Bad Boys Break Hearts

by Smeltzer, Micalea

  I find myself out of breath from my long-winded rant. But it was all things I needed to get off my chest that have been eating at me.

  “I’m not a nobody,” I continue, my lower lip trembling with the threat of tears. “I’m somebody. Someone who deserves more than this.” I gesture between the two of us. “I won’t allow myself to be used by you or anyone else. I got out of the shithole my mother put us in and won’t be dragged down for anything, least of all by a man who has his head too far up his ass to actually hold an adult conversation.”

  “Ror—”

  I hold up a hand. “I don’t want to hear excuses from you, which no doubt is what you’re about to give me. Only you are responsible for your actions. Own them.”

  I’m flushed, my skin damp with perspiration from my rant and the humid locker room.

  Then, because sometimes pettiness is needed, I reach out and yank his towel off just like I did the first time we saw each other.

  Some of the guys laugh others cheer and some are silent watching the man behind me.

  Holding my head high, I walk out.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Mascen

  “You were so good, Mase. I hate that we have to go.” My mom kisses my cheek settling back on her heels beside their SUV.

  “I’m just happy you guys came.”

  Seeing my parents, sisters, and even Dean in the stands had taken me by surprise. But not nearly as much of a surprise as when I saw Rory in the locker room. I still haven’t been able to wrap my head around that one.

  “Did you see Rory?” she whispers so no one else can overhear. “Did you talk?”

  “She talked,” I mutter, raking my fingers through my hair. “I mostly stood there.”

  My dad rounds the car, draping an arm over my mom’s shoulder. “Sometimes you just have to stand there and take it, let the woman do the talking.”

  “Hey,” my mom elbows him in the stomach. “Don’t eavesdrop.” To me, she says, “You love her, don’t you?”

  I swallow thickly, my chest tightening. “Yeah, I do.”

  She reaches up and pats my cheek. “Then you know what to do.”

  I hug her and watch as she climbs into the back of the vehicle, their two bodyguards already up front.

  “I loved watching you play today, son.”

  “Thanks for coming.”

  A moment passes between us, one where no words are spoken but everything is said anyway. He pulls me into a hug, smacking my back.

  “We’ll see you soon.”

  “I love you, Dad.”

  He presses his lips together, his eyes glassy. “I love you too.”

  Stepping back, I watch him get inside and the SUV pull away.

  Things with my dad aren’t perfect and I don’t expect them to change overnight, but I think we’re headed in the right direction.

  “Stop looking like a forlorn poodle without a snack and come say goodbye to your favorite sister.” Willow leans out of the Mustang window. Dean, behind the steering wheel, shakes his head and laughs under his breath. “I’ve seen Goldfish crackers with more depth and emotion than you.”

  “I would just like to say I’m the favorite sister,” Lylah pipes up from the back.

  I walk over to where they’re parked a few spaces down. “Did you guys seriously load up without giving me a hug? Fuck, I feel unloved.”

  “You’ll get over it.” Willow sticks her tongue out at me. “We’ve got to hit the road.”

  “Me too.” I point at the bus waiting in the distance.

  “Be careful, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do … which I’ll pretty much do anything so shit you have free rein, bro.”

  I shake my head. “You’re fucking crazy.”

  “Thanks.” Willow winks at me.

  I bend over, smiling at Lylah in the back. “Love you, Lylah-bug.”

  “Eh, do you have to call me that?”

  “Always.”

  Leaning through the car window I hug Willow the best I can and fist bump Dean. From the back Lylah grips my hand briefly.

  “I’ll see you guys over spring break,” I promise, stepping back. “I love you.”

  “Love you, Mase.”

  “Call more, we miss you!” Lylah yells from the back as the car pulls away.

  Watching them leave I feel a pang of homesickness as I head to the waiting bus.

  “Thanks for waiting,” I tell Coach.

  “Don’t make it a habit,” he grumbles, to which I laugh.

  Sitting down beside Teddy he pulls out one of his Air Pods. “Who was the chick who reamed you out in the locker room? She’s got spunk. Think she’d go out with me?”

  I narrow my eyes on him. “Don’t even think about it.”

  He cackles loudly. “I knew it.”

  “Knew what?”

  “You’re in love with that girl, and if the great Mascen Wade’s been bitten by the love bug then we’re all fucked.” He shakes his head, reaching to put his Air Pod back in. “That shit is highly contagious.”

  I lean my head back against the seat. I don’t tell him, but it doesn’t matter what my feelings are. Some things are unsalvageable and I don’t know if I can fix this with Rory but I damn well am going to try.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Rory

  A soft knock on my bedroom door interrupts my study sesh.

  “Yeah?” I voice to whichever of the girls is on the other side.

  “Hey.” Li smiles, an envelope clasped in her hands. “This was slid under the door. It’s for you.” She holds it out so I can see my name written on it.

  My throat suddenly gets tight when I recognize Mascen’s handwriting. I take it from her. “Thanks.”

