Never Letting Go

by Kristin MacQueen

  “I can't believe you remembered.” She whispers, her eyes locked on mine.

  “I remember everything about you.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Frankie

  “What time’s Liam coming at?”

  “Six, I think. He tends to always show up early though. He can't stand being late to anything.”

  “Do you want to hang out until then or do you, um, want to come over when he gets here?” I’m so nervous, I'm not sure why. I hate feeling nervous. This is Noah, there’s no reason to be nervous.

  “I’ll come over now. I want to spend some time with you before Liam gets here.”

  “Oh, ok.”

  I unlock the door, heading inside. I grab a few bottles of water and some snacks before we go down to the basement which has always been our favorite places to hang out. We settle in on opposite sides of the couch and just kind of sit in silence for a few minutes. Our backs to the arm rest, our feet on the center cushion but not touching.

  “What did Liam mean that he’s never seen you smile?”

  “He’s just being stupid.”

  “Noah...” He’s lying. I'm not sure how I know, but I do.

  “Frankie, just leave it.”

  “I missed you when I left... It killed me, not having you by my side every second of the day.” I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Putting myself out there and letting him catch a glimpse of the vulnerable side of me is hard. I don’t like feeling so raw, but that’s how we used to be together and I want that back.

  He stares at me for a few long moments before he does anything. He’s like a statue of a Greek god. He runs his hands through his hair and grips the back of his neck.

  “Okay... Well, that’s embarrassing.” I go to stand up but Noah grabs my hand and pulls me back down, this time I'm closer to him. Close enough for the fresh laundry and mint scent coming off of him to engulf my senses.

  “Don’t be embarrassed... I just... I don’t know how to do this.”

  “How to do what?”

  “Be vulnerable, let someone in, expose my real emotions. I don’t do that shit.”

  “You used to do it all the time with me.”

  “With you I did, but then you left.”

  I face him, one leg tucked under me. I grab his large hand in my two small ones and give it a gentle squeeze. I want to understand what he’s trying and failing to tell me.

  “How about I go first and tell you what it was like when I left?” He gives me a small nod, his face completely void of emotions. “Ok... I hated moving. I wanted to come back so bad, I begged my dad every day but we had to stay there for his job. I made friends but it wasn’t the same as having you there.”

  “When you left... I felt like I lost part of myself. I didn’t want to hang out with anyone, I didn’t want to play sports. Jeez, Frankie, it was like I lost my entire world that day you left.”

  Tears are streaming down my cheeks but I don’t even care. I don’t care if I look like a mess or if my mascara is running down my cheeks. All that matters to me in this moment is Noah and what he’s telling me.

  “Why didn’t you say anything when we talked?”

  “We talked so infrequently; I didn’t want to make you upset one of the few times I got to hear your voice.”

  “So, what Liam said...”

  “I’ve become known as the broody football player. I stopped enjoying things, I stopped smiling and things just seemed to generally suck. I know that sounds ridiculous but...”

  “I get it.” I whisper. I bite my bottom lip as I look into his eyes. I love seeing this raw emotion pouring out of him. His gaze follows my movement and zeros in on my lips. My breath catches, there’s no way he’s staring at my lips... that would mean he’s thinking about kissing me.

  “I wanted you back so bad. I felt like a shell of myself. Everyone noticed the sudden change, hell, I noticed but I couldn’t pull myself out of it. I couldn’t get back to the guy I was before you left.”

  “I’m here now...” I slowly bring my hand up, cupping his cheek. His breath hitches, his eyes slide closed but he doesn’t move. Neither one of us do.

  “Howdy, friends!” Liam’s voice shatters the little bubble we’re in. We jump away from each other right when he comes into view. He pauses on the bottom step, attention shifting back and forth between the two of us. His eyes narrowing as he examines us. “What’s going on down here?”

  “Nothing.” I say a little too quickly, too eagerly. I glance over at Noah, his eyes are narrowed on Liam, a firm death stare in place.

