fine. Then tell her she has nice boobs. God knows you stare at those enough.”

  “And we’re done here.” I started to turn away, but she caught my arm.

  “Okay. Okay. Just make conversation. Things like good morning and thanks for the ride go a long way when you’ve been up with nightmares since three.”

  My shoulders got tight. “What kind of nightmares?”

  “The kind where you go back to prison and you’re a dick who cuts her out again.”

  “Jesus,” I cussed under my breath.

  “She doesn’t deserve this. You know that.”

  I leaned in close and lowered my voice. “This is exactly what she deserves. And you know that.”

  She pressed her lips together and stole the donut from my hand, but she had no argument. I’d spoken the truth.

  “I’ll see you tonight.” And with that, I was gone, walking to Thea’s car, giving myself a motivational speech with every step.

  I could do this. It was going to fucking gut me, but that was nothing new. I could be nice, set her mind at ease, and maybe just maybe she’d let go of the past in order to find her future. But one way or another, it had to end.

  When I climbed into her SUV, she was surfing through channels on the radio, passing the various morning shows in the hunt for music. The constant skipping grated on my nerves, but it was part of her morning ritual, and if I was being honest, it was pretty fucking cute, so I let her have it. At the first stop sign, she’d run a frustrated hand through her hair, flipping it to one side only to flip it right back. At the second stop sign, she’d huff and stab at the buttons harder, sometimes changing fingers if she was really annoyed. At the exit of the neighborhood, she’d mumble a curse, plug in her phone, and put on the same damn playlist she listened to every freaking day, like clockwork.

  Sipping on my coffee, I waited until we were on the highway before asking, “So you and Tiffany are friends now, huh?”

  Her head swung my way so fast that it was a wonder it didn’t fly off her neck. “Did you just speak to me?”

  I shrugged. “Nora said I’m an injured puppy that you can’t catch.”

  “Ah, well, that explains nothing.”

  My lips twitched. “Pretty much.”

  There was a long pause, neither of us knowing what the hell to say. Who knew being nice would be so damn hard?

  “She was on the yearbook staff our junior year,” Thea blurted.

  “Who?”

  “Tiffany. She always had a camera around her neck. You probably don’t remember because you weren’t giving her the evil eye twenty-four-seven the way I was.”

  “Ha! The evil eye? I wasn’t even allowed to look at her without getting in trouble. I almost broke into a cold sweat when I saw her today.”

  Her face softened, and her perfect crescent lips curled into a smile. “She wanted my man. I wasn’t about to sit back and let that happen.”

  Something inside me stirred at the memory of when I was hers. When I belonged. When I wasn’t fighting the way I felt for her every single minute of every single day. When I could touch her any time I wanted and hold her when she needed me. I missed the days when she was my Sparrow.

  When I didn’t reply, she kept her eyes on the road and continued talking. “A few weeks after you were sentenced, she came over to my house with a shoebox of pictures. It was everything she could find of us. Sometimes we were tiny and in the background. Other times, you were all blurry. There were a couple decent ones of us laughing at lunch together.”

  Surprise wasn’t a strong enough word. “Why would she do that? Tiffany wasn’t known to be…well, not a bitch.”

  Thea’s gaze flicked between me and the road. “You really didn’t read any of my letters, did you?”

  Shit. “Thea…I—”

  “It’s okay. The letters were more for me anyway. It was therapeutic. I got to write down how much I loved you…or hated you…or missed you…or wanted to punch you.” She flashed me another smile. “I could have saved a lot of money on stamps though.”

  “Sorry,” I muttered.

  “Anyway, back to Tiffany. I wasn’t the only one Josh hurt. I know of at least three others.”

  My back shot straight, and bile clawed up the back of my throat. “No fucking way. Tiffany?”

  She swayed her head from side to side. “And Jessica Lathem. And Ashley Rowlan. There’s one more, but she hasn’t said anything publicly, so I don’t feel it’s my place to out her. Her family is friends with the Caskeys. It would be a whole big thing if she came out with the truth.”

  My voice echoed off the windows as I boomed, “Thea, he was raping girls. It needs to be a whole big fucking thing!”

  “I agree,” she said, calm as a cucumber. Like that kid hadn’t ruined her entire freaking life. “But how she deals with what he did is her choice. He’s gone. He can’t hurt anybody else.”

