Holding Out for You

by Anna Paige

  “Yes, ma’am.” He read over the sheet and signed.

  “Lord, and he’s polite, too?” She looked at Blair and winked, asking, “Can I keep him here a while? After the night I’ve had, he’d be welcome company.”

  Blair giggled and reached for Charli’s hand to steady her as she stood. “I don’t think he’s keepable. Many have tried. All have failed.”

  “He just needs to run up on the right one, that’s all.” She patted Blair’s arm again, all while offering another sheet of paper to Beck. “Discharge papers.” She leaned in and held Blair’s gaze, adding, “And the numbers of some people who might be able to help you work through things. Okay, sweetie?”

  Blair’s chin wobbled for a split second before the nurse wrapped her in a careful, gentle hug, muttering into her hair for a minute before letting her go and stepping back. Nurse Bellamy looked over at each of us, all smiles again. “Every one of you go home and tell your parents I said they sure do make pretty babies.” She eyed Beck and added, “You drive safe. Okay, big brother?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he told her, smiling right back.

  She chuckled and nudged Charli as she walked by. “I just knew he was gonna say that.”

  “I think the nurse was flirting with you, Beck,” Blair said, speaking slowly like she was a little stoned.

  Becker shook his head, still grinning as he reached for Blair’s arm.

  He and I both knew what the nurse’s intent was. It was to keep Blair smiling and maybe to distract the rest of us for a minute or two.

  She’d done a damn good job of it, and for that I was immensely grateful.

  “You better tell her to back off, Charli. She’s moving in on your man.” Blair was definitely high on whatever pain meds they’d given her.

  Surprisingly, Charli didn’t blush or shy away like I would have expected. Instead, she snorted and said, “I’ll loan him to her for a while if she’ll give me a shot of whatever the hell you’re on.”

  “Me too,” I added.

  “You two are terrible,” Beck said, his gaze darting from me to Charli. “You’d pimp me out for a buzz? Really?”

  “Ordinarily, no. But tonight, it’s something I’d consider.” Charli said it in jest, but her expression made it clear that despite outward appearances, she was hanging by a thread. Holding it in for Blair’s sake.

  She wasn’t the only one.

  Beck reached over and rubbed Charli’s upper arm, a gesture of comfort. “Fine. I’ll do it. But no kissing on the mouth. And I want my cut of the proceeds.”

  Blair snorted as he steered her out of the room.

  Ashton

  When everyone was settled in the truck, I nudged Beck. “Let’s drop by my mom’s first. I want to leave her some cash and get enough clothes for a few days, just in case. I’ll figure out what to do about my truck later.”

  “A few days?” Blair asked from the back seat, meeting my eye in the mirror.

  “Yep. However long it takes for you two to feel safe going home. Big and badass as he is, Beck’s still only one man. This calls for a one-to-one defense.”

  Charli snorted in spite of her despondence and whispered something to Blair.

  Beck glanced at them in the rearview mirror. “What was that?”

  “Nothing,” they said in unison.

  I leaned across the front seat and whispered, “I think Charli just called dibs on you, bro.”

  He just shook his head. “Is that supposed to surprise me?”

  Maybe it was my imagination, but I could have sworn he was actually smiling at the idea.

  I glanced back at Charli and caught her blushing as she watched him.

  Interesting, very interesting.

  I was in and out of my mom’s house in a flash. I left her an envelope on the table and a note asking her to call me in the morning when she got up. I knew she’d be out at her “book club” meeting until late and she probably wouldn’t notice the envelope until then anyway.

  Five minutes later, I had a duffle thrown over my shoulder and was out the door, heading to the truck where Beck and the girls were waiting.

  I threw my bag in the back and a minute later we were off.

  The girls had an apartment on the other side of town, but since “town” was a bit of a stretch when referring to this hole-in-the-wall place, there were only twenty minutes or so between my mom’s house and their apartment complex.

