Poppy rubbed Amy’s back. “Come on, now. It’s not the end of the world. Are you sure you made the right decision, though? Maybe you should speak to Mark again if you have doubts …”
Amy shook her head. “I did the right thing, Poppy. I know I did.” She had no doubts about what she had done. There was no point in leading Mark on. It had been better to tell him the truth. Well, only a part of the truth.
She didn’t confess to Mark that she’d fallen back in love with the man she should only view as a brother. One who could never be what she would want him to be. It would have been cruel to unleash her despair on Mark. After all, Mark was offering her what she’d wished for before moving home. Only now, Amy asked herself how she’d ever thought she should be with Mark.
The real problem wasn’t that Mark might have fallen out of love with her. She knew now that she had never truly loved Mark. What she had felt for him paled in comparison to the myriad feelings of affection that she had for Colton. Mark had never made her laugh, never helped her feel at ease, or encouraged her like Colton did. Nor did he send her heart into that rapid staccato with a single smile.
So no, Amy couldn’t accept Mark’s sacrifice. Even if Mark gave up his job in Portland and moved to Jackson, Amy couldn’t be with him. Not when her heart was so clearly throbbing for someone else.
Poppy sighed and adjusted the collar of her white coat. The stethoscope she wore around her neck almost slipped, so she grabbed it and put it on the table beside them. “Well, Ames, if you aren’t sad about Mark leaving, then it must be Mr. Firefighter burning at your soul … am I right?”
Amy chewed on her lip. She didn’t want to tell Poppy what had happened in the hotel’s hot tub. How she and Colton had been a breath away from fulfilling her dreams. It was a moment that she’d tried to delete from her memories forever. Her heart had shattered from disappointment when she'd opened her eyes and seen Colton moving away from her instead of capturing her mouth.
But Amy knew that Poppy wouldn’t stop questioning her unless she gave up something. “Fine. Colt might be a factor in my decision, but—” She raised her hand as a smirk appeared on Poppy’s plump lips. “I know that my feelings for him are hopeless. So it doesn’t matter.” Why had her stupid voice wavered on the word feelings? Poppy would jump to the inevitable conclusion now.
Sure enough, Amy’s friend launched forward and hugged Amy. “Oh, my poor thing. I didn’t realize it was this bad. How are you holding up at home? You know, with Colt around all the time?”
“Not as well as I should,” Amy murmured.
This morning, she’d sat across from Colton at the table as they chewed their cereal in silence. It had been one of the most awkward things they’d ever done together. Both of them had attempted to start a casual chat, but somehow, after exchanging a few futile comments, their conversation died almost immediately. Their almost kiss had changed everything. It was an invisible giant elephant in the room. No matter how hard they kept trying to circle around it, they kept bumping into the memory.
Yesterday, they'd switched on the TV only to see a couple in an intimate setting. Colt’s cheeks had become red and he'd rushed out of the room, claiming he had to send an urgent email to Drew, whom Amy knew was off duty as well.
Poppy released Amy while her face moved into her typical I’ve-got-an-idea grimace. “Wait, I’ve got an idea!” she exclaimed.
“You don’t say,” Amy mumbled in a flat voice. Whatever proposal Poppy had come up with, Amy wasn’t interested. She didn’t feel like engaging in anything other than finding a new place to live and working with her patients.
Poppy snapped her fingers so close to Amy’s face that the tip of Amy’s nose felt the rush of air. “Amy Powell, do you or do you not want to get out of your self-imposed prison? You haven’t found a new place yet, but you obviously need to get away from Colt’s house. I can’t have you coming to work with this painful expression every day. You look like you swallowed a bone and it’s stuck in your throat.”
Rather in my heart. Poppy was right. Amy needed to move out of Colton’s house as soon as possible. “I want to move out. I do. But for now, I don’t have any prospects for an apartment.” Perhaps the time to call Zach and ask him for some money had arrived. Maybe if her brother helped, Amy could afford something decent. The places she’d visited in her price range were all dives. But the tension between her and Colton—or rather, the pretense that there wasn’t any—was unbearable.
