by Stasia Black
You’re his wife too.
But Jenny was first. His first love. Grief over losing her had made him Ghost. Eight years he’d mourned for her. And even then, as soon as he heard there was even a chance she was alive, he’d dropped everything—even in the middle of a war—to go search for her.
Vanessa would never inspire that kind of devotion.
Logan had called Vanessa his priority, but she’d been hurt, and he was a good man. He had a strong protective streak. It was what made him agree to marry her in the first place. Her getting captured by Lorenzo had only triggered it again.
And that was before Jenny was here, in the flesh.
Still, it had been nice to believe… even if for just a few days…
She looked away from the happy couple, only jerking her head to look back when Logan started shouting, “Cam! Jesus, Cam! What’s wrong with her?”
Vanessa’s hand went to her mouth when she saw Jenny on the floor, cradled in Logan’s arms.
Vanessa took several running steps forward. Oh God. Logan. She ran to him, but then stopped short. He probably didn’t need her right now. In fact, she was probably the last thing he needed. And besides, Cam was there. He’d know what to do.
Cam bent over, ear to Jenny’s chest even as she started to rouse the next moment, lifting a hand to her forehead. She was wearing a long-sleeved shirt but Vanessa caught sight of her wrist and a little bit of her forearm.
Holy shit she was skinny. And not just like Vanessa was skinny. There was little more to her than flesh covering bones. She was either starving or she was…
Sick.
Cam looked up at the same moment and his eyes locked with Vanessa’s.
Oh shit, no.
But her suspicions were confirmed by the expression on Cam’s face. Jenny was sick. Maybe even very, very sick.
Vanessa’s gaze shifted to Logan, who looked down at Jenny with such worry in his features. And her heart broke for him.
Her attention went back to Cam but she didn’t get any more clues from him as he went through what looked like a normal diagnostic routine. Jenny didn’t seem interested in what he was doing. She only had eyes for Logan.
And for the first time, Vanessa thought about what it must have been like for Jenny.
Vanessa knew what it felt like to love Logan, then lose him for days. Jenny had loved him, then lost him for eight years. Even the thought of the unimaginable pain of that kind of loss sent a sharp, stabbing pain through Vanessa’s guts.
Only to find him again after all this time—You son of a bitch! Vanessa winced remembering Jenny’s accusing words. Nix and the others had been here for how long already? Several days at least?
The way they’d all been greeted, Nix must have figured out who Jenny was. She’d known they were eventually coming. Did that mean she also knew Logan had remarried? And about the, er, circumstances of the marriage?
Cam and Logan stood, helping Jenny up off the floor.
Logan swept her up into his arms and Vanessa couldn’t help the pain that sliced through her chest at the sight. She was jealous. It was petty. But she couldn’t help it.
When Vanessa was a kid, she and her half-sister Cecily had gone to the same elementary school. Vanessa was in sixth grade and Cecily had been in fourth.
Dad had come for field day that year. But not to see Vanessa. He’d come for Cecily.
Cecily fell over during the three-legged race and skinned her knee. Dad ran out on the field and swept her up in just the same way, holding her to his chest with such love and concern. Vanessa had imagined all the little assurances he must have whispered as he took her to the car. The way he kissed her forehead. How he probably told her silly jokes to distract her while he put on the bandage.
Vanessa turned away so she couldn’t see Logan with Jenny anymore.
“It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.”
Vanessa jumped at Michael’s voice then offered him a wobbly, unconvincing smile. “Sure. I know. It’s a brave new world and all that.”
Michael frowned. “Just give him time. He would never hurt you.”
Vanessa let out a mirthless laugh. No, Logan would never hurt her. If he did, he would hate himself for it.
And that thought hurt her worse than anything.
Because she loved him.
She didn’t want him to be tormented anymore.
She wanted for him to be at peace. She wanted that more than anything.
And if being at peace means him being with Jenny?
Vanessa swallowed hard, wincing because her neck and throat were still sore from Lorenzo’s strangling.
