Under the Midnight Sun

by Tracie Peterson

  Then there was the guilt she felt about leaving things estranged with her mother. And she felt abandoned by her brother. The more she thought about it all, the more she realized it was just one big pity party for Tayler.

  Thoughts of Joshua made her heart ache. They’d always been so close. Certainly she could have dealt with Dad’s death and Mother’s demand for control a bit better if only she’d had her brother. But he’d left her to fend for herself. Frustration fought with her sadness and won out. If Joshua were here, she’d give him a stern talking-to.

  But he wasn’t. And it hurt. Plain and simple.

  So many reasons why she wanted to speak to the pastor. She let out a sigh.

  “Something bothering you, Tayler?” Mrs. Johnson’s gruff voice broke the silence.

  Tayler looked to her side and saw the head chef walking next to her. “You caught me deep in thought. But in answer to your question, yes, a number of things are bothering me. Mainly my own actions with certain people. I need to work on that so much.”

  “Dearie, if you only knew how I treated people before God and I had a come-together meeting. You think I’m harsh now? You should’ve known me a few years ago. It’s a good thing God never gives up on us.”

  The thought made Tayler smile. “I’m so thankful for that. But why can’t I handle things correctly the first time?” She sighed. “You’d think as an adult I would be better at this and would know how to control my tongue.”

  Mrs. Johnson laughed. “Oh, child, if only it were that easy. I outnumber your years—probably even double them—and I’ve still got a long way to go. But you know what? Cassidy shared a Scripture with me last year that has become my favorite verse.” The older woman smiled.

  “Would you mind sharing it with me?”

  “Certainly. It’s found in the book of Philippians, chapter one. ‘Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.’” Mrs. Johnson nodded emphatically. “It comforts me to know that God isn’t finished with me yet, He’ll keep working on me until the end. Which doesn’t mean I don’t need to keep trying, but I need to keep growing and letting Him prune me along the way.”

  “That’s a wonderful verse to remember. Thank you for sharing that.” Tayler thought about the older woman next to her. She seemed so rough around the edges—with her gruff and terse ways—and yet it was apparent that she had a heart of gold. “Why are you headed to the church so early this morning?”

  Mrs. Johnson chuckled. “You’ll probably laugh, but I don’t care.” She looked around her as if to make certain no one was listening. “I need to beat those two men to the church. Cassidy said she’d bring the twins early so I don’t have to sit with two buzzards fighting over their last meal.”

  The picture the woman painted did make Tayler laugh. She put a hand to her mouth. “Oh my, that is definitely an interesting way to put it.”

  “Sorry to be so blunt, but that’s how they make me feel.”

  “Do you truly not care for either one of them?”

  “Bother, I don’t know. Neither one of them has given me a chance to find out because they’re always aggravating me. I’m always breaking up fights between them or telling them to get out of my kitchen or worse yet having to get them to behave themselves in church.”

  Tayler found herself giggling at that last part. “Well, why don’t I sit with you until Cassidy comes with the boys? I’ll be your bodyguard.”

  Mrs. Johnson laughed along with her. “That would be a sight—you up against those two large men. How tall are you anyway?”

  Tayler stopped and put her hands on her hips, chin in the air. “I’m over five feet. I know that. And with my shoes, a couple inches taller.”

  Chef Johnson patted her arm. “You do beat all, Tayler. And I mean that as a compliment. I used to say that to Cassidy all the time.” Her smile got brighter. “But you remind me of myself—stubborn, self-sufficient, short, and . . . well . . .” She looked her up and down and put her hands on her hips.

  Tayler had to hold back the tears she started laughing so hard. “I believe ‘well-endowed’ is the word you’re looking for. My mother used to use it all the time and I hated it. When all the styles were calling for flat-chested figures with the drop waists and tall, willowy lines. Yeah, that wouldn’t work for me.”

  “Don’t you worry one bit about that. You look absolutely lovely just exactly the way you are. Most women would pay any amount to have your figure. Besides, the men I know don’t want a bunch of stick women wandering around.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Johnson.” Tayler grinned. “You’ve made this morning very cheery for me.” She squinted her eyes as she thought of something. “But you mentioned that you had to tell them to get out of your kitchen. Doesn’t Chef Daniel work in the kitchen?”

  “Of course. I didn’t mean him.” She put her lips together in a fine line and waved off Tayler’s question as they entered the little church.

  Ah, so that was it. “So maybe you’ve just answered your conundrum for yourself.”

  “What on earth do you mean, child?”

  “Maybe there is a certain man you do like attention from—you just haven’t admitted it.” Tayler quirked an eyebrow and hoped the woman wouldn’t kick her out of church for her words.

  “Gracious, young lady, I . . . I . . .” The woman’s words dropped off as the pastor approached them.

  “Good morning, ladies. It’s a beautiful day to worship the Lord, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, sir. It certainly is.” Mrs. Johnson’s face was a little red from Tayler putting her on the spot, and it made Tayler feel instantly sorry.