  “Mhmm,” she hums, eyeing me warily. No doubt she’s figured out who the letter is from. Still, she doesn’t say anything and closes the door behind her.

  I look down at the envelope, tempted to toss it in the trash. But I know if I did it would be a decision that would haunt me.

  I only saw Mascen yesterday, the embarrassment of my locker room meltdown still plaguing me, and I figured I truly wouldn’t hear from him again. Especially when he didn’t call or text.

  Ripping the envelope open, several sheets of paper fall out, one a piece of notebook paper and the others from a small notepad with the logo of a hotel on top. The sheet of notebook paper says read first.

  Look, I’m not good at talking about my feelings. Articulating them is difficult for me. I wrote the other pages for you Friday evening when I got to the hotel. I planned to give them to you when I got back and let you do with it what you will, but I didn’t expect you to come to the game. I’m in the wrong here, I know it, and don’t deserve your forgiveness in the slightest, but I hope you do.

  I set the piece of paper aside picking up the other sheets. His handwriting is more chaotic on these, like he was in a hurry to get his thoughts down.

  My hands shake slightly as I start to read.

  I’ve been racking my brain for a week now to figure out the best way to apologize and explain myself to you but I have none. Flowers are cliché, I’m sure you don’t want to hear me out in person, and anything else I think of sounds like I’m trying too hard.

  I never expected being with you to be so easy, to feel natural, but it does—did, I guess. At times it felt like you’d always been a part of my life, not like we were rediscovering each other.

  Cole came home that last day I was with you and he saw us. It messed with my head. I don’t have much in this world I value as much as I do my family and friends. They’re everything to me. Knowing I hurt Cole—that he thought the worst of me, that I’d used you to hurt him—fucked with my head. It made me question things, because if my best friend thought the worst of me maybe I am that bad and don’t deserve anything good in my life.

  Like you.

  There’s something I’ve never told you, because it sounds dumb, but that last day I saw you when we were kids, you remember what we played right? Yo
ur sister fake married us. I might’ve been ten, but it felt real to me because I already loved you so much. Even back then I was convinced you were the girl I was going to marry when I grew up. When your family disappeared I felt like my wife had abandoned me. Like I said, it was dumb, but when I saw you again all of those feelings of loss came back but you still felt like mine which scared me even more. Then I had to watch you be with Cole and it was tearing me apart. But we know I’m not very good at actually saying those things.

  Look, I know I should’ve been honest with you right from the start about Cole finding out. I should’ve just used my fucking words instead of falling into silence. But this is me, and I never do things the right way, and I’m probably always going to be that way. I’m trying to be better, but I can’t expect a miracle overnight.

  If you never want to speak to me again, I understand, but I needed you to know this; I hate you, but not as much as I love you. I love you so much it scares me. I didn’t know you could feel a love this big, but you proved me wrong, Princess.

  --The dragon of the story, the villain, the asshole

  I hold the letter, his words, close to my heart—the heart he stole a long time ago and I never really got back.

  * * *

  “You look lost in thought.”

  I shake my head back and forth giving Aldo an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that.” I take the mixed drink from him. “I have a lot on my mind.”

  “It wouldn’t have anything to do with a guy would it?” Heather breezes by, having overheard our conversation.

  I feel my cheeks heat. “No,” I blurt.

  “Mhmm,” she hums. “Haven’t seen him around in a while, did something happen?”

  I sigh, knowing I need to get back to work. “Things are complicated.”

  Heather squeezes my arm. “Life is complicated, girly. What’s your heart telling you?”

  I’m saved from answering her by one of my tables flagging me down. Dropping the drink off at another table as I pass by to see what they need.

  “Could we get some extra napkins?” The man pleads, eyeing his toddler. That’s when I see the kid is practically taking a bath in spaghetti.

  “Yes, of course.”

  I run over to the stand and grab napkins and some wipes we keep on hand. Taking them back the man smiles gratefully while the toddler protests at being cleaned up.

  I’m going through the motions, taking orders, smiling, being my normal self, but my mind is occupied with thoughts of Mascen and the letter. I could feel his honesty in those pages, and it felt good to know that his feelings are real, that this isn’t just one sided from me. I’m still hurt and peeved at him ghosting me, but I know we weren’t officially together either. We put no label on us and what we were doing.

  With my mind otherwise occupied the hours pass quickly and ten in the evening comes quickly. I clock out, saying goodbye to everyone like usual, and grab my bag.

  Strolling out to my car I debate whether or not to go to Mascen’s townhouse. I want to see him, have a real conversation, but I’m scared.

  I’m saved from making the decision when I look up and find him sitting on the hood of my truck. He blows out the smoke from a cigarette.

  “Hi,” he says softly, sliding off the hood and to the ground. He drops the half-smoked cigarette to the ground and extinguishes it with his shoe.

  “Hey.” I stop, allowing a few feet of space to separate us.

