Dreams of Sweetwater River (Whispers In Wyoming Book 3)

by Lisa M. Prysock

  It seemed as though things had gone awry in New York. The kids weren’t thriving. She wasn’t either, now that she really thought about it. Times had been tough. It had been ages since she’d heard the children giggle and laugh together. They were long overdue for what Jill called a “Making Memories Day.” They hadn’t done much of anything except watch television, clean house and keep up with the chores, do homework, and eat dinner.

  She couldn’t remember the last time she’d gone out with friends from the Army post; taken the kids on a fun outing; or even called her writing friends, Madison and Lindy. She’d even withdrawn from church and the officers’ wives’ meetings. She avoided both of those things like the plague. What use had she for a God who would take the love of her life from her? Being around the officers’ wives only reminded her of the life she no longer shared with them.

  When Alex had been home, they’d always done amazing things together as a family unit. She recalled outings to unique restaurants, hiking through the Adirondacks, family bike rides through amazing trails, museums, craft fairs, shopping at farmer’s markets, perusing flea markets and antique shops, even going to movies. Every now and then, Eddie had watched the children for an entire weekend while she and Alex had been able to enjoy a bed and breakfast. Sometimes they would explore a historic site or take a romantic walk together. She longed for Alex and the life they’d shared together with a relentless ache.

  She supposed her love and enjoyment for all of their outings together had been among the chief reasons she’d become a travel critic writer. Alex had been her cheerleader, telling her she could do anything she set her mind to; in spite of the fact she had barely finished high school after running off at seventeen to marry the handsome West Point cadet. How right he’d been! She could do anything she set her mind to if she worked hard enough at it.

  The train came to a halt. More passengers began to exit and a few stood in line to board, snapping her thoughts back to the present predicament.

  “This is my stop,” the grandmother said as she closed her book and gathered her belongings. “Take care now.”

  “You too,” Jill offered. Moving over to the window seat, she stared after the elderly lady even as the train moved away.

  In any case, when had she stopped enjoying these things with the kids? Had it been her way of withdrawing into her own world of grief and remorse? Wasn’t it time to begin again with a fresh start… somewhere away from the fast paced culture of New York? The children seemed to be in as much of a daze as she had been these past few years. Were their actions a plea for help? Was the city life of New York shaping them into the wrong type of children? Even though they lived in a typical suburban neighborhood, the negative influences of the big city threatened to infiltrate their lifestyle on a daily basis. Fighting, cheating, sorrow, and sickness… these weren’t the kids she and Alex had so painstakingly and lovingly nurtured over the years.

  Jackie was more withdrawn than ever. She kept those earbuds on all the time, her head down staring at her iPhone. Lately, the pre-teen didn’t even bother asking her mother to purchase more fifties items, even though she had watched Grease a hundred times and had plastered her bedroom with all things fifties, sixties, and seventies. She still wore poodle skirts, pedal pushers, bobby socks, scarves, and pony tails to school almost every day… but a melancholy perspective had replaced her zeal. Where were Jackie’s friends? Even Rose and Amy, who had been her loyal companions since grade school, didn’t visit often anymore. Had Jackie pushed them away? Had she withdrawn from friendships to be alone to wrestle with her grief? She spent almost an hour every evening roller skating in the driveway, hanging out alone. Jill had noticed her usually bright daughter who loved school had also stopped turning in a few of her homework assignments. On the bright side, she did continue to have her nose in a book most of the time and had been keeping up with her piano lessons and practice. Cheating though? Three years ago, that was something Jackie would never have done.

  Then there was Zachary who had become sullen and distracted. He spent an enormous amount of time in the treehouse Alex had built with him. The rest of the time he was holding a baseball glove and mitt. Playing catch had been the one thing he and his father had always done together right after dinner, at least when Alex hadn’t been stationed in Afghanistan. Eddie chauffeured him to most of his baseball games. Jill had to kick herself for not attending more of the games during the last season. She hated sitting there without Alex. That hadn’t been fair to Zach. He did hang out with his friend Joey, sometimes far too often. Was Joey a bad influence on him? Jill had to admit she hadn’t had the energy or interest in getting to know a little more about Joey and his family.

