Confessions Between Us

by Tina T. Kove

  As if it was that easy, to just wave it away as nothing when a guy you’d thought you were in love with last summer seemed to hate you.

  ‘Aren’t you supposed to be packing?’ Ben asked then.

  ‘Uhh…’ Technically, yes.

  He gave me a long look. ‘Avoid Glenn now… but how’re you going to do that when you’re stuck in a cabin with him for an entire week?’

  That was the big question.

  And I had no answer to it.

  I figured I was fucked. And not in a good way.

  Before I could say anything else—not that I had anything to say to that—Andreas strode into the room.

  ‘Figured anything out?’ He sat down next to me and peered curiously at my laptop screen. The one I’d forgotten all about as Ben and I had talked about other things.

  ‘Not really.’ I was nowhere closer to a solution.

  ‘He’s got ages still to figure his shit out.’ Ben tucked his arms behind his head.

  ‘Two months will go by fast.’ I nibbled anxiously on my lip. ‘You blink and suddenly the deadline’s there. Or I even miss it and then I’m truly fucked.’ I wanted to study. I wanted to pursue higher education. But there was so much to choose from and I had no idea what I wanted to do.

  It was hard.

  ‘Hey, you can always work for a year if nothing jumps out at you.’ Andreas shrugged.

  ‘Yeah, I guess.’ I scrolled down the page again. An entire list of educations and I couldn’t make up my mind.

  ‘Aarvik University College?’

  ‘Yeah, Leo’s school.’ I glanced at him. ‘It might be good to live closer to him, seeing as you’re going to be away for a whole year, anyway.’

  ‘You can go and do whatever you want.’

  ‘I was thinking maybe Language and Literature.’ I scrolled some more. ‘Or history. But I figure history might be a bit of a drag compared to English Language and Literature.’

  ‘Reading books is kind of your thing.’ He bumped my shoulder playfully. ‘If you can do that for three years and get a degree out of it…’ He let that sentence hang.

  I smiled sheepishly. ‘I doubt it’s as easy as that. You have to write essays on the books, and… stuff.’ University would be much harder than the work I did now.

  ‘If that’s what you want to do, you should do it.’ Andreas made it sound like it was so easy. ‘If you ask me, that one sounds more your thing than history. Then again, you probably don’t fall asleep during history class like I do because it’s so dull.’

  ‘History is an interesting subject if you have a good teacher.’ I scrolled past the link to the history degree to find the Language and Literature one. ‘But the one we have… he only wants us to sit in silence and read the book. For forty-five minutes. That’s not fun. That’s not learning.’

  ‘But you have top grades in history anyway, don’t you?’ Now he was just teasing.

  ‘Yes, but…’ I mumbled, embarrassed. Especially as Ben was right next to me, listening. And he’d just been complaining about how he never did well, even when he tried. I didn’t even have to try—I did well anyway.

  ‘It would be cool to have top grades in everything,’ Ben said wistfully. ‘Then I could pick and choose what I want to do. As it is, I probably won’t get into any higher education.’

  ‘You don’t want to pursue higher education either,’ Andreas pointed out.

  ‘True.’ Ben pursed his lips. ‘I hate studying. I will not subject myself to more of that torture.’

  It must be hard struggling so much with school work. I could practically pick and choose whatever I wanted. Only my PE grade would drag my overall average down, but not by much considering I had top grades in every other class.

  ‘Ready for tomorrow?’ Andreas turned back to me.

  ‘Uhh.’ I drew my lower lip in-between my teeth, staring down at my keyboard. I didn’t want to flat-out lie to him, but I couldn’t admit to not looking forward to this holiday either.

  ‘Skiing,’ Ben snorted. ‘Shoot me now.’

  ‘What’re you doing for the holiday?’ He’d probably have a better holiday than me. I’d never been skiing in my life and I had no wish to learn how whatsoever.

  ‘Nothing. That’s what holidays are for: to stay at home and do absolutely nothing.’ He grinned wryly.

  ‘You are not staying home all holiday.’ Andreas gave him a look. ‘You’re going to go out and get laid. That’s what you do when there’s a holiday. Or the weekend. Or a weekday, come to that.’

