by Gabrielle G.
“Nobody. He doesn’t skate.” Aaron stops in his tracks.
“Your son, doesn’t skate?” He raises an eyebrow. Speaking about Adam with him is uncomfortable. Him speaking about Adam, me having to tell him the truth, him realizing he could have been the one teaching him how to skate, is agony. I need to tell him, now.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. The words are shouting in my brain, “Adam is your son” but I can’t voice it.
That’s when my anxiety strikes.
Everything flashes back in my mind. How I was alone raising Adam because Aunt Clarisse traveled a lot, how the neighbor babysat him while I was studying or working, how I met Mark when Adam was almost four. How those two accepted each other from the first time they met. How Adam looked more and more like Aaron over the years. I break out in a sweat, my breath becomes short and wheezy. I feel like choking and vomiting. I’m losing control, and fast.
“Stay with me, Al.” Aaron holds my hands, looking into my eyes. “Breathe. Slowly in, slowly out.” But his proximity is not working. My body trembles under my sobs, and he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight, and tighter, and tighter until I can’t breathe anymore, and I feel like he’s crushing every one of my bones. It hurts, but I need to feel the pain to erase the misery. That’s when he kisses me, soft little pecks like he used to that turns into full on making out. His hand is pulling my hair slightly but hard enough for me to ache. I ache for him to have me. He bites my lower lip, and I moan into him, forgetting why he was holding me in the first place. “I’ve got you, Sweets.”
“Thank you,” my words are whispers that I wish held the truth I need to tell him.
“Looking good, Captain!” Luke’s voice beams around us. I rest my forehead on Aaron’s shoulder, frowning while he flips the bird to his brother. I missed an opportunity to tell him again. I can’t open up with Luke around us. It would be even more insensitive than not telling him at all.
“Let’s skate with this asshole and his lovely boyfriend. Then I want you to come back to my house, so I can fuck you until tomorrow, Al.” He skates away towards his brother and bodychecks him.
Being silly, Dex separates them, rolling his eyes but smirking at the same time.
Aaron and Dex seem to get along just fine.
They are communicating through quiet conversations and both smirk trying to get Luke to lose his cool. Not happening, he’s the most laid-back guy I know, except when he looks at Dex. He looks at his boyfriend like he’s his world, but I see concern lingering in Luke’s eyes with every move Dex makes.
“Why are you worried about him?” I ask him when he comes closer.
“Because he hates being taken care of,” he answers. “Like, Aar.” He adds, pointing at his brother with his chin.
“So untrue. Aar always let me take care of him.”
“But nobody took care of him for a long time, Alane.” My eyes are on Aaron who’s shoving Dex, laughing at something the other one says.
“They get along well?”
“He would prefer to have Dex as a brother over me.”
“Untrue again. What happened to you, Gritt? Do you live in a parallel universe? Did LA change you that much? Are you so famous now that you can’t see what’s in front of you?”
Luke laughs. “And you, can you see what is in front of you?”
“I think so. Do you think we are fooling ourselves?”
Luke smiles. “I think you both fooled yourselves enough over the years thinking someone else could be by your side.”
I close my eyes. “You might be right, Luke.”
“I’m always right, Captain!” He shoves me hard.
“Asshole,” I mumble while shoving him back. He skates away, and I follow, delighted to be on the ice once again with these two.
“Aaron, control your woman, she’s being mean to me again.” Aaron’s woman. Oh, how I like to hear that.
“And you should control your man! He wants to take Al for coffee. It can only be a bad idea,” Aaron shoots back before skating behind me, pushing me towards the bench.
“The lockers are great if you bend forward enough,” Luke shouts when we make our way to said lockers.
“Alane, I’ll wait for you outside for coffee,” Dex adds, not giving me any choice in the matter.
“There is one thing that not many people know about me, Alane,” Dex sits across from me.
We’re at the only place that serves decent coffee, to his standard. He continues to study me as he did all afternoon. From the message Luke passed on to me, I’m positive he knows something about my past, but I’m not sure what. I tried to grill Luke, but he said he had no idea. I’m a little scared of Dex. He’s as intense as Aaron can be, but colder and much more lawyerish. “Are you listening?” I nod.