  “Why were you crying?” Liam’s attention turns back to me as he rushes over to me. Puts the pizza on the table and sits between us. He cups my face in his hand, staring into my eyes. “What did this SOB say to you?”

  “I didn’t do anything.” I pick up the eye roll in Noah’s voice even if I can't see him. I bat Liam’s hands away from me, leaning back into the couch and crossing my arms over my chest. If Liam hadn’t shown up, I'm pretty sure Noah would’ve kissed me.

  “Bull shit. You’re constantly making her cry. Are you ok, darling?”

  “I'm good, Liam, really. Noah and I were talking things out, he wasn’t mean at all. He was being sweet.”

  “Did you hit your head?” Liam deadpans as his attention shifts back and forth between Noah and I once again.

  “No, why would you ask that?”

  “Because you just called Noah sweet.”

  “Noah is sweet. Leave him alone. I'm going to get some plates and wash my face. You guys can pick out a movie while I'm gone.”

  I hop off the couch, racing up the steps. I want to get away from the weird tension building in that room. I wash my face quickly, scrubbing away the mascara streaks before reapplying the little amount of makeup I was wearing before my cry fest.

  I'm in the kitchen grabbing plates and sodas when my mom walks in.

  “Hey... Why do you have so many plates?”

  “Oh, um, Noah and Liam are downstairs...”

  “Noah, huh?” She gives me a knowing smirk; I return it with a bored look. I'm not about to admit she was right. Noah and I just needed to hash out our feelings. We’re not back to where we were before I moved, nowhere close to it, but we’re closer than we were yesterday. “I think I need to go down and say hi to Noah.”

  “No, Mom, you really don’t.”

  “And I need to see how cute Liam is.”

  “He’s not-“

  “How stupid do you think I am? I saw that smile on your face today, he’s cute.”

  She’s descending the steps to the basement before I can stop her. I grab the things I came up here to get before racing down the steps after her.

  “Noah...” She uses a soft voice, wrapping him in a motherly hug. She’s always had a special place in her heart for Noah.

  “Mrs. Valdo, it’s so nice to see you.”

  When she pulls back, she eyes him up and down.

  “Look at how handsome you are, I'm sure all the girls are after you.”

  “Bianca is.” I grumble under my breath. Apparently, I speak too loudly because three sets of eyes snap over to me. My gaze flies upward like I'm examining the ceiling tiles, it has to be better than facing the three of them.

  “And you must be Liam.”

  “Yes, ma’am. It’s nice to meet you.”

  “You too.” My mom turns her attention to me, I spot the smirk she’s trying to hide, she’s going to say something that I’m going to regret. “He’s cute. You be careful with these two.”

  “Please leave.” I groan as I throw myself on the couch.

  “I'm going, I'm going. It was nice to meet you, Liam. Noah, don’t be a stranger, I missed you far too much.”

  As soon as she’s gone, the boys turn to me. Liam with a cheeky grin and Noah with a look I can't place. His eyes are boring into me, it’s like he’s trying to tell me something without using words. But I can't figure it out.

  “Your mom thinks I'm cut
e.” Liam wiggles his eye brows at me, I choke out a laugh. By far the last thing I expected him to say.

  “Congrats. You want me to set you up on a date with her?”

  “Nah, I like her daughter more.”

  My face heats with his words. Liam flirts a lot but I thought it meant nothing, like it was his personality. It never crossed my mind that he might like me. Noah lets out a loud groan as he rolls his eyes, frustration rolling off him.

  “Do you have to hit on her all the time?”

  “If I don’t, how will she know I'm interested?”

  “I don’t know, ask her out?”

  “You’re interested? In what?” There’s no way he’s interested in dating me, no way at all. I hold my breath, he takes one step and then another, closing the distance between us. His hand grasps mine as he stares into my eyes.

  “Interested in dating you.” His gaze is intense, emotions swimming through his honey eyes. I’ve never seen Liam this serious about anything, he’s normally all smiles and jokes. The longer I stare at him, the softer his features become until he smiles his big blinding smile.

