Holding Out for You

by Anna Paige

  “Then why go out with them in the first place?”

  “Appearances. If I stayed home like some lovesick puppy, you would have called me out on it. So, when girls asked me out—and it was always them asking me, I never, not once, asked one of them first—I said yes. Then after we had dinner or whatever, before it got too late or they got too bold, I gave them the ‘I’ve got a lot going on with school and I have to concentrate on that’ speech. That was my go-to when they pushed for something physical.”

  Beck chuckled humorlessly. “If you said that to all those girls, you do realize they’ve probably compared notes and decided you’re impotent, right?”

  I shrugged. “As far as they’re concerned, I might as well be.”

  He closed his eyes and put up one hand. “I swear to fuck, Ash. If you say only my sister is capable of giving you an erection, I’ll use my mom’s good cutlery to permanently remove that as a possibility.”

  “I’m in love with her, Beck.”

  His eyes flew open and he swore, throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling. “Fuck. Me.”

  I waited him out and eventually, he calmed down enough to meet my eyes. “Have you told her that?”

  “No. I don’t want her to think I’m saying it to get into her pants.” I winced. “Sorry to put it like that, but you know that’s what she’d think. She’s probably had idiots hitting on her for years, telling her whatever they thought she wanted to hear just for a shot at sleeping with her. Too many idiots, ones I should have been here to protect her from. She was smart enough to avoid most of them, from what I’ve heard. But not all. Like that fucking piece of shit, Cliff Turner.”

  “Cliff? When did she date Cliff?”

  “Just once as far as I know. Prom night.” I dropped those last two words like a grenade and watched as the reality of what I was saying exploded behind his eyes.

  “Are you fucking kidding me? Cliff ‘if it’s got a pulse and a pussy, I’ll hit it’ Turner?”

  I was too busy grinding my teeth to respond, but he could clearly read the answer on my face.

  “How the fuck did he get his hands on her?”

  “We weren’t here to protect her, to warn her,” I ground out. “To squash his fucking nuts.”

  “Goddammit.” He kicked one of the kitchen chairs.

  “Now, wouldn’t you have preferred she’d gone with someone like me? Wouldn’t you still prefer she be with me than someone like that? Or some random psycho her friend chooses for her based on his dick size? Wouldn’t you rather her be with someone who fucking adores her and wants nothing more than to make her incredibly happy?”

  He spun back toward me, eyes bulging. “Charli set Blair up with that guy because he’s hung? You’ve got to be shitting me.”

  “Wish I were. I heard them talking about it on the beach.”

  “Fucking hell. I don’t get that girl sometimes. She makes some of the stupidest decisions.”

  “Charli? Or Blair?”

  “Both.”

  “And you think being with me would be one of Blair’s stupid decisions?”

  “I don’t know what the fuck I think,” he admitted, meticulously placing the chair he’d toppled over back under the edge of the table. “But I don’t really get a say in it, now do I? She’s my little sister, but she’s also a grown woman. I can’t make her choices for her.”

  “No, you can’t. But it doesn’t mean she wouldn’t feel a lot better if you approved. It would make us both feel better.”

  He gave me a level look, neither angry nor happy about the situation, though his knuckles were no longer white where he held the back of the chair. “I’m not going to stand in the way, because I don’t want to hurt my sister. But I’m not quite to the point of slapping you on the back and calling you ‘brother’ yet, either.”

  “You’ve always called me brother,” I reminded him.

  “Yeah, but I never expected that I might one day have to tack on an ‘in-law.’”

  “Dude, I haven’t even taken her on a proper date yet. Slow it down.” I turned, figuring the conversation was over and it was time to go, but Beck’s hand on my arm stopped me.

  “There’s a lot riding on this, Ash. I won’t let it get in the way of my relationship with Blair. Please, for fuck’s sake, don’t do anything that’ll put it in the way of my friendship with you. If you really do love her, commit to it completely or don’t do it at all.”

  “I’ve been committed to it for over two years, Beck, it’s just that no one knew it but me. I won’t let her down.” I slapped his shoulder and swallowed, hard. “And I won’t let you down either.”

  Blair

  When the guys got to the truck, they were subdued and looked quite distracted, but apparently had hashed out whatever it was Charli and I had walked in on.

  They butted heads sometimes, which I supposed was normal given how much time they spent in each other’s company. It never lasted long, though, and it didn’t appear to be any different this time around.

  Guy friendships were weird, but who was I to judge?

  I sat with Charli in the back while Beck and Ash took the front seat.

  Once I was satisfied that their spat was over, I went back to being nervous about the police station. I didn’t want to go. Didn’t see why we couldn’t just give verbal statements at the beach?

  There’s such a thing as voice recording. They could have done everything that night and saved me from this hell.

  “How long do you think they’ll hold him? I mean, we don’t know for sure that they’ll deny bail, right?” Charli asked, making my stomach knot further. “I know you guys wanted us to think there was no way, but there’s still a chance.”

