Holding Out for You

by Anna Paige

  Better to ask for forgiveness than permission, as they say.

  I didn’t want to worry him, but I needed this. Not only to hear what the judge said but to see Tommy’s reaction to me being there. How he responded to my presence would give me every indication of whether I needed to be afraid once he was free—assuming he managed to get bail.

  Charli and I arrived at the last minute, mostly because she’d been dragging her feet all morning. Beck had stayed with us again last night and headed out early this morning for the interview. As soon as he left, Charli had sunk into herself and become uncharacteristically quiet.

  Maybe it was my fault.

  After he left, I did make the comment that we couldn’t have him on our couch forever and, if things went okay during court, maybe we should let him sleep at my parents’ tonight.

  Now that I thought about it, she’d become withdrawn almost immediately after I said that.

  Poor thing.

  She really did have it bad for Becker.

  As we drew near the courtroom—the only one in the rinky-dink courthouse—a guard was just releasing the doorstop and preparing to close the doors. We barely squeezed in and were reminded by the rather intimidating bailiff to keep quiet.

  When a guy that big and scary puts his finger to his lips, you can bet your ass people shut right up.

  I sure did.

  I even managed to stifle my gasp as my eyes immediately locked with Ash’s.

  Shit.

  He was in the back row—which was the only one in the courtroom with plenty of room for both me and Charli. Nodding to me with a pained expression, he slid down and clasped his hands in his lap, returning his gaze to the front of the room.

  Charli filed into the row first and I could have kissed her for running block between me and Ash.

  No way did I want to sit beside him.

  Especially not right now.

  I took a seat at the very end of the row, the arm of the heavy wooden bench digging into my shoulder as I pressed into it and as far away from Ashton as I could get.

  Even with Charli between us, I felt the heat of him, knew when he was watching me from the corner of his eye.

  Do. Not. React.

  Don’t let him see that he affects you.

  The clerk was giving some sort of speech up front, but I wasn’t paying attention. Since I refused to engage with Ash, and couldn’t in the hushed courtroom anyway, I focused my attention on searching the room for Tommy.

  From the looks of it, half the town was here, and since it was a Tuesday, I knew that meant it was probably people with traffic tickets waiting for their hearings. Monday court was for the big shit around here, but since the county offices had been closed the day before, today was a combo docket.

  Often, there was no Monday court at all, since there wasn’t much in the way of crime in our little town, but damn did traffic court see some action. I’d learned that when I got my first speeding ticket in high school and had to sit in this same courtroom for five hours one Tuesday while I waited for them to get to the Ms on the docket. Apparently, no one in this town could read a speed limit sign.

  Myself included.

  At least back then.

  I was smarter now.

  At least, about some things.

  I cut my eyes in Ash’s direction.

  Not so smart about other stuff.

  “All rise,” the bailiff called, and we all got to our feet.

  I could feel Ash watching me again, but I faced forward and kept my gaze on the judge as she walked into the courtroom in her long, black robe and headed for the bench.

  When I glanced around and realized how many people were randomly shooting looks my way, I had to wonder if some of the attendees were here strictly to hear the details from Friday night at the beach. Bunch of nosy bastards, I wouldn’t put it past them.

  God, I hated this town sometimes.

  It was over three hours before the traffic docket was cleared, which didn’t leave as many vacant seats as I’d hoped. True to the small-town stereotype, this courtroom was packed with lookie-loos just lying in wait for the big show to begin.

  I felt a flutter at my side as the judge called the first case from the criminal court docket. Charli was blindly reaching for my hand as we all watched another bailiff escorting Tommy into the room a moment later.

  I reached for her in return but came up empty at first, grasping at air before snagging her hand.

  I couldn’t look away. The bailiff had one hand on Tommy’s arm as they marched in through the same door we’d used that morning—the judge had a special entrance behind the bench, but that was the only other way in and out of the courtroom.

  They walked right past us, Tommy with his head down as the shackles on his feet clinked loudly.

  There was a sling around one shoulder, his arm bent across his chest. That was the arm Ash wrenched back during the struggle to get him off of me. The hand that had held the gun to my head.

  A wave of nausea rolled through me at the memory.

  His hair—which was brushed back off his brushed and battered face—had been cut much shorter, particularly in the back, making him look much less threatening, somehow.

  I suspected that was the point.

  Wild hair and even wilder eyes wouldn’t garner much leniency from the judge, I wouldn’t think.

  Today, he looked less like a threatening reject from a Wayne’s World remake and more like any number of English majors I attended class with every day. Injured and pitiable, at least to anyone who wasn’t privy to what he’d done.

  It was both unnerving and fascinating.

  Just proved you couldn’t go by looks alone.

  The guy sitting up there in those handcuffs, given different circumstances, might have actually seemed appealing.

  Then again, maybe I wasn’t the best judge of these things.

  Look, for instance, at how easily I was duped by Ash.

  Maybe it would be better if all the crazies and assholes looked like what they really were. There were lots of atrocities hiding behind those pretty faces out there.

  Like the pretty face at the other end of this bench.

  Before I could stop myself, I snorted under my breath and the lady in the row in front of me turned to give me a withering look.