“So, I was saying, there is something not many people know, not even Luke, and I’m telling you because your secret is a little bigger than mine.” He waits for me to flinch, but I don’t. “I’m a closet graphic novel reader,” he announces triumphantly, as if this will raise his case. It does, but I won’t give him the pleasure to acknowledge it until he gives me all the details of what he knows. He waits for me to crack, but I don’t. Not even a little. Even if Luke and Aaron seem to love the guy, I don’t know him from Adam or Eve. Seeing that I won’t give in, he continues. “I like the novels by Jax S.” He smiles.
There it is… He knows Adam is a graphic novel artist publishing under the name Jax, the same middle name as his father, and S. for Smith. Dex has surely seen pictures. “Why Jax, Alane?” He smiles, ready to eat me alive.
“You know why, Dex. I don’t think I have to tell you. I’m pretty sure you did your research.” I seem calmer than I am inside. Someone other than my parents and aunt knowing my son is also Aaron’s should send me into a tailspin, but I feel strangely in control.
“Should I give you a dollar and hire you as my lawyer?”
“He can’t sue you for not telling him. And he won’t sue you because he’s not that big of an asshole.” We look at each other, having nothing else to add until Dex pulls up a picture of Adam on his phone.
“The resemblance is uncanny.” I nod while he continues, “I suppose nobody knows?” I shake my head. “You have to tell him, and tell Luke, as well as the whole family, before it blows up in your face and they get hurt. Because it will blow up, and it will hurt.”
I sigh. “You think it’s that easy telling the father of your only child he has a twenty-six-year-old son?”
“Why did you wait so long?”
“Because he had moved on. Because I did, too. Because we weren't supposed to ever find each other again. I don’t know, Dex. Adam has Mark; it’s not that he grew up without a father. He has a great relationship with him, always did. I tried to tell Aaron, but every time I speak about Adam’s father and I try to tell him who he is, he changes the subject and talks about Jess, or I panic. Adam is on a book tour right now, I’ll tell Aaron soon. I just need a little more time.”
“So that’s why you left town? So, nobody would know?”
“Well, the Pastor’s daughter couldn’t be pregnant, right? So, I left, in the middle of the night, two weeks after Aaron had broken my heart, and I never came back except briefly ten years ago for my father’s funeral, without Adam or Mark.” Dex says nothing, but there is a spark in his eyes.
“What is it, Dex?” The spark has spread on his mischievous lips.
“I see a great anger fuck in my future once Luke knows. I’m sorry, but Thor Luke is very sexy, and it makes me kind of horny.” He laughs, and I join him, nervously. He stands up, throwing a couple of bills on the table and leans toward me.
“Don’t fuck it up, Captain!” he says, knocking on the wooden table twice before walking away. “Don’t fuck it up.”
I come out to find Aaron leaning against his car, waiting for me.
“That was fast.” He removes his sunglasses and his eyes looking into mine.
“Yep. But intense…”
“What isn’t with Dex?” He snorts, pulling me to him to kiss me. I stop him, looking around to see if anyone sees us.
“Not here, Aar.” I don’t want other parents to know the science teacher is fucking one of her student’s parents and thereby thinking his kids are getting special treatment.
“Oh no, Alane Smith, we’re too old to hide. I don’t care who sees us and what they have to say.” His eyes are the color of a rainy sky, and I know I’ve hurt him, even if not intentionally.
“But I can’t lose my job, Aar.”
“You won’t. Chris got you the job, you’re safe.” He takes my hands in his and starts rubbing my knuckles with his thumbs.
“I thought Patricia got me the job.”
“Right… Believe that, Sweets. I had a nice little chat with Chris about him not telling me you were a teacher at the school he’s a board member at. The asshole thought it would make a nice reunion. He knew what he was doing; he just wanted to push me out of my comfort zone. As soon as I told him Jess and I were over, he plotted to get you back here.”
“Don’t tell me he poisoned my mother so I would come back?”