Poppy flashed a wide grin. “Here’s where my stroke of genius comes in. My roommate, Carla, took a three-month training program in Boston. She refused to sublet her part, because she’s afraid the owner would find out. So her room is there, empty. Why don’t you come and live with me? I can help you check out some new places, and we can have fun girl talks.”
Amy stared at her friend, wide-eyed. Poppy’s suggestion wasn’t bad at all. It would give Amy an immediate escape opportunity. It would give her a break from Colton, and maybe her heart could learn how to bury deep her love for him. Yes, it would be perfect to live with Poppy.
Then why did Amy’s rib cage feel hollow at the thought of moving out and away from Colton?
There was no point in her staying. Her secret wish had kept her in his house far longer than was appropriate. She craved being loved by a person who truly knew and accepted her. Someone to whom she could show all of herself without fear of coming across as plain or inadequate.
But it would never happen. Even with Theresa out of the picture, Colton didn’t like her—no, he did like her, but he didn’t love her. And that was what she wanted. Love. Not brotherly affection or friendly protectiveness. Amy wanted passionate kisses and tight embraces from him.
Poppy poked Amy in the chest. “You didn’t give me your answer yet. Don’t tell me you need to think about it. The only way you’ll be able to get an ounce of sleep tonight at Colton’s place is if he’s on shift and doesn’t come home.”
“Not true,” Amy snapped, but she knew Poppy was right.
Poppy squinted and smacked her lips. “Aha! You just admitted that I’m right with that dreamy glance of yours.” She grabbed Amy’s phone from the table. “Call Colton. Tell him you’re coming to live with me. Say that I’m afraid to be alone by myself at night. Or that my place is closer to the hospital. Or that you’re tired of his snoring. Anything you want—except that you’re in love with him and need to get away. Okay?” Poppy thrust the phone into Amy’s hands.
Amy stared at it for one long moment before nodding. “It’s time.”
17
Colton loaded the grocery bags into the trunk of his car, closed it, and climbed behind the wheel. He would need to hurry to bring back the ingredients for their lunch at the station.
His call with Theresa had ended up taking longer than he’d planned. But it wasn't easy to apologize to a woman like his ex-girlfriend. Colton had decided to do it after the night at the hotel. He had to put a definite and clear end to everything with Theresa. She’d been right about Colton falling for Amy. And for that, Theresa deserved his sincere apology. Even if it meant that Colton had to listen to Theresa calling him a muscle-brain and an arrogant ogre and telling him that he would regret his decision one day.
Colton suspected that most of Theresa’s insults were the result of hurt female pride. His ex’s feelings about him weren’t half as profound as she painted them. That became utterly clear when, at the end of their conversation, Theresa added that she now felt entitled to go out with the hunky bathing suit model she’d met over the weekend.
Colton had just started the engine when his cell phone beeped again. Oh no, his buddies must have decided to check on him. Colton had volunteered to do the shopping trip because he wanted to go alone so he could speak to Theresa. His crew was probably wondering why it had taken Colton fifteen minutes longer than usual.
As he picked up his phone, his throat went dry. It was Amy’s number flashing on his screen. Normally, his heart would dance the joyous foxtrot
when seeing her call, but ever since their almost kiss and the news about Mark, he didn’t know how to react around his friend. He didn't even know whether he still had the right to call Amy friend, given that he felt much more for her than simple friendship.
Colton positioned the phone on its holder and switched on the loudspeaker so he could start his trip back to the station while they chatted. “Hi, Amy-cakes! What’s up?” Using her nickname was meant to begin the conversation on a friendly and carefree note, but the wavering and throatiness of his voice sabotaged his intention immediately.
“Hi, Colt. Are you guys busy? Am I disturbing?”
It wasn’t an unusual question. Amy always made sure she wasn’t intruding when she checked in with Colton at work. Colton appreciated the habit a lot. But the strained tone with which Amy had pronounced her words suggested that this time she might have a serious reason for her call.
