by Aly Martinez
“Thea, wait. Just listen.”
“What for?” I snapped. “Nothing you have to say will change anything. Spin it whatever way you have to in order to sleep at night. But the facts are you killed Josh, Nora. Then you killed Ramsey by letting him take the blame. And then you sat around for twelve fucking years, holding me when I cried and filling my head with lies about how much he loved me, when you had the ability to stop it all.” I watched with a sick pleasure as every word struck her like a bullet.
“That’s not fair,” Ramsey rumbled.
“None of this is fair!”
Nora folded her hands in front of her like she was saying a prayer. “Please listen to me. I tried to tell the cops. But he’d already signed a confession. They wouldn’t even take a statement from me. They had their man. They didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.”
“So you quit? You just went home? And just thought, Oh, well. I tried. Have a nice life, Ramsey.”
“I…I…” she stammered without actually saying anything.
It was Ramsey who found his words first. “I told her to stop.” He stabbed a finger at his chest. “I made the decision to take the fall. She didn’t even know what was going on. And by the time she did, it was too late. For fuck’s sake, I never expected it to get that far. I told them I hit a deer. I figured worst-case scenario, I’d get a ticket or a fine. But then—”
“Oh, so we’re back to this being my fault? Because I told the cops about Josh and it gave you a motive to kill him? A motive to kill a person you didn’t fucking kill!”
He shook his head adamantly. “No. Jesus Christ. It was never your fault. I did this. I did all of this. I was trying to fix the impossible. She was a fourteen-year-old girl who had lived through hell.”
“I lived through hell!” I exploded. “I fucking needed you and you weren’t there!”
With long strides, he closed the distance between us. Instinct told me to back away, but I wasn’t afraid of Ramsey. There was nothing left of me for him to destroy.
He grabbed my hips, fisting his hands into the sides of his hoodie. “I know! And there has never been a part of this, including spending half my life in prison, that I hated more. I abandoned you. I ruined everything. But I tried to let you go because you deserved better than that. This is not Nora’s fault. She wanted to tell you. So many damn times, she begged me. But she needed you. You needed each other. I couldn’t be there, but dammit, I didn’t want either of you to be alone.”
I gritted my teeth and gave him a hard shove. “Always the martyr.”
“Martyrs die, Thea. I’m not that fucking lucky.”
“I hate you,” I hissed into his face.
“Good. You should. I’ve been trying to make you see that all goddamn week.”
I wanted to slap him. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to make him hurt the way their betrayal was destroying me.
But I didn’t have another decade of my life to waste on Ramsey and Nora Stewart.
“You two deserve each other.” With that, I marched out of their lives for what I hoped was forever.
Bypassing the 4Runner I’d bought for Ramsey, I went straight for my old Camry in the garage. I peeled off his hoodie and threw it on the ground, not giving a damn if anyone could “see my tits” through my tank top. I didn’t want anything that reminded me of them.
If only the scars on my heart were so easy to get rid of.
As I pulled away, Ramsey was standing in the front yard, a storm in his eyes, and I didn’t have to return his stare to feel the intensity creep across my skin. And despite being hurt beyond all reason, there was a part me that wanted to climb out of that car, dive into his arms, and never leave.
Numb and lost, I drove around for several hours, piecing together all the clues I’d missed over the years. I didn’t have my cell phone, which was probably a blessing of sorts. I couldn’t decide if I’d be more pissed that they had the balls to be blowing up my phone with calls and texts or if I’d be heartbroken that they weren’t.
It didn’t matter; I was already pissed and heartbroken enough to last a lifetime.
When I finally pulled into my dad’s driveway, he was sitting out front, waiting on me. His face was gentle, but his shoulders sagged with relief.
Nora must have called. Fucking Nora. She was such a huge part of my life that there was no escaping her, not even at my own father’s house.
I shuffled barefoot up the sidewalk.
He met me halfway. “I had to rearrange all of Misty’s sewing supplies, but I made the bed up in your old room. You can stay here as long as you want.”
My nose stung as I peered up at him. “Did you know?”
He didn’t even look sheepish when he answered, “Yeah.”
Of course he knew. I was the only fool in this equation.
Jesus, my own father. Just slather on another layer of deceit, why don’t ya.
“How long have you known?”
He sucked in a deep breath. “Since Nora tried to kill herself while you were in Australia.”
My whole body jerked and I felt like I’d been hit by a freight train. “What?”
He tossed an arm around my shoulders and attempted to pull me in for a hug, but I was in no mood for comfort. I didn’t even recognize my own life anymore.
I’d spent two months in Australia when I was twenty. It was one of the countries Ramsey and I had made plans to visit, but they didn’t allow felons. So I went without him, drinking in every morsel of culture and history so that I could one day share that with him.
And while I was there, Nora tried to kill herself, and apparently no one had thought it was necessary to tell me.
Lies. All the fucking lies.
I stumbled on the edge of the sidewalk as I tried to get away from him. “What the hell is happening right now? I mean, seriously, Dad. What the fuck?”