  “The Caskeys can though. Did you know his brother, Jonathan, wrote a letter to the parole board, trying to block me from getting out? I heard they didn’t give it to me at the eight-year mark because his dad called in some fucking favors. He was a serial rapist, and yet somehow I’m the criminal.”

  Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. “I know, Ramsey. I promise you I understand your frustration better than anyone else.”

  Blood thundered in my ears, and guilt took up root in my stomach. Me flipping my shit probably wasn’t what Nora had had in mind when she’d told me to be nice. Neither was snapping at Thea over something as painful as memories of Josh Caskey. Christ, she was right. I was a dick.

  “I’m sorry,” I told the window.

  “You don’t have to apologize to me. It’s okay to be mad. I was pissed at the world for a really long time too.” She flashed me a weak grin. “See, this is why you should have written me some letters.”

  I smiled. God, she was a good woman. She did not deserve the life I had given her. Even, and especially, the one when I was trying not to give her anything at all.

  I sucked in a deep breath and willed my heart to slow. “So, if I’m an injured puppy that you can’t catch, what the hell has Nora been saying to you about me?”

  “What makes you think we talk about you when you aren’t around?”

  “Because it is physically impossible for Nora to keep her nose out of our relationsh—” I bit the inside of my cheek. Fucking. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I was horrible at this shit. “I didn’t mean that we have…a relationship or anything.”

  Thea let out a laugh. “Relax, Ramsey. I’ve come to terms with a lot of things over the last week. That being one of them.”

  I ignored the way my stomach rolled. “Good. That’s good.”

  “You know it doesn’t have to be all or nothing though. We were friends before love entered the picture.”

  I swallowed hard, the distance between us suddenly measuring in oceans rather than inches. “You think that could actually happen?”

  She slowed to a stop at a red light and turned to face me, beautiful destruction breaking in her eyes. “I would give up over twelve years of my life for the opportunity to try.”

  “Thea,” I breathed when all other words failed me.

  “We’ve established I love you. I can’t and won’t take that back. But if that ship has sailed, then we need to find a new ship. I’m not giving up on you, Ramsey. I don’t care if you want me to. I don’t care if it means you ice me out for all of eternity. I don’t even care that you’ve already quit on me. I once promised that it was you and me forever. Do you remember that? You made me swear i
t.”

  Oh, I remembered it. It was why I’d let her go as quickly as I had. It was going to take time to convince Thea to give up on me, and that clock was still ticking.

  I sighed. “I was a scared kid who needed reassurance.”

  “I was too.” Her hand suddenly came down on my wrist, her fingerprints branding me from the outside to match the marks she’d already left on my heart. “I am too. Tell me why you hate me. Give me a reason for why you cut me out of your life. Give me anything so maybe I can finally understand. Is it because of what I told the cops about Josh—”

  “No,” I said firmly. “It was never that. I swear to you none of this is your fault. And I’ve never, not for a single day, thought it was.”

  “That’s not what you said when—”

  Unable to take the sizzling at my wrist any longer, I moved my arm out of her reach and rested my hand on the back of her seat, bringing us closer without actually touching her. “It was bullshit. That day outside the prison, I said a lot of shit that I didn’t mean because I was pissed that you were there. You should have been married or dating or raising kids. Maybe off on one of your adventures to Australia or Fiji or China, not standing outside of a fucking prison.”

  She laughed soft and entirely sad. “A husband and kids? Jesus, Ramsey, Joe didn’t have that kind of therapy money.”

  I rolled my eyes, but she kept going.

  “Besides, I ran out of countries to visit when I was twenty-five.”

  “What?”

  The light turned green and she slowly eased on the accelerator. “Places to visit. I ran out. I spent two weeks in Japan on my twenty-fifth birthday and then hung up my passport.”

  “You’ve traveled to every country?”

  “No. I’ve traveled to every country that doesn’t allow a felon to get a visa. I saved all the others for us.”

  My heart stopped, and a brick of emotion lodged in my throat. Fuck, why did that feel good? I didn’t want that. I’d never wanted her waiting for me for anything. Thea had found the one loophole.

  She’d done well for herself. She had a business and a website, and while I hated the idea of her planning trips for people instead of taking them herself, I was proud that she’d found something she loved and made a career out of it. She had a nice car. She owned a house. She was currently taking care of my broke ass. She could have floated through life, bouncing from one plane to the next, but she was waiting for me. And I couldn’t even be mad about it because before she’d done it, she’d lived the life I wanted for her. Not with a new man who could actually offer her something, but she was only twenty-eight. She had time.