But maybe loving him meant taking on a little of his torment for herself. Absolving him and setting him free.
She wouldn’t have to bear the burden alone. Ross and Riordan moved closer to her and she linked her arms with them, relaxing against the warmth of their bodies.
“Let’s go find a place to rest,” she said, not bothering to hide the exhaustion in her voice.
And that’s exactly what they did.
Chapter Thirty-One
LOGAN
“I’m so sorry,” Logan whispered to Jenny as he laid her down on the cot in the cavern where Nix had directed him. “I’m so sorry.” It was all he could say. Over and over again. He was sorry for so many things.
“Jesus, you sound like a broken record,” Jenny wheezed. “Stop with all the sorrys. I haven’t dreamed of seeing you for eight years just to hear you,” she took a short breath, “parrot the same thing over and over.”
“I’m sor—” He cut off when he realized what he was saying.
Jenny laughed, but it turned into a cough.
Logan’s chest clinched at the sound. She barely weighed anything now. Back when Logan had known her, she’d never been short on curves. Now she was just skin and bones.
“Jen. What’s going on?”
She waved a hand. “Nothing. So tell me.”
“What?”
Her eyes searched his face and she lifted a wan hand to cup his cheek. “Everything,” she whispered.
Logan couldn’t hold her gaze. He looked down. “I tried to find you. Please know how hard I tried to find you.”
Her hand dropped from his face and he glanced back at her.
She was nodding but her jaw was working in that way Logan recognized. Christ this was such a mindfuck. She seemed like a stranger and at the same time, like the same Jenny who’d busted his balls every day of his life after they met in high school. And that look she had on her face now—she got it every time she was firing up to get good and pissed.
Logan braced for it but didn’t say anything. He deserved whatever she had stored up to throw his way. Would she ask about Vanessa? Nix and the others had been here for a while now. Had she talked to them. Learned about the lottery?
“Why the fuck didn’t you wait for me?” she finally asked.
Logan’s mouth opened, but then he closed it again. “I—” he started but then stopped. “It was chaos out there,” he said. “As soon as I was better, I tried to find you. You wouldn’t answer your cell phone and I—”
She shook her head, biting her bottom lip like she did when she was trying to bite back angry words.
But Logan didn’t want anything left unsaid.
“What?” he asked gently. “You can say whatever’s on your heart.”
She glared at him. “What’s on my heart is that you’re a fucking idiot. You knew cell reception was spotty during the Death Riots. People were sabotaging cell towers, breaking all sorts of shit. Why couldn’t you just have trusted me? For once? I told you I’d come back after I got the penicillin.”
“And I told you not to go.” Logan couldn’t help his own temper flaring. “I told you to give the tea a chance to work. Do you know what it felt like to wake up and find you gone?”
“Because you couldn’t even walk!” her voice went shrill. “I was afraid you were going to die from that infection and I would have just sat aro
und and done nothing. What do you think that would have felt like for me?” She jutted her chin out. “I did what I thought had to be done.”
“And how’d that work out for you?” Logan regretted the sharp words as soon as they came out of his mouth. “Shit. I’m sorry.” He dragged his hands through his hair.
“Jen.” He leaned over and took her hand. Fuck, it was so cold. She was in rough shape. Did she have pneumonia? Jesus, being in this damp cave couldn’t be helping things. He needed to get her warm. He put his other hand over it and rubbed hers between both of his. “I don’t want to argue. I’m here now. That’s what’s important.”
But Jenny just shook her head, tears gathering in her eyes. When she next looked at him, they crested and spilled over her cheeks. “It’s too late.”
Ice spiked through Logan’s heart at her words. Especially when she had a coughing fit that seemed to last for minutes.
“What do you mean? Jen, what’s wrong?” He clasped her hand even tighter between his.
She rolled her eyes as the fit finally died down. “Isn’t it obvious?” She waved a hand down her body. “I’m dying.”
