by Tara Brown
What he doesn't know is that not one of them will change this.
Not a single one.
Dr. Jacquard has shut me off. I can scream and sob from behind the wall where he trapped my other bots and my personality and soul. But I won’t change my mind, this mind is controlled by something else. It has tunnel vision. One destination, any cost.
He runs at Lee but Erin steps in the way. The fight is on. He punches Erin who stabs him with something in the shoulder. He screams. She rages.
Leah grabs them both, trying to separate them.
He backhands Leah.
Miles grabs him, throwing him into the crowd of live bots who are waiting for their next set of orders from me.
Kyle rushes the crowd, following Liam. They’re both screaming and grunting and attacking. It’s a fight to the death. But I don't move, I don't stop it.
I need the distraction of it.
I need Liam busy.
He’s trapped in there, meaning he can’t stop me.
Ignoring the screaming of my own heartache deep within me, I watch for the second needed to charge my siren call again.
Tanya spins me, her eyes wide with fear. “Do it now!” she shouts over the sound of the chopper.
“I don't know how to say this right now, being so closed off. But I want you to know I love you.”
She nods, losing her hold she has too tight a grip on. Her voice cracks as tears flood her eyes, “I love you too.” Her lip trembles and my old feelings stir, but they can’t save either of us from this.
Dr. Jacquard’s bots have their orders.
I lean in, completely against every emotionless bot in my body, and kiss her forehead. I hover there for a second, then stand up straight and lean back, letting my arms fall at my sides as I part my lips and scream a second siren call.
It’s painful but the bots are repairing the damage to my throat as I unleash the final orders.
The noise of my scream is paralyzing.
It’s a combination request.
It freezes the hosts completely.
Then the bots repair any damage to the body that they can with the limited resources left.
The hosts hold hands.
Once the body is left in a healed state, it will survive on its own. The bots transfer all information to a single nanobot which then crawls from the mouths and along the hands of the group, moving to the front and the vacated host collapses.
As the siren call leaves my body, I grab Tanya and begin the final phase of Dr. Jacquard’s mission.
Her eyes are wide and bloodshot, and I can’t help but stare into them as I lock our hands together.
“Biomagnetism,” I say to her softly.
“What?”
“Dr. Jacquard thought maybe it was some weird kind of biomagnetism. He didn't have time to solve it, but he believed that’s why you’re immune.”
“Cool.” She nods but her eyes are drifting to the left and the right as thousands of saliva-riding bots move their way to us, leaving collapsing people. The helicopter lifts more so and now its soft hum mixes with the grunts and crumpling noises as the host bodies drop to the grass unconscious. Or dead.
The circle of human hosts is dropping like a wave, starting at the back, coming toward us, creating dust that mixes with the helicopter. I walk to where Liam and Kyle stand frozen nearby. Blue lights glow from them as the bots heal the last of the wounds they inflicted on each other.
Kyle’s eyes are closed but Liam’s lids flicker as though his eyes are rolled back in his head. I place both my hands on his cool cheeks and pull his face down to mine. “Come back to me,” I whisper and plant a kiss on him, taking the bots from him directly as they finish their task.
He falls to the ground first, unconscious.
His life spills over into my mind.
Everything I saw in the dream, everything, was accurate.
That breaks a piece of me off deep inside. I’ll feel it later if I survive this.
Silently and without asking for the forgiveness I hope he can one day give me, I grab Kyle’s hand and close my eyes.
It takes several minutes for the bots to move forward and finally enter me.
Lives and stories and flashes of everything hit all at once. A thousand stories come to life. Kyle’s anger at me, his heartbreak and confusion and desperation which could drown me if I was able to feel anything.
I’m buzzing with energy like I could lift off the ground, but I’m also swollen and strained by the amount of memory and bot materials writhing inside. I should burst and spill my guts everywhere, but the bots hold me together. Damaging and healing at the same time.
Pain hits as veins are ruptured and bloody bots spill under my skin. I moan but manage to move forward, pushing myself through it.
I had visions of how this was going to go. How this would work. They’re dead inside me now. The pain is so bad I can barely keep my eyes open. I’m going to die from this overload.
I take Tanya’s hands again as the helicopter lowers so we can board. I can’t step, the bursting veins and splitting skin prevent it. I roll onto my back on the deck of the chopper and lie there as Tanya climbs on. She grabs my hands and drags me, both of us screaming, me from the tearing of my flesh and her from the effort she is putting in.
The helicopter lifts, jostling me as the writhing jelly of nanobots jiggles inside me.
Tanya lies on the floor of the helicopter with me. I stare at the dark ceiling of it, gagging from the strain.
She strokes my head once, a sob slips from her lips, then she leans forward, planting her lips on mine. It starts as a kiss but with the last of the energy I have, I send them into her. I command them all.
She sucks and I exhale, sending all the life inside me into her. She’s choking on them as they rush forward to their doom. A fate they couldn't have imagined for themselves. Only a human mind could have come up with this solution, a kiss of death that is dependent upon two humans being oddly affected by the bots. One a weapon and the other a furnace.
