The Burden of Trust

by Nikki Frank

  “Reading between the lines, you gave us a lot of support. Thank you.”

  “Who hugs an akuma?” he stammered.

  “I do. I hug my dragons, too. What you are doesn’t matter. Your actions do. And you might sound surly, but you’re coming around to me. So, thanks.”

  His ears flattened against his head in an akuma blush. “I didn’t do much.”

  “You’ve laid the path for the other lords from Hakushi. I know you’ve had your reservations about me, but the others are openly against me. Hopefully, they can see things your way eventually. Pragmatically. So even if they’re not wild about the pairing, they can see we did our best.”

  “Well,” he ducked his head, looking embarrassed, “The long-term results remain to be seen. At the very least, I’m looking forward to the trade you promised.”

  I beamed at him. “I don’t think opening the borders will be an issue at all.” I waved my hand around the room. “Look at what’s happened here. The whole government of both our countries worked together as equal partners. There’s a lot of trust to build, but who thought we’d come so far, so fast? A few years of good trade relations will do wonders for both our nations.”

  He gave me the first warm smile he’d ever given me. “I’m sure this will be the start of something good.” He nodded his head at me as he left.

  Iya lingered by the wall, probably waiting for me. I had nothing to say to him. Who cared about a theatrical apology after Talon chastised him? He only wanted to save his pride. Turning, I slipped between a couple of fairies and out a back door. A few back passages took me out onto the palace grounds. Good luck to Iya if he wanted to find me.

  Chapter 26

  The red sun kissed the horizon on its way down. Behind me, the deep purples of night crept across the sky. I rubbed away a tear on the tip of my nose. How had everything gone so wrong? I hadn’t expected parades or awards or parties for going in after the goblin king. But I also had never expected to be on trial for my life. Not to mention, who plans on being pregnant with a baby their partner wants to be rid of?

  A large weeping tree surrounded by plush grass cut a silhouette against the sunset. I sat on the grass and leaned back against the trunk, curling up. Placing my face between my knees, I let the tears have their way. The cry had just gotten good when a hand touched my back.

  “Can I sit with you?” Talon asked.

  I nodded.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Everything.” I proceeded to unload on him completely.

  He leaned toward me, so our shoulders touched. “You take all the problems on alone, as usual, keeping everyone else safe and happy. When does Olivia get to be safe and happy? When do you do that for yourself?”

  “I don’t know.” I didn’t lift my face to look at him. I didn’t need to. Even after everything we’d been through, some bonds would never break. “My heart’s adrift, completely lost. Do I feel this way because I’m hormonal, or stressed, or what? My mother would know. Your mom, she’d know. But I can’t ask either of them. The only real adults left in my life are men, and talking to Tomi or Feéroi would be ridiculous. About ruling, sure. But pregnancy and relationships?” I blushed and stared at the grass. “S-sorry. I shouldn’t be talking to you about this.”

  “Why not?”

  I glanced up, and my eyes filled with fresh tears. “You know . . . because of our history. It’s weird.”

  “I’ll manage.” He sighed and rubbed my arm. “You’ve already said you need someone to talk to. I’m your guardian, advisor, and regent. I’ll listen. It’s my job. Can I ask you a question?”

  I shrugged. “Sure.”

  “Do you want it? The baby?”

  “No. I mean, yes. Well . . . I can’t kill it, at least.” A huge sigh brought up more tears. “I never thought about being a parent. We’ve barely bonded. Everyone already hates the poor thing, and I wish I loved it, but all I feel about this is stunned. That makes me a horrible person, doesn’t it? A mother has to love her child, right?

  “That’s how pregnancy is supposed to be.” I’d gotten worked up enough that my tail lashed in time with my words. “A girl finds out she’s expecting, and she feels a connection with her baby. The special ‘glow’ of motherhood. But I don’t have the glow.”

