Marked for Love

by Hannah West

  Sara grunted her acknowledgement and sat up, pulling the shirt over her head and tromping out of the room. Noelle watched her go, listening for the sound of the coffeemaker in the kitchen. Then she scrounged for her own clothes, slipping on enough to be decent. It wasn’t too cold, even out from underneath the covers.

  Walking out into the kitchen, she saw Sara nursing a cup of coffee. “Sorry,” Sara said, drinking the mug in big gulps.

  “Not everyone’s a morning person.” Noelle smiled.

  “Do you want some?” Sara asked, nodding towards another mug on the counter.

  “Thanks.” Noelle poured herself some coffee. “Do you have milk? Sugar?”

  Sara handed her a couple sugarcubes and nodded towards the fridge. “In there.”

  “Thanks.” Noelle fixed up her coffee and sipped it, sighing in contentment. It was nice coffee. Admittedly, most coffee was better than her department’s.

  “I splurge on nice coffee.” Sara smiled, seeming to relax. “Sorry. Grump in the morning without my coffee.”

  Noelle grinned. “I noticed.” She took another drink. “It’s good coffee, though. I could see why you’d be a grump without it.”

  Sara rolled her eyes, finishing one cup and pouring another. “I figured, if I’m drinking three cups every morning, it should at least taste good.”

  Noelle chuckled as she finished her cup, declining a second from Sara when she offered. “We’ve got a couple hours before I have to go,” she said. “What do you want to do with that time?”

  Sara raised her eyebrows. Noelle waggled hers suggestively. Sara grinned. “You’re learning.”

  Noelle came closer, kissed Sara’s jawline. “I have a good teacher.”

  “Brush teeth, then kiss.” This time, Noelle led the way and Sara followed.

  “Now that the briefing is over, do you have anything you need to share that could be potentially problematic? Any conflicts of interest, prior knowledge of the victims, anything of the sort?” The prosecutor closed the file, looking at Noelle expectantly.

  “Not that I’m aware of,” Noelle said, as she always did.

  “Good.” She glanced at the clock. “You can send in Loryn.”

  Noelle nodded and stood. “Yes, ma’am.” She left the room, stopping just outside to pass on the message. The CSI glanced at her, then entered the room. There was something worried in her eyes, but something hopeful, too. Noelle had no idea what she was thinking, and was almost afraid to ask.

  The drive back to the department was short, because the prosecutors weren’t too far from where the department was. It certainly made it easier to go to trials when it was necessary. And between everything she had done, it was often. A lot of cases plead out, but there were always the stubborn ones who didn’t.

  “Have a good week?” Riley asked her as soon as she entered the department. She eyed him. Why was he so close to the door?

  “It was fine, thanks.” She smiled. “Got any plans for the weekend?”

  “Yes I do, and so do you.” He offered her a file. “Fresh new case, looking for a detective with smarts like you.”

  Noelle narrowed her eyes at him. “So you don’t want it but you think I will.”

  “Technically we both work these cases, since we’re partners,” Riley said helpfully. “So someone else didn’t want it and foisted it off on both of us.” He looked at her, suddenly more serious. “If you do well on this, it could mean a promotion.”

  Noelle swallowed thickly. A promotion? “For me or for you?” she asked with raised eyebrows.

  Riley rolled his eyes. “You know the answer to that question.” He waggled it in her direction. “After what happened last time, it’s a good direction to go.” His eyes were warm, compassionate, when his gaze met Noelle’s. Noelle could barely look at him. Would she forever be known for what had happened? Losing Lydia hadn’t been her fault, but it seemed like it would haunt her forever.

  She took the file, not looking at his hand, at his wedding ring, as she did so. His wrist, where his mark was. The mark that was identical to his wife’s. His soulmate. Something she would never have. “I’ve got court next week, but I’ll look over this file today.”

  “We’ve got a meeting with the lead witnesses tomorrow, about an hour after work starts.” Riley smiled. “Read up, be ready. You’re taking lead.”

  “Thanks for looking out for me,” Noelle said, her voice quiet enough to not be overheard.

