by Tara Brown
“Let’s go.” Lee grabs my hand and pulls me to the stairs, but something feels off.
“No.” I turn instead and yank her in a different direction. I walk across the huge basement to the servants’ stairs and creep up them into the back of the kitchen and head for the pantry. Opening the large door, I steal a bottle of Coke from the stack in there. Muffling the sound with my pajamas, I crack the lid off and hand it to her. She drinks it, her eyes narrowing in confusion.
I get another bottle and open it the same way, taking a big drink of warm pop. It’s not at all what I wanted but someone is here. Someone is wandering the castle. I hear footsteps moving softly, sneaking. They’re pausing and listening and getting closer.
My heartbeat tries to increase but I take a deep breath and drink more Coke.
When I hear the person get closer, I whisper, “I was thinking we should take a trip to one of the smaller cities nearby and find a Walmart or something and see if there are Christmas decorations. For the castle.”
“That’s a good idea.” She nods along, drinking her warm pop. “It would be nice if it was festive.” She’s changes gears with me smoothly, no doubt sensing something is up.
“I want to surprise Liam with it though. I don't want him to know I’m doing it.” The footsteps stop. It’s him. His heartbeat. His controlled breath. “I want him to wake up and see Christmas exploded everywhere here.” It’s not a lie. I’ve thought about doing it.
He stays in the shadows. She hears him now too. She nearly turns and looks behind her but fights the urge and it resembles more of a flinch. “He’s going to love it.”
“I think so too. We have to start thinking about Christmas presents. Something cool and homemade.” I’m struggling to be the girl I was before. “We can get the drones to make something and give it out to everyone.”
“Yeah.” She nods along.
“Thanks for meeting me. I really wanted to plan this out without him knowing. And there’s always someone around. He’s impossible to surprise.” I smile as I speak, trying to sound happy. I was happy. Now I’m scared and I want my sister and my dog and my family. And him.
“He totally is,” she agrees and drinks some more. The footsteps retreat. He slips across the main floor to the stairs. He walks to us from there but not hiding his footsteps.
“Someone’s coming,” I whisper.
Liam enters the massive kitchen a minute later, looking groggy and tired. “Lou, what’s going on?”
“I wanted a drink.”
“And you needed Lee to have a drink?”
“I was already down here,” she lies.
“I see.” He narrows his gaze and comes to me, pulling me into his embrace. “Come back to bed. Waking up next to your pillow scared me.”
“Why?” I try to ask the question like it’s silly, but I’m scared of his answer.
“I thought perhaps you ran away.”
“To where? The basement to do more work?” I laugh awkwardly.
“Actually, yes.” He smiles.
“Sorry. I just thought I might tuck you in with the pillow so it felt like I was still there. So I wouldn't wake you.” I don't know if it’s the right thing to say. My entire body is buzzing with the lies I’m telling. The bots want to change everything. They want control back. And the struggle with them is creating chaos in my head.
“Bring your drink.” He kisses the side of my head and nods at Lee. “Night, Lee.” He slips his fingers into mine and heads toward the stairs, pulling me gently.
“Night,” she says softly. Her eyes meet mine and she’s scared.
I am too.
I realize, deep down there’s a measure of me that’s scared of him. Not afraid of him as he is now but based on my previous memories of him.
I’m scared of things like the cistern and the way he manages to twist things, so he gets what he wants.
His touch is firm, controlling.
When we get back up to our room, he closes the door and stares at me. He lifts a hand to my cheek, caressing me, and I am certain he doesn't believe the Christmas story. I’m frozen, which I doubt is how I would act. If I were still under this spell, their spell, I would do something differently.
I close off my mind and just react to him naturally, standing on my tiptoes and wrapping my arms around his neck. I close my eyes and brush my lips against his. His hands encircle my back and press me into him. The smell of him infiltrates and the bots begin to woo me again. They use the fact that he is the perfect match for me. Everything about him is made to love me and vice versa. They know this.
They begin by making my breath ragged with desire. Flooding me with his pheromones. Spiking my own hormones. Sending my drive and desire through the roof.
His grip tightens, lifting me into his arms. I wrap my legs around him, losing control again. My sister’s face bursts through the wall the bots are building, killing every bit of my desire. But I pretend I’m still here, I’m still in this. I’m still entirely his.
When he lays me on the bed, kissing and whispering and loving me, I have to force myself not to flinch or tell him the truth, that the bots are evil and they’re using us. He climbs onto the bed, hovering over me, staring at me with his intense gaze. He’s searching my eyes for something. Maybe it’s lies. I can’t keep this up. I can’t lie to him. If I want to survive this, I have to let go.
I let them have their way.
I let them rebuild the wall.
I tell myself it’s five days.
I can do anything for five days.
25
The wall isn’t the same.
My feelings for Liam are, but they’re competing for space in my heart. I tried to let the bots be back in control so I could get through this, but the face of my sister, a face I can’t believe I forgot once, haunts me. I have to force myself to stay here. Force myself to remain at the castle, so far away from her. Instead of doing the job I’m meant to be doing, I find myself closing my eyes to see her face. Her little face. I wonder how much she’s changed in the month. I wonder how worried she was that I left her. Secret mission or not. I feel her small hands in mine, the softness of her skin.