  Savannah was painfully shy and had those dark circles under her eyes. She constantly battled colds and flu, barely eating enough to keep a bird alive even though there had always been plenty of food in the house. She spent all of her time playing with dolls, paper dolls, and the doll house Alex had built for her. The child lived in an almost completely make believe world other than when she was at school. Most of the time, Jill woke to Savannah’s body curled up on the pillow where her husband used to sleep. She was far too young to be dealing with such sadness and sorrow. Her little eyes were filled with such hope each day might bring the whole family more joy. Jill could read it in her daughter’s seven year old eyes. Sometimes she was almost certain Savannah was the one bright spot keeping her going.

  Sighing deeply, she reached in her purse for her compact and lipstick. Consumed by her own grief, she had let her children down. She opened the compact and paused as if seeing herself for the very first time. The brown eyes staring back at her looked dull, haunted, and weary with those dark circles. She hadn’t been sleeping or eating well. Her face looked pale, gaunt, and painfully thin. Jill barely recognized the sullen reflection in the mirror. She drew in a deep breath and applied a thin layer of pale pink lipstick. Then she carefully added a little powder in an attempt to disguise the dark circles. She fluffed a few of her golden brown curls, hoping she looked presentable enough to pick up her children from school without raising concerns. She closed the compact and stuffed it back in her purse. The least she could do now was try to salvage their happiness.

  As Jill boarded the ferry, she couldn’t help but wonder when life had become so hard? There had to be a way to snap them all out of their sorrow, including herself. Maybe moving back to Wyoming wasn’t such a bad idea after all…

  A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

  Chapter 3.

  The Ranch with the Funny Name

  Before the school year was out, Jill decided to have a frank discussion with her mother over the phone. A few ground rules were needed if they were going to live in the same house. However, halfway into the phone call, things became more complicated than she planned…

  “What’s wrong with my church?” Mama had asked.

  “Nothing Mama… I just don’t want to force religion down my kids’ throats. I want to bring them up the way I see fit. You have to promise me you won’t interfere.”

  “Well, I’m their grandmother! I’m not an interference… as you call it. My faith is my whole life, and it should be a big part of your life, too. You know I can’t hide that!”

  “I didn’t say you’re an interference. I asked you not to interfere with their religious upbringing,” she clarified as she packed another wrapped dish into a cardboard box. “That’s a huge difference.”

  “Yes, I know what you mean. How about we agree you let me live my life the way I see fit, and I’ll let you live yours the way you see fit? We won’t argue about where you ultimately decide to go to church… but I’m not going to hide the way I feel about God or my faith in Him. You know I’ll want to bring my grandchildren to church now and then. If you don’t get them back into church and model a life of strong faith for them soon,
they may not turn out very well.”

  Jill sighed. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for any of this, but she knew things couldn’t remain the way they were either. “I’m not sure if they’re ready for church again, Mama. They’re still dealing with a lot of grief over the loss of their father.”

  “Well, of course they are dealing with loss and grief… and what better place than to be in the Lord’s house where people carry His joy with them? Why, it will spill over onto them! Kids are surprisingly resilient; but I suspect it’s their mother who isn’t ready, so I promise for your sake I won’t rush it. Sounds like you stopped attending that nice church you belonged to with Alex?”

  “Oh, Mama…” she sighed again holding the cordless phone between her shoulder and ear as she wrapped another plate in white tissue paper and then a layer of plain brown moving paper. Newspaper left ink smudges on dishes, whereas white tissue paper didn’t. The plain brown moving paper gave them an added layer of protection. She’d learned the packing tips from a number of military wives who’d grown accustomed to moving frequently. “It was just too many memories of Alex not being there on the pew beside me anymore and a lot of well-meaning folks saying the wrong thing every time I walked in the door.”