“No,” Logan choked. “No. You’re not.”
Her smile was watery as she looked back over at him, more tears streaming down her eyes. Logan wiped them away, but more fell as quickly as he could swipe at them.
“How long did you search for me?” she whispered.
“Jen,” he said, his voice thick. “You’re not dying. Why would you say you’re dying?”
“How long did you search?” she asked, louder, coughing again.
“Months,” he cried. “I followed the trail to San Angelo.” He shook his head, remembering the horrors he’d seen there.
Her eyes went distant and she swallowed.
“I found the guy. The dealer you’d talked to. He said he was out of penicillin but that he’d sent you to Pflugerville.”
She nodded. “I went there. And I got it. Enough to save you.” Her chin wobbled as her eyes met his again.
Logan choked on a sob as he went on. “I was on my way there when the bombs dropped. Between that and Xterminate, I thought there was no chance— Jesus, Jenny, I’m so sorry.”
She looked away from him, throat working like she was fighting back another coughing fit. “I would have been in Austin if Daniela hadn’t helped me get out of town. Her church was evacuating all the healthy women who were left.” She shook her head. “Austin was a war zone by the time I got back. The Death Riots— I went back to the house and it was trashed and looted. You were gone and I thought— I thought—”
Oh God. She thought the house had been looted because he’d died. She must have assumed they’d dragged his decaying body out into the streets for the burn crews or something.
“So I went with Daniela. A week later Austin was bombed.”
Logan squeezed his eyes shut against the images. Jenny fleeing with the crowd of refugees in the chaos after D-Day when the bombs had dropped. The EMP strikes had happened simultaneously and all electronics were wiped out. Cars, phones, all communication lines, shut down, just like that.
She must have been so scared. All the while thinking he’d died.
He opened his eyes. “All that’s in the past. Jenny, you’re sick. What’s wrong?”
“The past is my present,” she whispered.
Logan frowned. What did that—?
“I got sick. I wasn’t one of the lucky ten percent,” she whispered. “I wasn’t immune, Logan. Turned out, there was an even smaller percentage of us who got sick but survived it.”
Logan felt his eyes go wide with surprise. He didn’t even know that was possible.
“Daniela nursed me through it. She was immune. And somehow, I survived.” She shook her head. “But it took its toll. I’ve never been the same since.”
“What do you mean? How?”
She laughed humorlessly, ending in a coughing fit. It took several minutes before she could talk again. “Scar tissue everywhere. My lungs. But mainly my heart.” She sucked in a breath. “I shacked up with a group that had a doctor for a while. Well, he was a pretty shit doctor. But even he knew enough to recognize congestive heart failure.”
“What’s th—”
“My heart’s giving out,” she coughed. “I’ve already,” cough, “made it longer,” cough, “than anyone thought.” The last few words came out on a wheeze.
Logan’s lungs hurt just listening to her.
He bent over the cot and cradled her to his chest. “Jen. Oh God, Jen.”
He wanted to tell her she was wrong. That they needed a second opinion. That Cam would examine her and tell her she was wrong. That it was just a bad case of pneumonia… that she’d had for eight years…
He held her tighter to him. This was the girl he’d taken to prom. The first girl he’d introduced to his parents. She was the second girl he’d ever kissed but the first girl he’d gone all the way with.
She’d been his best friend.
They stayed like that for a long time, clinging to each other. Maybe half an hour. Logan thought Jen had fallen asleep but when she finally spoke, she didn’t sound sleepy at all.
“I want to meet her.”
Logan pulled back and looked down at her, not following.
“Your wife. I want to meet your other wife.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
VANESSA
“You don’t have to do this.” Logan sounded more than anxious as he walked with Vanessa down the cavern passageway to where Jenny was staying. “I’m not sure what she wants and you don’t have to—”
“Logan.” Vanessa stopped and put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s all right. Whatever she has to say to me. It’s going to be okay.”
