Defiant

by Ursula Sinclair

  I skimmed my finger across the screen. “Yeah.”

  “I got a case of beer to split with ya and two bats with our names on it. There is a jump in tonight, and our esteemed leader will be making an appearance. He asked for you.” Bruno chuckled.

  “You had me at ‘jump in.’” My evening was getting better. “I’m a couple stops away. I was coming to your house anyway.” Blood in and Blood out. To be a brother meant shedding blood for the cause. Pain inflicted by the men that would serve beside you. A once in a lifetime opportunity to belong to a family that truly understood you. It also meant that if someone ever wanted to break those ties, blood would be shed to be free, and that meant giving up your life.

  “Becky is bringing a few of her friends to the party.”

  “Oh yeah?” New pussy in a fresh batch of women who believed in our cause. I might get lucky after all.

  “The girls have their own recruits to welcome.”

  “Sounds better and better.”

  “White power,” Bruno screamed through the earpiece.

  “White power,” I yelled back and laughed, pure joy coursing through my veins.

  Dirty looks were cast my way. The cab screeched and lurched as it came to another stop. I smiled as I pressed through the throng of people. Once upon a time, I couldn’t be open about my preferences, but this was a new day, and the freedom to despise those that were not like me was amazingly liberating. I shoved my way to the doors, slamming my body through those things below me, daring to take a breath in my space.

  I could walk the couple of blocks to Bruno’s house. It would take fifteen, twenty minutes max to get there. From there, the night was young, and a jump in didn’t have to happen right away. Maybe we could find some wetbacks, or niggers—nope—race robbing Jews would be better. They were the reason all the fucking sub-races believed they were even in the same league as the pure, white nation. Those damn Jews always needed a good ass whooping as a reminder. What they did to Jesus was plain wrong. What they kept doing by promoting them damn sub-humans, those fucking bastards deserved everything they got, and tonight, I would make someone feel every inch of my misery. Perhaps, if I’m lucky, several monkeys and their fucking trainers will feel the end of my bat. It’s not like it would be the first time. A burst of laughter erupted past my lips as I squeezed through the doors as they shut.

  Tonight, would be a good night and life is good.

  5

  Harper

  Someone shoved past me. I’d turn around to tell them something, but it wasn’t the first time, and I’d learned to save my breath. By the time I’d get the first word out they’d be long gone.

  My car had been fixed. I’d picked it up, but it had been sitting in my leased parking garage for a week now. No one, if they knew, would believe I’d been riding public transportation for the last week, all so I could try to talk to some guy. I’m an idiot or a romantic—same difference at this point. Serena might be the only one who would understand, if she knew.

  But, there had just been something compelling about the guy on the train. It wasn’t just his looks. He was no pampered pretty boy. Oh, he was panty dropping worthy alright, but more, ‘I’ll rip them off you rather than let you step out of them’ kind of guy. I knew he’d be nothing like the young men I knew. He damn well better be worth the discomfort of public transportation. Some people apparently never heard of something called deodorant and others thought they could substitute cologne for bath water. My nose wanted to go on strike.

  What the hell am I doing?

  I’d asked myself that question every day as I stood on the platform waiting for the blasted train. Clearly, I didn’t belong amongst the masses, not with a brand new Louis Vuitton backpack, bought directly from the store and not on some sidewalk. I stood out, and I knew it. My clothes weren’t the discounted designer brands of two seasons ago or even last season. If it was on the runways last week, I was wearing it the next. I had a professional stylist at a few stores who set things aside and called me as soon as the latest fashions came in. Although I was a college student, I still dressed like the privileged one I am.

  Maybe I was just bored, but I wasn’t, not really. My life was good. Except maybe for my father’s wife. He however, refused to get me a new car, and I’m pretty sure she had something to do with that decision. I planned on asking her the next time I saw her and to tell her to please stay out of my business. Still, I was doing what I wanted. I was working on a degree that would be a lucrative one, and had a paid internship lined up which would turn into a permanent position. A handsome boyfriend who was just as driven as I was, and he was great in bed. Yet, here I was on this damn train again searching for someone I didn’t know but wanted to.