  Ben threw him a dirty look.

  ‘Okay, so, yeah, maybe I will be doing that too. But in-between I will not do shit. Certainly, not anything school-related.’ He pushed up on his elbows. ‘Be careful not to break anything on those slopes. That won’t go over well with your year in the military.’

  ‘Hey, I’m a good skier.’

  ‘I might break a leg if I try,’ I muttered.

  ‘I’ll be there to catch you if you do.’ He leant against me, our shoulders pressed together.

  ‘Skiing sucks.’ Ben grimaced and pushed himself up into a sitting position. ‘So good luck with that. I don’t know why you even want to submit yourself to that shit.’

  I didn’t know why I was submitting myself to it either. Or to stay in a cabin with Glenn. I must be going mad.

  ‘It’ll be fine.’ Andreas squeezed my lower thigh. ‘We’re going to have a great time, I promise.’

  Now that was a promise I wasn’t sure he could keep.

  Monday, February 18th

  This was not what I’d expected.

  When Andreas had said we’d be staying in Peter’s parents’ cabin, I’d expected a small little hut in the woods. All wood and small and cramped. Maybe even with an outhouse and no water.

  This was more like a big flat, comprising the first floor of a building that housed several other flats like this one. Or so I assumed, anyway.

  The hallway led into a massive living room, with a big sofa and coffee table in the centre of it. To the left were armchairs and a big, flat-screen telly, and to the right, to the side of the hallway, was the open kitchen with a big, wooden dining table.

  I couldn’t help but stare around in awe as I stood on the linoleum floor. To the left, a hall led to three doors. Same on the right. That could only be the four bedrooms and two bathrooms.

  ‘This is one big cabin.’

  I turned to look at Leo, who grinned slightly at Peter.

  Peter himself chuckled. ‘Yeah. It’s Mum and Dad’s big dream. A little too big if you ask me, but it comes in handy now.’

  Yeah, we’d be occupying all the bedrooms. There were Andreas and me in one, Peter and Sarah in another, then Glenn and Leo would have one room each. We’d had to drive two cars as well since we were so many. Andreas and I had driven up with Leo, in his old but functioning car, while Peter and Sarah and Glenn had driven up in the car he’d borrowed from his mother for the holiday.

  I had no idea how Leo would get along with Andreas’s friends, and I was a bit worried about it. Peter seemed nice enough, and Sarah was all smiles. Glenn was the one I couldn’t read, as his expression was completely closed off. He didn’t like me, that much had been made clear, but as for Leo… I couldn’t tell.

  ‘We have to go shopping.’ Sarah put her bag down and looked around at us. ‘Only a couple of us have to go downtown. There’s no use driving two cars down there.’

  ‘You can go shopping,’ Glenn said nonchalantly.

  ‘Because I’m the only girl?’ Sarah crossed her arms.

  ‘Well, yeah.’ He shrugged.

  ‘Boys are too good to go shopping for food, then?’ She stared at all of us in turn, hands coming down on her hips. ‘Alex?’ She looked at me last.

  I jumped in surprise. ‘What?’ I glanced around, nervous all of a sudden. I didn’t think she had to go shopping just because she was a girl.

  ‘Do you want to go shopping with me?’

  Well, I certainly didn’t dare say
no with the stern stance she was sporting at the moment. ‘Um, yeah, sure.’

  ‘Great.’ She clapped her hands together, threw a glare Glenn’s way—that he ignored—then smiled at me. ‘Let’s go right away. Best to get it over with so we can relax the rest of the evening.’

  ‘I’ll take your bag.’ Andreas reached out to take the strap from my shoulder.

  ‘Thanks.’ I wanted to touch him, but everyone else was still standing around us, so I refrained from it.

  I glanced at Leo, trying to figure out if he was okay being left alone with the guys, but he was busy looking around curiously. I sighed and followed Sarah outside, resigned to going to the supermarket.

  ‘They’re all good guys, but they hate going shopping,’ she said as we walked down to the car. ‘Especially with me. Maybe because I make them buy healthy food? Can’t live on frozen pizzas for a week, after all. Anyway, letting me do all the shopping on my own makes sure there won’t be any unhealthy things around, so they can thank themselves for that.’

