Cowboys Don't Come Out: A Coming Out, Must-love-kids, Two Step Dancing, Hawaii for the Holidays MM Romance

by Tara Lain

  “Who else wants cheesecake?” Mrs. McIntyre looked in at Rand and Kai just as a knock on the door froze Kai’s hand and Rand’s butt. Mr. McIntyre walked over and opened the door.

  “Hi. I hope I’m not late for dessert.” The blonde haole who’d danced with Rand at the bar—what was her name? Julie?—smiled up at Mr. McIntyre.

  Just that fast, Rand carefully shifted his weight so his hips moved to the side.

  Mrs. McIntyre bustled across the room. “Hello, dear. I’m so glad you were able to come. You’re right on time for dessert. Come in.”

  Julie waved. “Hi, Rand. Hi, Kai.”

  Rand nodded. “Hi, Julie.”

  Mrs. McIntyre started introducing the kids to Julie. Kai just heard a rushing in his ears. Stupid. Stupid. Okay, so I’ve never come out, but I have to protect the kids. Rand can’t live without his girl toys for even one fucking day.

  You’re not being fair.

  I don’t give a shit.

  He stood. “Thank you all so much for your incredible kindness. We better get going, kids.”

  “Aw, Kai, do we have to?” Strangling Aliki ranked as a definite possibility. Didn’t want to come, now doesn’t want to go.

  “Yeah. We do. Please say thank you.”

  Rand stared at the floor while Aliki threw his arms around Mr. McIntyre’s neck. “Thank you so much, sir. I can’t tell you how much I love these presents.”

  “I’m glad, son. That’s all we hoped.”

  He went to Mrs. McIntyre while Lani quietly thanked Rand’s dad.

  Aliki looked back at Rand. “We get another riding lesson tomorrow, right?

  “Yes. Right.” He smiled, but everything about him—the easiness and comfort—were gone.

  Kai shook hands with Mr. McIntyre, gave Mrs. McIntyre a hug, and nodded at Julie. “Good to see you.”

  “I didn’t mean to break up the party.” She looked a little shell-shocked.

  “You didn’t. They need to get home.”

  Even Lani gave him a little frown as they walked out the door.

  That’s okay. Rand will be gone soon—and they’ll get over it. They will.

  Rand glanced up and met his mother’s eyes. She looked—odd. Surprised? Conniving? Who the fuck knew? She smiled. “I met Julie in a water aerobics class yesterday evening and invited her to join us.”

  “Nice.”

  “So, since it’s just us adults, why don’t we go up to the hotel for cocktails?”

  His heart hammered. What the fuck did Kai think? If he ran out now, could he catch him? Hell, how? He had no idea where Kai lived and didn’t have his phone number. I’ll see him tomorrow. Tomorrow morning.

  Like some fucking puppy dog, he rose and followed his parents and Julie up to the hotel. They all ordered drinks on the patio while a local band played holiday music with a definite Polynesian flair. Rand chugged back a beer and tried to look comfortable.

  Julie sipped her Mai Tai. “Are you all staying through New Year’s?”

  Rand’s mom shook her head. “No, sadly. Elson feels he has to get back to some business event later this week. We leave the day after tomorrow morning. We’re going to drive the long road, which I’m looking forward to. It won’t return us to civilization too abruptly.”

  Julie laughed. “Oh yes, our road is anything but abrupt. It really is beautiful, however. Did you get to see the Seven Sacred Pools while you were here?”

  “No. I kept hearing about it, but lazing on the beach has beaten out sightseeing every day. Not that we’ve had a lot of days.” She gave his dad an arched eyebrow.

  “I’m sorry to see you go.” Julie glanced at Rand. “I feel like I’ve just gotten to know you a little.”

  “Yes. I agree.”

  Rand’s eyes crept toward the beach. He felt the same way. Just not about Julie.

  Chapter Eleven

  Rand drove his rental car into the parking lot at the stables. Yes, he was early, but he wasn’t up for waiting one more second to apologize to Kai and tell him the whole Julie thing hadn’t been his idea.

  He slid out and crunched his way across the gravel toward the barns. Aliki stuck his head out the door. “Hey, Mr. McIntyre. We’re in here brushing the horses.”