  “I... I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t need to say anything.”

  “Are you asking her out?” Noah huffs, his arms crossed over his chest in anger.

  “I already asked her to the party tomorrow.”

  “That’s not a date.” He rolls his eyes. “A date’s just the two of you, not half the school.”

  “Alright, Frankie, will you go on a date with me next weekend? Just the two of us.”

  “No.” I take a step back from him. Being this close to Liam is overwhelming and I can't think straight. Miranda’s coming next weekend and there’s no way I'm missing that no matter who’s asking me out.

  “Wow... I didn’t expect that... Like at all.” Liam blinks in confusion. He looks adorable.

  “I didn’t mean it like that-“

  “No, it’s cool. I mean, just because I'm interested doesn’t mean you are.”

  He’s hurt, like he really is interested in dating me. I grab his hand in mine, capturing his attention, then let out a deep breath.

  “My best friend is coming to visit next weekend. I can't ditch her when I’ve been waiting so long to see her again.”

  Liam takes a step closer, a small smirk playing on his lips. His hands find my waist, my breath catches, I swallow hard as I look up at him.

  “Does that mean you’re interested?”

  I wait a few long moments before I answer him. Am I interested? I mean, I am, he’s cute and sweet, I think he’d make a good boyfriend. Just the thought of him brings a smile to my face... but then there’s Noah. I can't stop thinking about what might’ve happened if Liam had showed up five minutes later. I know Noah like the back of my hand, at least I used to. I want to get back to that place but I might want more this time.

  “I'm not not interested but I'm not ready for this. I think I can only handle friendship right now.”

  His smile widens even more as he stares down at me. His thumb caresses my side as I wait for him to say something.

  “I’ll take it but don’t hold it against me if I keep trying. I like you, Frankie.”

  “I like you too.”

  “As much as I hate to break up this love fest, can we end this before I puke?” Noah’s madder than the last time I looked at him. If he were a cartoon character, I swear smoke would be coming out of his ears. I want to know why he’s mad, what’s going through his head? I want to be alone with him so he’ll drop his guard and show me the real Noah again.

  “What movie did you pick?” I ask, stepping out of Liam’s grasp, plopping onto the couch.

  “Some horror movie, I don’t know.” Noah says as he drops onto the cushion next to me.

  “You still love horror movies?”

  “Of course.”

  “Me too. I haven’t watched any in years though. Miranda and Marissa would never go see them with me.”

  “We can go to the movies whenever you want.” The corner of his lip quirks up slightly before he puts his guard back up, mask fully in place.

  My chest hurts when I think of how much Noah’s life has changed. He doesn’t know how to be happy and it kills me. I want the sweet loving boy back, I want to see his gorgeous smile, have his contagious laughter wash over me, comfort me like a warm blanket on a cold day. I want to see him get back to that point.

  Liam sits on the right side of me, he grabs a plate and piles pizza on it.

  “What kind do you want?” I ask Noah.

  “One of each.”

  “Is that enough?” My eye brows raise in surprise.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” There’s humor in his voice but his face stays void of any emotion what so ever.

  “You’re huge.” I blurt out before I can stop myself. “I mean... it’s just... you’re so much bigger than I am. You should be eating more.”

  “You trying to take care of me, Frankie.”

  “Somebody has to do it.”

  “You applying for the position?” His left eye brow lifts, daring me to keep going. I do.

  “Yeah, I think I am.” I smile the most genuine smile I’ve had since my dad died. Noah helps me feel carefree, like my dad’s upstairs reading while we’re down here hanging out. He helps me forget, even if it’s just for a few minutes. I need that in my life.

  Liam presses play on the remote, music that’s meant to create suspense fills the air.

  Sitting between Liam and Noah is kind of unnerving. I mean, I know Liam has a thing for me now, he said so himself, but what about Noah? I don’t know where I stand with him. I know he wants to try to rebuild our friendship, I definitely want that too. Does he want more though? I think I might and it scares me a little bit.

