If It Kills Me

by Jason D. Morrow

  “Lies,” I say through clenched teeth.

  “That’s why I’ve made a call to any of you that may possess these same powers as the Starborns. If you are willing to fight, you must fight with me to take down these lawbreakers that threaten our peace. Our enemies are the greyskins. Not each other.”

  “Sly dog,” Aaron says. Austin stops the recording. “He’s trying to use Salem as a way to recruit Starborns for his cause.”

  “I beg your pardon?” Austin says.

  “Yeah,” Aaron continues. “Mora and I refused to be his puppets, so he constructed a way to try and recruit them anyway.”

  “The people of Salem survived?” Linda asks.

  “Most of them,” Aaron says. “Enough to start shooting at us whenever they got word that it was our fault. I seriously didn’t think they would be swayed so easily.”

  “Hold on, there’s more,” Austin says, pressing play again.

  “I have my own agents. They are men with great power. Starborns. My hunters. They will hunt down these rebels, but I need more of you. I know you exist. I know you are out there. Only when we are united can we keep order in the colonies and the rest of the world.”

  Austin stops the recording and the room is silent again.

  “Hunters,” Evelyn whispers to herself.

  “Doesn’t sound like he’s messing around,” Bill says.

  “No,” I say. “No, it doesn’t.”

  “Could be a bluff,” Danny says. “A way to try and scare us.”

  I nod at this. It’s possible. I’ve never really thought about fighting against other Starborns. If what Jeremiah is saying is true, then he is a powerful enemy indeed. Gone will be the days of just fighting off greyskins and Screven guards. We will be fighting people with potentially more dangerous powers than our own.

  “We elders believe what you have to say,” Austin says. “But we also feel that you can’t be here. You are a danger to us.”

  I can feel the blood rushing to my ears, knowing he’s about to ask us to leave.

  “We just saved your lives out there last night,” I say, feeling hot.

  “That or stirred up a hornets’ nest,” Bill comes back. “We’ve made our decision. You can’t stay here. Jeremiah is hunting you and he probably knows you’re here. We can’t take the risk of harboring fugitives.”

  “But I came here to protect my family,” I say.

  “You shouldn’t have left in the first place, Mora,” Austin replies. “All of you can spend the night tonight and get some much needed rest, but you must be out by sunrise. We will provide you with the fuel you need.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Danny says, nearly erupting.

  “Idiots,” Heather spits.

  I can’t help but remain completely silent, betrayed by my own people. How could they decide this? We are the only protection they have. If we leave, Jeremiah will just take them over again. They will have no freedom to live. I came here to keep them safe!

  “I’m sorry,” Austin says. “That’s how it must be.”

  Then a voice sounds from the other side of the table, one I’m not expecting at all.

  Connor.

  “You’re not going to kick us out,” he says. All eyes fall on him. He sits confidently slouched, his brown hair pushed to the side. Several days of stubble darken his jaw.

  “Excuse me?” Austin says.

  Connor shakes his head confidently. “You would be fools to remove us.”

  “I don’t see how you figure,” Bill says. He has an ugly scowl on his face.

  “I figure because Jeremiah cares nothing about you. He cares nothing about keeping people safe. All he cares about is power. Mora is still connected to this place. It’s the only thing she talks about. It’s her home. These are the people she loves. You don’t think Jeremiah will try to exploit that?”

  The elders are silent as the rest of us stare at them waiting for a reply. Evelyn finally breaks the silence.

  “We can help you build your wall. We can protect you from greyskins. We can stop Jeremiah from harming you. You have more protection sitting in this room than anything Jeremiah could possibly give you.”

  Austin looks at the other elders. None of them speak, knowing what we say is the truth.

  “Then what happens next?” Austin finally says.

  “We build the wall,” Evelyn says. “That will get rid of any immediate threat you may face with the greyskins. Jeremiah knows how to send them our way, so this wall will be the first order of business.”