  Rand grinned. Good. Now, he needed to find a way to talk to Kai alone for a minute. Maybe on the trail. Of course, he wanted to teach the kids to trot today, so he’d have to watch them closely.

  Inside, Lani stood beside Rosebud, her long, thin legs in jeans, which were shoved into her brand-new boots. Haku waved at him from the other side of the horse. Huh. Where was Kai?

  Rand touched his hat brim. “Ms. Lani, you look positively fantastic.”

  She couldn’t contain her smile. “I told Kai I wanted to save them for special, but he said boots are for wearing and if I saved them, I’d grow out of them before I got any use from them.”

  “He’s a smart man.” He looked around. Two other cowboys hauled tack and prepared the horses for the day. No Kai. “So where is that smart guy?”

  Lani’s eyes flicked to the horse. “Uh, he had to work at the ranch today.”

  Rand frowned. “How’d you get here?”

  Aliki peeked under his horse. “He dropped us off at oh-dark-thirty. I think I need some boots too.”

  Rand glanced at him. “What? Oh, I guess Santa thought you’d want that game player more.”

  “Yeah. He was right.” He stood, then looked under the horse’s belly again. “Or somebody was right.” He laughed.

  Rand walked out into the early morning sun. Not here. Did that mean Kai was still freaked over Julie—or that he really had to work somewhere else? Hell, I stared at the fucking ceiling all night thinking about the ways I’d wanted to spend Christmas night—and they didn’t look anything like lying alone worrying about what Kai was thinking.

  Lani walked out of the barn leading Rosebud.

  “Hey, Lani.”

  She smiled at him.

  Be cool. Don’t make an idiot of yourself. “Uh, how’s Kai? Is he okay?”

  Her dark glance hit the dirt again. “Uh, yes. Just busy, you know?”

  The word escaped. “Really?”

  She looked up, weighing some unknown decision. “He’s always a bit—” She shrugged. “—conflicted, I guess.”

  How did this kid manage to sound like she was fifty? “What about?”

  She stared at the ground. “He’s been taking care of us a long time. Four years. I think he’s afraid to let anyone—” She shrugged again. “—be interested in him, uh, us, because—I don’t know why.”

  “Because it might change something, and change can be bad.” The conviction rang in his voice, and she looked up, startled.

  “That sounds right.”

  Tires crunched behind them, and the van pulled in with only Molly, who leaped out and ran to Lani, to give her a big hug. Then she smiled. “Hi, Mr. McIntyre. I’m hot to trot—literally!” She laughed and Lani joined in. Aliki led Batman out, Molly retrieved her mount, and the lesson began.

  Two hours later, the kids dismounted, and Aliki elaborately massaged his butt. “I know what you mean about ‘seat’ now, Mr. McIntyre.” He howled at his own joke as Haku and the other cowboys took the horses into the stable. They’d ridden so long, no time for the horse care lesson.

  “Yes, trotting is hard. When Kai gives you your next lesson, I want you to concentrate on watching how your brother sits deep in the saddle when he trots.” He lowered his voice. “Lani, you can help him.”

  Aliki shook his head. “Aw, he’ll never give us any lessons.”

  “Sure he will.”

  Lani looked up. “No, Aliki’s probably right. Kai’s always said he can’t teach us because he’s no role model.”

  “Why would he think something like that?”

  Lani glanced at Aliki, who looked sad, a rare occurrence for the kid. She sighed. “Our father used to yell at Kai a lot. He always told him he shouldn’t be teaching us anything since he was no role mode
l.”

  Aliki grimaced. “But he put a lot of bad words in there.”

  Well, shit. “All you guys have to do is watch Kai, okay? He rides even better than me. Lani, if you watch Kai, you’ll be able to help Aliki.”

  Aliki frowned darkly. “Aw, I sure wish you lived here.”

  “Maybe you can come visit my ranch sometime.”

  Neither child looked even a little hopeful, which twisted his heart.

  Molly bounded over, waving at the driver of the van, who sat waiting. “I wish you lived near me too. Can I hug you?”

  “Heck yeah, ma’am.”

  She grinned, he knelt, and she threw her arms around his neck. “I’m asking my mom and dad for riding lessons as soon as I get home. I don’t want to forget a thing.”

  “You’re doing great. Just keep going, and I’m sure we’ll see you in horse shows in the future.”