  “Did you get my letter?” I nod. “Did you read it?” I nod again, unable to form words. He presses his lips together, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “And?”

  I close my eyes, centering myself. “And what, Mascen? I-I…” I flounder for words. “I love you too, but at the end of the day does that change anything? You’re still you and I’m still me. How do you possibly think we can make this work? What’s to say you won’t stop talking to me again next week or the next. You’re unpredictable and—”

  “I know I’m not perfect, Rory. I get that. I’m not denying it. I’m always the first to admit I’m not the best person. But I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, all I know is I want you in it.”

  “Why? Why me? You could have any girl you wanted. Why out of all of them is it me?”

  His Adam’s apple bobs. “Because it was you when you were four and I was six and you fell off your bike when you were learning how to ride it and I kissed your scraped knee. Because it was you when we were seven and nine and I broke my collarbone and you stayed over watching all of the Scooby-Doo movies. Because it was you I married at the field that day. Everywhere I turn it’s you—in my thoughts, in my memories, and I want you in my future too. I fucked up, I know that, and I’m incredibly sorry for trying to throw us away because I was afraid. I’m an asshole, Rory, but I’m your asshole even if you don’t want me, I’ll always be that.”

  I laugh, my face wet with tears. “Only you could think telling me that you’re my asshole is romantic.”

  He shrugs, taking a step closer to me. “It’s true.”

  “Always been me, huh?”

  “Always, even when it wasn’t.” Another step.

  “That makes no sense.”

  “Does to me.” He stops right in front of me. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m begging you for a second chance. I’ll never be worthy of you, Princess, but I promise I’ll damn well try my hardest to get there.”

  “Okay,” I whisper.

  “Okay?”

  “Okay,” I repeat. “But if you fuck things up that’s it, Mascen. I won’t be treated like less than I deserve. I’ll put you in your place.”

  My heart, no matter how strong of a grasp I’ve tried to keep on it, has given itself to him. I know he’s not perfect, neither am I, but I refuse to throw away the potential of our future because we’re both stubborn idiots. I know things aren’t perfectly repaired between us, that’ll take time, more conversation. But this right here is a start, a step in the right direction for both of us.

  “I won’t fuck things up. At least not in a big way, because fuck it turns me on when you fight with me, Princess. Are you going to let me kiss you now?”

  “I think that might be all right.”

  He gets the tiniest grin, much more subdued than his cocky one, this one much sweeter and almost shy. He places his hands gently on my cheeks, and the moment his lips touch mine I know for certain that no matter what Mascen and I are meant to be.

  Some love stories are a perfect straight line, ours happens to be crooked with plenty of forks in the road.

  But I wouldn’t have it any other way, because all of it has led us here, to right now, both growing as people, and now with the chance to grow together.

  Our lips part and he places a gentle kiss on my forehead.

  “Princess?”

  “Yeah?”

  His eyes glimmer with humor. “Can I have my hat back?”

  We both laugh until he kisses me again, getting lost in each other, and the promise of tomorrow.

  Epilogue

  Rory

  Summer

  The pale pink floral dress clings to my body in the summer heat.

  The guests gathered for the wedding sit in anticipation of Willow making her entrance. The wedding is being held in the gardens of a museum, the surroundings lush, green, and colorful.

  Music begins, the wedding party starting down the aisle.

  Everyone turns to watch, and I smile when I see Mascen with Lylah on his arm. He winks at me, his hair smoothed back and perfectly tamed for once. A feeling of love floods me as I watch him.

  I loved him months ago but that feeling has only grown and intensified. We’ve worked hard on our relationship, to build it into something strong and unbreakable. There’s less fear and uncertainty. We’ve both grown so much as people, learning from our mistakes.

  The music changes and at the altar Dean straightens, inhaling a breath as he looks down the aisle in anticipatio
n of his wife to be.

  I turn to watch Willow reach the end of the aisle, her arm on her father’s. Poor Maddox is already crying, but as I’ve gotten to know Mascen’s dad better I’m not surprised. The guy is a softy.

  He only cries harder when he has to give her away, but she’s all smiles, eagerly taking Dean’s hands.

  Listening to them exchange their vows my heart feels full, and when I find Mascen looking at me I know we’re both thinking the same thing.

  That’s going to be us some day.

  * * *

  Mascen

  “Dance with me, Princess.” I pull Rory onto the dance floor despite her protests.

  She wipes cake from her lips before wrapping her arms around my shoulders. “They look happy.” She tips her head in the direction of my sister and her new husband.

  “They do,” I agree, spinning her around and into my arms.

  “Think that will be us some day?” She smiles up at me, her glasses sliding down her nose. She pushes them back up, waiting for my answer.

  “Some day? I already married you.”

  She sticks her tongue out. “I meant for real.”

  “A piece of paper doesn’t make it real, Princess,” I whisper in her ear, swaying to the song. “But yeah, I can see us getting married.”

  “Are you happy?” She plays with my hair at the base of my skull.