  ‘Do you think it’s okay to leave Leo with them?’ I asked her when she stopped ranting. ‘He doesn’t know any of them.’ I chewed nervously on my lower lip as I looked up at the closed door.

  ‘It’s okay.’ Sarah didn’t seem worried at all. ‘He’ll get to know them in a heartbeat.’

  I got into the car as Sarah started it and buckled myself up, trying not to worry. It wasn’t just that I left Leo behind, but what did he feel about it? Was he hurt I up and left with Sarah the minute we arrived?

  ‘Now that we, the significant others—or better halves, as I like to call us—are gone, they can horse around as guys do. Leo will fit right in.’ Sarah backed the car out of the parking space and started down the gravel road leading to the main road.

  ‘I’m a guy,’ I pointed out dryly. Was that not obvious?

  She laughed.

  I wasn’t sure if I should be insulted or not.

  ‘You are. But you’re not the same kind of guy they are. You’re more mature, and you’re always so serious.’ The hand that had rested on the gear shift came over to pat my thigh. ‘I don’t know your brother, but he might loosen up a bit around them now that you’re not there. When he doesn’t have you to lean on. And besides, I wanted to spend some time with you alone. We haven’t spent time alone yet, have we?’

  ‘No.’ I’d only ever been around Sarah when both Andreas and Peter had been there. Except for that day I’d met her outside the school when I’d just met Andreas, I didn’t think we’d ever had a proper conversation between just the two of us.

  Then again, I had only been a part of Andreas’s group of friends for a little over a month.

  We were down on the main road now. I had no idea how far it was to the supermarket, but to my surprise, it seemed the town centre was quite close to our cabin.

  ‘You ever been here before?’ Sarah asked.

  ‘No. First time.’ I glanced out her side window, up at the snow-filled mountains and the ski lifts on the mountainside. When I turned my attention back to the front again, we were driving down into what could only be the town centre. A shopping centre lay on the left, past the roundabout.

  ‘We’re going in here.’ Sarah took a left turn at the roundabout and quickly found a free spot in the parking lot.

  We headed inside.

  ‘There are a few shops here, but all of them are kind of a part of the supermarket. The bookshop and the clothes shop and the perfume shop… it all belongs to the ground floor. There’s a couple of other shops upstairs, with a cafeteria and a hairdresser, but that’s about it.’ Sarah motioned with her hands as she explained.

  She got a trolley for us and led the way inside the shop.

  ‘Is this the only place to shop here?’

  ‘No. There’s another centre a couple of minutes further. It’s bigger than this and has better shops, but I prefer to do the food shopping here, as the supermarket here is bigger.’

  I nodded my understanding.

  We passed the bookshop, which was next to a clothing shop, and we walked through the perfume shop towards the entry to the supermarket proper. So far, it seemed crowded, but once we passed through to the supermarket portion, it was huge and very open.

  ‘Vegetables.’ Sarah veered off to the right and I followed her silently. She put various salads in the trolley, as well as cucumber, carrots, bell peppers, and potatoes.

  ‘Potatoes?’ I couldn’t help but comment. ‘You’re making potato dinners this week?’ Weren’t they all here to ski? Who would be up for making proper dinners after being out skiing all day?

  ‘At least one.’ She looked at me like I was mad. ‘I hardly ever eat junk food. The rest of the guys hate it, but as long as they don’t want to go shopping, this is what they get. Besides, it’s good for them. They’re going to end up fat and out of shape if they stick to junk food all the time, no matter how much they work out.’

  I smiled. She was extremely fit, which attested to a well-balanced diet and exercise. I couldn’t say the same about me.

  ‘You do any sports?’

  ‘The guys do football, I’m all about handball.’ She smiled back as she pushed the cart over to get both milk and juice and sour cream. Two cartons of each. ‘What kind of food do you like, Alex? I’m thinking fish with potatoes. I also thought we could have tacos tonight? That’s both healthy and good and something that we can enjoy on a quiet night.’

  ‘Tacos sound good.’

  ‘Anything you want in particular?’ We were in the fresh food section now.

