Holding Out for You

by Anna Paige

  “You’re expecting me to narrate?”

  “Damn right. Best bedtime story ever.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  “Of course you can. You just close your eyes and let the images roll through your mind. As they do, you describe them to me.”

  I shook my head and buried my face in his chest. “No way. I’ve never dirty-talked before. I would sound stupid.”

  “Nothing sounds stupid if you moan it slow enough.”

  I slapped his stomach, the sting making him jackknife under me.

  “Ouch, ouch. Okay. We’ll silently stroll through memory lane. No oral play-by-play required. But if you have any other oral inclinations . . .”

  “Ashton,” I warned, my hand poised to slap his belly again.

  “Joke, joke.” He flinched away, laughing. “Jeez, woman. I’m feeling so abused right now. And also a little turned on.”

  That playful look on his face, the way he wrestled my hand away so I couldn’t follow through with my threat, the heat of him pressed against me, it was enough to make me want to do something . . . scandalous. Something that would most certainly distract us both.

  Before Ash could react, I dropped my head and licked his chest, moving down toward his belly even as he held the hand I’d threatened to slap him with, keeping it above my head.

  “Blair?” he breathed out as he said my name, a ragged whisper.

  I didn’t look up, didn’t try to tug my hand away as I slid farther down the bed and pushed my tongue slightly under the waistband of his underwear, lapping lightly at the very tip of his erection.

  “Baby . . .” His free hand was back in my hair, the other hand tightening on my wrist as I bit down on the elastic band of his boxer briefs and tugged them down with my teeth.

  I might have been too shy to say out loud the things he wanted to hear, but I could damn sure make him feel all the things he wanted to feel. Starting with my mouth on his deliciously rigid cock.

  Apparently, whatever made Beck unable to fool around with his sister in the apartment was not a genetic thing, because I had absolutely no problem tearing up the sheets with Ash no matter who was down the hall.

  Falling asleep with Ash on my mind—and by my side—didn’t stop the nightmares from coming this time. Every horrific thing we learned from Phil came to life in my dreams, only instead of the poor girl Tommy had glommed onto last year, in my dreams it was me he was stalking. Me he was harassing. Me he was blackmailing and threatening. Me he was assaulting.

  Phil said there was never any proof he was the one who broke into the girl’s apartment and assaulted her. Physically and sexually. She never saw the face of her attacker and there was no evidence linking him to the scene, so he was never charged, but in my dream, it was him all the same.

  Then I was there, on the beach in front of hundreds of people, having to say over and over what he’d done to me, what he’d done to her, while they stared at me—stared through me—like I wasn’t even there. The last scene that flashed by was a judge with a huge gavel shouting the words “not guilty” as Tommy launched himself at me once again, pinning me to the ground and sinking his teeth into my flesh as the crowd cheered him on.

  I woke up shaking and retching around 4:00 a.m., Ash freaking out beside me and Beck barreling into the bedroom to see what was wrong.

  My poor brother got an eyeful before Ash could get us both covered up, but I didn’t even notice at the time. I kept seeing it over and over, feeling the fear she must have felt. The horror and helplessness.

  Eventually, I calmed enough to lie back in Ash’s arms, cradled to him like a damn child as he sent Beck to get me a glass of water. When my brother headed out the door, I spotted Charli on the other side of the room, clutching her night shirt to her chest and quietly crying.

  I’d been doing so well before I found out about Tommy’s history. Dammit. Now I was a frightened mess again and I was causing everyone else to backslide with me.

  Charli sniffed softly from across the room and I started to scramble for my robe.

  Becker was back in a flash and before I could even manage to get my robe from the floor where it had fallen, he went to her, holding her to him as he steered her from the room and quietly clicked the door shut behind them.

  He would definitely be staying in her room for the rest of the night, but it was obvious from her expression that sleep would not return for her any more than it would for me.

  I shuddered against Ash’s side as I wondered if it ever would again.

  Despite my determination not to allow it, Tommy won tonight.

  Maybe tomorrow I would be stronger.

  Ashton

  “I don’t think I’ll ever recover. Ever,” Beck commented as we headed into the newly-vacant apartment. He was still suffering from the occasional shudder as we discussed—in the vaguest terms possible—the events early this morning.

  “Get back on topic, dude.”

  “Get off my sister, dick.” He shuddered again.

  All I could do was shake my head. All in all, he’d been pretty cool about me and Blair, but seeing us both nude in bed was more than his fragile big-brother psyche could take. “How was Charli this morning?”

  He blinked a few times, coming out of his traumatized stupor, and threw his hands up in a helpless gesture with which I was all too familiar. “She’s scared, obviously, and I did the best I could to comfort her, but it’s the guilt that’s eating at her. She blames herself for all of this and I can’t get her to listen to reason. I think she’s slept maybe two hours a night, if that, and the whole time you and Blair were at the cabin, Charli had a death-grip on her phone like she was waiting for something bad to happen.”

  I hated that Charli was suffering. I hated even more that Blair was, too. “This whole thing is weighing on them both. And fuck if I know how to fix it, short of digging a hole and planting his psychotic ass in it.”