  I sucked in air, trying to calm myself. “All this panic wants to take over. Iya left me alone and . . .” I let out a sob. “What if I have the baby and never learn to like it? What if the poor thing grows up unloved by both its mother and father? Would it have been better off dead? But if I abort it, will I spend the rest of my life hating myself? What do I do? You’re my advisor. Tell me what to do.”

  He ran his hand across my head. “I don’t know, politically or personally, what would be best.”

  “I wish they had ruled against us, broken the bond, and insisted on killing the baby. Then the decision would be made. I could come back to you and pretend none of this ever happened.”

  “That wouldn’t work.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I think you’re upset right now and saying things you don’t mean.”

  “What?”

  “You’re hurting so much because you love Iya.” His face grew sad. “You opened up to him and he . . .” Talon’s teeth grit together. “Anyway, too much has happened between you and I. We couldn’t go back even if we wanted to. Besides . . . I,” he heaved a deep breath, “I like someone.”

  “Who is she?” Good, I could focus on his life and forget my own. Hopefully . . .

  Talon blushed and dropped his eyes to the ground. “I wanted to talk to you about that, though a different time would have been better. I need your permission to pursue her. It’s Katriane.”

  He couldn’t have shocked me more if he’d told me he’d fallen for Iya. “Katriane?”

  “She’s a good woman.” Still sitting hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder, he took my hands in his. “But she’s special to you. Someone you protect. I need to know you’re okay with us being together.”

  A sob escaped me. “I’ve lost everyone. You’re going to take her from me, and you’ll both go away, too.”

  He vehemently shook his head. “No. Katriane needs to stay with you. I will, too. You aren’t losing either of us. Besides,” he stroked my cheek, “We already settled this. I need you, and you need me. No more losses.”

  “That’s right.” Relief spread rapidly, pushing back the sadness, despair, and loneliness which had been dominating me. “Thank you.” I took his shoulders and kissed one cheek, then the other. “I love you, Talon Puck. Someday, when it no longer feels like my life is in the spin-cycle of a washing machine, I’ll make this up to you. Do you want a summer house by the sea?”

  Talon chuckled. “To use when? You’ve been a demon lord for a year now, and no one’s caught a break. I’ll never get a vacation.”

  I nudged him with my shoulder. “Talon?”

  “Yes?”

  “Can we talk about normal things?”

  One eyebrow raised in question. “What do you mean?”

  “I haven’t had a conversation about things other than saving the Borderlands in a long time. So, ask me about the weather. Or the food in Hakushi. That kind of stuff.”

  Talon put his arm across my shoulders and tapped his fingers against the tree trunk as he thought. “You acquired yet another dragon, I hear.”

  “Does nothing escape you?”

  Talon shook his head. “I can’t afford to miss a single thing with you. Look what happened even when I knew what you were up to.”

  I made a face at him. “I hope you’re not having anyone perch over me while I sleep.” This forced a laugh from me. “That would bring us full circle. I seem to remember meeting you that way.”

  He chuckled, too. “Ironic. But no, it’s
not me watching anymore, and my spies have better things to do than stake out your bedroom. Though maybe we could have avoided . . . So how about the weather?”

  “It’s dry.”

  “So’s this conversation.”

  I told him about the mammoth size of Shandian’s palace and the sprawling market place. The sun had long since set, and violet night had settled over us. The lights from the Lord High Governor’s palace and the surrounding city twinkled in the distance. The moment radiated a feeling of normalcy I’d grown unaccustomed to. But good things never seem to last. Elita found us and interrupted.

  “Hey. I need to talk with Olivia for a minute.”

  Talon stood and brushed his pants off. “That’s fine. Livy, I’m going to head to the glass palace tonight. See you when you get home.”

  Elita sat gracefully beside me, her lavender hair in perfectly soft curls as always. “Iya gave me a message. He said to tell you he’s going back, and you can go on to your palace like you wanted.”

  “He’s leaving without me?” I started to scramble to my feet.