  I barely hear what she’s saying. Others start talking too, but my thoughts are focused on the notion of other Starborns. Evil ones who would kill or capture me and the others because we are a threat to Jeremiah. But there are others who aren’t against us. Christopher, the healer I met only minutes before our hasty escape from Salem. What an asset he would be around here. Especially when the fighting begins. But he is in hiding with no desire to be found out — except for the fact that he showed himself to me. There has to be something that makes him want to be known.

  “What do you think about that, Mora?”

  I look up at Aaron who is staring at me, waiting for a reply to his question.

  “I’m sorry, what did you say?” I ask feeling stupid.

  “About setting up a base here,” he says. “It can be a great place to figure out what our next move will be. Especially if we can get that old satellite receiver I had been trying to find just over a week ago.”

  “Satellite?” Bill asks.

  Aaron nods. “For surveillance. There’s an old military compound near Garden’s Peak that I’m sure has a satellite receiver that I can get working with the proper equipment. Most of the equipment is back at Salem, but there shouldn’t be too much trouble getting that either. We still have Heinrich on the inside. He will help us.”

  “You mean the satellite you were trying to get when we first met?” I ask.

  “Yes,” he answers. His face turns red for a moment, perhaps out of embarrassment. He had been unable to get to the satellite because of an overwhelming greyskin herd. Connor and I were there to bail him out, which I’m sure was a blow to his pride. But Aaron’s ability is limited to the amount of electricity around him, and there was none.

  “With the satellite,” he continues, “we’ll be able to see herds coming from miles away. We would be able to take care of any threat before it even got here.”

  The elders all raise their eyebrows to this. I’m sure they are blown away by the fact that only seconds ago they were banishing us from the village and now they are collaborating on how to keep us around for good.

  “Problem is,” Aaron says, “the compound is completely overrun with greyskins and not easy to get to. I’m not sure even all of us could make it through without detection.”

  Bill holds up a finger. “You get us that satellite hookup, and you all can stay here as long as you like.”

  “That’s a bit of a turnaround, don’t you think?” Linda says, looking from Bill to Austin.

  Bill points at Aaron. “That’s the kind of thing we need if we’re going to survive.”

  “You were the first to say they shouldn’t be here,” Linda snaps.

  “Enough,” Austin says. “Obviously there’s a lot to consider here.” He nods at Evelyn. “She’s right in that we need to start on the wall. And if what Connor and Aaron say is true, then honestly, I don’t see how we could turn them down.”

  “Then you are declaring yourself an enemy of Jeremiah,” Linda says.

  “Jeremiah is already your enemy,” Evelyn answers. “He just hasn’t told you yet.”

  “It is settled then,” Austin says. “The village will begin work on the wall immediately. All of you need to figure out what you’ve got to do next to get us that satellite hookup.” He takes a deep breath. “As far as these hunters that Jeremiah has set on you…just be careful.”

  Outside the Tower, the sun sends its hot rays down on our heads. The elders have decid
ed to stay back at the request of Linda, most likely to talk about their lack of commitment to the decision to banish us. She’s only ever cared about what she thinks is best.

  As we walk out following Evelyn, she turns on us and we stop abruptly.

  “We’ve got a lot of work to do,” she says. “The plan should be simple. The execution, however, is the hard part.” She looks at Aaron. “I think you should go back to Salem and get Heinrich on board. Besides, you know what equipment is needed to get the satellite receiver up and running.”

  “Yeah, I’ll need Heinrich’s help with it,” he says.

  She looks at Danny and Heather. “The two of you need to go to Garden’s Peak and get the receiver.”

  “We have no idea what we are even looking for,” Heather says.

  “I know all about it,” Connor says.

  The others give Connor a surprised look.

  “Yeah,” he says. “I should have known you weren’t going for a tractor part near Garden’s Peak.” He looks at the others, then me. “Aaron and I had been there before. Garden’s Peak has always been a pit of greyskins. It’s an old base. But there are weapons, supplies, anything you could need. Most importantly it’s rumored there is a mobile satellite receiver there that can still function just about anywhere with the right equipment.”