I’m worried she’s scared that I might never come back.
Because I am the last person in the world that she has.
Everyone else has left us.
Trying to hide out from everyone so my awakened state isn’t obvious, I spend my days in the small lab in the basement next to the control room. Lee is there, working just next door, but we ignore each other. Perhaps we’re ignoring each other too much. My mind never stops moving now.
Which is helpful since I’m working at sabotaging everything. The moment I sat at my desk, I had an urge to delete programming. It dawns on me that we never put the bots into the computers like I did with the helicopter. That urge never came about. I imagine because of Dr. Jacquard. He must have stifled it.
The bots have whispered to me to do it now, but I fight them. Fight them trying to take over my whole mind and body. I have to assume my spirit is what’s holding them back. Keeping them at bay.
The door opens and Lee comes in, checking behind her in the hallway before closing the door. “We have a problem.”
“What?” I whisper back, though we’re alone.
“My riders have seen someone in the woods not far from here. They reported to me, and I've given them orders to remain peaceful in case it’s more live bots making their way here. But the description sounded like Miles, Erin, Kyle, and Leah.”
“We still have two days for the bots to arrive. You sure it sounded like them?”
She nods.
“Well, that must mean they’re staying close by.” That makes me curious if my sister is close by too. Pushing the need for her away, I continue, “Since neither of us knows the plan, thanks to Dr. Jacquard, we will have to hide this from Liam and worry about it when it becomes something to worry about. Your riders listen to you. Make it seem like you’re watchful but not too worried
since they’re likely bot people just leery of the castle.”
“I did.” She bites her lip and I wonder if that was all she was worried about.
“You okay?”
“Nope.” She takes a deep breath. “I have doubts about this whole thing.”
“Oh me to.” I sigh, relieved she is worrying. “I think it’s the bots trying to gain control. They’re already back to putting us into position to be taken over. They just naturally want to drive the meat bus.”
“Oh that’s disgusting. Never say meat bus to me again.” She wrinkles her nose and I laugh. It’s genuine and I don't remember when I last made that sound. She laughs too. It’s magical and raw. “You’re so weird.” She leans on the door, exhaling softly.
“I am my father’s daughter,” I agree.
“What will we do when this is over? When the bots are defeated and we’re all back to normal?” Her tone is whimsical and light. “Will we even be normal?”
“I don't know. I guess we’ll stay here. We have all the food and supplies ready, and we’ll be down a large portion of the population. I imagine we’ll have some serious burning to do with the bodies of the people who can’t come back from where they are.”
“Oh right.” She loses that lightness. “I forgot about that. The ones who are technically dead.”
“Yeah.” I press my lips together and try not to think too much on it.
“What about him?” She points at the ceiling and is back to being serious and worried.
“I can save him. I know I can.”
Her eyes and lips twitch as though she wants to disagree but she doesn't. “And Kyle?”
His name wounds me because there is a painful truth inside me. “It’s him.” I glance up at the ceiling. “It’s always going to be him; I just didn't know it. He’s my match.”
“That's you and not the bots talking, right?”
“Not the bots,” I confirm.
“But you also love Kyle, just not enough?” The question is brutal but it’s real.
“No,” I admit it to her and me. “Not the same. He’s like a guy I liked before I fell in love. Like a teenaged romance. The depth of this”—my eyes travel back up to the ceiling—“is all-consuming.”
“I’m sorry, dude,” she says and I realize she’s not judging me. She is agonizing over the truth I will have to share with Kyle. She’s upset for me. And him.
“Thanks, man.” My response makes her grin.
“When was the last time we said dude and man?”
“Before the great brainwashing I suppose.” I laugh with her, though this time it’s less light and fluffy.
“Okay, I’m going to admit something, and I don't want you to judge me.”
“I won’t.” I hope I won’t.
“I miss the brainwashing a bit. I enjoyed being Princess Lee and having unwavering confidence in Liam and this plan. I miss the dream that we were meant for more.” She says it exactly the same as I’m thinking it. “That we would save the world and be super beings.”
“Oh, me too.” I wave away her worries. “Totally. And I hate that we’re using his faith in us against him. I know it’s based on the bots believing they have us under their control so surveillance and second-guessing and checking up on people isn’t a thing here. And I also know it’s for the greater good, that we’ll rescue us all from the control of the bots, but I do feel awful for tricking him.”
“Me too.” She moves forward and hugs me, squeezing tightly. “I’m so glad we have each other.”
“I am too.” I hug back, savoring the honesty, even if it’s hidden in here, in this tiny corner.
“I’ll go back out and ensure the riders are looking for the bots,” she says with a sigh, letting go and walking back to the door.
“Okay. I’ll see you at dinner.” I wave and as she opens the door, Liam is there with his hand up like he was about to grab the handle.
Lee pulls a perfect nonresponse out of her butt. She doesn't flinch at all. “King Liam, I didn't expect to see you here.” She brushes past him and walks into the hall as he enters the room with me.