  “Any time, kiddo.” Riley patted her arm. “How’s the doctor?”

  Noelle’s smile was shy, and her stomach felt like it was full of butterflies. “Good, I think.”

  Riley squeezed her shoulder. “You deserve to be happy,” he said softly. “Don’t worry about what anyone else will think.”

  Noelle smiled, even though she didn’t necessarily feel it. It was easy for him to say. He had been with the department for twenty years now, and had a reputation that could withstand a lot. She was still new, with only six years under her belt. Shaking her head, she dragged her attention back to work.

  Two hours later, she had only made it through two pages of the file, and hadn’t even touched the witness statements. Her mind kept wandering, refusing to stay focused. Riley seemed to think it was no big deal. Was it? Did Sara think it was? Was Noelle overreacting?

  That was something she did. But what would she say? Could she bring Sara to events? The whole department knew Lydia’s story by now. What would they think of Sara? Sara didn’t seem to be bothered by it. Admittedly, she didn’t seem bothered by much.

  Still. Would it wear on her, down the road? Make her regret choosing Noelle as a partner?

  Would Noelle regret it?

  That was the harder question, to her. She liked Sara, liked the warm feeling in her gut that she got around her, something she had learned to recognize as arousal. But it seemed like the world was out to get them. Assumptions would be made and disproved. It was no one else’s business, but it never stopped anyone else. They were supposed to grieve for their soulmates, supposed to have loved them, never get over them. Instead, they were dating each other, and it wasn’t going badly. That was not what Noelle had learned, not what she had been taught.

  She loved her parents, but at the moment she couldn’t help but wish she had been raised in a less traditional household. Maybe then a relationship with Sara would be easier to accept.

  Abruptly she stood, picking up the case file and tucking it into her desk. She could read it tomorrow and prep then. She wasn’t getting anything done just sitting there and daydreaming.

  She slid into her car, closing the door behind her and fishing her phone out of her purse. Dialing her mother’s number, she turned on the bluetooth device that she hooked to her ear. The phone rang a few times.

  “Hello?”

  “Mom?” Noelle turned her head to back out of the spot.

  “Hello, darling, how are you?” Her mother, Natalie, sounded more tired than Noelle would have liked.

  “I’m - it’s complicated. How are you, Mom?” Noelle turned her blinker on, leaving the parking lot.

  “Didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all.” Noelle could hear her mother’s smile through the phone. “Complicated?”

  Noelle fidgeted on the wheel. She hadn’t told her Mom much of what had happened with Sara. She had only mentioned Lydia once or twice - and it was more to tell her mother the search was over. “Do you remember the woman I met at the Loss Meeting?”

  “The doctor?”

  “Yeah, her.” Noelle squirmed in her chair. “We’re. Kind of dating.”

  There was silence on the phone for barely a second. “That’s lovely,” Natalie said, her voice warm. “Will you bring her by to the house sometime? I’d love to meet her.”

  Noelle blinked, and then blinked again. “She’s not my soulmate. That was Lydia.”

  “Yes, I know, darling.”

  “Why -” Noelle hesitated, even as she turned into her condo complex.

  “It
’s not an easy road,” Natalie said. “I do wish you had had a chance to experience what your father and I had. But love is love, isn’t it?”

  “I wish the rest of the world agreed with you,” Noelle muttered.

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing.” Noelle pulled into her parking spot, turning off her car. She stared at the dashboard for a few moments. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” Natalie sounded puzzled.

  “Not getting to know Lydia before she died.” Noelle rubbed her forehead. She felt - guilty? Shameful? She couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. All she knew was that she didn’t like it.

  “Oh, darling.” Noelle could hear Natalie’s smile. “It’s not your fault. Life happens, is all. What matters is that you’re happy.”

  “Thanks.” Noelle smiled. “I’ve got to go, Mom. I’ll call you later.”

  “Sounds good. Love you.”

  “Love you too. Bye.” Noelle ended the call, tucking her phone into her purse. She sat in her car, staring out into the darkness. That had gone far better than she expected, especially after - what had happened. Would she ever be able to tell her work, without worrying about repercussions?