  They shuffled into the pew together. Tayler had left early to speak to the pastor, but this probably wasn’t the time. She didn’t want to abandon Mrs. Johnson.

  “Gammamag! TayTay!” The voices signaled the entrance of Cassidy and her crew.

  Two little guys ran to their pew and gave out hugs and slobbery kisses to them both. Mrs. Johnson’s laughter filled the air, and then she placed one boy on each side of her.

  She gave Tayler a wink. “Now, this is how I want to sit in church.”

  Tayler stood and went to the next pew as Cassidy and Allan filled up the pew with Mrs. Johnson. “I’ll just sit here so you have enough room.”

  “TayTay!” David clapped his hands.

  “I’ll be right here, David.” She gave the boy a smile.

  “Ahem.”

  She turned to see Thomas, holding his hat and his Bible in his hands.

  “Would you mind if I sit with you?”

  His words caught her off guard. “Not at all.” Embarrassment flooded her as she realized how she’d treated Thomas this week, and yet he still treated her kindly. She scooted over.

  Someone tapped her on the shoulder from behind.

  She looked over her shoulder and saw Allan leaning toward them.

  “I just want you to know that the boys can’t wait for the next time the two of you babysit.” Allan chuckled.

  Thomas groaned next to her. “I was still finding mud in my hair and ears the next day. Are you sure you want me to watch your boys?”

  It made Tayler laugh. Even after the scolding she’d given him, he was still able to laugh over the whole situation. The past few days had been tense, but mainly because she didn’t know how to let Thomas know she’d gotten over her fury with him. Maybe he hadn’t listened to her, but she’d been far too angry. The whole thing had been a disaster when all she wanted to do was give Cassidy a good impression. Once again, she’d been trying to prove herself capable.

  “We’d love for you to watch the boys. But next time do it when I can get some quiet time with my wife. Not while I’m gone on a hunting trip. Even a simple walk together where we can hear ourselves would be wonderful. And at that point, I don’t care how muddy you get.”

  Tayler watched as Cassidy beamed up at her husband. Obviously in love with him, she looked so content and pe
aceful. Something Tayler longed for.

  She turned back to the front and looked at Thomas. He gave her a slight smile.

  “I’m sorry—”

  “I’m sorry—” The apologies came in unison.

  He held up a hand. “Why don’t you go first?”

  Tayler shook her head and smiled. “I’m sorry for being so angry with you the other day. And I was too bossy as well. I’m sure I would have had the same problem had our roles been reversed.”

  “Well, there’s no doubt I should have listened to you. I’m sorry I didn’t.” Thomas stuck out his hand. “Why don’t we start again?”

  She covered a laugh and took his hand. “How many times are we going to need to start over?” The pews filled up quickly around them.

  “As many times as it takes for us to get it right.” He shook her hand and nodded.

  She opened her mouth to respond but closed it again when Pastor Wilcox walked to the pulpit.

  The service started and Tayler tried to put forth all her attention. She desperately needed guidance in so many areas of her life.

  It had thrilled her to find out that the hotel didn’t offer any guest services during church times. That way, everyone had the chance to attend and worship. It was encouraging and none of the staff felt guilty for neglecting their duties.

  Tayler had to work at focusing while they stood together and Thomas shared a hymnal with her. There was something thrilling about his nearness that she couldn’t quite put into words. What did it all mean? After her years of engagement to Emerson—that all seemed false—she didn’t know what to think. She’d been terribly hurt by him, but had she ever truly loved him?

  The more she thought about it, the more she realized she hadn’t. What started as a young girl’s crush never blossomed into anything real.

  As the voices of the congregation rose in worship, her heart felt lighter.

  A rush of relief flooded her. The guilt she’d poured onto herself all these years was for naught. Why had she tortured herself?

  She sighed as the answer washed over her. Because she was loyal. She’d always been that way. And loyalty wasn’t a bad thing, but maybe God wanted to teach her something through all this. She just wished He would hurry up and tell her what it was.

  They sat as Pastor Wilcox asked them to open their Bibles.

  “As you all know, we’ve been in the book of Matthew, and today we are going to attempt to finish chapter five. There’s such wonderful truth in every passage of Scripture, so I urge you all to continue studying throughout the week. Let’s pick up in verse twenty-three:

  “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison.

  “Friends, this is something we ignore all too often. We carry grudges, we keep the truth from people, and we don’t forgive. And it’s got to stop right now. Especially in a community as tight-knit and close as we are, it grieves me to hear of the squabbles and fights that are brought to my attention.”

  Pastor Wilcox paused as a hush fell over the room.

  Tayler felt her heart pounding in her ears. Thank goodness she’d resolved things with Thomas this morning. But she’d held a grudge against Emerson . . . and struggled to forgive him. Same with Mother. Except it was even worse—she hadn’t told Mother the truth.

  Lord, what do I need to do to make this right?