  “How come no one has ever taken shelter there?” I ask. “Couldn’t you just kill the greyskins?”

  “There are so many,” Connor says. “No one goes in there. Except us.”

  “You mean us,” Danny says, gesturing to the Starborns. “Not you.”

  “I imagine Aaron needs to go to Salem,” Connor answers. “I can get you to Garden’s Peak. I can even tell you where the satellite receiver is.”

  “I would hesitate to let you go in there,” Evelyn says.

  “Well, Evelyn, I don’t answer to you,” he snaps. “If you want your satellite to work, you need me to go.”

  My heart beats faster at the thought of Connor going there. I don’t want him to. He isn’t like us. He doesn’t have the power to stop an entire herd of greyskins like we can. But I can’t help but think about how he really is in a fight. I’ve never seen him back down. I’ve never even seen him get injured. He knows how to shoot. He’s smart. He knows what he’s doing.

  And if Aaron is going back to Salem, this will be my chance to meet Christopher again. Surely if I’m there, I will be able to find him.

  “Aaron might need me at Salem,” I blurt out.

  All heads jerk toward me at the announcement. I can’t help but notice the painful look in Connor’s eyes and a slight grin on Aaron’s face. How can I tell either of them that it has nothing to do with them? It has everything to do with Christopher. I could tell them, but I also don’t want to give up Christopher’s secret. He asked me not to tell anyone. I know how it feels to want to remain anonymous. I know the fear he holds. All I want to do is talk to him again; to try and persuade him to come to Springhill.

  “I thought you would stay here,” Evelyn says. “With me. With your family.”

  “I’m not going there to try and convince the people that we’re innocent,” Aaron says. “I’d be happy for you to tag along, but it will be covert.”

  “My family has you, Evelyn. You just need to make sure that the wall is started while we are away.”

  “And what if while you’re gone, Jeremiah shows up?” Heather asks.

  The others wait for my answer, but I don’t have one. With Christopher here, if my little brother were shot, he could be healed. If Grandma was injured, he could take away her pain. Only a healer could do this.

  “We won’t be gone long, right Aaron?”

  Aaron shakes his head. “Just a day or two, I guess.” He looks at Evelyn. “Jeremiah won’t attack so soon, I don’t think. He’s still strategizing. Besides, if things get bad at Salem, my gifts are limited. Having Mora there would be added protection.”

  Evelyn stands silently for a moment. Connor is looking away, trying to mask his frustration. I know he doesn’t want me to go with Aaron. I know it’s because he has feelings for me, and that it seems like I’m choosing Aaron over him somehow. But it isn’t like that. Not at all.

  “Fine,” Evelyn says. “I don’t like it, but you do what you want. It’s your brother and grandmother that you’ll have to convince.”

  I hear Heather say something, but I’m not sure what. My attention is focused on Connor who is now walking away from the group. I step away from the others to go after him. I make sure I’m out of earshot when I call out to him.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “Going to make sure I’ve got a car to use,” he says, refusing to look at me.

  “Connor stop.”

  He doesn’t.

  “Stop!” I say more loudly. “Listen to me.”

  He stops, but doesn’t turn to look at me.

  “I have my reasons for going with Aaron.”

  “I’m sure you do.”

  “It’s not like that,” I say.

  He smiles at this in frustration and looks me in the eyes. “You and I both know it is like that. Remember? I saw you two in the woods. I swear if the two of you had been kissing any longer, you would have both been greyskin meat.”

  “That’s not…” What? What am I trying to say? Am I about to tell him that it’s not what it looked like? How would that sound? Of course it was what it looked like. How can I tell him that I don’t want him to count me out? To abandon any thought of me? Truth be told, I want both of them in my life. I’ve just happened to be in a couple of situations where it was easy to kiss Aaron. My attraction to Connor is different. Maybe even deeper. But I can’t just explain this to him.