  Pathetic.

  Every day I’d been on the train it had been crowded. Was it always like this? Unless he was right next to me, I wouldn’t have seen him. Although, I thought I caught a glimpse of someone with tats on their knuckles holding onto the handle from the ceiling. My stop came, and I made my way through the throng to get off. It wasn’t until I stood on the platform that I caught a glimpse of him moving amongst the passengers. I stood still for a moment to see if he would get off, but the door closed and the train moved on. He’d just been taking a seat.

  The passing train whipped up the wind and the cold dove into my bones. The days would only get colder. I zipped my fur lined jacket up. It was Friday, and I was meeting Serena and some friends tonight for drinks. I’d have fun with my boyfriend and friends this weekend and get rid of this weird obsession I had over a guy I never met—and never will. It’s not meant to be. Come Monday, I’ll get my ass back in my car. I was done. I turned and headed toward my first class.

  It took me a minute to realize the buzzing to my right came from my phone. Without opening my eyes I reached for it on my nightstand. “Why?” I asked. Not ready to get up yet.

  “Wakie Wakie.”

  “Serena. What do you want?” My voice came out dry.

  “Come on, Harper. We’re going to breakfast. I promise you’ll love this place. Steve took me there for perogies last week, and they are the best.”

  “What time is it?” I moved the phone from my ear, so I could see the screen, and the time. Unfortunately, I had to open my eyes to check. I knew once I did that, there’d be no going back to sleep. It was ten in the morning. Justin and I had been out all night with Serena and some of our friends. By the time we got back to my place it was three in the morning.

  “I’ll be there in twenty minutes to pick you up. Is Justin still there? He can come too.”

  Serena disconnected. Sometimes there was no saying, ‘no’ to that woman. I glanced at the phone. I had half a mind to call her back and tell her ‘no,’ when I felt the press of Justin’s lips on my back. When I stretched to put the phone down, it also moved me slightly out of his reach.

  “What’s up?” he asked in a groggy voice. “Was that Serena?”

  “Yeah, she’ll be here in fifteen minutes to pick us up.”

  He placed his hand on my stomach, and I flinched. He hadn’t spent the night for a week, so this was the first time we’d been alone together in a while. Normally, I’d be under him or on top by now, but I hesitated and sat up, suddenly ready to get out of bed.

  “You know she’ll be here soon and banging on the door to be let in, if I don’t come out. I need to get up and jump in the shower.”

  He flopped back down on the bed. “Damn it.”

  I could see the tent his dick had created with the sheets and smiled as I turned my back to him and went into the shower. Surprisingly, I wasn’t naked. I had managed to put on some boy shorts and a cami, but I knew he wore nothing but skin under the sheets. We’d stripped off clothing, just crawled into bed and passed out.

  I brushed my teeth then jumped in the shower; a bit surprised Justin wasn’t right behind me. I was almost done when I heard him enter the separated stall part of the bathroom and use it. After he stepped out and went over to the sink t
o brush his teeth, I called out, “I’m almost done.” In case he was planning on coming in.

  He opened the bathroom door just as I shut off the faucet. He held a towel out to me. “Thanks,” I said and wrapped it around me as he reached past me to turn the water back on. “Are you coming with us?”

  “Nah. I’ve got some work to catch up on. I’ll go home and work for a few hours, then come back later tonight, or you can come over.” He leaned forward and gave me a kiss. For a moment I pressed into him, then moved out of his arms.

  It was all very nice. Time to get my head back on track.

  I’d just finished getting dressed when my phone buzzed. Serena was downstairs.

  Justin came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around him. “You sure you want to go?” he asked, a cocky smile lighting up his face.