  The truck was so quiet I half expected them to be asleep when we pulled into the parking lot, but as soon as Beck cut the engine, both girls unbuckled and exited the truck, waiting for me and Becker to take the lead.

  Blair went first on the stairs, which made everyone nervous since she was wobbly from the meds. Charli kept looking over her shoulder as we climbed, the sound of our footfalls seeming to put her on edge. Like Blair, she was terrified, and I couldn’t blame her.

  When we got to the third-floor landing—no elevator in this building—Beck looked over at Blair and held out his hand. “Give me your keys.”

  Blair fished them out of her pocket and handed them over.

  He unlocked the door and led the way, while I let the girls go ahead of me and brought up the rear. It was a flank defense of sorts. They didn’t have to worry about what was in front of them or behind them.

  Realistically, we all knew Tommy was in jail and there was no reason for the girls to be fearful, but that didn’t really matter. If they were frightened, we’d comfort them any way we could.

  Beck went down the hall and checked the bedrooms while I stayed in the living room with Blair and Charli. Once he was satisfied that he’d checked the entire apartment, Beck came back and waved them through, standing with me and watching them scurry off to gather their things.

  “Blair looks like she’s about to jump out of her skin. It’s so odd to see her like that,” he commented to me, looking in the direction of her room. I followed his gaze as he continued. “It’s always kind of worried me that she never seems scared, not even when she was so sick as a kid.”

  “She’s not completely fearless. No one is. I think she just hides it better than most.”

  “There’s no hiding it tonight, though, is there?” He was quiet for a minute. “Both of them are petrified. And I can’t make it better. I can’t fix it. Bad enough I couldn’t stop it, at least you’d think I could do something now to help.”

  I wanted to argue, but the truth was I felt just as damn helpless as he did.

  “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m saying it anyway. Thank you for what you did tonight. Thank you for saving my sister.”

  “I told you not to do that.”

  “I remember. I remember everything you said in that waiting room.” He cut his eyes in my direction. “I’m just choosing to deal with one trauma at a time tonight. And for now, it’s still important for me to let you know how grateful I am that you were there.”

  “So, we’ll discuss the rest tomorrow?”

  He blew out a breath and that damn hand was back in his hair. “I don’t know. Let’s see how things are with the girls and go from there. Like I said, one trauma at a time.”

  “Hey, Beck, can you come get this stupid suitcase from the top shelf? It’s stuck and I’m too short to wrestle it out,” Charli called, sounding frustrated.

  He blew out a breath, glancing my way. “Finally, I can be of some use.”

  “’Bout damn time,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood. “Just be careful. She might drag you in that closet to play seven minutes in heaven.” I slapped him on the back as he passed.

  “Fuck off, Ash,” he called as he disappeared down the hall.

  That was better.

  I’d rather have him swearing at me than thanking me for what I’d done.

  What I’d done had nothing to do with my loyalties to him.

  It had everything to do with my feelings for his sister. Having him thank me for it seemed wrong for some reason. It felt like “thanks for wanting my sister so damn much
you were willing to risk a bullet to save her.”

  And I would have gladly taken a bullet to keep him from violating her. From using that gun on her.

  Beck was right when he said it earlier. There was no question in my mind that Tommy would have killed her on that beach.

  That scared the living hell out of me.

  And I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hide how deeply the idea of losing her terrified me.

  I sat on the arm of the couch, still standing guard over them even if the standing part was hard to do on my rubbery legs.

  Keep it together, man. Not much longer.

  I had to pretend.

  For her.

  For my pride.

  Because if she saw me totally lose my shit, how could I expect her to feel safe with me?

  A few minutes later, the three of them emerged from the bedrooms, two medium-sized suitcases and a couple small duffels in tow.

  Beck had Charli’s stuff, so I fell into step with Blair and took over her bags, leaving her hands free to lock up behind us. It took her a couple tries to get the deadbolt locked, and that concerned me.