Her fingers dig in as the bots enter her, taking up too much space. She decommissions them as they enter her but that doesn't shrink them. They hum but they are lost, their programming is gone. Maybe it’s biomagnetics. Maybe it’s a glitch in her nervous system. Maybe it’s God.
Whatever it is, as the bots ooze into her mouth, carried by my blood or saliva, it drains me, leaving me a mess of destroyed veins and blisters and split skin. I’m not bleeding out onto the deck of the helicopter. She gags and fights, pushing back and wanting to stop.
I muster one last bit of strength, a reserved last push that I saved for this exact moment, and force myself on top of her. I flop there and hold her mouth open with mine and they pour from me. I bleed and ooze into her mouth, forcing her to gulp. I’m killing my friend.
The last of them leave me, I feel it. Her eyes are wide open and she’s glowing bright blue, overwhelmed by the amount of them. But the glow fades as she destroys their programming. She doesn't just reset, she leaves them impotent.
When I’m empty, I collapse onto my back.
The agony of everything hits.
My destroyed body.
Liam.
Kyle.
Lee.
The hurt I’ve caused them all sickens me.
But the fact I will die without seeing Joey chokes me. Her face, and Gus’s flood my mind.
The sun was shining. The day was crisp. But humidity has moved in and now there are storm clouds coming this way. The wind picks up, brushing over my aching skin.
The taste of blood is unbearable. The pain is excruciating.
And somewhere deep inside, a scream is trying to get out, but I don't have anything left in me to let it out.
Her fingers find mine. We hold hands as I manage to tilt my head to the right and stare out at the field of unmoving people.
He’s down there.
My shadow man.
I wonder if we’ll find each other in the next life.
It’s my last thought.
28
Liam
The world didn't end in fire.
It didn't end in ice.
It didn't end at all.
It changed, becoming a faceless mess.
A horde of death and pestilence.
And mist.
I cannot forget the mist.
Taking everything.
Everything all at once.
But I didn't see it.
I ran before the mist hid me too.
I was alone.
I am alone.
I am forgotten, already before I am known.
My name is lost on the wind, gone before it was spoken.
The poem plays in my mind randomly.
I blink and see the sun above me, peeking through dark clouds.
It smells like rain and the light is making those weird rainbow circles with whatever moisture is in my eyes. I wipe it away. My arm is killing me. What happened?
I blink and shade my face, trying to recall where I am and what the hell is going on.
As I sit up and see the field of dead people surrounding me, I have to take a minute before I remember this wasn't me. I didn't kill these people.
I tried to save them.
She killed them.
Fury and something else, an ache in my chest like I’ve been shot in the heart, fill me enough for me to get up and assess the situation. I’m drenched from rainwater, but I don't remember the rain.
Smoke in the distance, a fire from a crash of some sort, has me more confused. At least it rained so the fields aren’t burning.
“What the hell is going on here?” I spin in a circle, blinking and trying to get my bearings.
Details creep back in. Memories of shit that can’t be real, until I turn in a circle and see the castle proving me wrong.
It is real.
I built a castle. Using zombies. In Canada.
I nod, recognizing that it was a genius plan. Until that bitch ruined it.
Where is she?
Scanning the field of lifeless bodies, I don't see her. But it’s impossible I would. There have to be a thousand people here, if not ten times that amount.
One face does stand out.
Leah. Leah Davis.
She’s lying on the ground and the sight of her head tilted to the right makes me uncomfortable. It’s not exactly remorse but there’s something there. I don't want her to be dead. Which doesn't make sense because I’m pretty sure her being here means she was part of the coup I just suffered through.
Lee is next to her, also lifeless.
That's too bad, I liked them both. Even if they were friends of Lou.
My eyes narrow as I try to find her near them, but she’s gone.
Of course she is. Of course she’s fine.
Someone coughs behind me. I spin to see Lee’s sister sitting up. She wipes her eyes and offers me a scowl, no it’s more than that. It’s real hatred pouring from her.
“How are you still alive?” she grumbles, wiping her face with her soaking wet sleeve.
“I’m like a cockroach,” I mutter and continue scanning the field. More people begin to wake. They’re coughing and making annoying sounds of life.
As they rise one by one, the face I’m desperate to find doesn't.
But hope comes in the devastated gasp that leaves Lee’s lips when she stands. “Lou!” She sees the burning crash site and covers her lips. She starts pushing her way through people and I follow.
But I’m not alone. Lee’s sister is next to me, offering me some impressive side-eye as we hurry after Lee.
A vision of finding a rifle and smashing her in her pretty face with the butt until she stops sneering at me gives me a warm feeling. I’m going to do that after I kill Lou. Right after. I might let Lee live.
Although, with the way she’s screaming, “Lou” and sprinting to what looks like a burning helicopter, I might change my mind.
She gets there way before we do.
She’s frantically searching the wreckage. She’s got her hands on her head. She’s panicking and pacing and holding herself and sobbing. She crouches down and hugs her body, completely lost in despair.