  Damn, he looked fine. He had that whole packed and cut thing going for him, courtesy of a gluten free diet and a personal trainer. I kissed him quickly. “Later. Text me when you leave, and I’ll lock the door.” My condo had one of those digital key locks. I could lock and unlock it with my phone. So, I never needed to give anyone a key to get in. I also had a key for it just in case something happened to the technology, but it was a good reason not to give anyone a key to my place—certainly, not my boyfriend. Although, I did have a key to his place. He’d given it to me a couple of months ago when he needed me to pick up something for him that he’d left at home. When I’d tried to return it he’d told me to keep it. But, I never reciprocated by giving him an access code to my apartment. He’d text me, and I’d either lock or unlock the door. It worked for me, and I guess him, too.

  Serena’s blue Taurus was pulled right in front of the entrance. Steven was in the front passenger seat, but when he saw it was just me, he hopped into the back seat.

  “I guess Justin isn’t joining us?” Serena asked.

  “Yeah, he’s got some work to do.”

  “Yeah, sure,” Serena replied.

  “Really, I’m sure he does.”

  “Or, he just doesn’t like us. I see the way he rolls his eyes at me,” she said.

  “That’s not true,” I countered defensively.

  “Yeah, it is,” Steven stated. “You know whenever we’re all together, he always keeps to himself. He’s there but not really there. He always sits at the edges of the group, and he likes to take you with him and monopolize your time. Like last night, he sat at the end of the bar, with you next to him. After saying ‘hi’ to the rest of us, I’m not sure he said another word, other than to order another drink.”

  Serena was nodding her head in agreement with what Steven said.

  “He was just tired. I thought you all liked him.”

  “We do. He’s a nice enough guy, but I’m not sure he likes us,” Serena replied. “My family doesn’t have the right connections, and Steven and Ron are gay, and he never seems to get along with any of my boyfriends.”

  I’d been dating Justin now for almost a year. This wasn’t the first time I’d heard something similar from my friends. I know the first time he met Steven, he’d stiffened. Steven is downright beautiful, actually. If he wasn’t a corporate lawyer, he’d make a fortune as a model. He’s also gay. At first, I thought Justin was threatened by Steven’s looks, but soon realized, it was because he wasn’t comfortable being around him. But, I figured he’d just have to get over it because Steven was one of my best friends.

  “Well, I like you, and that’s all that matters,” I said.

  We pulled up in a neighborhood I didn’t recognize, but the street was lined with ethnic themed restaurants. We parked a few doors down from the place where Serena said she wanted to go. As soon as I got out of the car, I froze. The sun highlighted a familiar looking short blond head of hair.

  Walking out of the very place we were headed was the guy from the train. He crossed the street without looking in our direction and headed away from us. Did he live around here? I almost called out to him to wait, but what the hell would I have said if he turned around? Besides, I didn’t even know his name.

  “You okay?” Serena asked as she came around the car.

  “Yeah, yeah.” Come Monday I was getting back on the train.

  6

  Dachs

  Was she following me?

  Unexpectedly, she’d showed up at my parents’ shop. After another fight with Alivia I was rushing out to meet my crew. The black girl and her friends were walking down the sidewalk from the opposite direction. I would have missed her if she hadn’t stepped forward, and the movement caught my attention.

  Just another chance encounter?

  But, seeing her that day almost felt like more than that. We couldn’t be friends; her skin, her very background prevented that from ever happening, so we must be destined to be enemies. I’d continued on with my day without another thought about her.

  She was on the train again. I watched her peeking at me. She was close enough to reach out and touch. I tightened my hold on the handle in a white-knuckled grip. To slide my fingers across her skin would be an acknowledgment that I knew she was looking for me—the clothes, her haughty expression, her disdain. She wasn’t the type to ride the T. Honestly, I couldn’t see her on any form of public transportation. I rolled my shoulders to ease the tension building up between them. No niggeress, any ethnic really, should ever be in a position that allowed them to be better off than their superior counterparts. It gave them a privilege complex they shouldn’t have.