  Elita caught my arm. “No, he’s already gone.”

  “Oh.” I plopped back down. “He really left me alone? Like this?” Dammit, now I was crying in front of Elita.

  “There, there.” She patted my head. “It’s not like you’ll actually be alone. You’ve got advisors and bodyguards. You can hire a nanny, and you’ll always have the baby. You’re tough enough to take on goblin hordes, demon lords, and all sorts of yucky creatures. You can handle this.”

  I leaned a head on her shoulder. “Thanks, Elita. I’m glad we’re friends.”

  “Me, too.” Her head hit mine. “Without our little adventure, I’d still be a stuck-up bitch.”

  “I don’t think she was really you. The real you only needed a reason to come out. By the way, you were incredible this afternoon. Iya and I owe you and your father our lives.”

  “We seem to go back and forth, saving each other.” Elita giggled. “We should do something different the next time we hang out.”

  “I totally agree.”

  Elita sighed and stood up, pulling me with her. “Father wants a meeting with you when he gets back. He’s expecting you to stay while we modify the memories of the goblins and send Tezky home.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Two and a half weeks later, the announcement came: Lord Feéroi had returned with the goblins. I’d used that time to make peace with my new situation. Iya hadn’t visited or even called. Evidently, a relationship between an imp and an akuma wasn’t meant to work. Maybe magic-folk bonded with like creatures for a reason. But I found that Elita had spoken the truth. My friends rallied around me. With them, I could handle becoming a mother on my own. I didn’t dread going home to my palace alone anymore. The thought held a certain comfort.

  With each step toward the Synod hall, my anxiety grew. An event as important as wiping the memories of the goblins would surely draw Iya here. What would I say if I saw him?

  A room without him left me deflated. Iya hadn’t come. Fine. Instead, I hurried over to Tomi, rededicating myself to work.

  “Mistress Olivia.” He nodded in my direction.

  I moved in close and kept my voice very low. “I have a favor to ask.”

  He raised one eyebrow. “Favors to you sometimes carry a high price. I’d like to hear your proposal before agreeing.”

  “Fair enough. I hoped you could get whoever does the memory modifications to modify Prince Tezky’s memory, too.”

  “Why?” His voice grew quiet, silky, and curious.

  “See the kobold over by the door?”

  Tomi nodded.

  “I want to send him into Tezky’s court as a spy. But he’s been seen with us by Tezky. Get rid of that memory and we have a person we can trust on the inside, making sure Tezky is behaving.”

  Tomi’s eyes narrowed, and a slick smile spread across his face. “I like this. Tell no one else of your plan and get the kobold out of here discretely. I will personally see to it that this is accomplished. Sometimes these things are best kept secret.”

  He stepped away from me, greeting Kessit as if we’d done nothing more than discuss the weather. I followed suit and wandered back toward the side of the hall where Bazyli sat.

  Trumpets blew, and the door opened. Lord Feéroi entered, followed by six goblins with various shades of blue, shiny skin. Behind these came the dragons, making quite the parade.

  “As an act of goodwill,” Feéroi announced, “I’ll trust Lord Tomi of Hakushi with the memory modifications.”

  The other akuma murmured their approval, and Tomi stepped toward the first goblin. I used the distraction to slide up next to Bazyli.

  “Go back to my room and wait for me there. I have a job for you. Tell no one.”

  Bazyli gave me a small nod and slipped quietly from the room.

  Tomi took less than five minutes apiece to alter the memories of the goblins. I had no idea what the actual spell involved, but the method was simple: a touch on the head.

  “I am finished,” Tomi announced. “I will bring the Prince back here so we may complete the deals we set forth.”

  Tomi stepped briskly from the room, giving me a bland smile on his way past. I knew he went to get Tezky so he could perform the memory modification I’d requested. Fifteen minutes later, Tomi came back into the main hall leading Tezky. He deposited the prince with the other goblins and raised his hands for an announcement.