  Getting out of the car, Noelle headed to her condo. She had work to prepare for.

  “Do you solemnly swear or affirm that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?” The prosecutor asked her.

  “So help me God,” Noelle swore.

  “You may be seated,” the judge said.

  Noelle sat on the witness stand, adjusting her top and then turning to face the prosecutor. She led her through the questions they had discussed, over the discovery of the bodies, collection of evidence. The father’s confession. All standard stuff, nothing Noelle hadn’t done before.

  Then the defense lawyer took over. He was a young man, maybe thirty, dressed immaculately in a pinstriped suit. He had hawkish features. Noelle didn’t like him. “So I understand the Hawkins case was your solo lead?”

  “Yes, sir.” Noelle inclined her head. “It was my turn to take a case, so I took primary.”

  “And what date was that?” He consulted his notes.

  “June 22nd.” Noelle kept her face neutral. She twirled her fingers underneath the stand, where her nerves couldn’t be seen.

  “This was also your first case after coming back from leave, wasn’t it?” The defense lawyer looked at her, tilting his head to the side.

  Noelle tried not to tense. “I don’t see how that is relevant.” She looked at the judge, who looked at the defense lawyer.

  “It’s relevant, Your Honor.” The lawyer - Mr. Mercado - smiled.

  “Answer the question,” the judge ordered.

  Noelle gritted her teeth. She had a feeling where this was going. “Yes.”

  “Why were you on leave?” Mr. Mercado picked up his legal pad, consulted it.

  Noelle looked at the judge. She looked pointedly back at the defense attorney. “My soulmate died.”

  The courtroom stilled.

  “Objection, Your Honor. I question the relevance of this proceeding.” The prosecutor stood.

  “It demonstrates the detective’s state of mind during the initial investigation,” Mr. Mercado argued.

  Noelle stilled. He was going to argue that she was swayed by emotions, wasn’t he? How would she get out of this? “Proceed,” the judge allowed.

  “Isn’t it possible that you were distracted by grieving, during your initial investigation?”

  There wasn’t any way Noelle could win, and she knew it. “I am professional enough to not let loss deter me from doing my duty.” If she wasn’t distracted, she was heartless. If she was, she was unfit for what she did. “And our investigation led to Mr Nichols much later in the investigation.”

  “But losing your soulmate is one of the worst things that could happen to someone. You lost your other half.” The defense lawyer shook his head, making a sympathetic noise. “Could that not provide a suitable distraction?”

  Noelle swallowed. “I consulted with my partner about my suspicions, and any evidence that arose. He concurred with the direction I wanted to take the investigation in.”

  “But you were in charge, were you not?”

  “Yes.” Noelle hated to admit it, hated that it was being used against her.

  “So it’s possible that your suspicions were clouded by grief.” The lawyer raised his eyebrows.

  “I doubt it -”

  “But it’s possible?”

  Noelle gritted her teeth. “It’s possible.”

  The defense lawyer looked at the judge. “No further questions.”

  Noelle didn’t go back to the office like she had planned, instead choosing to go straight home. She was still fuming over the defense lawyer. The asshole. She glared at her wall and flirted with the idea of throwing something at it. Where had he gotten the nerve to ask her those questions? It wasn’t like she could admit what she actually felt, not where everyone could hear her. The stigma would have followed her forever.

  “Fuck,” she muttered, throwing herself down on the couch. There was her Loss Meeting in just a few days, and she would see Sara, whether she wanted to or not. And she did. Want to, that was.

  Or did she?

  It was the same question that had haunted her for several days. Could she deal with the consequences of dating Sara, of breaking society’s mold? Sara didn’t seem ruffled by it at all.

  Now everyone in the department would know what had happened. Knew that if she mentioned someone, it wasn’t who she was supposed to be with. Would she be brave enough to bring Sara to work functions? What if she ever got a promotion - could she bring Sara to the ceremony? Would she be brave enough to involve Sara in integral parts of her life?

  Noelle made a frustrated noise. She didn’t know. It was like being a teenager again, all uncertainty and awkwardness. She had thought herself long past that point, being a grand ripe age of twenty nine. But she had never been in a relationship before. It was untested grounds.

