Shameless: A Reverse Harem Fantasy Romance (The Carnal Court Book 3)

by Devyn Sinclair

  Please. I release the word like a prayer into the sky. I want nothing more than to appear at Emma’s apartment and find her on the couch watching a movie with ice cream.

  But if she’s not there, I did this. Emma never asked for this—doesn’t deserve that kind of hell—being trapped in her own mind. I allow Aeric to help me to my feet and follow Urien through the portal, grasping onto that thread of hope that she’s still safe. That Ariana is bluffing, and a liar.

  If she’s not, I’m not sure what I’ll do.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ________

  KARI

  Everything looks perfectly fine outside Emma’s apartment, but it’s not. Even I can feel that. There’s an almost supernatural stillness in this hallway. Almost like everything is trying just a little too hard to be normal. The magic coming off her door is just like what I felt when Ariana set my shop on fire: magic that feels like someone digging their fingers into a painful bruise without mercy.

  I don’t need to see inside to know that she’s gone. There’s no way that kind of magic is coming off her door and she’s still in there and alive. Beside me, Brae is rigid with tension, and what little strength and calm I’ve managed to hold on to is almost gone.

  Brae waves a hand, and the glamour that’s been sewn over her door disappears. It is pure destruction. The door is shattered into pieces, wood blown everywhere. That’s all I see before I turn to the wall, hiding my face, using it for support. This can’t be happening. It can’t.

  Pain cracks through my chest, breaking me, unmaking everything I thought I was. “No,” I whisper. The first tear falls, and I can’t stop the rest of them. Hands made of dread and devastation are crushing me. “It’s not real,” I manage to say. “It’s not. Tell me it’s not real.”

  “We’re going to find her,” someone says softly, and that only makes the tears come harder.

  It’s my fault that she’s gone. All because of me. If I wasn’t here, if I wasn’t fated, if I hadn’t loved and chosen these men. Emma would be safe and nothing would be wrong. She would be on a date with a man that makes her smile and not broken and bleeding, serving as nothing more than a battery and a pawn in Ariana’s sick need for magic and control.

  She was taunting me. Teasing me with reminders of my own pain and forcing it onto someone else. Because she could. Because she knows that I still flash back to those powerless moments in fear and taste her poison on my tongue. Still see the terror in my mates’ eyes when they acknowledge that I was close to death. Because she somehow knew exactly how to strike me in my heart and make me bleed.

  Hands cover mine on the wall, body pressing against my back. Aeric. I fight against his grip, but he holds on. “Let go,” he whispers in my ear. “Let it go.”

  The sound that comes out of me is ugly and desperate. Everything comes out of me at once. Pain and anger, grief and fear. A torrent of emotion spilling outward that I’m powerless to stop or control. Air is jagged in my chest, every breath like a knife to the heart. But Aeric is holding me upright. Safe. And so I am able to release it.

  I press my forehead against the wall, fingers clawing at the plaster. Aeric weaves our fingers together and wraps his arms around me. Pinning my hands safely against my body and holding me at once. A soft kiss brushes the back of my neck, tasting of safety and acceptance and sorrow. That’s what I feel through the bond from him. Sorrow. A wish that he could take the pain away, and a deeper, driving anger towards Ariana and everything she’s done.

  There’s no way for me to tell how long I stand there, bound and held by him. Everything passes up and through, and every last bit of feeling that I’ve kept buried for weeks is exorcised. When it finally stops, I’m empty. My heart feels like that blasted patch of ash that we just came from.

  This is what it will be like if I ever lose one of them. Worse than this. A pain that changes who you are. My breath hitches, and Aeric pulls me harder against his body. “Breathe for me,” he says so quietly that it’s only a ghost of a breath. I try, and my whole body shudders in response. “I’m going to turn you around,” he says, voice still quiet. “But you will move no more than that. Do you understand?”