  “Nearly all the conditions of our peace treaty with the Goblin Kingdom have been met. Agma, if you would be so kind as to return Tezky’s son, we can send the goblins on their way and begin living in peace.”

  The other goblin lords began surprised murmuring at the mention of Tezky’s son.

  Tomi gave Tezky a gleaming smile. “Oops. Seems like you were keeping that a secret from your own lords, too. Well, we’ll let you work your own mess out. After all, we’re not here to interfere in your internal policies.”

  Agma gave a strange whistling cry, and a moment later, a black shimmer at her side produced what had to be Lucien the hellhound. Long and lean like a human greyhound, though completely translucent. His shoulder stood as high as Agma’s hip, and his gleaming orange eyes darted around the room. From his mouth hung a basket which ushered high-pitched giggling noises. Tezky looked horrified and dashed forward, snatching the basket away from the hellhound. Agma sneered at him, her lip curling back to flash her fangs.

  “All the conditions are met. And don’t bother hiding him again. Once a hellhound has tracked a soul, he can find him anywhere.” She switched and smiled sweetly at the gathered goblins. “I believe that concludes our business. Scurry on home now.”

  “But home is a four-day flight by dragon,” Tezky protested. “How are we supposed to get back?”

  “I guess you should have thought of that before you started trying to take over the world,” Agma hissed at him. “Don’t let me catch you lingering in my province. I’m not ready to open trade with goblins, and the borders are closed to your kind.”

  “Then where?” The prince asked.

  “You can cross through my province,” Shandian volunteered. “But know I’m not punishing any of my citizens who try to take a bite out of you. If that’s not acceptable, go by air.”

  Their behavior pissed me off. “Way to be diplomatic,” I scolded the akuma. “You want to live peacefully with the goblins, yet you’re tormenting them already. And you wonder why people have bad opinions of demons. Try not living up to the stereotype. Vixaria, Feran, you’re taking the goblins home. Keep them safe until they cross the borders.”

  Tomi sighed and rubbed at his horns. “You’ll be safe in my province as well.” He shot the other akuma dirty looks.

  Shandian heaved a dramatic sigh. “Fine. If my
fellow akuma see this as a good idea, I can do this as well. Like Tomi, you are safe in my province.”

  I wanted to rip the horns off Shandian’s head. The biased prick.

  Agma stood there looking unimpressed.

  “I think we have found you your way home,” Feéroi nodded at the goblins. “Perhaps after some years of peace, trust can be reborn and with it more trade. For everyone’s sake, I will keep the symbiotic balance of magic trade between the goblins and the imps in place. The balance of magic is too important to mess with the role of two breeds. It’s too bad trade couldn’t have been expanded upon, seeing as how we are opening our border to new partners currently.”

  Prince Tezky hissed at Feéroi and waved his lords toward my waiting dragons. They scrambled on, and a minute later, they were gone. I deflated like a balloon. All the obligations and tension which had been holding me up disappeared.

  “You did well again, my dear.” Feéroi put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed in a fatherly gesture. “I’m hosting a formal banquet for all the lords in a couple hours. But your condition gives you the perfect excuse if you wish to bow out and go home early.”

  Tears filled my eyes. “Thanks. Come visit soon. And don’t keep Elita too busy. I could really use a girlfriend.”

  Feéroi turned and gave the lords their invitation to dinner. I slipped out of the hall and made a beeline for my room. Velor tapped along behind me.

  “Velor, bring Katriane to my room and be ready to leave immediately. I’m not sticking around long enough for someone to think of something else for me to do. We’re going home.”

  “Yes, Mistress.”

  The tapping got quieter as he left to find the others. I opened my door to find Bazyli sitting nervously in one of the chairs. He jumped to his feet as I came in.

  “Calm down,” I told him. “Save your nervousness for when it really counts.”

  He stopped fidgeting and waited expectantly.