“That just sped up the process. He was about to hire a PI to find you though.”
“He’s still as ridiculous as he used to be, I see.”
“He’s just Chris.” He shrugs “How is your mother, Sweets?”
“She has early dementia. Some days she’s fine, and some others she’s not. I’m here to help, for the moment. I was hoping she would come with me to Phoenix, but she refuses to leave Springs Falls, so here I am. I’m not sure what the next step is. We’ll see what the doctor says. Your parents?”
“Same old. They want to see you, you know.” I avoid answering. Seeing his parents will be hard. As if he understands my silence, he changes the subject.
“You should have seen my mother when Dex came home the first time with Ian Porter and Ryan Marley.” I tilt my head to look at him to see if he’s joking. He’s not.
“The actors? How? What?” Ryan Marley and Ian Porter are two of the best actors of our generation. They are handsome, talented, fun, or they seem to be. Ryan Marley knows so much about hockey; I had a celebrity crush on him like forever. I know he’s about to marry Ian Porter’s sister, but he’s still dreamy.
“Fuck! You too?”
“What were they doing at the farm?” I ask eagerly, wanting an answer to why two of the sexiest men on earth were in Springs Falls. “Did you just say Dex knows them?” He nods.
“Dex is best friends with Ian and Ryan is Luke’s partner at the tattoo shop. There are a lot of links between them and their wives, and it’s a complicated group, but they are very close friends with Luke and Dex.”
“Darn, I know I had the wrong brother all along,” I tease him, pushing him against the car. He raises an eyebrow as if I just challenged him.
“Want me to remind you why you don’t have the wrong brother?” He pushes his hips toward mine, his erection poking at my thigh.
“Lead the way, Gritt. Didn’t you say you wanted to fuck me until tomorrow, or was that you just babbling?” I tease him, hoping he’ll bite.
“Get in the truck, Sweets. We’re done playing nice.” I do, because who can say no to that.
23
Then - Aaron
Since I arrived in Seattle, I’ve received a few letters from my mother and Chris, but nothing from Alane or Luke.
Their silence is killing me.
I know I don’t deserve to hear from them. I know I shouldn’t expect Alane to write me any letters, but I still have hope. It’s stupid of me, mainly because the letter I sent was returned to me, unopened.
My mother called me once or twice, and when I asked to speak with Luke, he refused to talk to me. So I wrote him a letter as well, which was returned to me, also unopened.
Because of Patricia, I lost my girl and my brother. This girl is growing like cancer on me. She sends me two letters a week, when she’s the only one I don’t want to hear from. I opened the first one, thinking it was an apology for what she did to Alane and I.
It wasn’t.
It was a love declaration.
She was proclaiming how she had always been in love with me and how I deserved more than the Pastor’s daughter. She described in great detail how she would suck my dick and fuck me until I forget everything about Alane. Her plan failed.
All I could think about while reading her words, was Alane’s mouth on me, Alane’s smile while I enter her, Alane’s eyes burning with desire while I suck on her clit.
I was more turned on by the images of Alane and I than what Patricia’s words drew in my mind. I was a little disgusted with myself after I jerked off thinking about my ex-girlfriend while cleaning my hands on the letter her friend sent me, but even more disgusted by what Patricia was pulling off.
I wish I could tell Alane or Luke.
I could tell Chris, but would he believe his sister’s behavior? Would I lose my last friend in Springs Falls? He’s my only link to home, and I asked him not to talk to me about Alane. I want to hear from her not about her. I don’t want to hear about whom Alane is dating, or the fun Luke, Chris and Alane are having without me.
I’m alone in Seattle when they are together at home.
I never minded being alone before Alane.
I had Luke anyway.
Now I’m with no one, and I feel isolated. I’ve become a hermit. I go to work, go home, watch TV, and sleep. Michael, the son of the family helping me out here tried hard to get me to go out at the beginning, but he has given up now. He brings me beers, and we drink, in silence most of the time.
Tonight though, he’s insisting that I come out with him. I don’t want to, but he’s trying hard to convince me, and I want to be persuaded. I want to let go, but I don’t deserve to, I don’t want to enjoy life without Alane, or Luke, or Chris. I want to be miserable. I want to hurt. I want to be unhappy.