  Slowly, I bow my head in agreement. In this moment, that control feels like a blessing. Even moving feels like too much. His hands shift on my waist, releasing my hands and turning me to face him. I close my eyes, not wanting to see any other faces. His body is still crowding mine, securing me to the wall and keeping me standing. “Look at me.”

  I press my eyes shut harder, a few stray tears leaking. A thumb brushes away the wetness, and the tenderness in the touch nearly wrecks me all over again. “Kari.” Gentle command is in the tone. I open my eyes, and we’re alone. A barrier of swirling jade smoke surrounds us, shielding us from view.

  There’s no judgement or fear in Aeric’s gaze. Just love and understanding. “This is not your fault.”

  “Yes it is,” I say, voice breaking. “Emma would be safe if it weren’t for me.”

  “Is it your fault that Ariana attacked you? Your fault that you were given and inherited magic?”

  I shake my head. I couldn’t have stopped those things.

  “Then how is this your fault?”

  The point he’s trying to make is clear, but that doesn’t change the guilt that’s weighing on my heart like a boulder is chained there. “We are going to find Emma,” he says. “Nothing is going to happen to her.”

  “You can’t know that.”

  “No,” he says. “But I believe it.”

  Moving with that same careful slowness, Aeric slides his hand up my spine to that familiar position where his hand is in my hair. Barely tugging, but enough for my stomach to sink and my mind to relax into familiar territory. Yielding to my mate. “I am going to kiss you,” he says. “And then I’m going to drop the barrier. There is no shame in this. No apology. We’ve all lost things—more than you know. And after that, we’re going to find her. If you think you’re going to fall apart again, tell me. You know I’ll feel it. You will not be alone.”

  “I don’t want to do that again,” I say, aware that my throat is raw with emotion and still unshed tears.

  He pulls my head back just enough to brush his mouth with mine. This kiss is not about arousal. It’s comfort and refuge and the promise that he will hold me, no matter what happens. “We both know that want and need are not the same, Kari. And there is no shame in needing to break sometimes.”

  The smoke around us disappears, and despite him telling me it’s fine, I fight the wave of embarrassment. The only thing I’m greeted with is touch, drawn into a circle of arms and reassurance. Silent in solidarity.

  I feel when I’m ready, the subtle shift in the air settling. The tiny thread of determination I feel is the thing I hold on to when I open my eyes. Every one of them is touching me, their warmth seeping into my skin and keeping me sane. I don’t deserve these men.

  Brae is the first one to speak. “I need something to track Emma,” he says. “Something personal. There’re signs of a struggle, but nothing more than that. No blood. Just some broken glass, and the door.”

  “I’ll repair the door,” Urien says. “If you don’t need the traces.”

  “Go ahead.”

  They let me go when I step away and into the apartment. It’s just like I remember it, barring the debris of the entryway, and the shattered dishes in the kitchen. That must have been where she was when they took her. I steer myself away from the thought, and take some tissues from a nearby box to wipe my face.

  Something personal. I can do that. “How deep do you need it to be?” I ask Brae, my voice still weak.

  “The stronger it is, the easier it will be to track,” he says. “If she had magical abilities, it would be different. But for humans without them—” he cuts himself off. “Deep.”

  I know what I need.

  In Emma’s bedroom, I go to the closet. I’m crossing my fingers that she still keeps it where I remember it to be. On the top sh
elf, a small box that I’ll never forget. We lived together for a while, Emma, Odette and I, when we were newer to the city. That box never left her bedside table.

  It’s an unassuming thing, just a round hatbox, designed with some abstract flowers. But to Emma, it’s everything. These are the mementos she’s kept over the years—only things that mean something to her. She hasn’t had the easiest life, and the tokens she chose to keep reminded her of the best parts of it.

  Quickly, I set it on the bed, and open it. The toe shoes I’m looking for are sitting right on top. Mangled nearly to death with use and faded with age. They’re the first pair of toe shoes that she ever owned, and she always said putting them on was the first time in her life that she had felt true freedom. I take them, and put the rest of the box back where I found it.