My pace quickens and as I get close, words leave my lips that I don't understand. “No! No, Lou!” I race to the burning metal, rushing the flames to find her there. She’s in the chopper. She’s burning too. Her hair is singed and smoking.
The fire kisses my hands as I try to reach her. She’s facedown in the metal. I’m reaching for her but it’s not to kill her. I need her.
My heart is breaking, a heart I didn't know I had. Feelings I didn't know I could feel. They’re choking me and stopping the air from getting to my lungs. I manage to grab one of her hands. It costs me and I end up screaming as the fire burns my forearm. Yelling from the effort and pain, I lift her out and carry her to the side hill next to us. I collapse onto the ground with her cradled in my arms. It’s the strangest feeling seeing her face. She has a burn on her cheek, it’s already blistered. And she’s covered in soot from the billowing smoke she was in.
“Please don't leave me,” I whisper, rocking her back and forth. “Please don't leave me.” I have no idea why I need this girl, but I think my humanity depends on it.
“Is Tanya there too?” a guy asks. He, Erin, and Lee pull and kick at the broken helicopter until finally one of them carries the other girl over. I vaguely recall her. I don't care if she’s alive or not. In fact, I would trade her life and everyone else’s for Lou’s.
And stupid Lou did the opposite. She traded hers to save the rest of us.
I recall the fight in her and beg the gods, whoever they are, that there is still some of that in her now. I hold her tighter, lifting her into my arms and kissing her forehead.
“Tanya!” A guy comes rushing from the crowd of noisy people. He’s terrified and the pain in his voice doesn’t lessen when he sees her. “No!” He dives to where she’s on the ground. He sobs over her, and for a second I think we might be brothers in this.
But again, I don't care about his loss.
Mine is all I see and hear and feel.
“Liam?” Leah’s voice lifts my gaze from Lou’s face. She starts to cry when she sees me, hurrying to where I am. She kneels in front of me. She and the despair on her face and my agony are too much. I burst when she touches my shoulder because we have been here before.
“She’s not gone!” I snap through tears. “She’s still in there.”
Leah’s face is exactly the same as it was with Grace. I close my eyes and sob, though I’m so angry I could murder everyone. I want them all to die. But it wouldn't be enough. They would be dead and I would still feel like this. It would change nothing. I would need to find their love and kill it and then we would feel the same.
“Liam,” Leah whispers, “I am so sorry.” She lowers her head and collapses like she is in as much pain as I am. She trembles with agony and I hate her. I hate everyone. Most of all, I hate Lou for making me love her. I hate her for leaving me here.
I cling to her and cry.
The world moves quickly around us.
People come, they cry. Lester shows up. He sits with me but doesn't speak. I suspect he can’t now. I hate Lou for that too.
The crowds move. They pick up the dead and pile them at the far side of the field where there’s a bit of a gravel pit. They build pyres. As they walk by, they gaze at Lou as though they might ask if they can take her. I growl and they move on.
Leah eventually leaves, she takes Lester with her. He still loves her.
Lee sits with me, her eyes are empty. I’ve never seen her look this way. She’s puffy and red and empty.
A guy comes, Kyle, I hate him. I am actually going to kill him when I get the chance. Him and then Erin. I don't remember why I’m killing her but him I have to kill because he loved Lou. And she is mine. His eyes are red too, like he cried for her. And I want to scream at him and ask what he cried for. He barely knew he
r.
The crowd around me all begin to cry again when they realize some old man is dead. He didn’t make it through. I don’t know who he is, but Leah is holding his body and crying. There are kids with her, they’re crying too. I don’t know how they can cry for him, when Lou is dead. I don’t know who Milson is, the name they call him as they wail. I don’t care.
The sun is gone. The night sky is filled with stars and she is dead in my arms.
For the second time, I am holding my heart in the body of another person, another dead person. I want to cry about the injustice of it all, but there might be a bit of karma in this. I might have earned this fate. And that's the worst part of it all. That and the fact I will never be with her again.
My arms are tired. My legs are cramping up. I miss being indestructible. But I don't dare move. If I leave this spot, she is gone. And I will never recover from that.
29
The field is filled with death and pyres.
Funerals for anyone who is known have been going on all day.
We agreed to light them all at once, but I don’t know if I can do it. If I can light her up and watch her sail away on the breeze.
I’m standing back a ways, staring at the spot where she lies on her pyre, when a small child, a little girl, comes over to me. She has Gus, Lou’s dog with her. He nudges me hello and the little girl takes my hand. She doesn't hold the whole thing, just a finger. My pointer finger.
I’m assuming she’s Joey of the Littles but I can’t tell them apart. The other two are there too but they don't hold my hand. They all sniffle and stare at the pyres.
Gus whines.
My fingers find their way to his coat and I dig in, almost holding him by his locks of rough fur.
He stares up at me, whines once more, then runs to where she’s lying.
The image of Leah holding me as they pried her from my arms is competing for top spot in my mind and playing on repeat. Only I see it in slow-motion. Me falling over sobbing as Leah holds me and I realize the shadow man is gone.