  ‘I like chicken.’ I usually ate what I got, but if I had to pick something as a favourite, it would have to be chicken.

  ‘What kind of chicken? Regular chicken with rice and sauce? Tandoori? Tikka masala?’ Sarah put chicken fillets in the trolley.

  Wow, she was determined to make something I would enjoy too.

  ‘Tandoori, I guess. Or Tikka masala. It’s the same. Andreas likes beef.’ I tried to steer the topic away from myself.

  ‘I know. They all do.’ Sarah rolled her eyes. ‘Every time we go out to eat, they order either beef or burgers. If we buy take-out, it’s usually pizza. They’re so easy.’

  I chuckled. She was right. Andreas ate everything that was put in front of him, but if he had to make food, or buy something, those three were pretty good choices to bet on him getting.

  ‘What about Leo?’

  ‘Leo eats pretty much everything.’ We couldn’t be picky growing up. We had to eat what was in the fridge and what could be prepared quickly so we didn’t have to deal with our parents overly much.

  ‘No favourites?’

  I tried to think of something but came up blank. ‘We eat a lot of tacos when I visit him.’ But that was mostly because tacos were easy. Then again, it could still be his favourite food. I’d never really asked. ‘Also, pizza and burgers.’

  ‘Well, tacos are on the menu tonight, so we’re good then.’ Sarah dumped four packs of minced meat in the trolley.

  We continued to the beef, then got fish and chips from the frozen section, and then we perused sauces and pasta and rice. Bread and butter and ham and salami and cheese were up next, along with eggs and ketchup and bacon. Proper breakfasts and proper dinners all over.

  Snacks came last, and though Sarah had said she wasn’t about to buy anything unhealthy for them, she ended up adding several bags of crisps and popcorn to the trolley as well.

  ‘This isn’t going to be cheap.’ Just the fresh meat was expensive in itself and with everything else added to it… well, I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the total.

  ‘Good thing we are all splitting food costs, or this would ruin me.’ Sarah chuckled. ‘You boys eat a lot. If it was me and my sisters, we could live off of half of this.’

  I didn’t eat a lot, but I could imagine the rest of them did. Especially if they were anything like Andreas. Where he put everything he ate, I had no idea, because it didn’t show.

  ‘Do you want to start packin
g?’ Sarah asked as we approached the till.

  ‘Yeah.’ I left her to empty the trolley, and the cashier threw a few plastic bags towards me as she started beeping in all our food.

  Even working in a supermarket, I couldn’t say I was good at packing and utilising the space. But I got everything packed away, and as Sarah wheeled the trolley down, I dumped all bags into it. It was too heavy for us to carry outside.

  ‘This didn’t take that long.’ Sarah checked her phone for the time after we’d put all the bags in the boot of the car. ‘We’re a quick, effective team.’ She grinned.

  I only smiled, not knowing what to say to that.

  We got back into the car and buckled up, and Sarah slowly drove us out of the parking lot.

  ‘I like you, Alex,’ she said all of a sudden. ‘I like you a lot, actually.’

  ‘Uh, thanks,’ I mumbled, embarrassed. ‘I like you too.’ She was nice, always had been to me. She was down to earth, friendly, always seemed to be in a good mood, and she spent all her time around guys. Football-interested guys, at that. I wasn’t like that at all, I couldn’t care less about sports, but sports wasn’t all they were about either.

  Yeah, I could see myself getting friendly with her. Which was strange, since I’d never had a friend before in my life. And how lonely and pathetic didn’t that sound?

  ‘You’re good for Andreas,’ she continued, not noticing—or maybe not caring—that I’d fallen deep in thought. ‘He used to be wilder, you know. He went out with the guys every weekend and they always got drunk and hooked up with chicks. Well, not Peter, obviously, but the other two. But he’s calmed down now. He doesn’t get smashed anymore. And he adores you.’

  What could I say to that? I hadn’t known Andreas since the day I, well, started to get to know him. I knew he’d liked to party before that, and that he’d hooked up with girls before, so it wasn’t like it was news to me. It was just that I had never known that person.

  ‘I like him too,’ was all I could come up with. It sounded much lamer than Sarah’s admission that Andreas adored me, but it was true. I did like him. A lot.