  He snorted and shook his head. “Don’t even joke.”

  “Do you see me laughing?”

  He met my stare and I made it clear just from my expression that I wasn’t being the least bit facetious.

  “Ash—” There was a warning in his eyes, but he was cut off before he could finish.

  “So, guys. What do you think of the place? Plenty big for two swinging bachelors to entertain, two big bedrooms with enough space between them to maintain privacy, and that kitchen . . .” The building super/manager, Craig, raised his brows as if waiting for us to do backflips over the completely unremarkable apartment.

  “We’ll take it,” Becker told him absently and I nodded in agreement.

  “Can you get the lease prepared by this afternoon?” I asked Craig, still staring down my friend, who hadn’t taken his eyes off me since my earlier comment.

  Craig was clearly pleased with our decision. He slapped me on the back as he passed. “Absolutely. I’ll get everything ready to go and meet you back here at, say, five?”

  “I’ve got an interview late this afternoon. Make it seven,” Beck told him.

  “Seven it is!” Craig chirped happily as he headed for the door. “I’ll leave you two to decide who gets the bigger bedroom. Please lock up on the way out. I’ll have two sets of keys ready when you return.”

  “Make it four, please. We’ll pay for the extras.” I glanced briefly in his direction.

  He hesitated half a second before nodding. “Four it is.” His brows dipped down as he asked, “But there are only two living here, yes?”

  “Yes, but we need spares for emergency purposes. May as well have them from the start, right?”

  Another nod from Craig. “Always prepared like Boy Scouts. I like it.” With that, he closed the door behind himself and we were alone.

  Becker wasted no time resuming the conversation. “We’ve both made flip comments about taking him out, but it wasn’t meant literally. At least not when I said it. Please tell me you’re not stupid enough to go through with that shit. Because, if you think for one
minute you going to fucking prison isn’t worse for Blair than having to worry about Tommy, you’re an idiot who doesn’t deserve her.”

  “I never said I was going to do anything. I merely made a statement—a true statement. As long as Tommy is on this side of the dirt, he’s a threat. It’s a fact.”

  “Maybe so, but that’s why the girls have us.”

  “Bet that girl he stalked and raped and almost strangled to death had people looking out for her, too. Didn’t stop him, though, did it?” I was getting angry, not at Beck but at the entire situation. “Not only could they not make any charges stick in that case, they couldn’t even take into account that he was the prime suspect when he went to court after the incident on the beach. Shouldn’t someone, somewhere have said, ‘oh, by the way, he was believed to have stalked, raped, and attempted to murder a young woman a little more than a year ago?’”

  “Innocent until proven guilty. There’s a good chance it was in his record somewhere that he was questioned, but he had that girl so scared that she refused to report him even before the attack, when her friend says he was stalking and blackmailing her. Imagine how terrified she was after what he did to her in that apartment? Without forensic evidence or her testimony, he was just another dead end. No charges were filed, so it couldn’t be used against him when our case came up.”

  “Fucking bullshit is what it is.” I had to force myself to unclench my hands and stop pacing the empty living room.

  “I agree.” He went to the two big windows, the same kind in Blair and Charli’s apartment, and looked out over the parking lot. “Doesn’t mean it won’t come up at trial. I’ll bring it up myself, no matter what questions I’m asked. That jury will hear it, one way or the other. But that’s still weeks away. All we can do right now is look out for the girls and stay vigilant until trial. Maybe we’ll get lucky and the judge will give him the max sentence. Take his ass right out of the equation for fifty years or so.”

  “Doubtful, and you know it.”

  He shrugged and kept staring out the window.

  “Beck, I meant it when I said I wasn’t planning on doing anything. But know this: if he comes within fifty feet of your sister, I will plant his ass so deep no one will ever find him. And I won’t lose a fucking second of sleep over it.”

  Still not looking back at me, he stuck his hands in his pockets and gave one curt nod.

  I’d known Becker Martell basically my whole life, so despite his earlier lecture, I knew that particular nod meant “damn right.”

  “You’re going straight home after classes, right?”

  The wind had picked up and was whipping across the phone’s mic, which made it hard to hear Blair’s reply.

  “Say again?”

  There was a shuffling sound and the wind noise died down considerably. “Sorry, had to duck between buildings. I’ve got to get to my next class on time, so I only have a sec. If I’m late, Professor Randall will get all pissy.”

  “I thought you were one of his favorites.”

  “I was. Not so much these days. I think he’s man-strating.”

  “Gross.” I chuckled.

  She gave a little snort herself. “And inconvenient, since I’ve been kind of distracted lately and he’s all over my ass about it.”

  “Does he not know about . . . what happened?”

  “If he does, he doesn’t give a damn. And really, everybody has shit going on, so I can’t really blame him for not caring.”

  “I can.”

  “That’s because you love me and want to protect me. He just wants me to pay attention, so I don’t have to be in his face for another semester.” She shifts again and the wind is back, but not as loudly. “I’m cupping the phone as close as possible. I really need to get moving.”

  “Speaking of moving, Beck and I found a place. I’ll take you to see it tonight after we sign the lease.”

  “That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you guys.”