  A couple of times could be a coincidence, but I had seen her more than a few times, and our gazes had met on occasion. She’d get off at the Harvard University stop; she was probably a fucking student there. Probably got in on some kind of program for poor blacks. She dressed well enough; her clothes could be designer, but those shirts and shit were easy enough to get from a consignment shop. Didn’t mean she was smart, just savvy and entitled. I cocked my head, staring at her but not really seeing her. Instead, the instances of our run ins played through my mind like a movie.

  She kept staring at me, hiding behind her phone, trying to get pics of me. I knew what she was doing, and her nerve plucked at mine. The more I see her though, I can’t quite work up the same anger. It was more of a curiosity. I wouldn’t exactly call her pretty, but I could see how an uneducated white man might look twice. I shook my head. What the hell was I thinking? She was the worst kind of black, one that thought they should have the same liberties as their white counterparts. These motherfuckers took our jobs and status. They trampled on our pride and cried foul whenever we raised our voices to denounce it—like we are wrong. The train jerked, and I shifted to the side. She moved too, slipping past the people between us. I reached out to steady her and pulled my hand back just as quickly as I thrust it out. Up close, I realized her hair wasn’t black, more of a deep sable brown. For the briefest moment we locked gazes. Surprise was evident in her expression. Wide eyes, lips that formed a perfect ‘O’. Just like that first day. Although we weren’t nearly as close.

  On the train, I turned away, ignoring her. Jumbled words through a scratchy speaker fell down around us. My stop was next. I pushed my way through the crowd to the sliding doors. My neck warmed as if I was being watched, and I glanced over my shoulder to check and see if she was staring at me. She wasn’t there. A sense of relief—no it wasn’t that. It was something I couldn’t quite put a name to, washed through me. I felt like I could breathe when I hadn’t realized I was actually holding my breath.

  The train ground to a stop with muffled screeches. The doors split, and I moved along with the throng of people exiting the car. Bone tired, but I was going to a small rally straight from work. I’d been picked up as one of the subcontractors for a new construction project and being one of only three welders chosen, fourteen hour days were becoming the norm. Still, as a valued foot soldier of the brotherhood, no matter how exhausted I was, I never missed a meeting.

  I trudged to the exit and onto the street. Moving from the shadows to the
brighter rays of the late afternoon sun, blinded me for a second until my eyes adjusted. I pulled my cell free to check the time as I continued down the sidewalk. There was enough time to grab a quick bite from a convenience store before I was to meet Bruno and the gang. A sandwich or something would tide me over until I found a place to lay my head.

  There was a little corner store a block ahead. I increased my pace, and walked through the open doors of the tiny market. A spicy scent permeated the air. There was a towel head behind the counter.

  Stay or go?

  It was rare to find an American owned market anymore. Grumbles rose from my stomach; I still needed to eat. I stalked up the tight aisles to the small refrigerated shelves and snatched up a sandwich container. Moving right along, I opened a cooler door and grabbed a cheap bottle of pop. I spun around and came face to face with her.

  For a minute, I didn’t know what to say. A myriad of nonsensical words flitted through my mind, my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. I opened my mouth with a faint snap. “What the hell are you doing here?” I blurted out.

  She raised a hand and waved. “Hi.”

  I glanced around. We were too close to the meeting place. She shouldn’t, couldn’t be seen with me. I didn’t utter another word, pressing my lips together. I walked away.

  “What’s your name?” She followed.

  This girl was going to get killed. Worse, get me killed. I paused. Wait, why did it matter? She was nothing to me but a non-white entity. No one that I had a reason to worry about. It was her; she had no reason to be in my space—no fucking reason to be on this side of town. Still, I would warn her. “Don’t follow me,” I growled and dropped the items in my hand on a shelf before rushing past her. If she didn’t listen then whatever happened to her was her fault.

  “Wait.” She gripped my elbow.

  I gazed down at her, waiting for the repulsion, the hate I felt for everyone other than my own kind to roar through me.