A Soldier's Honor

by Regan Black

  He gave her hand another quick squeeze. “Let’s go inside and get a drink and pretend we’re hot for each other,” he teased.

  She gave him a quelling glance, but didn’t move.

  He came around and opened her car door, leaning in. “You can’t possibly want to go back. My parents aren’t going to do anything stupid or hurtful. Mom was kidding about the puppy.”

  “I know.” A wistful smile flitted over her lips, gone far too quickly. “They raised you, and four other kids who probably believe they’re the real favorite.”

  He laughed, offering her his hand.

  She put her hand in his and let him help her out of the low-slung Camaro. He held on all the way to the door of the scruffy little dive bar that was a few blocks removed from the action at the renovated pier. He didn’t think Bethany would appreciate the loud crush of people tonight.

  Stopping at the bar, he ordered wine for her and a beer for himself and picked up a basket of the hand-cut potato and sweet-potato chips the place was known for.

  Bethany seemed as if she was sliding behind a shell since he’d given her the brief update on the case and he’d refused to let her withdraw from him again without a fight. This was their first outing as a couple, since he’d managed to surprise her on Valentine’s Day of their second year. The day they’d apparently conceived. He discarded the notion that he’d miscalculated this move. They needed to find a way to reset their relationship and he wasn’t about to settle for a platonic arrangement.

  “Care to fill me in?” he asked after the waitress delivered their drinks. “Your mind is wandering.”

  “I’m just nervous about hanging out here like bait,” she said with a shy smile.

  “And,” he prompted. “You know we wouldn’t be here if I thought you were in danger.”

  Her smile wobbled. “Danger or not, it still feels like we’re treading water, waiting for this guy to drop another bomb into our lives.”

  “I promise you, there are plenty of people working behind the scenes to cut him off before he causes any more trouble.” He nudged the basket of chips closer to her. “Is it so awful spending time with me?” Though he said it as a joke, his breath backed up in his chest while he waited for her response. This trek might officially be a test of the enemy’s reach, but Matt was determined to make it a success on the personal front.

  “No.” She shook her head, her gaze firmly on the glass of white wine in front of her. She peered at him from under her thick lashes. “Spending time with you is always easy.”

  A flood of happiness washed over him while questions chased through his mind. Would she let him kiss her, in front of Caleb or anyone else? Would she let him come up on the weekends and stay at her house? In her bed? Would she bring Caleb to Washington so they could talk guy stuff? Somehow he managed to keep that all inside rather than bombard her with his rash of insecurities.

  “Until I screw it up,” she said into the silence. “Can you ever forgive me, Matt?”

  He didn’t see what there was to forgive. Sure, she’d tossed some hard words at him. Looking back at those moments, she’d been frightened. And with good reason.

  “Bethany,” he began.

  “I mean it,” she said. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but now, seeing you with Caleb, seeing him with your parents, I know I screwed up.”

  What was the best way to convince her to let him be part of her world day in and day out? He gave himself a mental shake. Overthinking it wasn’t working for either one of them. He had to be candid, give her no room to doubt. “Would it put your mind at ease to know none of us plan on pushing for custody?”

  Her head snapped up, eyes wide with panic. “You discussed custody this morning?”

  He touched her hand. “I made it clear that the previous arrangement was a mutual decision.”

  She snorted.

  “This morning we discussed the investigation first. Afterward we talked about how important it was to not upset Caleb’s life. Or yours. You’ve done a great job without any of us in the mix. Yes, we want to get to know him, to be sure he understands he has family that loves him. No one wants that to create a problem for you.”

  She shifted in her seat, avoiding his gaze. “How long do you plan on staying here?”

  “At the bar or at the beach?” He was rewarded with an unamused glare. “Maybe a few days. It depends on the investigation and the attempt to draw out the ringleader.”

  “Okay.”

  He hadn’t intended to dwell on custody arrangements or other practical matters tonight, but there wasn’t a good way to separate Bethany from Caleb. Not in his heart and apparently not even in conversation. “You won’t get any grief from the office about your absence?”

  “I’ve banked plenty of leave and vacation time,” she said, her eyes still on her wine. “My supervisor won’t complain.”

  “You like your work?” he asked, carefully. A contracts officer wasn’t the type of career she’d once planned on.

  A reluctant smile played with her lips. “I really do. Admittedly, the career track didn’t go according to my plans.” There was no hostility or regret in her voice or her gaze. “I wouldn’t trade a single day with Caleb to go back and do things differently at West Point.”

  Was that a signal to back off? Matt floundered for a more neutral topic. “You mentioned beach trips,” he prompted. “Is there a specific area the two of you enjoy?”

  She sat back and glared at him again. “Are you conducting an interview?”

  “Maybe,” he said, exasperated. “Aren’t first dates a type of interview?”

  “First dates?” Incredulous, she leaned forward. “You might be pretending a little too much.”