He looked so worried and haggard. He had ever since they’d arrived yesterday. Vanessa lifted a hand to cup his cheek. “Stop worrying so much about me. I’m a big girl.”
She dropped her hand down to his chest, settling it over his heart. “And I’m so, so sorry that Jenny is so sick.”
It was true, too. Because she saw how much Logan was hurting, she genuinely wished they’d found Jenny healthy and whole. “Come here, hon.” She wrapped her arms around his chest and pulled him in for a hug.
“There are no expectations here,” she whispered. “I’m not mad at you for loving her.” His body started shaking at her words. “It’s gonna be okay.” She rubbed his back, fighting tears knowing how deep his hurt was. “Don’t worry about me on top of everything else, okay? Promise me?”
He nodded his head. He was so tall, she just felt his chin moving on the top of her head. She squeezed him even tighter. “I’m here for you. No matter what. We all are, okay?”
She finally pulled away and looked him in the eyes. And God, but she’d do anything to get rid of the tormented shadow she saw lurking there.
She offered a smile. “Come on, handsome.” She reached out a hand to him and he took it, squeezing like she was his lifeline.
Soon, maybe before Vanessa was fully ready, they reached Jenny’s cavern. The cave system was insanely extensive. It went on for miles and miles. There was one cavern as big as a football field and lots of little ones like this that made for perfect little private rooms. An oil lamp burned at the foot of Jenny’s cot.
She didn’t look good. In the light of the single lamp, her face looked even more gaunt, her cheekbones standing out in sharp contrast. She was covered in blankets even though there was only a slight chill to the cave air.
She blinked and moved her head slowly when Logan and Vanessa came in. A wan smile tilted her lips at seeing Logan. Her eyes flickered Vanessa’s way but then they quickly went back to Logan.
“I brought you some hot broth,” Logan said, kneeling beside the cot with the bowl and spoon.
Jenny nodded before succumbing to a coughing fit.
Logan put the bowl on the cave floor and helped Jenny sit up and sip some water after the fit passed.
“Leave us,” Jenny
said when she could finally speak. “Vanessa,” she paused, wheezing for breath, “will help… with the broth.”
Vanessa nodded, stepping forward. “Of course. I’d be happy to.”
Shit. That probably came across too eager. She just wanted to show Logan she could be totally cool with this. She didn’t want to give him any more reasons to stress. She’d keep her mixed feelings about this whole situation to herself. It was the barest of sacrifices she could make.
“Are you sure?” Logan’s brow furrowed as he looked back and forth between his two wives.
Vanessa nodded emphatically. “Of course. Go. You haven’t slept since we got here.”
“Or bathed,” Jenny said, nose wrinkling.
Vanessa couldn’t help her bark of laughter. “Well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but yeah, you are getting a bit ripe.”
A smile broke across Logan’s face as he looked back and forth between Jenny and Vanessa. It was the most beautiful thing Vanessa had seen, and it let her know she was doing the right thing.
So she moved behind Logan and gave him a shove toward the curtain that had been hung across the ‘doorway’ to the cavern. “Go. We’ll be fine. I’ll come find you later so you can come back and spend the afternoon with Jenny.”
Logan turned to look over his shoulder. Checking with Jenny.
It hurt a little, but not too bad. Nothing Vanessa couldn’t stand, anyway.
She helped Jenny sit up, and she fluffed the pillows behind her back. Only when Logan could see that she was comfortable did he finally leave.
Then…silence. Vanessa wasn’t gonna lie, it was awkward.
“So,” she finally said. “Should we try the broth?”
She knelt down and picked up the soup Logan had deposited beside Jenny’s cot.
“Look,” Jenny finally said, coughing a little. “I don’t have time to beat around the bush.” She sucked in a wheezing breath. “I got shit to say. So you listen. Agreed?”
Vanessa felt her eyebrows go up but she nodded and set down the bowl. Then, for the first time, she lifted her eyes and met the gaze of the other woman Logan loved.