My father watched me closely. “Nora’s always looked up to you, Thea. There was a lot she never wanted you to know.”
“Fuck Nora. You are my father.” I stabbed a finger in his direction. “You are supposed to look out for me!”
He shoved a hand into his pocket and showed exactly zero remorse. “That’s exactly what I was doing.”
I laughed without humor. “My entire life has been a lie. How is that looking out for me?”
He smiled. “Because lies or not, you lived. You smiled and laughed. You traveled the world. You created a successful business. And you were hell-bent on taking over the whole damn world that had wronged you. Those were all the things I did not do when I lost your mother. My job is not to be your friend. My job is not to make sure you have all the facts of a troubled girl’s life. My job is to protect you. So I did whatever was necessary to shield you from the pain so that you could live. l have no regrets, Thea. None.”
I bit my bottom lip when he flashed me a smile. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs until it disappeared from his face.
But he had a point. And I hated that he had a point.
The hurt and betrayal were still a wildfire raging inside me, but when he wrapped his arms around me for a hug, I didn’t back away.
“You are a fierce and passionate force of nature, just like your mother. And I’m so damn proud of you for everything you have accomplished in the face of adversity. I know you’re going to be angry for a while, and I’ll give you that time. But whenever you’re ready, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.” He kissed me on the top of my head. “But I’m going to need you to get in my house and do your wallowing in Misty’s sewing room. She decided to make another pot roast for dinner when I told her you were coming over and I cannot face that abomination alone.”
I choked on a laugh as the tears fell from my eyes. “Does she know too?”
He shook his head. “No one else knows, baby. She thinks you and Ramsey got into a fight. It might be best if you ignore the mountain of relationship books she put on the nightstand for you.”
“There probably isn’t a s
ection on how to handle it when your boyfriend gets out of prison for killing a man he didn’t really kill and your entire family has spent the last twelve years lying to you about it.”
He chuckled. “Probably not.”
The afternoon sun was still high in the sky as we stood there, father and daughter, wrapped in each other’s arms. It was the house I’d run away from when my mother had died. It was where Ramsey and I had spent countless days and endless summers growing up. We’d ridden our bikes in the streets, stolen kisses when my dad wasn’t looking, and formed a bond that I was positive could never be broken.
Only now I wasn’t so sure.
I snatched the phone off the kitchen counter, answering it on the first ring. “Hello.”
“She’s here,” Joe said.
A blast of relief ravaged my system. “Oh, thank God.”
I’d spent the hours since she’d been gone pacing, cleaning the mess the cops had left, and cursing the universe’s vendetta against me. I had no right to worry about Thea. I had no right to anything anymore. But she’d been upset when she’d stormed out and nobody had been able to reach her for hours.
“How is she?” I asked like a moron. She was wrecked and I’d caused it all over again.
Guilt churned in my stomach. How was it that I so desperately wanted the best for her, yet I slayed her at every turn?
“She’s…understandably hurt,” Joe replied. “But she just lied to Misty about being excited for pot roast, so I think she’s going to pull through. And based on that mark on her neck, I’m guessing you two were starting to pull through too before shit hit the fan today?”
Jesus. What a clusterfuck. I rubbed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger. Only hours earlier, I was the happiest I’d been in years. I was making love to her. Promising her we’d figure it out. And now I was back to suffocating in a prison of my own making.
“Shit didn’t hit the fan, Joe. It hit my entire life.”
“I’ll give you that one, son. Listen, how’s Nora? She’s not answering her phone.”
I looked up to where she was sitting in the corner of the couch, her legs tucked beneath her and a mug of untouched coffee in her hand while she stared off into nothingness.
“She’s, um…okay. I guess.”
“That child has never been okay. She puts on a good smile. Nice show. But deep down, she’s never stopped struggling. I’m worried this is going to hit her hard.”
God, wasn’t that the truth. Nora had definitely inherited the Stewart smile. You could never tell how bad things were with her. I’d learned that the day Joe had shown up at the prison to tell me that he’d found her unconscious with a bottle of pills at her side. He’d waited six months to tell me. Six months when I’d thought she was doing great. Six months that my baby sister was in a fight for her life and I had not the first clue.
While she had been in the hospital, she’d told Joe about the night Josh died. He’d said everything had come pouring out of her like a bucket with holes in it. He’d spent months trying to decide between what was right and what was wrong without ever coming up with an answer.
I’d never forget when he’d asked me what I wanted him to do with his newfound knowledge. There had been only one possible response: Nothing.
I’d already lost Thea. She was starting to move on, and flipping her world upside down again with the truth was only going to make it worse. And freeing myself by putting my sister in prison wasn’t an option I was ever going to take.
I was a man chained in the middle of two women I loved with my whole heart. There was no such thing as winning in a situation like that.
When Joe had shaken my hand that day, he’d promised me he’d take care of Nora. I thanked him profusely, tears welling in my eyes. Then he’d shocked the hell out of me by pulling me in for a back pat, muttering, “Like it or not, one day you’re going to be the man taking care of my daughter. You can thank me by doing it right.”
