Dirty Little Secret: The Damaged Series - Book One

by Shayne McClendon

  From the start, she’d noted the wildness in him. The caged animal that paced inside him and wanted out.

  She loved that side of him.

  He pulled her dress roughly over her head and broke the clasp of her bra ripping it away. Her nipples were hard but furled harder still as he took his time sucking them. Her arms and legs gripped him desperately and he held her tight enough to leave bruises.

  They wouldn’t be the first marks he’d unintentionally left on her skin in the midst of passion. She’d left a few of her own on his body.

  She didn’t care...it was proof that he was real.

  After a decade of agony, Jared’s cock was deep inside her; his hands explored her with an edge of desperation, and his mouth murmured words she’d never thought to hear again.

  Lifting his head, he reclaimed her lips and picked up the pace of his thrusts. With one hand fisted in her hair, he pulled back enough to watch her eyes.

  Her voice broke with her tears. “I was afraid, Jared. Forgive me. Say you forgive me…for everything.”

  “Do you think I don’t understand? I wasn’t angry or bitter. I wanted to find you, to love you and keep you safe. There was never anything to forgive, Kendall. Not then and not now. ”

  She pulled his shirt over his head, not bothering to unbutton it. Cupping his face in her hands, she whispered, “I want to feel you come inside me again.”

  Uncaring that they were on the foyer floor, inches from her front door, Jared took his time making love to her. He gave her what she wanted and needed with all of himself.

  Wiping tears from her face, she told him, “I hope I don’t keep crying. You’ll think something is wrong with me.”

  He gave her a half-smile. “My sudden appearance is probably a shock.”

  “I’m working to process it. Not sure you’re real.”

  Pumping his hips, he asked, “Is that real enough?”

  “Mm hmm.” She lifted enough to kiss him as her hands roamed all of his upper body she could reach. When she returned her head to the tile, he simply stared at her.

  A frown formed between his eyes. “I dated other people. I slept with some of them.” He shook his head. “I never told another woman I loved her. I never pretended my heart was mine to give.”

  Lifting her hands, she traced the lines of his face. “The loneliness got bad for me a few times. I thought I’d go crazy from it. I’ve had casual lovers over the years but I hurt afterward. I’d grown accustomed to your touch and I felt even more isolated without it.”

  He shook his head. “Whatever you had to do to keep going, Kendall. I can’t imagine how lonely you were.” The tip of his finger traced her brow. “Will you take out the contacts?”

  She’d forgotten she was wearing them. Carefully removing them, she dropped them on the tile. He stilled. For a long time, his brown eyes stared into her green ones.

  Then his lips lifted in a broad smile. “It’s almost like our time apart was the bad dream.”

  When the setting sun slanted through the frosted glass of the windows beside the front door, Jared stood and finished undressing before lifting her off the floor.

  She led him through the house to her bedroom and they showered together in silence. They crawled naked into her bed and he ran his fingers over the quilt that still covered it.

  He pulled her snugly against his body and she listened to the sound of him breathing, her mind in chaos.

  “Tell me everything,” he said after several minutes of quiet.

  Glad to have the opportunity to explain at last, she did.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kendall sat up and crossed her legs. She held Jared’s hand between both of hers. “When he was young, my father was a famous soccer player in Colombia. Then his knee was destroyed. Years before I was born, he took his soccer earnings and invested in the drug trade. Supplying the U.S. high-grade cocaine made him a millionaire many times over.”

  Jared’s eyes went huge. “Holy shit.”

  “Rodrigo Moreno met Antonia Garcia when she was eighteen. He was ten years older. She was a sweet Catholic girl going to college to become a psychologist specializing in drug addiction. The total opposite to the man he was at the time. He told me he’d never wanted anything more in his life.”

  “She turned him down?”

  Kendall nodded. “She told him a drug dealer was not meant for someone like her. The man she planned to marry would make his living growing and building things to better the world. His was a life of destruction and death. She wanted no part in it.”