  “Oh, sweetheart! I can tell you’ve had a rough go of it. Once you’re here and settled in you’ll have plenty of family to lean on. You’ll also have more time to rest and get through this difficult time. No one ever really knows the right thing to say to someone who has experienced an untimely loss except those who have. We’ll just agree to take this whole thing very slow.”

  “Thank you, Mom. I really appreciate it!” Jill felt better by the end of the call. Her mother, Betty Anne Johnston Fontaine, could be stubborn; though deep down she knew Mama had a frail side… especially since her father, Max Zachary Fontaine, had passed. She didn’t want to break her mother’s heart by informing her she had entirely lost her faith and trust in God, but at least they had some sort of mutual understanding for the time being.

  Madison had even phoned one evening while Jill packed the last box of books from her personal library. She and Alex had acquired an enviable, vast collection of books. Madison and Jill had been texting here and there recently. Finally it seemed both of them had a moment to catch up. Usually it was Jill giving advice and an ear to lean on since Madison was nearly a decade younger, but this time her writer friend boosted her morale.

  “I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?” Madison asked. “I’m just back to New York City from Wyoming.”

  “No, it’s not a bad time… the kids are in bed and I don’t think you’ll mind me packing while we talk. Well, you’re a librarian. You’ll understand how important it is to take my books with me.”

  In fact, she’d met Madison at a New York City library branch while doing research for an important series she’d been running about Puerto Rico for her travel column. Jill thought back to the first time she’d met her auburn-haired friend. After hours of research, Madison had handed her a salted caramel mocha from Starbucks. “You look like you could use this.”

  Jill had popped her eyes open as a large cup of coffee came into view. She’d slowly lifted her head up from the stack of books she’d fallen asleep on and blinked. Without hesitation she’d accepted the offering. “Starbucks!”

  They’d become friends from that moment forward. Discovering they were both writers, it hadn’t been difficult to forge a friendship. Later on, Madison had introduced her to Lindy, another librarian from the same library. Lindy wasn’t your typical, quiet librarian. She was bubbly and outgoing whereas Madison was more reserved. The three of them were a joyful bunch whenever they were together. Friendships like that were rare these days, causing Jill to appreciate them even more.

  Madison came to the rescue with much needed encouragement, this time through the phone. Her voice chatted on about her return flight from Wyoming, drawing her slowly back into the present phone conversation.

  “Did you say you’re packing? Good for you! So you did finally decide to move back to Wyoming?” Madison added, “It will be so good for the kids! Before I forget, be sure to give Lindy a phone call when you can. I saw her at work today and she wanted me to say hello.”

  “Sure, tell Lindy I said hello. Oh Madison, remember when the three of us went to the Venetian Villa… the Italian restaurant in Little Italy. The food was amazing! The chicken cacciatore and the mascarpone sorbetto with honey… I miss our girl outings together so much.” Of course, she’d given the Italian restaurant an outstanding recommendation for locals and tourists in her column. At present, she didn’t have time for a night on the town to satisfy her craving so she quickly dismissed the thought. “Yes, I can’t believe we’re moving back to my Mom’s house in the countryside. I have terribly mixed feelings about it, but my house here sold within weeks of putting it on the market. I’m giving my secretary and Eddie a fabulous reference, and I really think it’s best for the kids. Wait… did you say you just returned from Wyoming?” Jill asked.

  “I did… and congratulations on the sale of your house.”

  “I didn’t even know you were there… I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy.” Jill stuffed more books into the box in front of her.

  “Well, of course you’ve been busy! You’re a single mom with three kids and an amazing writing career, in the middle of a move…”

  “What did you do while you were in Wyoming? Where did you stay?” Jill blew a layer of dust off her C.S. Lewis collection, sad she no longer found enjoyment from the collection she had acquired as a teen. She’d had much stronger faith when she could still believe in and trust God. Why didn’t He answer the cry of her broken heart? She still wrestled with the fact He had allowed Alex’s life to be cut short.