  Pastor Wilcox continued with his passionate plea for them to reconcile with their brothers, sisters, and neighbors. But all Tayler could think of was everyone she’d left behind in Colorado and the wrong she’d done them.

  The more she thought about it, the more she realized there could be some serious repercussions. And the fact that if she told the truth and stopped hiding, Emerson would know where she was.

  Could she deal with that?

  She argued with herself for a while. A little more time to herself would be really great. And what was she hurting by keeping her whereabouts to herself for a while longer?

  But then she thought of how quickly she’d lost her father. What if something happened to Mother or to Joshua and they didn’t know how to reach her? What if something happened to her? Her family would be devastated.

  Tayler turned back to the passage in the fifth chapter of Matthew and realized that God was asking her to be reconciled to her family. Not next month, or next week, but now. She needed to do it before she did anything else.

  Closing her eyes, she prayed for the Lord to guide her. She needed forgiveness, and she needed healing. More than anything, she needed strength to do what was to come.

  When she opened her eyes, she realized she had missed a good portion of the sermon. The pastor was already down to verse forty-three.

  “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?”

  More convicting thoughts churned in her gut. Thoughts of the young socialite group who were never positive. She’d looked down upon them for their behavior just as much as they looked down on others for their attire or station.

  If Tayler wanted to truly live like Christ, she’d need to take captive those thoughts. Perhaps those young women didn’t know God. Perhaps Tayler could be a light to them.

  Thomas shifted next to her.

  And then there was him. Her feelings had flipped about the handsome guide several times—almost as if she rode a giant pendulum. That wasn’t fair to him. She was all judgment one minute and guilty conviction the next.

  Maybe after she took care of her problem with her family, she should talk more to Thomas as well. After all, she wanted Thomas to give her a chance. Shouldn’t she do the same for him?

  Everyone stood and Tayler realized she’d missed the end of the sermon. Lord, help me to be a better steward and pay attention next week.

  But she’d been so convicted this morning. That was good, right? God had been working in her. The verse Mrs. Johnson had shared with her earlier popped back to her mind. Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. There was hope for her. God wasn’t finished with her yet.

  The pastor dismissed everyone, and Tayler couldn’t get back to the hotel fast enough. She excused herself from Thomas and told him there was something she simply must do. She’d have to apologize for running out later, but her heart was convicted, and she couldn’t wait any longer for relief.

  As she ran to the hotel, she pondered what she would say. An apology and the truth seemed to be the best ideas.

  Racing her way across the lobby, she headed straight for Mr. Bradley’s office. The manager wasn’t back from church yet, so she sat in a chair and waited.

  “Miss Hale.” The manager sounded surprised as he walked in. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

  She stood. “Mr. Bradley, I’m sorry to intrude, but I have something very important I need to do. Could I perhaps make a call on the telephone?”

  He removed his hat and rubbed his head. “If you’re needing to call anywhere other than Anchorage or Seward, I’m afraid it won’t work. But I can make sure a telegram gets out for you right now if it’s urgent.”

  A telegram was better than nothing, and it was definitely faster than a letter. She took the slip of paper the manager handed to her and began writing in pencil. />
  I am safe and well (stop)Working in Curry, Alaska (stop)Will write soon (stop)Please forgive me for how I left (stop)I love you (stop)

  Tayler

  18

  Thomas walked next to Mrs. Johnson as she held the twins’ hands and they stepped out of the church. It was such a beautiful day. He’d hoped to ask Tayler for a walk, but something had upset her in church and she’d run off. Maybe he could ask Mrs. Johnson’s advice. She was like a mother to him.

  “Mrs. Johnson, do you have a minute?”

  She turned and smiled at him. “Of course. I will always have time for you, Thomas. What’s on your mind?”

  “I’m afraid I’ve not handled a situation very well and I need a woman’s advice.”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “Could this be about a girl?”

  “Yes.” He smiled at her.

  “Perhaps the girl you sat with this morning?”

  He felt the heat rise up his neck. “You know me too well.”

  They started walking back toward the hotel at a slow pace so the boys could keep up.

  “So are you going to make me guess?” she prodded.

  Thomas opened his mouth, but Bertram Wilcox walked up and blocked their path. “Mrs. Johnson, might I walk you back to the hotel?”

  “It’s a free country, Mr. Wilcox. You can walk wherever you like.”

  The poor man held his hat in his hands. “What I meant was, I was hoping we could take a walk and talk to one another. Just you and me . . . as we walk . . . back to the hotel.” His face turned red, and Thomas wanted to take pity on him as he stumbled over his words.

  “Well, if we’re walking in the same direction and you happen to be near, then, of course, we can have a discussion. That’s what normal folks do. But I was already having a discussion with Thomas.” Mrs. Johnson wasn’t going to make this easy for anyone.

  Thomas held up his hands and backed away a step. “Don’t mind me. We can chat later.” Maybe he should just try to have a conversation with Tayler, if he could do that without ruining everything. Better yet, maybe he should just talk to the pastor again.