“Come on, Aaron. You’re not going to punish yourself forever. Let’s go out tonight. Some of my friends are hitting up a bar, and you should come with.” Michael is a nice guy. We get along just fine. He’s easygoing and unperturbed. I was afraid we would have nothing in common, but his parents are much closer in style to my parents than the Smiths, maybe not as hippie as mine, but free, open, friendly and understanding. That’s a pretty good start.
“I don’t know, I mean, I don’t want to impose.”
“Bullshit, you’re not imposing. Come.”
“I’m… I.” I don’t have any excuse to say no; being alone all the time makes for a long summer.
“What’s the worst that can happen? You could have fun? Come on, Aaron. You arrived six weeks ago, summer is almost over, and then you’ll be starting school and working. We’ll never see each other much anymore. I like you man, but you need to light up. You’re not the first guy on earth to dump a girl. You need distractions, you need fun, you need to go out with me.” It’s not the worst idea. I could go out with him for once, walk away from my self-imposed misery. I could taste the water with one beer or two and come home if I hate it.
“Where are you going?” I ask shyly, feigning a small interest.
“To a bar. You won’t even need a fake ID. Come on…”
I’m debating. There is nothing and nobody holding me back. I wish Luke and Alane would give me a good reason to stay home. I hope my parents would tell me to stay home. I wish it wasn’t up to me to decide.
“Okay.” I shrug. “Let’s go out.” Michael is way more excited than I am. He’s bouncing off the walls.
“Shit! You’re going to love my friends! Don’t forget an ID. You’re eighteen, right?” I nod. “ We’re going to have the night of your life! Get ready, we’re leaving in thirty minutes.”
The fucking idiot that I am didn’t ask questions when we passed the border, and I’m now sitting in a bar in Canada, drinking away my pain, joyfully. Michael’s friends are fucking awesome, or maybe it’s the alcohol talking. I
feel good. I danced with a lot of girls, laughed with a lot of people, chugged many beers, and now I’m enjoying a beautiful black girl hanging on my arm.
My heart is still in Springs Falls, but my dick is waking up.
She's telling me about her family, her Vietnamese father, and Nigerian mother, and I get lost in her beautiful brown eyes with some green sparkles shining with lust. Her straight long black hair brushes the crook of my elbow, and she keeps touching me, batting her eyelashes and laughing with her mouth wide open.
I would love to push my dick in her mouth.
My head is swirling with hot desire, my cock is hoping more and more for a happy ending, and I close up my heart that’s begging me to go back to Alane.
Whatever the consequences, I will fuck this girl tonight.
If I can’t lose my virginity to the one I love, I want to lose it to Jess—I think that’s her name. I’ll certainly never see her again. If being in love wasn’t enough to end up with the girl I adore, fucking the first one I meet after that shouldn’t come with any complications. I lean towards her and whisper how beautiful she is to her ear.
She’s a different kind of beauty than what I’m used to, but she’s still stunning. She beams at me and drags her fingers along my thighs. I feel my body getting warm, and my dick hardening. I shouldn’t pursue anything with this girl. She’s not the one I love. She’s only the one I want. She bats her eyelashes again, and I lean in slowly, more because I’m losing balance than anything. She takes it for an invitation and bites her lip. I’m still lost in her eyes. She murmurs something, but I can’t hear it, so I come closer.
“You’re going to be trouble,” she whispers before wetting her lips.
I can smell her shampoo, and my heart squeezes with heaviness. She doesn’t smell like Alane. She’s nothing like her. The only thing they have in common is that they are both athletic girls, but what’s her name? I don’t know where my head is at, and she continues coming closer to me, so close I have to shut my eyes not to see her in double. She takes it as an invitation, and her lips touch mine. It’s a soft caress. I stay still at first, but then, I realize I have nothing left to lose, nothing holding me back, nobody waiting for me. I kiss her back, opening for her so her tongue can play with mine, and when it does, I can feel a tear falling from the corner of my eye.
