by Daya Daniels
I’m a man of focus who’s driven only by outcomes—effort/outcome—and I have a plan…
We have to get off this island.
So, tomorrow, I plan to light a fire—a big one.
And they’ll come.
They have to.
For now, we sleep.
Tenley
THE NEXT DAY…
Struggling to keep up, I dodge branches and hop over rocks. Fronds whack me in the face and I spit and stammer when I crash through a gathering of fruit flies. I spit them out of my mouth one by one and keep moving.
The temperature is hot, and the sun is high.
Brooks’ pace is quicker than mine as we move through the thick forest of palm trees and toward the west side of the island. My breaths are rapid as I pick up the pace behind him.
“I saw it, Tenley.”
“Are y-y-you sure?”
“Yes!” He jumps over a log.
I do the same when I make it to the same dead tree. Breaking through the brush, the sunlight stuns me once more.
“Come on!” Brooks gathers up dry branches and leaves, pulls the lighter from his pocket and puts it to the pile.
WHOOSH!
Instantly, it goes up in flames.
My eyes narrow when I spot the ship moving across the sea. And then I work quickly to help him stack more branches and dead leaves on top of the pile. A soft wind helps to stoke the flames and soon it’s burning, and the smoke is floating up toward the sky.
Brooks rushes almost to the edge of the cliffs but not quite to the edge and waves his arms around wildly. “HELP!”
“Help! Help! Help!” I’m practically dancing.
We’re close, so close.
My breathing grows ragged and excitement builds in my gut.
“HELP! HELP US! HELP!” Brooks’ voice is carried off in the wind.
The fire burns.
“HELP!” I keep screaming, continue waving my arms around, and march from left to right.
Brooks dashes over to the fire and tosses more branches on it. “Keep yelling, Tenley. Make as much noise as possible! If not, they won’t hear us!”
And then we’re back at it, yelling at the top of our lungs, jumping up and down, begging to be saved, screaming our names. Praying that someone, anyone will help us.
I swear the vessel slows down.
Or maybe it’s in my mind…
On second thought…
Lifting a hand to my brow, I shield my eyes from the blazing sun, still breathing heavily. I absorb the sight of the beautiful blue sky, the aqua ocean far below and how calm it is today. “Brooks.”
“Yeah.” He sidles up next to me, heaving for breath.
Smoke wafts around us which is fueled even more as the winds pick up.
I lower my hand to my side. “You don’t think that ship is too far away?” My eyes stay fixed on the tiny dot. That boat is so far out on the horizon it’s just a pea in my vision now that I see more clearly.
“No.” He shakes his head.
The wood snaps. The embers crackle and splinters of it float around us. And with the wind soon it’s roaring out of control, sending so much heat our way, I can barely breathe.
Squinting, I twist in his direction and take in his profile.
He looks just as perplexed as me, only it’s clear he won’t admit to that.
I fan away dry leaves and pieces of wood that drift away from the massive bonfire.
His brows crash together. “No, it’s not that far away, Tenley.”
It is.
“It just looks too far away to me…”
“It isn’t.”
I pull my lips back in and don’t say another word.
They must be looking for us. The authorities would be combing the sea and the air. And if they won’t then my father would spearhead a search party. They’re looking for us. They have to be.
I exhale loudly and keep my eyes pinned on that boat which has no clue about the two people who stand at the edge of this island and their struggle. The people aboard that ship can’t hear our screams, see the fire or the smoke that now fills the sky above. They’re going on about their lives, oblivious to what’s currently happening in our awful world.
“We have to try.” The breath which leaves Brooks is harsh and bowls him over. He remains with his hands on his knees, heaving for air. “We have to try, Tenley. We have to try anything.”
I nod. “Yes, of course, Brooks, anything.”
He stands slowly, still breathing hard, swearing to himself. “I want to go home so fucking badly. And I know you do too. But we have to keep in mind that after a while, Tenley, they’ll stop looking. And we’ll be in a hell of a lot of trouble if they do that, so they need to know we’re here.” He points to the sky. “If you see an airplane, you scream. If you see a boat, you scream. If you so much as even think you see any such thing at all, you-fucking-scream.”
“Yes, I know, but, Brooks…”
He runs a hand over his sweaty cheek. “Yes.”
“My father will send someone to look for us. I know he will.” I smile.
Exhaling, Brooks offers me a few terse nods. “It’s nice to know that Richard Cushing would never leave his precious baby girl out here in the middle of the big ocean.” He sets off walking toward the trees and starts making his way through the brush.
“He won’t.” I jut my chin out. “He’ll get us rescued, Brooks, I promise you!”
“Well, just remember, you can’t rescue what’s dead, Tenley!” He disappears from my sight.
What?
Brooks
TENLEY RESTS NEXT TO me, peeling the skin off a mango. The cut on her temple has healed.
Night has fallen, and the scattered stars are out—the same ones that I’d stood at the edges of Lombok a few nights ago admiring. Only tonight there is no bustling restaurant which awaits me. No dinner table occupied by people who will laugh and drink wine with me. No Joy, literally.