  He suppressed the frustration that wanted to just drag her into his lap and prove his true intentions here. “We were friends, and more, once.” With his end game in mind, he blurted out his first thought, his only thought, every time he looked at her. He would tell her, over and over, until she finally believed him, believed in him. “I’ve missed you. When you told me you were pregnant, I knew things would change. I never thought I’d lose my best friend.”

  She stared at him, clearly stunned. “I send you updates several times a year.”

  He shook his head. She wasn’t getting it. “That hasn’t been enough to satisfy me about Caleb, and none of those updates included anything about you.” He managed to stop himself just short of telling her he loved her still. He could see she wasn’t ready to hear that yet. Well, he wasn’t ready to retreat or surrender. They could have everything, be everything, as a family.

  He knew it. He’d felt the hot desire in her touch and the sweet tremble under her skin last night. “Are you seeing someone?” he demanded, more roughly than he intended.

  “I didn’t lie to the investigators,” she said, her mouth tense. “You know I’m not.”

  “Do you have any interest in reclaiming our friendship?”

  In the process of bringing her wine glass to her mouth, she paused and returned it to the table as if any sudden movement would transform the glass into a snake that might bite her at the last second. “We definitely need to find a way to be friendly. For Caleb.”

  Friendly? Some deep and primal instinct protested at that limitation. “That’s one factor.” He thought his composure under the circumstances warranted an award for meritorious service. “What about for you?”

  “Being friendly and establishing clear communication is essential,” she said in a prim tone.

  How was it everything he did to bring them closer seemed to have her moving in reverse and throwing up more roadblocks? He leaned forward. “Bethany, I don’t care who or what put this in motion. The truth is out now and things will change.”

  “I’m aware.”

  She didn’t sound too pleased about it. “I want what’s best for all of us,” he sa
id. “You and Caleb. Me and Caleb. Caleb and my parents. You and me.” There was some essential, clear communication for her to chew on.

  She took a deep breath, her soft gaze tangled with his. “Your definition of ‘us’ seems to have several facets and a few moving parts.”

  “Together we will find the balance,” he promised. “You’ll find I’m pretty damn steady.” Impatience to have everything in place, to have her willingly beside him, where she belonged, threatened to unravel his composure. Hadn’t he demonstrated his reliability with the child support, the accommodation of her needs all this time?

  She laid her hand over the back of his. “I know that, Matt, and I appreciate it.”

  He should appreciate that she’d never bad-mouthed him to their son. Single-parenting couldn’t have been a picnic. Recalling his own teens, he suspected the next few years would be harder still. One of the many reasons she needed him.

  “What was the last movie you saw?” he asked.

  She blinked a few times at the abrupt return to first-date territory. “Caleb and I went to the latest superhero release. My girlfriends and I typically catch foreign films at this artsy little place down the street from our favorite wine bar.”

  “Foreign films?” That was new.

  One blond eyebrow arched in challenge. “And that tone right there is why it’s a girlfriend thing.”

  He wasn’t the least bit ashamed by the relief he felt on that score. “I’d rather read a book than see a movie most of the time,” he admitted.

  “Caleb will cure you,” she said. “What’s the last book you read?”

  He grinned, happy to be cured if it meant time with his son. “I’m in the middle of a detective thriller set in the early 1900s,” he replied.

  She named the author, beaming when he confirmed she’d guessed correctly. “I love his books, too.”

  “Really?”

  She launched into her favorite parts of the previous book in the series, and the easy conversation carried them through a second round of drinks. On this topic, her face became a beacon of happiness. They enjoyed a lively analysis of the stories currently out and those the author might address in the future. Matt thought he could bask in the common ground and her enthusiasm all night long.

  Riding that newfound connection, he paid the tab and invited her to walk on the beach, under the stars. He wasn’t about to waste the romantic potential of a clear, warm night.

  She accepted his hand when he offered it to steady her as she slipped out of her shoes. He kept her hand in his while they crossed over the loose sand near the dunes. When they reached the packed sand near the tide line, he didn’t want to let go. Fortunately, she didn’t pull away.

  The ocean rolled in, lapping at the shore, the sound a steady backdrop to their conversation. It was the first time in days he didn’t feel the crawling sensation of being watched. It was just the two of them and it gave him a taste of what they could have. He wondered if her chattiness was because she too felt safe out here with him.

  She seemed to read more than he did, across a wide variety of genres. An image flashed to the front of his mind, the two of them on opposite ends of a couch, comfortably engrossed with their books. And then he would set his novel aside and seduce her away from her story and into his arms with irresistible kisses and touches. Please, he thought, give him a chance to show her how sweet life could be if she let him in.

  It wasn’t a completely new vision, he realized, just a fresh rendition of the days they’d studied together in the lounge. Before she’d left West Point to protect his career. The thought sobered him momentarily. No matter what he did tonight or in the future, he could never repay her sacrifice. His sincere gratitude had fallen on deaf ears every time.

  As the talk of books waned into a comfortable silence, he stopped and dug his toes into the sand. “If I could go back to our days at school, there’s only one thing I would do differently.”