  Getting up from the couch, Noelle turned on the TV and ordered dinner to be delivered. Tonight, she would take for herself. Tomorrow she could figure out what to do with her relationship.

  “Hey,” Sara said, the moment Noelle sat next to her. “You didn’t answer my calls.”

  Noelle smiled, apologetic. “Sorry. Court doesn’t allow phones, and then - well, work was busy and I was working overnights. I didn’t want to bother you.”

  Sara studied her for a few minutes, then smiled. “Do you have time for dinner after the meeting?”

  Noelle hesitated, then nodded. “I’d like that.”

  The Loss Meeting passed agonizingly slowly, in Noelle’s opinion. Every story of Loss drove the dagger further into her heart. Was she making the wrong decision, moving forward? It felt like every shred of progress she had made had been replaced with a crippling insecurity. She half expected to break out into pimples from the stress. Teenagerhood all over again.

  She was so tense by the end of the meeting that she didn’t even notice it ended, only reacting once Sara touched her shoulder. “You okay?” Sara asked, concerned.

  “Sorry,” Noelle said, cringing. “Zoned out a bit.”

  Sara chuckled. “Me too.” She winked, standing and putting her purse over her shoulder. “My car or yours?” she asked, her voice low so no one else could hear.

  “We could do takeout and a movie?” Noelle tilted her head, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach. She didn’t want to be in public. After what had happened at work, she needed a quiet night at home. She needed some outlet for the energy that was sizzling under her skin.

  Sara smiled. “I’ll get the food, meet you at your place?”

  Noelle nodded. “Hope you don’t mind if it’s messy.”

  Sara laughed. “My place isn’t always as clean as it was when you came over.”

  Noelle startled when Sara hugged her. Could Michaela and the others see what was b
etween them? Or would they read it as just a hug between friends? Awkwardly she patted Sara on the back, offering Sara an apologetic smile when she pulled back. “No PDA,” Sara said, amused. “Noted.”

  “Sorry.” Noelle squeezed Sara’s shoulder, then ensured that she had her purse. “Thirty minutes?”

  Sara nodded. “Sounds good.”

  Noelle drove straight home, heading to her apartment to clean up as much as she could. Between the court situation and working nights, she hadn’t bothered to clean in a few weeks. She managed to at least toss things roughly where they were supposed to be before Sara knocked on the door. “Coming,” Noelle called, putting the last couple dishes in the dishwasher.

  Opening the door, Noelle smiled and took the bag of take-out from Sara. Sara glanced around her living room. “Looks clean to me,” she said.

  Noelle laughed, feeling some of the tension dissipate from her shoulders. “Wasn’t half an hour ago.”

  Sara followed her to the kitchen. Noelle sat down the takeout on the table, then turned to face her. “Are you okay?” Sara asked, coming over and gently putting a strand of Noelle’s hair behind her ear. It was a useless task - it sprung out back to its original spot. Noelle bit back a chuckle.

  “Work was - stressful.” Noelle looked away. The Hawkins case wasn’t public enough to be in the news, thankfully for her. Still, there was a chance her public shaming would make it to a newspaper somewhere. That was the advantage of a big city – there was always more interesting stories.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Sara tilted her head, her hand going to Noelle’s forearm. The movement seemed oddly forced, mechanical. Like Sara cared, but she felt awkward about the intention. Trapped against the counter, Noelle didn’t pull back. She couldn’t.

  “Not really.” She offered Sara an apologetic smile. “It’s complicated.”

  Sara studied her intently for a few moments, then pulled her gently into a hug. “I know what it’s like, when work gets bad,” she said, her voice quiet.

  Noelle leaned into the hug, after a moment, resting her head on Sara’s shoulder. She inhaled, exhaled, allowing herself to just relax. To think about Sara, and what Sara meant to her, for the first time since the court date. Sara wasn’t an abstract concept, she was a real person, someone who meant something to Noelle. Eventually she let go, and so did Sara. “Right,” Noelle said, looking at Sara.