  I feel like there’s more going on that I don’t know about though. Liam and Noah always seem a little... jealous of each other. Maybe even a little like they're competing with each other, which wouldn’t make sense unless Noah wants to be more than friends with me.

  I hate boys. I hate guessing what they're thinking or how they're feeling. I hate wondering if they want more.

  A finger grazes the side of my left hand, I jump slightly and the boys chuckle. They’re assuming I jumped because of the movie, stupid boys. I peek to my left; Noah’s eyes are glued to the TV screen but I catch a small smirk. He isn't even trying to hide it, making my heart swell. I love how he’s trying to be the old Noah; he’s trying to pull himself out of the darkness he slipped into when I moved away.

  I let my hand move a little closer to his as I relax into the couch. The girl on the screen’s talking on her phone, completely oblivious to the fact there’s someone peaking in her window. She goes about her night, putting away clothes, cleaning up her kitchen and eventually taking a shower, unaware of the threat waiting for her.

  The basement feels chilly even though I'm sandwiched between two huge guys. I lean forward, pulling the blanket off the back of the couch, draping it across my legs.

  “Are you cold?” Liam asks, a sweet smile on his face.

  “I'm freezing.” I try to pull the blanket up to cover my shoulders but it isn't big enough.

  “Here, wear this.” He hands over a soft sweatshirt, it’s probably only this soft because it’s been worn so many times. The design on the front is faded, the letters barely readable.

  “Thanks, Liam.”

  “Anytime, darling.”

  I swear Noah growled under his breath but when I look over at him, his eyes are trained on the tv. His jaw’s clenched hard, his fingers curled into a fist.

  I slip Liam’s sweatshirt over my head, snuggling back into the couch. The girl’s taking a shower, singing along to music playing on her phone. It’s so loud she’s oblivious to the stranger breaking the window on her back door. He’s climbing the steps, walking down the hallway-

  A hand brushes mine again. I let out a little shriek as I jump in the air.

  “Sorry, I w
as trying to share the blanket, is that ok?” Noah’s mouth is so close to my neck, his warm breath brushing across my skin, causing a shiver to run through my body. I try to talk but I can't, I swallow hard and try again.

  “We can share it, I don’t mind.”

  No matter how hard I try, I can't focus on the movie. I have no clue what’s happening, no clue who the girl’s running from, probably the stranger who broke into her house. All I can focus on is how near Noah is to me as he snuggles even closer to share the small blanket.

  I finally start paying attention to the movie again when I feel a warm hand glide over mine. My eyes snap up to Noah, convinced he must’ve touched me by accident. He’s already looking at me. His eyes are soft, almost hopeful as he intertwines our fingers. I feel like he’s asking if this is ok, if this makes me uncomfortable. I give his hand a gentle squeeze, I'm rewarded with a sexy little grin.

  If I thought Noah was cute when I left in eighth grade, he’s downright sinful now. Because of his constant scowls, glares, and frowns, when he gives you a smile it means so much more than when Liam smiles. Liam throws around smirks and grins like Willie Wonka hands out candy. It’s great but it doesn’t feel special. Noah’s makes me feel special

  Chapter Nineteen

  Noah

  I love the feeling of her hand in mine. Frankie’s hand is so small with my large hand wrapped around it. Her skin is soft and warm, making me never want to let go. I was nervous about making a move, especially after Liam flat out told her that he’s interested. But it was worth it.

  I’ve never wanted to punch my best friend in the face as much as I have tonight. When his hands grasped her waist, I swear my vision went red. When he offered her his sweatshirt, I wanted to pull her into my arms and keep her warm myself. She doesn’t need him or his sweatshirt, she has me.

  I'm actually excited when I start to get cold, that means I have an excuse to be closer to her, to share the blanket with her.

  When I grab her hand, she’s surprised but happy. I can't help the grin that appears, I couldn’t hide it if I tried. There’s something about Frankie that makes me drop my defenses, I stop trying to wear the mask and just let myself go.