  “Use two condoms?” she quipped, proving just how relaxed she was.

  “No.” He smiled. “As you’ve said, everything about Caleb is a gift, not a regret.” He smoothed her hair behind her ear as she gawked at him. “No,” he repeated. “I would have given you a better reason to trust in me.”

  She frowned. “What are you talking about? I trusted you with everything.”

  The cool foam of the rising tide swept over his feet and he traced the soft glow of moonlight on her cheek. “Not everything. You didn’t trust me to provide for you.”

  “Matt. Don’t do this.” She jerked back, out of his reach. “We were having such a good time.”

  “What did I do?”

  “We can’t keep poking at the old wounds.” Her voice cracked. “I could have dropped out of West Point, out of your life without a word, but I told you what was going on. I trusted you with the truth. Why wasn’t that enough?”

  “You wouldn’t let me step up and take responsibility.”

  She pushed at her hair and the sound she made sounded like a growl. “Because you had other commitments and so many expectations.” She wrapped her arms around her middle now. “Better if only one of us gave up the dreams and goals we’d brought with us to school.”

  “I stand by my answer,” he insisted. “I respected your decisions every step of the way. And every day, for the past fifteen years, I’ve wanted to give you and Caleb more than money.”

  “You’re angry,” she murmured.

  “Not with you,” he said.

  On an oath, she stalked off, the breeze from the ocean lifting her hair like a cape behind her.

  “Well, not entirely with you,” he admitted. She shivered and he slid his arms around her waist, drawing her back into the warmth of his body. “Bethany, you’re one of the strongest, most stubborn people I know. What good would arguing have done? All this time, I’ve kept out of the way, giving you space and privacy at every turn. Everything you said would make you happy, I agreed to. Now I want more.”

  “More?” Her voice cracked. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Last night you said you’d give me whatever I wanted,” he reminded her.

  “And look how that ended,” she muttered. “I keep hurting you, Matt.”

  “Not intentionally,” he said. He kissed the soft, delicate skin where her neck and shoulder merged. Her body seemed to sigh in response. “I want you. Trust that.” He turned her slowly within the circle of his arms. Her gaze was fixed on his chest and he tipped up her chin, the moonlight painting her face in a lovely glow. “Trust me.”

  As soon as his lips touched hers, he knew. Nothing had changed. Hurtful words aside, his heart was still hers. Would always be. What they’d shared years ago hadn’t been a fluke. This heat and need were as current and tangible and constant as the tide.

  Matt wanted her as a woman, as mother to their son, as his family. He wanted his best friend back in his life. She and Caleb had been the family of his heart all this time and he refused to neglect that need any longer.

  He slid a hand into her hair, taking the kiss into that wild territory known only to the two of them. Her hands gripped his shoulders and she pressed those soft curves flush against him. It was a wonder his shirt didn’t flare and ignite from the need rising to a demanding blaze between them.

  He felt light-headed and completely grounded at the same time. He didn’t know how it was possible, except for her. No other woman did this to him. Never would. She was everything. Moonlight and sunshine. In her, he felt both a sweet freedom and a stable foundation.

  He brushed a kiss over the shell of her ear, nipped her earlobe lightly, drawing out a shivery gasp. She didn’t retreat now, only tilted her head to grant him better access to that slim column of her throat.

  Painfully hard, he pulled her hips to his so she could feel what she did to him. “More?”

  “Oh, yes, Matt. Please.”

&
nbsp; He cupped her breast in one hand, thumbing the nipple through the fabric of her sweater. She arched into his touch with a moan that made him want to lay her down right here on the sand.

  Her fingers tugged his shirt free of his jeans, and when he felt her skin on his, he growled with pleasure. Those clever fingers slipped under his waistband and gripped hard.

  He wanted more, far more, than sex. He wanted her as addicted to him, to them, as he was. But not here on the sand, on a public beach. Although an arrest for public indecency might make for a humorous story, it wouldn’t do anything to prove she could trust him with her every need and desire.

  With his lips fused to hers, he pulled her hands back and threaded his fingers through hers. “Let’s go back,” he said. “Soft sheets are better than sand.”

  “In a minute.” She linked her hands behind his neck and gently pulled his mouth down to hers. Her velvet tongue tangled with his and he suddenly wasn’t sure it was safe for him to drive.

  Was she testing him or was she as overwhelmed as he was? They should probably stay here until he could see clearly again. He nudged her further up the beach, away from the chill water of the incoming tide, his hands cruising up and down her mouthwatering curves.

  If he wanted to get out of here, he should make more of an effort to slow things down. He’d remember how to do that any minute now.

  * * *

  In the dwindling part of her brain that was thinking logically, Bethany agreed that sheets and a soft mattress would be better than sand, yet she wasn’t ready to put these incomparable feelings on the back burner for the drive back.

  Back to a guest room in his parents’ house.

  Just anticipating the awkwardness of that scene made her blush. They had to go back, and better to go back earlier rather than later. She hadn’t even thought of Caleb in close to an hour. What if he needed her?