  She’d heard the story many times when she was younger. “For two years he slowly pulled out of the drug trade. He liquidated his assets and brought cash to America to hide in safety deposit boxes.”

  “Are you serious?”

  Nodding, she continued. “He bought a plantation in Colombia and devoted his life to ranching and farming. He planted five hundred acres of trees and plants. When it was in bloom, he approached her again. He told her he wasn’t a drug dealer anymore and asked her to come with him. Mom used to tear up when she told me about her first glimpse of the land. Miles and miles of growth and beauty.”

  “Wow,” Jared whispered.

  “He built her a house, houses for her family, houses for his as well. She married him in her childhood church and introduced him proudly to her family. I was born within the year.”

  “It sounds like a fairytale.”

  “It felt like one. Mom finished her education, became a doctor, and Dad gave her whatever she wanted or needed for her clinic, her patients.” Closing her eyes, she said, “I went to Catholic school in the city but spent my weekends and holidays riding horses on our land. All our family lived there. Dad bought more acres, deeded it to our relatives so they were invested in what it provided them.”

  “That’s incredible, Kendall.”

  “He changed the entire direction of his life - and the lives of their families - because he loved my mother so much.” Swallowing against the painful lump in her throat, she gathered her courage. “When I was almost twelve, Dad took us to the coast on holiday. It was just the three of us. My mother didn’t come down to the beach with us because her stomach was upset.”

  Jared closed his eyes. “She was pregnant?”

  “She didn’t know yet. After we left the hotel, Mom went to a corner store for crackers to settle her stomach. She walked into a shakedown by the local drug runners - watched as they shot the owner and his wife when they refused to give them money. They chased Mom but lost her in the tourist traffic.”

  Staring at Jared bleakly, she whispered, “She was terrified waiting for us to return from the beach. After telling my dad what happened, she told him she didn’t want him pulled back into a life he’d worked so hard to escape.”

  Her voice was hoarse with unshed tears. “Dad loaded us up and got us out of there. We were twenty miles from home and stopped for gas. A man shot my mother in the back of the head as she was leaving the gas station restroom. She died instantly.”

  “Dad was pumping fuel, heard the shot, saw Mom fall. The shooter jumped into a waiting vehicle and the driver recognized my father from his drug days.” In a whisper, she told him, “He gathered my mother’s body and laid it across the backseat wrapped in a blanket. I sat beside him up front and watched as he cried. He didn’t make a sound. His expression was blank.”

  Sitting up, Jared held her. “My god, Kendall…”

  “He buried my mother and warned the entire family to arm themselves and stay together. The cartel tracked us to the house Dad built. They burned it down and we hid in the orchard storage cellar for three days.”

  She was grateful for Jared’s arms around her. “We came to America and kept moving for two years. When I was fourteen, we were in Dallas. My father hid me in a crawl space behind the refrigerator. He killed two men before the last three brought him down. They tortured him for over an hour before they killed him, wanting to know where I was. He said he’d hidden me in a conv
ent. He tried to bribe them for my safety but they laughed.”

  Painful tremors shook her body as she recalled the longest hour of her life. “He must have been in terrible pain but he mocked them. Told them they had small dicks, that they fucked their mothers, that he knew they were fucking each other up the ass while they traveled together.”

  Meeting Jared’s eyes, she explained, “He knew I was listening. He knew it was only a matter of time before I came out to beg them to stop torturing him. They wouldn’t have killed me quickly.”

  Shaking himself, Jared murmured, “No, no…”

  “He taunted them until their anger exploded. The last thing he said was my daughter will survive. Then there was the sound of a silenced bullet and the killers walked away. I stayed where I was for a full day, enough time to know if anyone had stayed behind.”

  “Oh, Kendall.”