  “Given everything he’s done, I can’t imagine he’d get bail,” Beck answered, watching her in the rearview. “I’ll be sure to ask; you can bet your ass on that. Honestly, you shouldn’t worry either way. Whether he gets out on bail in a day or a week or he doesn’t get out for fifty years, he’s not coming near either of you. I can promise you that,” Beck told us.

  “How can you promise that? You’re not even sure you’re staying in town. You could be hundreds of miles away. And we’ll be here, just waiting for him to pop out of the shadows.” I didn’t mean to lay that kind of guilt on him, but I was panicking. I hadn’t thought about the fact he could actually get bail. In my mind, bad guys went to jail and stayed there. It honestly hadn’t occurred to me that he could be back on the streets in a matter of days, and I wasn’t mentally prepared for that.

  Shit, he worked at the coffee shop directly across from campus. How was I supposed to feel safe in my classes?

  Ash flipped down his visor and tilted the mirror so he could see me. Almost as if he’d read my mind, he said, “I haven’t forgotten what I said about his job, Blair-bear. As soon as we finish at the police station, I’m paying a visit to the Java Spot to let them know what’s going on, including the fact he’s probably the one who lifted Charli’s wallet.” He winked at me and smiled. “He won’t be bussing tables there anymore, so you can relax.”

  I snorted, rolling my eyes. “Relax, sure. I’ll get right on that.”

  “Have I protected you so far?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Well, I intend to continue doing so. And I’m not going anywhere. Period. Beck is still sorting out his options, but I’m here to stay. I’ve got three apartments I’m checking out tomorrow and one on Tuesday. I’ve got two different job offers that’ll keep me right here no matter which one I choose. And I’ve got a couple of excellent reasons to want to stay indefinitely.” He held my eye in the mirror and I knew his mom was one reason and the other one was me. “I’m right where I’ve always belonged. No way would I walk away now. You can count on me, Blair.”

  Charli reached over and gripped my leg just above my knee, squeezing the hell out of it. Her “oh my God” signal for when we had to play things cool.

  Beck grunted under his breath then looked over his shoulder at m
e as we sat at a red light. “And I don’t know if I’ll be leaving again. I have the option, but I’m still mulling it over. No matter what, though, you’ll still be able to count on me. Nowhere is too far if you need me.”

  “Jeez, are you two trying to make me cry?” I muttered, wiping at my eyes.

  “Me too, even though no one was talking to me,” Charli added thickly.

  Beck looked at her in the mirror. “Who says you weren’t included in what I said?”

  Whoa.

  Wait, did he just . . . ?

  Charli was squeezing my leg hard enough to leave a bruise as she and my brother locked eyes in that mirror.

  The sharp sound of a car horn made me jump and Beck cursed under his breath, accelerating through the intersection. He’d been so intent on Charli he almost sat through the green light.

  What the hell had the two of them talked about at the truck the other night?

  And why hadn’t she told me anything yet?

  I’d told her about Ash.

  Maybe, in all of my excitement about Ash, I hadn’t given her the chance.

  She’d definitely get it as soon as I could get her alone again.

  No blowing me off, claiming to be too tired to chat.

  If I had to pump her full of Red Bull, she was gonna spill it.

  The little sneak.

  We were walking up the front steps of the tiny town hall—where court was held, and the police station was basically two little rooms and a holding cell somewhere way in the back of the building—when Cody Blake came strolling out the front door. He was smiling of all things, not looking the least bit annoyed at having his wallet stolen or having to be at the police station because of it.

  “Cody. What’s up?” Beck shook his hand.

  Ash followed suit, slapping him on the back. “Get your stuff back?”

  “Yeah, took a while since they’re slow as hell around here even on a good day, but eventually they handed it over.”

  “They ask you to give a statement?”

  “Yeah, did that part yesterday, but all they did was have me verify what I said at the beach. Nothing major. I think Sticky Fingers pretty much confessed to everything, so they don’t really need a lot of input.”

  “He better have fucking confessed,” my brother bit out angrily.

  “What’d you do to him anyway? His face looked like hamburger when they wheeled him off the beach.”

  “Less than he deserved, that’s for damn sure,” Becker spoke, but Ash nodded in agreement practically before the words were out.

  Cody thumped my brother on the shoulder with a look of respect. “Hope you popped him one for me.” He nodded toward me and Charli, his face serious for a moment and was all smiles again a second later. “Anyway, this place gives me anxiety, so I’m gonna bounce. Hit me up if you hear anything about Sticky Fingers’ fate.”

  “You got it,” Beck assured him.

  I’d taken three steps when Cody called out, “Oh, hey, Ash. I forgot. I ran into Marin this morning at the gas station and told her you were looking all over for her at the beach. She said she originally felt bad for standing you up but after she heard what happened, she was kind of glad she didn’t go. Something about not feeling too hot. I got the impression it was a woman thing. Anyway”—he reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper, climbing the steps again to hand it to Ash, who was deadly quiet and so still he hardly seemed to be breathing—“she wrote down her new number and told me to give it to you. She coulda just put it in my phone and asked me to pass it along, but she made it kind of clear that it was meant for you and you alone. Said she’d be around tonight if you want to drop by.” Cody’s grin was full of innuendo. “Lucky fucker. That girl grew up real nice.”