  The prosecutor was reading the list of charges against Tommy, which was probably not the best time for me to be snorting in derision.

  I winced and offered her a weak smile of apology, then glanced past her and locked eyes with Tommy, who was turned sideways in his seat.

  I didn’t blink and couldn’t breathe as I returned his stare, taking in every facet of his expression so I could over-analyze it later.

  After a moment, he sort of flinched and the edges of his mouth began to curl like he might actually smile.

  Charli was squashing the hell out of my hand in hers as she watched this odd exchange.

  Tommy’s lawyer reached over and bumped his uninjured arm, making him turn around, but then he whispered something to him and they both looked back at me.

  I wasn’t sure, but I thought the popping sound off to my right was Ash’s knuckles. Like he was balling his hands into fists as he sat there.

  A few seconds later, it was over. Tommy and his lawyer returned their attention to the front just in time to acknowledge the judge as she asked for a plea.

  “Not guilty, your honor. My client pleads not guilty on all charges.”

  There was a lot of low muttering in the court, and I sat frozen as Charli whispered, “But he admitted everything.”

  “Looks like he changed his mind,” Ash spoke for the first time since we walked in. “I’m not sure what happens to his earlier confession but pleading not guilty means there’ll be a trial.”

  As people turned to whisper to each other, I spotted several people who’d been there on the beach that night, along with a lot of their families. If my parents had been in town, there was no doubt they’d be here, too. Thi
s was a big deal in a town this small.

  The judge banged her gavel and demanded quiet in the courtroom. Looking down, she consulted her calendar and said, “Trial date will be set for December seventh at ten a.m. Bail is hereby set at fifty thousand dollars.”

  This time the voices were much louder as we watched Tommy stand and awkwardly shake his lawyer’s hand.

  “Wait, what?”

  “Fifty grand basically means he can pay a bail bondsman five thousand and be on the streets today,” Ash said, all but pinning poor Charli to the seat as he leaned across her. “I can’t believe the DA didn’t request he be held until trial.”

  “Can they do that? Even after what he did?”

  “Apparently, they can. The judge even asked if there was an objection to it beforehand, but you didn’t catch it because you were occupied staring down the looney tune in the defendant’s chair.”

  “Fuck off, Ash.” I felt sick, for a lot of reasons.

  My God, I’m going to have to testify.

  I put a hand to my stomach, trying to stifle the horrible feeling there as I saw it all playing out in my mind, the eyes on me, the probing questions, Tommy there in the front of the room, sneering.

  I shook my head and pushed the thoughts away before they caused me to be ill right there in the courtroom.

  People were filing out of the room, not interested in any other proceedings, not that there appeared to be any. Even the judge was gearing up to leave. Looked like Tommy was the main attraction today and I missed court being dismissed because Ash was running his mouth at the time.

  “I’m just saying, it’s probably not a good idea to provoke him like that, Blair.”

  “I didn’t provoke anyone. I looked up and he was staring at me. What should I have done? Stared at my shoes like a little bitch? I don’t think so. I didn’t flinch away because I’m done being scared of him. And he needed to see that.”

  It was a lie, I was petrified, but I refused to let anyone know that, especially Tommy . . . or Ash.

  “And if he didn’t like what he saw? If it pissed him off that you weren’t afraid? You gonna have your brother hold your hand all day every day from now on, sweetheart?”

  “Once again, fuck off, Ash.”

  I jumped to my feet, reaching for Charli’s hand as I turned and almost ran right into Tommy’s chest.

  I froze, my eyes slowly lifting to his as he stood there with his hands cuffed in front of him, the chain between the two metal bracelets dangling to the waist of his pressed khakis. The bailiff had one hand on his good arm, but he didn’t pull him away, which I resented.

  “You!” Ash ground out behind me; his tone full of acid. “Keep fucking walking or so help me God.”

  Tommy’s lawyer was beside him, tugging on his sleeve, trying to get him to keep moving. “Don’t be stupid. Pay the bond and get out of here while the getting is good.”

  He was paying bond? How could he come up with that kind of money this fast? My whole body went cold even as I felt Charli and Ash tugging me back. I managed to swallow the bile in my throat as Tommy continued to hold my stare.

  “Sorry.”

  It was barely a whisper, so low I almost didn’t catch it as Tommy gave me a sad smile and did as Ash told him.

  He walked away, head down, shying away from the prying eyes of everyone around us as he disappeared into the crowd. His lawyer and the bailiff were right on his heels.

  Would he just stroke a check on the way out? Was there a bondsman in the building? Did he have to pony up some collateral? I had no idea how it worked.

  I mean, was he really able to just walk right out with the rest of us like that?

  How long before the cuffs were off, and he was a free man?

  What if he waited for me outside?

  My heart was in my throat as I took an absent-minded step back and went to sit, trying to get off my trembling legs before they gave out.

  Charli grabbed my waist and steered me back onto the bench as Ash shoved by us both and leaned out the end of the row, probably looking to be sure Tommy was gone.