  “A ranch near a small town called Tipton with a funny name: The Broken J…” Madison’s voice snapped Jill back to the conversation at hand.

  “The Broken J… hmm, now that is a funny name,” Jill agreed, turning over Prince Caspian in her hands to look at the back cover. She thought about tossing it in the trash heap, but Christian or not, C.S. Lewis was a respected writer among all writers. “Tipton… uh, that’s like population zero.”

  “It was for a writer’s retreat. I stayed in a cabin with a bunch of crazy writers like us! You know, from my online writer’s group…”

  “Oh yeah, I remember you mentioning that group a few times.” Jill decided to keep the books and placed the whole stack in the box. Then she wandered into the kitchen to make a cup of Earl Grey tea.

  “You haven’t heard the best part! Are you ready for this?” Madison asked.

  “Sure! I’m making a cup of tea,” Jill explained as she searched the cupboard for one of the four remaining unpacked mugs.

  “I met the man I’m going to marry! His name is Randal. He’s a real Wyoming cowboy…”

  Jill squealed with delight into the phone for her friend. “Madison, that’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you! Wyoming cowboys are usually the best. You know my Alex was from Wyoming…”

  “He gave me a ring! Well, it’s not an engagement ring, but we’re very serious and it’s the real thing. The ring has an intertwining lasso. We’re taking it slow. I know you’ll like him. He’s following his dream to open a ranch in Kansas for handicapped children,” Madison explained. She sounded happy.

  “Wow! That is amazing! He sounds really nice!” She couldn’t help but be pleased for her friend. She sounded different … happier, more at peace than Jill had ever known her to sound before. “I’m glad to hear you’re taking it slow. I’m so happy to hear this news! So, he’s in Kansas and you’re here. How are you two handling the long distance relationship?”

  “Well, we talk every night on the phone… and I’m thinking about moving back to Kansas myself. So, enough about me! Let’s hear the news about you. The last thing I remember is the text you sent a few days ago with news you were thinking about moving back home. So, you’re packing to move back with your Mom? I definite
ly believe you’re making the right decision. I think it’s a great idea, especially for the kids. I can’t say enough good things about Wyoming!”

  “Ha, well, you’re in love! Everything sounds happy when you’re in love. I’m glad love still happens in the world, because it isn’t happening in mine. I just finished packing Alex’s clothing…”

  “I’m so proud of you for being strong. I know that had to have been tough!” Madison gulped on the other end of the phone. “True, things do seem more joyful all the way around when you’re in love… but if I hadn’t gone to the retreat near Tipton at The Broken J, I would never have met Randal, so you never know what might happen!” Madison paused before tentatively adding, “I know this will sound weird, and… it’s kind of weird for me too, but can I pray for you? You can write your column from anywhere, of course… and there are so many great dude ranches to write about. Maybe you’ll have time to finish your book, too.”

  Pray? Madison was offering to pray for her? Something was really different about her friend. Madison wasn’t the praying type of friend like those she used to have at church three years ago.

  “You’re going to pray for me?” Jill asked as she took her tea into the living room. She stepped over one of Savannah’s dolls and tucking her legs under her, curled up on the sofa beside her calico cat, Boots. Skeptically she added, “Well, I suppose prayer couldn’t hurt anything… and I wouldn’t mind finishing my book.”

  “Mom thinks Randal is Heaven-sent, and so do I. It’s put my faith back on track. Another thing, I’ve decided I’ll be writing different books in the future… as in not so steamy. Something I would be proud to put my name on.”

  “Wow! Do you think books like that will sell?” Jill asked, with little faith in the idea.

  “I don’t know, but one way or another I’m about to find out,” Madison replied.