The stars look different tonight, still incredible, but different. There’s nothing but sand beneath us and cool earth and the quiet air is laced with the endless chirping of the crickets which surround us. The waves kiss the shoreline gently and somewhere high above us is an owl which hoots nonstop.
Here, we are completely alone.
What do human beings need the most?
The essentials…
Shelter—protection from the elements, something which aids in keeping the body dry and at a consistent temperature, a safe haven. Water—hydration which lifts the human body’s pH level and converts into energy. Possibly, food. Since a person can survive quite a while without food. At first the human body uses up energy found in its fat. Once those reserves are used up, the body will begin to break down its own muscle into proteins for energy. This doesn’t take long. Essentially, your body begins to eat itself. Much of the time people who are starving don’t actually die of starvation. With the human body so depleted at that point, you become susceptible to contracting whatever virus or disease is floating around and then that ends up killing you, not the actual process of starvation.
I consider what deadly disease just might await us here…
Cholera?
E-coli?
Bird flu?
Disappointment?
Fuck.
My thoughts are scattered like the fireflies are in the air tonight.
In the time we’ve been sitting here, neither of us have said much to each other.
“Would you like a piece?” She offers me the fruit.
I glare at it, seeing it as nothing but sustenance, however, still hating it. “Yes, sure, why not.” I take a bite and then resume my position against the tree, knowing that we can’t spend one more night out here, like this…
Tenley eats quietly.
Surprisingly, I had expected to hear more complaining from her. I expected more whining. But she’s been quiet, cooperating when I ask her to if something needs to be done and backing off when I need her to the
most—when I’m brooding, especially like I am right now.
Joy would never survive here.
“You’re upset, Brooks.”
Letting out an exhausted breath and leaning forward, I let my head hang between my thighs.
You don’t say…
I don’t confirm her assumptions.
“Well, I’m upset too.” She chews. “I’ve spent my entire life somewhat planning for the future and now look at where I am…in the middle of nowhere…with a man I hardly know and who doesn’t even like me.”
I squint.
Her eyes dart away from mine. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that part.”
Yes, you did.
“I never said I didn’t like you, Tenley.” I bite my lip and look away. “You just always struck me as sort of…” I press my lips together looking for a word.
“Aloof, in outer space, not goal-oriented, lost, spoiled, flighty?”
All of the above…
Since college…
And even now…
“You sure have a lot of adjectives going for yourself.”
She lowers her chin. “Well, I’ve been called them all my life, so…”
“We’re different, Tenley, very different. You’re different from all of us.”
“I know.”
I run a hand over my jaw and the stubble starting to cover my skin, finding it aggravating. “I guess one would just expect for a girl with a father like Richard Cushing that while growing up she would be a little more…”
Her brows arch. “Ambitious?”
“Yeah, ambitious.” I nod a few times.
She places the last bit of mango on her tongue. “I didn’t choose to be born into the family I was, Brooks. I mean when do we ever?” She smiles. “And it might seem like some big secret, but honestly, I was never much like my father or my mother either. I never needed all the things they did.” She looks at the ring on her finger. “I never needed this. James felt he had to give it to me. Put a ring on my finger that made all my friends jealous just so he could show people that he could afford to take care of me. And the pressure on his shoulders from my father only made James’ ambition skyrocket.” She rolls her eyes.
“I understand James, Tenley.”
“So do I.” Her face scrunches. “But he’s never understood that all I’ve ever wanted was simplicity.”
I laugh a bit maybe understanding Tenley’s mind just a little.
She lifts a shoulder. “James has something to prove to the world. I guess I do too but not in such a big way. I just want to make Fennel a success and live my life, whatever that means now.” She gives me a long glance. “You have something to prove to the world too, Brooks.”
I flinch, don’t answer.
She doesn’t say anything more just keeps her eyes on me.
I gaze up at the sky, inhaling. “Oh no, I don’t. I only ever wanted to have a family with Joy.”
“How could you if you’re never around?”
My spine stiffens.
Her words scratch against my skull, and when I meet her eyes, she immediately looks away from me. As if there’s something the entire world knows about my marriage except for me.
I clench my teeth for a moment, then relax. “Is that what she told you?”
Tenley exhales. “Yeah, I guess. But it’s sort of what I had mentioned to her about how I had felt about James. And then she just agreed that she felt the same about her own life. She didn’t say anything else.”
It’s quiet for a while.
Just us breathing and the night air washing over us.
All the times I had asked Joy about children. All the times I asked her why we hadn’t had any yet. All the times I wanted to know why she had such reservations about starting a family with me…And the answer was so simple? I’m never around. But then again, between all her work travel, business meetings, and dinners with colleagues, neither is Joy!
With a finger, I draw a line in the sand feeling guilty. “She’s never told me that.” The words are a whisper on my tongue. “I really wish she had told me that.” I look up at the sky, accepting how far away we truly are from the people we love—from civilization and from normalcy.
My chest is heavy with grief as though there’s been a death. Our old lives are now hanging on to our current state by a frail thread. And we’re desperate to get it all back. So fucking desperate.