“No, you’re not. I’m just on my way back to the station. We have a pretty calm morning, so Drew decided to cook a proper meal for lunch. I offered to run out and get the ingredients he needs.”
“Are you alone? Am I on speakerphone?”
Again, he heard that jittery nervousness. Something’s off. Through living together, Colton had honed his skills of interpreting Amy’s moods. He straightened his back and turned onto the station’s street. “Yes, you’re on speaker, but I’m alone, so you can speak freely. Did something happen?”
“No. I mean, yes. Yes, something did. But nothing bad or anything. It’s rather good news, I think. No, I’m sure. It’s good and—”
“Amy-cakes, you’re blabbering. Just give it to me straight. What is this you-think-you’re-sure good news?”
“I found an apartment. I’m moving out. Today.”
“Whaa-aat?” Colton’s foot automatically slammed on the brake. An ear-splittingly loud honk cut through the air. Crap! He’d stopped too abruptly. The black Pontiac’s driver behind him had every right to be upset.
“Colton, what happened? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, hold on a sec …” He pulled onto the shoulder of the road and waved from the window at the row of cars forming behind him to go on past. The station was only a couple blocks away, but it was better to get to the bottom of this conversation before he pulled into the station and his crew came down to help with the groceries.
Colton positioned his pager on the seat beside him, then leaned closer to his phone. “Ames, can you repeat what you just said? It sounded like you’re moving out today!” He inserted a dry chuckle at the end to show how absurd it all sounded. He didn’t want to believe what he’d heard.
“I said I’ve finally found a new place. It’s nice, close to work. I can move in right away. I’ve just signed the contract, and I’ve taken the day off. I’m heading home to pack now.”
Amy couldn’t be moving out. Why hadn’t she invited him to go with her to see the place she'd chosen before signing a contract? Colton could have checked to make sure the place was good enough for her, to see whether it had proper heating, safe wiring, and working smoke detectors. When had she even found this new apartment?
Colton scratched his head. “How is this even possible? Last time we spoke about this, at the dinner in the hotel, you said you didn’t have any good prospects. That was only two days ago.”
“Well, yeah. That was before. Yesterday I visited this place, and I liked it so much I—”
“Amy, you’re lying!” Colton didn’t know what made him snap at her accusingly. Also, why were his temples suddenly throbbing? Her tone did sound defensive and too hesitant to be truthful, but it didn’t justify his hostile reaction.
“I’m not lying. It’s the truth,” Amy answered, her voice becoming colder. “I rented the place, and I want to move there as soon as possible. I need a home of my own, Colt. I need—”
Colton’s blood chilled as a sudden idea occurred to him. “This is about Mark, isn’t it?” Mark had to be behind this.
“Mark?”
Amy’s question was a weak attempt to gain time. Colton was on the right track. “Amy, are you leaving my house because of Mark?” he insisted. There was no other explanation. Why else would Amy want to move out of Colton’s house so fast? Her statement about needing a place of her own was bogus. Why would she suddenly want her own place if not to spend time with that jerk?
There was silence on Amy’s end.
Colton rubbed his forehead. It was as he thought. Mark had gotten through Amy’s wall. Her jerk ex had managed to woo her once more. Had she blindly believed all the stupid excuses he’d thrown at her?
Colton's attention drifted to the phone screen, which showed Amy’s name and a picture that he had snapped of her after she had visited him in the gym. A sour taste made his mouth twist. Mark was taking Amy away from him. Before he could stop himself, he barked, “Did you get back with him, Amy? Are you moving in with him?”
Why wasn’t she speaking? Why?
That was before. The three little words popped into Colton’s mind, and his stomach cramped. Of course. The answer had been staring him in the face. Amy thought Colton was in a vulnerable emotional state.
Maybe she feared Colton would make a scene. Amy had to suspect by now that Colton had feelings for her. If she avoided addressing them like she had in the hotel, it meant that she was flustered by them. Especially now that her ex had showed up, claiming her heart and asking her to live with him.