“It was perfect timing,” he says with a smile. I type in four keys and the system on the computer hides what I’ve been up to by bringing another screen to the forefront. “I just came to see if Lou wants to take a walk.”
“I’d love to.” I stand and stroll over to where he is, letting him hug me.
“See you two later.” Lee waves and leaves us alone in the doorway.
“What did she want?”
“Double-checking my progress on the communication capabilities of the bots I’m manipulating,” I say something the Jacquard bots wouldn't have thought of.
“How’s it coming?”
“Slow. Dr. Jacquard would be better than just his bots in my mind. I struggle to have the breakthroughs he or my father would have had.” It’s true. I love offering him a truth since most of my words are lies. “Let’s take that walk.” I slip my hand into his and he leads the way.
As we leave the castle on the ground floor, the cold air of autumn hits. It’s early in the season but the change is noticeable.
I pull my sweater tighter around my shoulders.
“I guess it’s jacket season now, huh?” I offer, keeping the conversation light.
“It is. Here, I’ll keep you warm.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and snuggles me into his body. I fit perfectly into the side of him.
The grounds are becoming beautiful here. Hedges and gardens have been planted. Apparently, doing it in the fall is better. I’m told the spring flowerbeds will bloom and reveal all the hard work with daffodils and tulips and other bulb flowers. I’m a little excited to see it.
I smile up at Liam, convincing myself I will be enough to keep him sane. I’m going to save him. I’ve been contemplating it for days, how to do it. I’ll have to trap him and slowly gain his trust again, like an animal. A wild animal.
I’m not stupid enough to believe he won’t hurt me just because he loves me. I know he will. My eyes dart to the side of the courtyard where the path that leads to the cistern is. I’m slowly forming a plan. The bots can’t help me on this.
When we reach the archway, which he had built that leads into the orchard, he stops and stands under it. The colors of the leaves are changing with the cold air making the archway bright red. As I step under it, I notice a scratchy sound of leaves being tickled by the wind.
“I love you,” he says, drawing my attention from the leaves to him.
“I love you too.”
“I thought I’d been in love before.” He pauses, obviously speaking of Grace. It doesn't bother me the way it does him to speak of her, though he does it less and less. No doubt because the bots are slowly robbing him of her.
“I know. With Grace.”
“But now I think on it, and I suspect I was obsessed with her. In the way I used to get. Infatuated and consumed by the idea of her.”
“No.” I squeeze his hands and shake my head slowly. “You loved her, Liam.”
“How do you know?” he asks, not angrily, genuinely curious.
“Because the bots had healed you. You were all better and then you fell for her.”
“But I feel differently for you and I don't understand that. How can I love two people, not equally, just at all?” he sounds so lost and adorable.
“It’s the same as me and Kyle.” His eyes flash hatred as I say the sentence, but I soften my tone for the rest so he doesn't get upset, “I loved him in a way school kids love. It was first and sweet and similar to you and Grace in that we went through something terrible together. It bonded us. But that doesn't mean it’s the same as how I love you. Or why I love you.”
“Do you miss him?” he asks, fixating on the wrong part of the story. Something he does.
“Yes and no.” I don't have to lie about that. “I miss my friend, not him being my boyfriend. You have my heart, my whole heart.” The words are lost. He’s consumed by the idea
that I had a boyfriend.
“But you did love him?”
“We’re not talking about him.” I step back, hoping the disappointment in my eyes isn’t too heavy. He doesn’t react well when I get a tone. “We’re talking about us. And you’re right, how we felt about other people isn’t the same as we feel for each other. I agree. There’s something else here—”
“Soul mates,” he mutters, though I know he doesn’t really believe in that.
“Yeah. I’ve given it some thought and there’s a chance that’s what this inexplicable draw is.” I hope to test the theory when the bots are all dead.
“It’s not just draw, there’s something devotional to it.” He closes the gap between us, cupping my face in his hands and lifting me to meet his lips. “I would die without you. And I hate that thought.”
It’s easily the most terrifying thing he’s ever said. And I doubt it’s only me that it scares.
26
The sun rises on the fifth day and I feel like we are back at the beginning. I’m waiting for the seventh day and for the bots to die. Except this time I’m not hoping for my father to save me. Not exactly. Though I imagine some of the programming we are about to use is his.
Liam is sleeping peacefully, the way he sleeps all the time. Seeing it makes me wonder if this was how he slept before, or if there were nightmares. I’ve never asked him about the shadow man or his family or the dream I had. I suspect the answer is that somehow, I saw into his mind and he shared that with me without meaning to.
Watching his chest rise and fall, I ponder if Grace ever watched him sleeping. Did she sit and stare and wonder how such a beautiful person could be so ugly inside? Or did she know the shadow man story?
I take one last long look at him and climb from the bed, hoping this isn’t the last time we are like this. A couple. Soul mates.
Dr. Jacquard’s reminder that Tanya or I could die from this, flits about my mind as I make my way through the extensive hallways and staircases to the basement. It’s not an end I want but if it’s the end I get, I can’t fight it. I have to do this.