  “You okay, toots?” Charli pushed my hair behind my ear and held on to my shaking hand. I tried to nod, but my damn chin wouldn’t quit quivering, so I knew she didn’t buy it. She glanced up at Ash. “Grab her some water, please.”

  He didn’t say a word, just started pushing his way out the door as people lingered long enough to gawk at me.

  They all knew who I was, how I was at the center of the whole mess. And they were getting quite a show as I sat there, probably white as a damn sheet, trembling like a little ninny after the barest of interaction with the guy.

  How pathetic was I?

  Shit.

  Beck would hear about it, for sure.

  No pretending I wasn’t here, even if I wanted to.

  Ash popped through the door a minute later with one of those little paper cups filled with water. After he handed it to me, he said, “I texted your brother to let him know you’re here and that I’m not leaving you until he gets here.”

  “Dammit, Ash, who asked you to do that? Huh? Beck is not my freaking keeper!” I wanted to throw the water in his face, but sadly, after two little sips, there wasn’t any left to throw.

  Miss Bonnie stepped into the courtroom and interrupted my indignant yelling as she handed me a mug of ice water. “I told that boy to wait a damn minute and I could do better than that little cup he had. But he was in too much of a hurry.” She patted my arm and was gone in a flash.

  I looked at the mug in my hand and then up at Ash’s face.

  As if he knew exactly what I was thinking, he put his hands up and stepped back. “Don’t you do it, Blair. I was only trying to help.”

  “Go help Marin. I’m doing just fine without you.”

  Anger flooded his face and before I could register what he was doing, he grabbed my arm and hauled me to my feet as he squatted down and threw me over his shoulder. Water splashed down his back and I heard him hiss in a breath at the sensation, but he kept his grip on me.

  “Ash!” Charli grabbed the mug from my hand even as she shrieked at him, and I could feel her swatting his arm as he marched us through the door. Right through the middle of the crowd in the lobby and down the front steps.

  Halfway through the parking lot, he started talking, sounding more pissed than I’d ever heard him. “You and your fucking brother take the cake, you know that? How the hell you could spend all these years around someone and not know a single thing about them is a fucking mystery for the ages. I mean, honestly, Blair. I know you can’t be this stupid.”

  “I must be brain dead to have bought into your bullshit, Ash. So stupid is an understatement. But I won’t make the mistake again.”

  “Oh, you haven’t seen stupid yet. I give you ten seconds before you realize just how huge an idiot you are. You and your moron brother.”

  I pounded on his back and kicked my legs even harder. “Fuck you, don’t you talk about my brother. He’s a better man than you’ll ever hope to be, always has been.”

  He stopped and set me on my feet, his hands gripping my shoulders to help me get my balance.

  I slapped him away. “Don’t you ever put your hands on me again, you son of a bitch!”

  He ignored my yelling, not easy to do when I was on my tiptoes pointing in his face. “Just look, Blair.” He pointed over my left shoulder and I hated myself for turning in the direction he indicated without at least putting up a fight.

  Marin’s black Civic was parked behind me, and my anger flared anew. I spun back to him and poked him in the chest. “So you drove her car here this morning. Good. For. You. This mean you two are together now? Should I send a card or something?”

  “Oh my God. Shut the hell up,” he ground out and grabbed my shoulders again, spinning me back toward the car and hauling me around to the back bumper. “Look closer, you abominable pain in my ass.”

  I tried to wrench out of his grip, but he just clamped down harder on m
y shoulders.

  Annoyed, I huffed out a breath and narrowed my eyes on the car, figuring it was easier to comply than to make yet another scene. There was still a couple dozen people in front of the courthouse and we had their full attention, so I averted my eyes from their little grouping and studied the damn car. Whatever it took to get this over with so I could go home.

  I squinted at the gleaming black car. It had been freshly washed and waxed.

  Had Ash done that, I wondered.

  Wait . . .

  I studied the rear window, frowning in confusion.

  Where’d the initial stickers go?

  And why does the license plate say BOOKISH?

  Hey, I know someone with that plate . . .

  Oh. Shit.

  I gasped as it hit me whose car this was.

  Well, it was Marin’s.

  Past tense.

  Now it belonged to Ash’s mom. She’d had that BOOKISH license plate on every one of her cars since I was in high school.

  Oh. My. God.

  He’d been looking for Marin to try and buy her car.

  Because Mrs. Hunter needed something dependable and he was always looking out for his mother.

  Charli was staring wide-eyed at me from the front of the car, having clearly realized what we’d done. How wrong we’d been.

  And how irreparable the damage was likely to be.

  Ashton

  Blair just stood there, frozen with her back to me. She wasn’t pressed against me, but I felt the heat of her just the same. I also felt the shudder in her shoulders that meant she was about to cry and hated myself for caring that I was the reason.

  “I just got all the paperwork taken care of this morning and transferred Mom’s tag over.” I didn’t know why I felt the need to explain myself. “Figured since I was out anyway, I’d drop in and find out what was happening with Tommy’s arraignment.”

  My hands were still on her shoulders, but I’d loosened my grip. I wanted so badly to let go, climb in the car, and drive away, leaving her here to feel like shit for what she’d done. It was exactly what she deserved, the guilt she was feeling.