I’d tried to argue, but he was having none of it and he left that day with a proud smile on his face.
Joe had kept his end of the bargain. He’d gotten Nora help. Boatloads of it. And little by little, the girl I’d once tickled until she peed her pants emerged from behind the façade.
But after today, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to follow through on what he’d asked from me.
I’d always known the day would come where Thea would learn the truth. As much as I was an integral part of the nightmare, it was Nora’s story to tell.
I just wished like hell she hadn’t blurted it out though.
There was so much I wanted Thea to understand. I’d wanted to explain why I’d made the decision I had. I’d never meant to hurt her, and with hindsight being twenty-twenty, there were so many things I would have done differently if I could have gone back in time.
All of them started with her.
All of them ended with there being an us.
Given the chance, I still would have covered for Nora. I wouldn’t have been able to live if I hadn’t. But I would have told Thea the truth. I would have let her make her own choices. I would have let her hate me. Or love me. Or whatever the hell she wanted from me. I’d have read every single one of her letters and replied with a million words of my own.
If I had known at seventeen years old that she was going to spend a lifetime loving me, I’d have given her a lifetime of me loving her too.
As if she felt me watching her, Nora lifted her haunted gaze to mine.
I shifted the phone to my other ear. “She’s right here, Joe. You want to talk to her?”
Her eyes flared wide, and she waved me off.
“Nah. I’m going to come get some of Thea’s things and I’ll talk to her while I’m there.”
“Actually, I was thinking Nora and I should get a hotel room until we can find a new place. This is Thea’s house. I don’t want to run her out of her own space.”
“I thought one of the terms of your parole was that you had to keep a residence.”
“It is, but I can call Lee and give him a heads-up. I’m sure he’ll understand after Caskey showed up here today.”
He let out a sigh. “How about you just stay put for a while? Thea’s upset right now, but if anything were to happen with your parole, she’d never forgive herself.”
“It’s pointless to stay though. She’s never going to forgive me, either.”
“Son, you mind if I give you a piece of advice?”
“Please,” I begged. “Anything.”
“My daughter loves you. There is nothing, including this, that she wouldn’t forgive you for. But you have to stop yanking her around. I commend you for trying to let her go when you were kids. A lesser man would have held on to anything and everything he could from the outside, not caring that he was dragging her through the mud in the process. But you aren’t kids anymore. And she didn’t let go. I know you’re only trying to protect her, but at this point, your indecision is what’s dragging her through the mud.”
Guilt shredded me. “I just want her to be happy.”
“You have to figure out what you want. Not what Thea wants. Or Thea needs. Or what Nora wants. Or Nora needs. You, Ramsey. Look in the mirror and decide what you want out of the rest of your life. You might be surprised by how much that answer is exactly what they both need anyway.”
My chest got tight, and I closed my eyes.
What did I want?
What did I want?
What did I want?
It wasn’t a hard question. The answer hadn’t changed since I was eleven years old.
“I want Thea.”
“Smart man. Now, take my advice. Give it a day or so to draw up your battle plan. Your odds are better when she doesn’t have lasers shooting out of her eyes.”
I laughed, honest-to-God real laughter, because it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. The amount of groveling I had to do was colossal. And if she never forgave me, I wouldn’t blame her one bit. But dam
mit, I was going to try.
Because deep down, I knew Thea was it for me.
And I’d known it long before I knew what it truly meant.
Thea had been right. I was hers.
Now, I just had to figure out how to make her mine again.
“Hey, Joe, does she still go out to the Wynns’ tree?”
“Only when she’s missing you. Which, assuming she survives Misty’s pot roast, I’d give it about three days max.”
Squaring my shoulders, I sucked in a hard breath, holding it until my lungs burned. Okay, so I had three days to figure out how to fix twelve years’ worth of lies, mistakes, and heartache. Yeah. Sure. Easy enough.
Fuck. My. Life.
I lifted a finger to my dad when he appeared in the doorway. The tiny twin bed in my old bedroom had become my acting office over the last three days. Post-it notes lined the walls, and folders were strewn haphazardly around my laptop.
I pinned my cell phone between my ear and shoulder while typing out a reminder. “Oh, it’s no problem, Mr. Lupica. Italy is beautiful this time of year. You definitely made the right choice. I’ll let the hotel know about the peanut allergy and then you should be all set.”
After a round of thanks on both sides, the world’s easiest client hung up the phone.
Then I looked at my dad. “Hey. You’re home early.”
He shoved a hand into his pocket and leaned his shoulder against the doorjamb. “After the beating you gave me in Yahtzee last night, it’s a wonder I was able to get to work at all.”
I grinned. “Well, I hope you learned your lesson.”
“Is the lesson that you used loaded dice?”
“Possibly.”
He barked a laugh, but his eyes were serious. “We need to talk, Thea. You’ve been hiding for long enough. Nora’s been calling the house nonstop.”
I looked at my laptop and absently clicked through the million tabs I had open. “Nope. Not happening. I have nothing to say to Nora yet.”