  “I crawled out and kissed my father goodbye. It was the first time I loaded the SUV and drove away alone. Two counties over, I called my father’s murder in from a payphone. I moved constantly with ID that said I was eighteen. Five states before ending up in Oregon.”

  Kendall gave him a teary smile. “I stayed in Oregon longer than anywhere. When I left, I never stopped moving. Not until a girl with no name gave me my life back...”

  “I met Hollow. He was pissed I was still looking for you. He told me about the girl and faking your death.”

  Nodding, she released a sob. “I’m sorry she died but glad to be alive. I’m pretty conflicted most of the time about her.”

  “You ended up in Boulder.”

  “I’ve been here over a year, using Ken Jacobs and Kendall Jacobs alternately. When I left Oregon, I destroyed everything referring to Kendall Torres. It was Dad’s protocol and - except for you - I always followed protocol.” Taking a deep breath, she admitted, “Jared, I’m glad you’re here but I’m also terrified.”

  “We’re stronger together, Kendall.”

  “I watched all your college games. I even saw one live and sat about forty feet above where you were on the sidelines.” His eyes widened in surprise. “I watched the draft…”

  “No way…”

  “It was really boring but I didn’t want to miss you.” He trailed a fingertip over the side of her face. “Then you held a Broncos jersey. I was so proud.”

  “You followed my games?”

  “Every single one. I had to learn the rules so I could scream at the referees.” She swallowed against the lump in her throat. “I saw you get hurt and fought myself for three days. I was a lunatic, screaming and crying. I followed the news constantly, waiting for word on your surgery. I knew you’d be devastated…I sent you a card.”

  Jared stilled and closed his eyes. “Don’t forget there are bigger things for you than football.” Meeting her gaze, he asked, “That was you?” Kendall nodded. “I kept it because it made me think of you. Different handwriting.”

  “I change it all the time.”

  “After surgery and rehab, I went home. I took your letter out of Dad’s safe and re-read it. I spent weeks walking the town and felt like I was really seeing it for the first time. The municipal pool was broken. The parks were a mess. I started making a list of ways I could make a difference. I wanted to make you proud of me.”

  “I always saw your incredible potential. The day I left, you took the first public step away from following the crowd. It made it harder to leave.”

  “I should have done it a lot sooner.”

  “It wouldn’t have changed anything. Not back then. There was no way for me to stay.”

  He inhaled deeply. “It took a while for me to understand how true that was.”

  “Two months after I left, my contact reported inquiries about me in Tomina. They weren’t trying to sell me insurance.”

  “They were there…in our town?”

  She nodded and stared at nothing across the room. “Back then, it never took them longer than six months to find me. Because I rented the house in one of my father’s IDs, it bought me some extra time. If I hadn’t left when I did, you might have been with me when they came.”

  Stroking his fingers through her hair, he whispered, “Staying with me then would have gotten you killed.” Leaning up, he kissed her forehead. “For that reason, I’m glad you left. The pain was worth it.”

  “I cried all the way to Chicago.” She sighed. “I fought turning around. The first month was the hardest.”

  “I know what it’s like to try to shake a person from your heart and fail miserably, Kendall.”

  “I missed you saying my name.” She smiled. “When we started running, my father chose all bubbly white girl names for me to further throw off the scent of our pursuers. I’ve been Ashley, Tiffany, Becca...and I didn’t really like the name Kendall until I heard you say it.”

  “Can you tell me your real name?”

  Dropping her voice low, she said her birth name aloud for the first time since her mother was gunned down for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. “Giavanna Moreno Garcia. My parents called me Gia.”

  Then she burst into unexpected tears.

  Jared gathered her close, held her firmly, stroked her back, and whispered words to settle her heart. He laid them down and pulled up the blankets.

  “Get it all out. Grieve the parents you lost, the years you spent running, and acknowledge you’ve been through hell…but you made it. You made it, Kendall.” He kissed the top of her head. “Let me do the heavy lifting for a while. It’s time to rest and live, not just survive.” He smiled and kissed her lips softly. “Let me show you what it can be like.”