  With Beck and Charli going down the stairs ahead of us, Blair took the opportunity to thread her arm through mine and I was grateful she’d have me to keep her on her feet.

  When we got to the bottom of the stairs, she stretched up on her tiptoes and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m so glad you’re coming with us. Thank you.”

  I looked down at her, catching her expression as she turned away.

  She wasn’t flirting. She was shaky as hell for reasons that had nothing to do with the meds, and she was looking to me to help make her okay again.

  I could do that.

  I would do that.

  For her.

  Blair

  We made it back to my parents’ house around one in the morning, after unsuccessfully hunting for somewhere to grab food in our crappy, Podunk town. Even on weekends, everything around here closed ridiculously early.

  I had half a mind to open a twenty-four-hour restaurant just so people like me would be able to get a decent meal after 9:00 p.m. I’d probably make a freaking fortune off the teenagers alone.

  Once we got to the house and unloaded our stuff from the truck, Charli and I grabbed clothes and headed to the two bathrooms, intent on showers and comfortable pajamas.

  I took the one in my parents’ room and left her with the guest bath off the main hallway.

  I’d never felt unsafe in this house, but tonight I couldn’t even bring myself to close my eyes when I rinsed my hair. My nose throbbed as I tried to get any remnants of blood from the edges of my nostrils. Even slight pressure was uncomfortable. At least it wasn’t broken.

  I was careful as I washed my bruised breasts. The angry purple outline of Tommy’s teeth was plainly visible, and it made me physically ill seeing it.

  They’d kept my bra at the hospital, but Ash’s hoodie was thick enough that it wasn’t obvious I didn’t have it on when I left.

  I couldn’t press hard without pain, but I washed those bruises over and over and over until I worried my entire chest would be rubbed raw.

  I did the same with my lower belly where he’d been trying to force his hand in my jeans.

  Everywhere he touched me, I scrubbed like a mad woman. And it didn’t make the feeling of being dirty abate one damn bit.

  It was all I could do to turn off the water and step out. The only reason I did was I knew Ash and Becker would want showers as well, and I couldn’t leave them with no hot water.

  The mirror was so fogged up I couldn’t examine my bruised face, and for that I was thankful.

  Too bad the tooth marks on my chest weren’t so easily ignored.

  The odd thing was, the bruises didn’t look that bad. At least not yet. They were there, plainly seen, but somehow incongruent to the amount of pain I was in. I guess it was a good thing they didn’t look as bad as they felt, but it also felt like a euphemism for some of the other things I was feeling. Only a little battered on the outside, a fucking jumble of raw nerves and pain on the inside.

  I looked over the bruises one last time as I dried off, careful not to put too much pressure on them as I dressed.

  I shuddered as I pulled my favorite worn-out T-shirt over my head and tugged on a pair of cotton shorts. I wasn’t sure I could stand the pressure of a bra tonight, though I usually wore one right up until I went to bed. I doubted anyone would notice or care. There were bigger things on everyone’s mind.

  I gathered up my clothes, the hoodie included, and headed back to my room.

  In the hall, I ran into Ash, who was coming out of my brother’s room.

  He looked me over, his gaze lingering on my legs a moment too long before he cleared his throat and asked, “Feeling a little better?”

  I was tempted to lie, but the way he was watching me, I felt certain he already knew the answer to the question. Instead, I deflected. “I feel cleaner, anyway. Still not sure how I feel beyond that.”

  He nodded and walked with me toward my room. “You’ll get a handle on it. I have no doubt.”

  “I sure hope so. I feel kind of stupid needing you and my brother to stand guard over me when Tommy is locked away in a cell.” Not giving him a chance to respond, I ducked into my room to drop my sandy clothes into the hamper. I held onto his hoodie, though, and almost gave it back right then but decided against it.