  As I’m going back to the living room something snags my eye. A picture of the three of us. One of those silly mall photo booth pictures. We’re all scrunched up together and nearly crying from laughter. The picture is tucked into the side of her vanity mirror, and it hits me all at once. Shit.

  “Will these work?” I ask, holding the shoes out to Brae when I enter the room.

  He holds them gently. “Perfectly. The connection here is nearly permanent.”

  “They’re really important to her.”

  “No harm will come to them. I swear it,” he says with a hint of a smile.

  Across the room I lock eyes with Kent. “We need to go.”

  Eyebrows rise into his hairline. “Where?”

  “Odette.”

  Darkness crashes across his features. “Fuck.”

  “Yeah.”

  Emma is not the only bargaining chip that Ariana has access to. Odette was just as exposed the day of the fire, and it would be just like Ariana to hold back a second hostage. The rest of the guys immediately pick up on the urgency. Urien takes my hand. “Show me where.”

  I picture the street outside Odette’s apartment, and I’m hoping that she’s home. If not, I’ll break down the door at the rehearsal space. She needs to know, and I need to be sure that she’s safe. We step out onto the sidewalk, and I don’t give a flying fuck that people are staring at us as we pass through a gash in time and space. And they are staring at us.

  The code to Odette’s building is something I’ve had memorized for years, and we quickly escape inside. Writhing impatience makes me fidget in the elevator all the way up to the seventh floor, and when the doors open I can take my first inhale of relief. I don’t sense any dark magic here. I ring the doorbell, and nearly sink to my knees when I hear footsteps on the other side.

  Odette opens the door, eyes going wide in shock when she sees the six of us standing on the other side. And then she pulls me into a hug without a second thought. “Hey! I’m so sorry I couldn’t come visit the other day, but I wanted to. I’m glad you’re here though, I could use some of your sage dancer advice.”

  That’s how long it takes her to realize that I’m not hugging her back with the same exuberance. She pulls back and looks at me, sudden wariness in her eyes. “Kari, what’s wrong.”

  I swallow, trying to get the words past the lump in my throat. “Emma is gone.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  ________

  AERIC

  I step out onto the New York sidewalk, the air slipping into coolness as the sun starts to fade. Kent and Brae are right behind me, and Kari is still upstairs, consoling her friend and explaining what the hell happened. I needed a fucking second to breathe.

  The pain coming off Kari back there was almost more than I was able to take. If I could rip that pain out of her soul and carry it in mine I would do it in a heartbeat. There are some things that I’ll never be able to forget, even in my long life. Parts of the war. The moment that my magic changed its allegiance. A handful of happy moments, and sad ones too. The moment that we met Kari and the moment that I thought she was gone.

  Never in my life will I forget the sound of my mate weeping and crying for her friend, afraid that she might have cost Emma her life. We’ve been so wrapped up in each other, and in her getting to know the five of us, that we haven’t talked much about Kari’s relationships with her friends and family. Basic stories. But that kind of grief speaks to a deeper friendship than I imagined.

  Kari, Odette, and Emma danced together for years, and for the first time I’m understanding exactly what that means. She thinks of them as sisters in the way I think of Brae and Verys as my brothers. We fought together, and that bonded us in a way that no one else will understand. It’s the same for Kari.

  Regardless, I feel sick. Even now, through that glimmering, tenuous connection, she’s hurting. I haul in a breath, trying to cleanse the horror from my chest and stomach. I lean over, leaning on my legs. This is not something I have experience with—taking control in the midst of pain. I love commanding Kari’s pleasure. This—

  I’m so fucking grateful the Goddess allowed us this. We’ve already practiced this dynamic, and I know deep in my gut that it’s one of the only things that helped her. The fact that she knew I could and would lead her. Hold her. Make sure she was safe enough to breathe and feel. And I will do it again if she needs me to. Anytime. Every time.