  “I need to finish something in Salem,” I say. “I think there is another Starborn there.”

  He looks at me with a puzzled look on his face.

  “I met him when I woke up after passing out,” I continue. “He’s a healer. I want to see if I can find him again. Persuade him to join with us. That’s why I want to go to Salem.”

  But none of this changes the fact that I’m going with Aaron. None of this changes the fact that Connor saw me kiss him in the woods a few days ago. None of this changes the reality that I am attracted to Aaron too. When all of us were fighting the greyskins in Salem a few days ago, I could have sworn I felt love for both of them. But I’ve never felt this kind of love. It’s obviously different than the kind of love I have for my family. It’s deeper with both of them. Can you love someone after only knowing him for such a short time?

  “I will see you as soon as I get back,” I say. I reach for his hand and hold it in both of mine. “It’s pretty amazing that you’re willing to go into Garden’s Peak without any sort of powers.”

  “Just doing what I need to do,” he says.

  He pulls his hand from my grip and walks away.

  CHAPTER THREE

  “YOU CAN’T LEAVE,” Grandma tells me for the fifth time this morning. “Last time you left, Jake and I worried so much about your safety. Then you didn’t show up with the Screven guards and we thought something happened to you. Then they started talking about you being a killer and fugitive. You aren’t leaving.” She rests her face in her palm and ignores the hot cup of steaming tea in front of her.

  I take a deep breath, knowing that this isn’t easy. I had already told her the plans twenty-four hours ago just after the meeting with the elders. She wouldn’t hear of it. Now that I’m about to leave, she still won’t listen to me.

  “I’ve got to go because it will help, Grandma. I’ll only be gone a couple of days at most.”

  “That’s basically what you said when you left last time.” A small tear runs down the side of her wrinkled cheek. I know exactly what she is feeling. But she doesn’t see the situation as I do.

  “This time is different,” I say. “Last time I left, I was stupid. I was volunteering to do something I knew nothing about. I’ve learned a lot the past couple of weeks and I promise yo
u that I’ll be back.”

  “What are you going to tell your brother?” she asks, nodding to the room at the other end of the house.

  It is early morning and Jake is still asleep. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him last night about me leaving. I couldn’t bear to see his reaction.

  “Things are different now,” I say.

  She looks back at me and grabs my hands. “Mora, promise me you won’t do anything dangerous.”

  This isn’t a promise I can keep. She knows this. I know this. The world we live in is the definition of dangerous. The possibility of death lurks at every corner. But all my grandma wants are the words from my mouth, whether they are true or not.

  “I won’t,” I say. “I promise.”

  She lets go of my hands and continues to cry softly. I stand and make my way into Jake’s room. His deep breathing lets me know he is in a dreamland that is far from this world. It would be a pity to wake him and rush him into this reality. My hand pushes back his hair and I kiss him gently on the forehead. His eyes open and he smiles at the sight of my face.

  “I’ve got to go away for a couple of days,” I say. “Think you can take care of Grandma while I’m gone?”

  His smile continues to shine. “Not as good as you could, but I will do my best. Where are you going?”

  “I’ve got to find someone at Salem. Try to bring them back.”

  “Are they in trouble?” he asks.

  “Maybe,” I say. “He might need my help.”

  “Well, if anyone can help, you can. I’m not worried about you anymore,” he says, his eyes closing to accept sleep again. He turns his head back to a comfortable position and sighs. “Nobody can hurt you. You’re a Starborn.”

  Tears start to fill my eyes again. His innocence is beautiful. I bend down and kiss him on the forehead again, unsure if he will even remember talking to me. It doesn’t matter.

  I go to the bathroom and pull my long, dark hair back into a ponytail. After washing and putting on fresh clothes I feel rejuvenated, even though I didn’t sleep well last night.

  “I still wish you would cut your hair shorter,” Grandma says from the bathroom doorway. “Don’t want a greyskin to grab a hold of it.”