  “That’s why I was calling. Maybe today is a good day for you to swing by and see your folks. That way, you and Charli won’t be alone at your place. An hour or two the other day was too long for my tastes. Five hours is an absolute no-go. Beck has an interview today and I have errands. We can meet you back at your apartment at around seven-thirty and take you to see our new digs.”

  “Or you could give me the address and Charli and I can come straight there.”

  “Nope. We want to take you ourselves.”

  She hesitated a second, and I was expecting her to argue, then, “Okay. I need to pick up my hippo out of my old room anyway, and Mom has been nagging me to come over more. We’ll see you at our place at seven-thirty.”

  “Okay, baby. Thanks for indulging me. See you tonight.”

  “You’re welcome. Can’t wait to see your new place.”

  I ended the call feeling much better knowing she would be with her parents until I was able to see her again.

  I still needed to get over there myself, tell them in person how I felt about their daughter, but there would be time for that later. Right now, I needed to get everything in place so I could be sure she was safe.

  Blair

  “You still love that ratty old thing, don’t you?” My mom stood in the doorway of my old room, watching me as I sat on the edge of my bed and clutched the dingy hippo to my chest.

  “Yeah, I really do.” I grinned down at it. “I never realized how much until recently.” It had gotten me through some shitty moments over the years. I was kind of hoping it would ward off bad dreams too, because I was looking at several more weeks of them as the trial approached.

  She came inside and shut the door, leaving poor Charli stuck with my dad, who was going on and on about the lawn and how it would never fully recover from “that goddamn family of moles” who had invaded the property earlier in the year. Little sink holes littered the yard and flat-out pissed my father off. He’d be ranting for a while, and I knew Charli was going to make me pay dearly for leaving her alone with him.

  Mom came over and took a seat beside me on the bed, reaching over to pet the hippo as she said, “This little guy got you through some tough times, didn’t he?”

  I nodded, watching the faraway look on her face with some trepidation.

  “Is that why you came to get him now? Do you need him to help you through this? It’s okay if you do,” she hurried to say. “Whatever gives you comfort.”

  I leaned over and rested my head on her shoulder as I often did when she and I had one of our talks. “He does give me comfort, always has, but that’s not the only reason why I’m taking him home with me today.”

  “Then why now?”

  I thought about brushing her off, making some flippant comment and leaving it at that, but I couldn’t. I’d avoided her since what happened at the beach, because I didn’t want to see the worry in her eyes and because I didn’t know what or even if I should tell her about me and Ash, but I was ashamed of that now. She deserved better. She deserved the truth.

  “I’m coming to get it now because I do need the comfort, but it’s also so I can show it to Ash. Because Ash was the one who got it for me, a long time ago. And I think my attachment to it all this time was partly because of that. Because of my feelings for Ash, even back then.”

  “Feelings for Ash?” She didn’t sound upset, just curious.

  “I love him, Mom. Maybe somewhere inside, I always have. Maybe that’s why I held so close to this particular stuffed animal when I had a whole room full of them to choose from.”

  She wrapped her arm around my waist and tugged me closer, until my face was buried in her neck. She smelled of vanilla and jasmine, the same perfume she’d worn all my life. It was the safest, most comforting smell in the world. “And this is in no way a response to what happened on the beach, right? Because sometimes, something traumatic like that can trigger really strong emotions that you might not otherwise have felt.”

  “It started long before the beach. And even at the beach, befor
e everything went bad, we were on the verge of something. What happened with Tommy just lit a fire under us both, I guess. Made this little dance we’ve been doing seem like a waste of time, time we should have been spending together.”

  She was silent for a while, one hand on my waist and the other petting the hippo in my hands. “I’ll be honest. I’ve heard some things about Ash’s . . . history with women. That worries me a bit.”

  I took a breath and started to argue, but she shushed me.

  “Let me finish, Blair-bear.” She patted my side and continued. “Having said that, I want you to know that I adore Ashton. He’s been the best friend a mother could ever want for her son. The two of them have pulled some stunts that nearly made me strangle them both, but they have always looked out for each other.” Her voice was shaky as she said, “And the way he looked out for you on that beach, Blair. My God, I can barely think about what you went through, how much more you would have gone through if Ash hadn’t found you in time. And Becker told your father—but warned him not to tell me—that the only reason he didn’t beat that psycho rapist to death on the beach was because Ash stopped him.” She swallowed thickly and a tear fell into my hair.

  The word rapist made my whole body go cold.

  I didn’t dare look up at her face. I wasn’t sure I could take the sight of her crying. Instead, I wrapped both arms around her like I did when I was a child, locking my hands together around her waist and pinning the hippo between my forearm and her stomach, like maybe he could comfort us both.

  “I’m always scared for you, Blair-bear. Always. It’s a mother’s nature. When you got so sick as a child, I thought I would literally lose my mind. The only thing that held me together was knowing you needed me to be brave so you could be brave. And I was. I never stopped worrying about you, even after you were well, but I got better as the years wore on. Maybe not as relaxed as you would have preferred, but I did mellow a little.”

  “Very little,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood, but she wasn’t to be deterred.