  But my heart still hurts for her, wishing she didn’t need me to do that.

  “Are you all right?” Kent asks.

  All I have is honesty. “I don’t know.”

  Brae’s gaze is on the street around us, ever on guard. “That was brutal.”

  I take one more deep breath in before straightening. “It’s going to be brutal. As long as Ariana is in the picture.”

  “My shot was clean,” Kent says, pissed as hell. “This could have been over.”

  Brae sighs. “He’s enchanted. I could feel it coming off of all of them. He probably doesn’t even remember that he saved her life, or if he’s conscious in there he has no options.”

  “Will he live?” Being so close to Kari’s most recent dose of pain, I don’t want to see what happens if one of her mates is gone too.

  Kent gives a curt nod. “From where I was standing, yes. He got lucky, but where I saw the bullet land should be simple enough to remove and heal.”

  “It’s ash,” I say. “So it won’t be simple. But even if Kari is angry about it now, she’ll be grateful that he’s alive.”

  I can see the tension rolling off Kent. His arms are crossed, shoulders are high, and he’s examining every person passing on the street like they’re an immediate threat. “How did they get through? I was with Verys when he warded that apartment. I saw him do it, and he didn’t skimp on the good stuff.”

  Brae leans against the front of the building. “I’m not shocked. Could you feel the magic back there?”

  Kent shrugs. “A little, but not any more than I sense when we’re at home.”

  “Ariana tested her shield with a strike that could have leveled all of us. That kind of power is rare, and I’ve only seen it a couple times. Once yesterday with Kari. But the magic isn’t hers. She’s stolen it. But if she brought that much magic and brute-forced the wards, they would have snapped.”

  Kent looks pale. “So she could have come in at any time?”

  “One more way she was toying with us,” I say.

  Reaching out through the bond, I send soothing feelings to Kari. Comfort and support. For a moment, that hurt I can feel lessens. Looking over at Brae, I wonder if he’s experiencing it the same way? My initial reaction of jealousy passed faster than I thought it would. Last night I felt pleasure pouring off Kari in waves, and even knowing that Brae was the one fucking her didn’t bother me. Because she was happy. Cared for. Safe. And the sudden, blinding realization that her mating with Brae does not invalidate our bond. It only adds to it.

  Already, I can feel that things are different than they were in my family. We…work. It won’t always be simple or easy, but I have faith that we’ll be able to work through whatever comes our way. If we can survive it.

  “What do w
e do now?” I ask.

  Kent blows out a breath. “Odette needs protection. I could make a case for the police here, but if Ariana comes for her, they won’t be able to do anything.”

  “Urien should be able to dispatch some guards from the Court, at least temporarily. Other than setting up wards on her apartment, I’m not sure there’s much else we can do for her. She can’t come with us, that would be too dangerous for her. And she’s in the middle of the biggest show of her life.”

  “We’ll get those guards here as soon as possible, then.”

  Brae holds Emma’s toe shoes in his hand. “Other than that, we just need to find her.”

  “You have a direction?” Kent asks.

  “I can get us close.”

  None of us say anything about what we’re really thinking: what happens when we find her?

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  ________

  KARI

  Odette is pale while I tell her what happened. It takes a while to fill her in on the whole story, and she’s quiet for most of it. Staring down at her hands and anywhere but at me. “I’m going to do everything I can to get her back. I swear it.”

  “I know,” she says quietly before she reaches for my hand. “I’m glad that she doesn’t have you too.”

  “I’m so sorry. I never should have let her come to visit. It’s my fault. They’ll tell you it’s not, but it is.”

  Odette shakes her head, blonde curls falling around her shoulders. “You’re responsible for the actions of the bitch trying to torture you. I feel terrible that I didn’t know! I just assumed that she was tired from rehearsal or missed my texts. After what happened to you I should have checked on her.”

  I wrap my arms around her and pull her into a hug. We rest in each other for a moment. “What can I do?” she asks.