  Gradually, her tears slowed and stopped.

  Kendall allowed her mind to race over the years of terror, loss, and isolation. Then she unclenched fists that held onto every horrible thing...and let it go. The release of tension dropped her into her first deep sleep in years.

  She knew Jared watched over her.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The room was dark when Jared opened his eyes.

  Kendall wasn’t beside him and his heart felt like it stopped in his chest. He shot into a sitting position, yelling her name in a panic.

  A door opened and she rushed to climb up beside him on the bed. “Jared.”

  He gripped her hard. “I thought you were gone. Swear we’ll talk things out if you’re worried. Don’t disappear. I can’t wonder if you’re dead or alive. Please.” She nodded against him and he knew he needed to loosen his hold.

  “I didn’t know it was so bad. I’m sorry, Jared.”

  “I understood. I still understand. Just talk to me. Hell, even if you get sick of me, tell me and I’ll help get you wherever you want to go. I can’t go through the nightmares again.”

  Leaning back, she stared into his eyes. “I’ll never do that to you again. I swear it.”

  Kendall got off the bed holding his hand and urged him to his feet. She led him naked through the house to the kitchen. Nudging him to a barstool, she dropped a kiss on his shoulder.

  “Talk to me,” she said with a smile. “I don’t care about what. I just want you to talk. How is your family?”

  “They’re great. My dad and I went into business together after my injury. He finally retired from the sheriff’s office and had some amazing ideas about the town.”

  Pausing in her stirring, Kendall asked, “Really?”

  “Oh, yeah. He’s great with his hands. Redid our whole house during my childhood. I had ideas and he knew where to start. It’s been great.”

  “How’s your mom? The last thing I remember you telling me was that she’d made enough food for Easter dinner to feed a hundred people.”

  “She still does that. Every holiday, every time.” He grinned. “We give her hell about it but it’s nice. She knows more people in town than I ever realized. All her charity work and different organizations introduced her to everyone. When we started talking about what our neighbors really needed, she had a lot of insight.”

  “Yo
ur siblings?”

  “My sister found a guy who worships the ground she walks on and she puts the poor thing through his paces. She seems happy. My little brothers are into punk and painting their fingernails black. The folks are so chill about it. Mom tells them they’re better with polish than she is. Hey…” Kendall glanced up from the cutting board. “I know you probably had to give up your family the way things happened. I have a big family and they are going to love you. It’s not the same. I get that. Maybe it will help a little.”

  “I used to love hearing your stories. It was so normal, so simple. I miss the holidays the most, you know? When everyone drifted in and out, all the smells, the noise.”

  Standing, he walked around the island and took the knife from her hands. Taking her shoulders, he turned her to face him. “The Stalzer gang is pretty loud, Kendall. All the aunts bring dishes and Mom cooks for two days. The house smells like cinnamon. They live all over but since my parents are both the oldest of the their brothers and sisters, everyone travels to our place.”

  He smoothed her hair behind her ear. “I have like a dozen cousins under the age of ten. The smallest ones get absolutely crazy when they have a gift that says it came from Santa. We eat way too much. Dad made a rule that all the guys clean up after dinner since the ladies do the majority of the cooking and stuff. Nobody can watch the game until Mom’s kitchen sparkles and all the food is put away. He makes every adult woman relax in the den with their feet up and glasses of wine in their hands.”

  Blinking against tears, Kendall whispered, “That’s sounds amazing, Jared.”

  “We open one gift on Christmas Eve each. Mom gives everyone a book and a box of chocolates. She has a friend from college who lives in Iceland and loved that tradition. Now that we’re grown, she puts on classical music and wraps gifts with us sitting there keeping her company.” He chuckled. “It’s funny because we still don’t know what’s in the boxes and bags.”

  “A gift-wrapping ninja,” Kendall said softly.