But what if the thread snaps?
A shudder rips through me and I can’t propel myself to even imagine.
It’s clear our lives are purely in the shaky hands of fate and have been since we fell off that boat.
“And I’ve never told James it’s the same reason why we haven’t had children yet, but it’s the truth. He wouldn’t see it that way, so it just isn’t worth the fight—isn’t worth bringing up.”
“Are you still on birth control?” I lift a brow.
Her lips flatten into a grim line. “He told you that?”
I chuckle. “Not in so many words. I just kind of assumed. Ten years and still no…”
“Yes, I am.” Posture stiff, her tone is curt.
And it’s clear I’ve pissed her off just as much as she’s annoyed me, which leaves me satisfied.
She swings her head in my direction. “Ten years and no romance…”
I only manage to blink rapidly at her words which only feel like a swift kick to the balls. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” She waves a hand in my direction, side-swiping my question. “Nothing, Brooks.” A long yawn accompanies her words. And then she makes herself more comfortable on the opposite side of me.
I twist around to face her, desperate for answers. “Tenley, did she tell you that?” I’m practically barking out my words, fists clenched at my sides, wondering what else Tenley knows about my marriage that I don’t.
“You shouldn’t pretend that you don’t know way too much about James and me, Brooks.” She lets out a little breath. “It doesn’t become you. Besides, it’s just silly. The two of you have known each other since college. I’m quite sure there’s a lot of secrets between the two of you. And you likely know way too much about me—more than you should. And James is always spilling his guts.” She lifts a finger. “It’s always been the one thing about him that drives me crazy. He gossips. And he always gossips to you.”
I’m practically choking on my breaths, lost for words, desperate to defend myself but feeling like I can’t.
Tenley glares at me.
“I-I-I don’t know anything about your relationship with James, Tenley.”
“Well, I don’t believe that, which means, I-don’t-believe-you.”
I lower my head, chin to my chest and it’s a stare-off for a moment.
She hardly expects me to back down and admit she’s right.
But I still want my answers.
I stare at my hands, twiddling my fingers. “So, did Joy really tell you that, Tenley…that I’m not romantic?”
Huffing, Tenley pulls my jacket over her. “We shouldn’t, Brooks…”
“Well, I-I-I just want to know…”
“So ask her yourself then…” She makes a funny face. “I’m quite sure Joy has said it all to you before.”
She hasn’t!
I think…
“Maybe you just weren’t listening, Brooks?” Her tone is blasé and it drives me absolutely fucking insane.
I’m always listening!
“You must know that everything to do with Bona Fide consumes your life. It consumes James’ life too. Life takes second place to the company. And that’s the way it’s always been.”
Resentment floods her voice and I’m not sure what’s truly behind it. Besides, it wouldn’t be my business anyways. Over the years, James has traveled as much as me. And often we find ourselves in very inhospitable places—the jungle, the tundra, the icefields—so taking our wives along on “business trips” just isn’t an option. And often we’re gone for months on end. Joy
has never complained about any of it. Or maybe just not in the direct lawyerly way I would’ve expected her to. Nevertheless, it seems as though she’s spit venomous words at someone about it all and it wasn’t me.
“James has the same work ethic now that my father—a man James looks up to yet hates—has always had. And it swallows everything up, Brooks, so fast you don’t even realize it.” She exhales. “It happened to you too, only you didn’t see it.” She looks away from me. “If you want to know how Joy really feels, Brooks, you should ask her yourself, as I already said, besides, I’ve said too much anyhow.”
Really?
Tenley’s mind drifts far away from this conversation and her expression becomes solemn.
“I’m sorry for what I asked you…about the birth control.” I growl at myself. “It was rude.”
She waves a dismissive hand in my direction. “It’s fine, really.”
“No, no, no, it wasn’t, it isn’t.”
Her expression tells me so.
Without me asking, she already knows my question. It’s the same one I had asked a moment ago.
Tenley shakes her head, annoyed.
I spear my fingers into my hair. “Let’s just say, I can’t ask her, Tenley, because she isn’t here…”
Tenley blinks. “You will get the chance to ask her, Brooks, you will.”
Promise me.
“Tenley.” I slant my head to the side, silently questioning her, wondering if she’s really going to end this conversation on such a sour note. One that leaves me with more questions than answers and has me feeling crappier than I had before.
Mouth gaped, I wait. “Tenley.”
She yawns for the second time. “I’m tired. So tired.” Her shoulder leans into mine and her mop of hair is everywhere and soon it’s hiding most of her face. "I'm sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it. It’s best you talk to Joy about it. I’m sorry.” In less than a few minutes, she’s asleep.
Angrily, I pull out a cigarette and shove it between my lips. I light it up quickly, taking jerky draws of it, and think. “I’m not a romantic,” I grumble. “I’m never around.” My thoughts spiral. I think of all the ways I have failed. I accept it all, still cursing myself. So, after a while, instead of regretting, I simply consider everything I need to do differently when I get back to my Joy.