  “Oh, I hope so.” She hugged him again. “I’ll see you back at the hotel, right?”

  “Well, I leave tomorrow morning early.”

  Lani slapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh no.”

  He looked into those deep eyes that he’d seen almost happy once or twice since he’d met her. Now she seemed to have slipped back into carrying the weight of the world. “I’m sad to go too.” Damned if it wasn’t true.

  The van driver beeped, and Molly grabbed Lani for another hug. “I sure hope I get to see you again before I leave. I’ll be here until New Year’s.”

  Lani curved her lips, but it didn’t warm her eyes. “That would be nice.”

  Molly looked like she wanted to cry. “Well, bye. Bye, Aliki.” She turned and ran to the van.

  Rand watched her go, then looked back at the kids. Christmas was definitely over on those two faces. “How are you two supposed to get home?”

  Aliki kicked a rock. “Haku’s gonna take us when he’s done.”

  “How about I take you?”

  “That’d be great.”

  Lani slammed a hand on Aliki’s arm. “No, we can’t impose on Mr. McIntyre. This is his last day of vacation. Plus, no one’s home now, so it’s better if we wait for Haku.”

  Rand stared at her. This kid might be three hundred years old in her soul, but she’d never learned to lie. “No, I’ll stay with you until your mom comes home. Or Kai, okay? Get your stuff. My car’s right over there.”

  “No, really, Mr. McIntyre. It’s better if we wait.”

  He gazed at her levelly, and she dropped her eyes. “Get your stuff.”

  As Rand drove, Aliki seemed to absorb Lani’s tension, and the car got quiet. No idea why—but I sure as fuck plan to find out.

  After driving the highway until it couldn’t be called highway with a straight face, they turned off on a rutted dirt road and wound back through trees and bushes. Sitting next to him, Lani tightened up more with every curve. Finally they came around a corner and—son of a bitch. The old truck sat in front of a low clapboard house that looked like it might once have had a porch, but now only boasted four wooden stairs leading up to the front door. Rand braked.

  Lani looked over at him. “I guess Kai got done early.” Her eyes bounced off him and stared out the window.

  What were the chances Kai worked at a ranch for a few hours the day after Christmas? Slight. He pulled over beside the road and glanced to be sure the child locks were on so neither kid could jump out and run to tell their brother that the big scary haole was here.

  “Thank you for bringing us home, Mr. McIntyre. I hope you have a wonderful trip home.” Lani’s eyes never connected with Rand’s through that whole speech.

  Aliki definitely picked up on the nerves. “Yeah, thanks, Mr. McIntyre. Great lessons. Wish I could have more. See ya.” He pulled at the door handle.

  Rand looked over at Lani. Her glance flicked up at him. “Is Kai mad at me?”

  “I—I don’t think so. Maybe.”

  “And he doesn’t want to talk to me.”

  “It’s not that, exactly.”

  Oh God, she looked so miserable. He couldn’t do this to her. “Okay, Lani. Tell Kai I said I’m sorry. I had nothing to do with cutting our party short yesterday. It was my mom’s doing. I should have said something, but I’m—well, I wasn’t a good host. Anyway, I would love to have said good-bye, but I don’t want to make things harder for anyone.” He flipped the locks from the driver’s side. “I loved meeting you and Aliki—and Kai. I wish I didn’t have to go—but I guess it’s for the best.”

  Aliki opened his back door and stopped because Lani didn’t move. “He really likes you.”

  “Who?”

  “Kai. I mean, I know he doesn’t always show it, but he really does like you. I can tell. He doesn’t have a lot of friends. Everyone knows him, but he doesn’t get close to anybody.”

  Aliki leaned over the seat. “Right. He’s too busy taking care of us.”

  Lani nodded. “I guess I’m saying he could use a friend.”

  “How can I do that?”

  She shrugged. “Come tell him what you told us.”

  “Is it okay? I get the feeling no one wants me to come to your house. Doesn’t your mom like company?”

  “I doubt she’s there.” She glanced back at Aliki. “It’s a good time.”

  Rand opened his door and climbed out onto the dirt and gravel path. Aliki ran around the car and grabbed his arm. “Come on.”

  He followed Aliki while Lani walked swiftly ahead. By the time they got to the stairs, she stood at the top. When Rand reached the highest step, Lani opened the door, stuck her head in, and called, “We have company.” She pulled back and let Rand walk in front of her.