  He stood in the doorway and watched as I laid it on the bed near my pillow. His gaze went from it to me a couple of times, but he didn’t ask whatever questions I was seeing in his eyes.

  The fact was, I thought having it tonight would help. I planned to either wear it or tuck my pillow into it so I could be surrounded by his smell. Having the familiar scent of his cologne would calm me, make me feel safe, or at least that was what I was hoping.

  When I was done in my room, Ash and I headed to the kitchen, walking side by side, our hands occasionally brushing against each other but not outright touching beyond that.

  I wanted his arms around me again. I wanted his breath in my hair.

  And I wanted to ask him if he’d meant what he said as he was beating the shit out of Tommy tonight.

  She’s mine, do you hear me? Mine!

  He’d gritted the words into Tommy’s face as he pummeled him, rage pouring off him in waves, every muscle in his body tight as piano wire.

  But had he actually meant it or was it a heat of the moment declaration?

  We walked through the kitchen into the dining room and found Charli sitting at the long dining table, holding on to a coffee mug. I walked over and eyed the dark contents, but she cut me off. “Decaf.”

  “Decaf?” I made a horrified face, my lip and nose both throbbing in protest. “Who the hell let that in the house?”

  She chuckled—kind of—and took a slow sip. “No idea. Beck found it.”

  “Yeah, right next to two bottles of booze. Bailey’s and Kahlua. I’m betting there’s a reason for the grouping.” Becker stepped into the room behind us and raised a brow.

  “Mom must be getting creative.” I shook my head, heading back into the kitchen.

  “Well, we know it wasn’t Dad,” he pointed out. “Beer or bourbon. No frills.”

  Ash went over and started grabbing plates of sandwich stuff off the counter, helping Beck move everything to the table. “What’s wrong with beer and bourbon?”

  “Or. He said beer or bourbon,” I corrected, stealing a sliver of turkey off the plate he was carrying. I wasn’t particularly hungry, but I knew they’d all worry if I didn’t eat.

  He stopped and waited for me to snag another slice, winking. “Who says it has to be one or the other?”

  I smiled and waved him off. Being near him made it so much easier to go through the motions.

  Beck came in with three types of chips and various condiments, while Ash went and got the bread from the wooden bread box my mother had kept on the counter all my life.

 
; I turned to Charli. “What do you want on your sandwich? Turkey? Ham? Salami? All three?”

  “I’m not really hungry,” she muttered into her cup, withdrawn.

  Both of the guys looked her way but before either could prod her to eat, I shook my head and scooted my chair closer to her side.

  When Beck and Ash resumed making their sandwiches, I leaned in and whispered, “You know I’m not going to let you beat yourself up for something that’s not your fault, right? Because, sweetie, none of what happened was on you. It was on Tommy.”

  She glanced up at the guys and dropped her head back down as she spoke. “But I was the one who set you up with him. He was there because of me.”

  “Did you think to yourself, ‘hey, this guy is a fucking lunatic, he’d be perfect for Blair?’”

  “Of course not. I had no clue he was . . . that he’d try to . . .”

  “Okay, then. If you’d known he was dangerous before you set me up with him, yes, you would have had a share of the blame, but you didn’t.” I looked over at my brother, who was watching us so intently I was pretty sure he just spread mustard on his thumb. “What did Beck say?”

  “He said it wasn’t my fault and that people like Tommy are good at pretending, acting like something they’re not. He said I look for the best in people and Tommy knew that, so he played me.”

  “Beck’s right. So, stop beating yourself up. I won’t have you thinking bad things about my best friend, you got it?”

  She sipped her decaf and shrugged, not looking at me.

  “If we’re playing the blame game, how about I take a turn? Because if I’d just gone along with the date, smiled politely and had a few beers with him, maybe he wouldn’t have snapped. Right? I shut him down as soon as we got there instead of just going with it and maybe that’s what set him off.”

  Charli’s head snapped up as my brother’s voice boomed through the room so suddenly that I jumped.