“Amy.” Colton cleared his voice. “I know what you’re thinking. However, I assure you I can handle the truth. It doesn’t hurt my feelings one iota that you’re moving in with Mark. Really, if it was only about how it affected me, I would … Well, I’d buy you champagne for your housewarming party. But this is about you. You’re being naïve, almost bordering on stupidity, if you ask me. Mark is a jerk, and he’ll never—”
“Ex-cuse me?” Amy shrieked. “What did you just say?”
“I said—” he started again.
"Don’t repeat it. Just don’t. I’ve heard enough. So you don’t mind that I’m moving in with Mark, but you have the nerve to call me stupid? What right do you have?”
Colton’s jaw went slack. What right? All the right in the world. Amy would never have a fresh start with Mark. Why couldn’t she see that? The man hadn't appreciated the rare gem Amy was before, and he would wound her again.
Colton wasn’t going to let that happen. “Amy, Mark hurt you in the past. You told me that you’ve never felt like you were enough for him. He wanted you to change for him. That’s not what love is, right?”
“Isn’t it? On some level, maybe it is.”
“I’m not following you,” Colton grumbled. Had Mark brainwashed Amy?
She sighed. “I dunno, Colt. I’m starting to think that love might be exactly about change. Realizing things about yourself that you never thought possible. Feelings you suppressed or ignored. Embracing all of that implies a transformation of some sort. But it’s not a forced change; it’s a welcome one. Because it helps you to be able to make the other feel loved and cherished.”
Amy’s words were quiet now, almost a whisper, but they filled the car as if she were sitting an inch from Colton instead of on the other end of the phone.
Colton was robbed of air. His ribs smashed against his lungs as if one of his buddies had hit him with a perfectly aimed medicine ball right in his chest. Was that how Amy felt about Mark? “Okay, Ames. I guess you know what you’re doing. But I don’t agree with your choice.” I want you to feel all these emotions for me. The bitterness of this last thought was so choking that Colton coughed shortly.
“I think you made that quite clear. Thank you.” Amy’s voice was icy.
Colton couldn’t recall any other occasion when he and Amy had gotten into such a heated exchange. They’d certainly fought when they were younger, even teased the heck out of each other, but the pungent formality of Amy’s last words was a slap in the face. How did we come to this? Desperate to lessen the weight pressing on his chest, h
e asked, “You need any help with packing? After my shift, I could …”
“No, I’m good,” she said quickly. “I’ve got all the help I need. You’ve done so much for me these past weeks, Colt. I imagine it’ll be a relief to have your house back the way it was. Maybe it’ll even help you rekindle things with Theresa.”
Colton needed all his force to utter, “It wasn’t trouble at all. I have to go. Will I see you tomorrow morning when I get off?”
“I don’t think so. I should be done packing by tonight. We’ll carry my stuff over to the apartment.”
We. She and Mark. The bile rising in Colton’s throat had to be swallowed back. It made no sense to argue anything further. “Okay, fine. Then I guess I’ll see you when I see you, right? At the Old Giant, maybe?”
“Yeah, maybe. Have a good shift, Colt. Be safe.” Amy hung up.
Colton stared at the screen with glazed eyes. Then, without allowing a single thought to form in his head, he pulled back onto the road. A second later, he turned in to the station and parked. Cold emptiness enveloped him like a shroud. He would need to get used to the feeling. His house would be this way after he returned from his shift. That was how it was supposed to go down from the beginning. Amy was never meant to stay with him forever. His foolish heart that messed things up.
Even if the idea that Amy was returning to Mark’s arms ate Colton from the inside, he had no choice but to accept her decision. That was what true friends did, after all.
18
It was already dark outside when Amy stuffed her jeans into the side pocket of her backpack. The rigid fabric didn’t want to fit no matter how hard she tried. She pulled the jeans out with a sigh and tossed them over her shoulder. Whatever. She would just carry the jeans to the car. It was amazing how the contents of her two suitcases had nearly doubled since her arrival in Jackson.
Saving His Heart Page 12