  What did I expect? Whatever he thought, this wasn’t it. The small living room/dining area/kitchen combo shone so clean and bright, it defied the shabbiness. An old couch had been decorated with a bright throw covered with Hawaiian flower prints, while a couple of chairs stood opposite it, looking comfy if worn. At the center of things, a large table was set for three with mismatched but colorful ceramic dinnerware, and at the stove, wearing shorts, flip-flops, and an apron, stood Kai.

  He frowned stormily. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “I brought the kids.” Rand crossed his arms. Not moving.

  Kai’s dark eyes flashed at his sister. “Damn it, Lani.”

  Rand took a step forward. “Don’t you yell at her because you’re too chicken to face me.”

  “Chicken?” He glanced at Lani and Aliki, and his chest expanded with a big breath. “It’s complicated.”

  Rand walked to the couch and sat. “I’ve got time to hear all about it.”

  Kai huffed and turned back to the great-smelling onions frying in his pan. “Go back to your girlfriend and leave us alone.”

  Rand glanced at Lani, who gazed at him like he should do something. “I already explained to Lani and Aliki how sorry I am about breaking up our party unexpectedly. My mom invited Julie, and I was so surprised, I didn’t act appropriately. I apologize.”

  Aliki walked over and wrapped his arms around Kai’s waist. “Hey, brah, give the cowboy a break. He’s our friend, right?”

  Kai looked down at his brother. Rand tilted his head to see Kai’s expression, and it was—soft. “Yeah, kaikaina, he’s our friend.” Kai looked over Aliki’s head, his face neutral. His chest expanded, contracted, and he said, “You want to stay for lunch, brah?”

  Rand nodded. “Yeah. I’d like that. What can I do to help?”

  “Maybe Aliki can be persuaded to eat salad if he knows his riding teacher made it?” He held Aliki’s chin and stared into his face. The kid wrinkled his nose and ran to the back of the house. Kai yelled, “Change your clothes and then come back and help.”

  Lani had removed her boots and was wiping them with a cloth. “I’ll change too and be right back.” She grinned at Rand and walked out.

  Alone—at last. “I really am sorry about yesterday.”

  “Nothing to be sorry for. Hell, what you and your folks did for my
kids—I can’t even say.” He shook his head, but his eyes never left the pan to which he’d added tomatoes, ground beef, and a bunch of spices that made the whole room fragrant and Rand’s belly rumble.

  “I’m talking about you. You and me. I’m sorry for putting you in such a weird position.”

  He glanced at Rand, frowned, and lowered his voice. “There’s no ‘you and me.’ You’re a haole tourist, brah, who goes back to his life tomorrow. I’m a brown-skinned dropout with mouths to feed.”

  As kicks in the teeth went, that one qualified as pure, fourteen-carat-gold truth. “What if I don’t go?” The words fell out, and he listened to them like some stranger had walked in and made that declaration.

  Kai stared at him open-mouthed for a second, caught a quick glance toward the back of the house, and poured a big can of tomatoes in his pan so hard they splashed his apron. “Why the fuck would you do that?”

  “Where’s the lettuce?”

  “What?”

  “Salad, remember?”

  “Oh.” He pointed toward the refrigerator—a loudly chugging device that might have captured big bucks in an antique show.

  Rand opened the fridge, noted the head of romaine in the hydrator, and pulled it out. After squeezing next to Kai, he grabbed a knife from the counter, chopped off the stems of the lettuce, and started washing, then wiped them with a paper towel and ripped pieces into the large metal bowl he pulled from on top of the refrigerator. “I’m not sure.”

  “What?”

  “Why I’d want to do it. I just know that when I think about leaving, I don’t like it. And believe me, man, there’s nothing I like more than sitting in front of my fire in the ranch house, so this is fucking unusual.”

  “Forget it, brah. We’re like a traffic accident. Take a look and move on.”

  “What else you got?”

  “What?”

  “For the salad. What else goes in it?”

  Kai shook his head. “Anything you can find in the cabinet or the refrigerator.”

  “I like you.”

  Kai slammed his spoon down on the counter and pressed a hand against Rand’s chest. “I feel like I dropped down the wrong rabbit hole.”