  I had to force myself not to react, even if my whole body had gone cold and my heart had dropped to the concrete at my feet.

  “Thanks,” Ash said, slipping the number into his pocket and angling himself away from the rest of us.

  “No problem.” Cody disappeared around the corner of the building a second later.

  I couldn’t look at Ash, but I caught my brother glaring at him like he might actually take a swing.

  Maybe Beck was into this Marin chick, too?

  I bet that’s why they were arguing earlier.

  If memory served, Marin was a girl my brother had a thing for back in high school. Blond, big-boobed, super friendly, and popular as hell, but not at all into guys her own age.

  Yep. Beck had been one of dozens of guys who panted after her all through school. And now it looked like Ash was looking to add her to his long list of conquests.

  Made total sense that Beck would be angry.

  I wasn’t sure why else my brother would be upset, but I didn’t want to stick around to find out. Instead, I forced my stupid, gullible heart to crawl off the steps and back into my chest and I marched myself into the courthouse lobby, figuring nothing that lay ahead could be anywhere near as bad as what I’d just walked away from.

  Blair

  The officer at the desk told us to have a seat, and I numbly went over to the row of connected, hard plastic chairs against the wall. I kept the sleeve of Charli’s jacket clutched in one hand as I sat at the very end and tugged her into the seat beside me, effectively blocking any attempt Ash might have made to sit there himself.

  How the hell could I be so naive?

  He was so fucking smooth, I had to give him that. Reeled me right in. Had me finally admitting my feelings for him, if only to myself.

  And all I really was was a fucking consolation prize.

  He hadn’t been able to hook up with his original choice, so he set his sights on me.

  Why? Why would he do that to me? Was this him taking our rivalry to a whole new level? Hurting me in ways that our verbal jabs could never have done? Was he trying to break me down? We’d been borderline vicious to one another over the years, trying to top each other, but I just couldn’t believe he would take it so far as to make a complete fool of me this way.

  “Miss Martell.” Jake—Officer Warner, in this context—stepped out of the back office and waved me in. “We’ll start with you.”

  I swallowed hard and Charli patted my hand. “You’ve got this.”

  I stood and looked back at her, seeing on her face that she was well aware of what was going on inside my head, and it had more to do with Ash than Tommy.

  She offered an encouraging smile, as did Beck, when I glanced over at him. He was sitting next to Charli, holding her other hand. I didn’t look at Ash, but I felt his eyes on me as I walked through the swinging half-door that led to the back.

  Get used to seeing me walk away, you prick. I’ll be doing it every time I see your face from now until the end of fucking time.

  The interview didn’t last long. Basically, Jake was just Jake once we were in that little room, my friend who knew I was traumatized and needed him to not go all Officer Warner on me just then. I was offered a female officer, either to take the statement or to at least be in the room, but I declined. The fewer people I had to talk to the better, and Jake already knew the situation.

  He asked me to recount what happened and, somehow, I did. Unlike the preliminary statement on the beach, I didn’t leave out a single detail. I couldn’t. Not if I wanted them to put Tommy away for the rest of his miserable life.

  It was much like talking to the nurses at the hospital, though Jake gave more reaction than most of the nurses had. Of course, he knew me, so that made a difference, I supposed. But in order to be able to tell him these things, I had to be the one who remained detached. I spoke in a monotone voice that sounded odd even to my own ears. They’d obtained the photos from the hospital already, which Jake told me with averted eyes.

  Great, he’d seen them.

  I ignored that thought as best as I could and continued my statement, only expanding on it long enough to explain that Tommy had come to the party with me and Charli and was upset with me for breaking off our date
.

  I also mentioned that we thought he’d stolen Charli’s wallet at the café, and Jake made a note to discuss that with her, to get specific dates and such.

  When we finished talking, Jake handed me some paper and a pencil and asked me to write it all down, so it could be signed and added to the file. He then had me move to a neighboring office to complete the written statement while he talked to Charli. Before he left me to it, he said Luther should have already called my brother back to give his statement and we’d all be out of there within the hour.

  Clearly, he could tell by my demeanor that I was anxious to be done with this crap and on my way.

  Though I wasn’t really looking forward to being stuck in the truck with Ashton either.

  I dropped my gaze to the blank paper in front of me and started writing, my heart heavy and my mind buzzing with about a hundred things I didn’t want to think about, much less deal with.

  I gave a long, defeated sigh and shook my head.

  Today was shaping up to be another shit show.

  And the second glaring example in a row of why I had not bothered with dating in months. They were all either psychos or players.

  When I was finished, I signed the statement, leaving it there for Jake to pick up. After a fortifying breath, I opened the door to the little room I’d been relegated to and headed to the front desk. There was no one at the desk and Ash was still in his seat against the wall.