All I Want For Christmas

by Emily Forbes

  She shrugged. 'Does it matter? It's all in the past now, we can't change it.' Her words echoed his own sentiments but for some reason he felt disappointment trickle through him as she spoke.

  'True, but I need to ask you something else anyway.' The thought that perhaps it was him she hadn't wanted, not the baby, resurfaced. Now might be the only chance to find out.

  This wasn't about undoing the past or having a second chance. This was about setting the record straight, which was altogether different. 'Why did you change your mind about having the baby?'

  'When I saw the ultrasound it finally sank in that there was a living being growing inside me, a little person we'd created together. It still took me a few days to get my head around it all but, in the end, I knew I couldn't have a termination.'

  'And when were you going to...?'

  'Tell you?' He nodded. 'I was planning to contact you the day I miscarried. Once that happened, there didn't seem to be any point. I was upset, I felt guilty because I hadn't wanted the baby initially and I was also really angry with you. I blamed you, thought if you hadn't pushed me, it wouldn't have happened.'

  He opened his mouth to argue with her—but maybe this was another of those times where she needed to be listened to, even though he felt he was getting a rough deal. Lexi must have sensed his affront.

  'I know that's not the case, but I was emotional, to say the least. I needed reasons, excuses, anything to make sense of it.'

  'Does a part of you still blame me now?'

  She shook her head and her glorious curls swung about her face, touching her cheeks, revealing glimpses of her high cheekbones. 'Not for a long time. I still say you didn't listen and you didn't give me what I needed, but that wasn't only your fault. I should've handled it differently, too.' She managed a half-smile. 'And I don't think anything either one of us did or didn't do would've changed the outcome. I still would've miscarried. Some things are just not meant to be.'

  'You think our baby wasn't meant to be?' He was watching her closely. For some reason, this was another answer he felt was more important than it should be after all this time. 'We weren't meant to be?'

  She looked down at her plate and pushed her remaining prawn 11about with her fork, the silence lengthening.

  'The prawn won't answer for you, Lexi.'

  She looked up at that and responded to the lighter note in his voice, smiling in return. 'Maybe not, but the prawn probably knows as much as I do. Who can ever guess these things? The only thing I know is we didn't end up together and there must have been a reason for that.'

  'You think everything works out for a reason? For the best?'

  Her gaze met his and he tried to read the message in her eyes, but all he could see was exasperation, hopefully not with him. She moved position again, tucked one of her many stray locks of hair behind one ear and rubbed at her cheek. He watched each movement, absorbed and thinking, not for the first time that night, how she was even more beautiful now than five years ago, if that was possible.

  'Not necessarily. I wouldn't ever say that about Erin's death.' He didn't have to be Einstein to notice she didn't use the end of their relationship as an example but, then, it could hardly compare to the death of a sibling. Despite that, Tom was amazed to feel a sharp twinge of disappointment. 'Maybe what I'm saying is we have to find the positive in the bad things, turn a negative situation into a growth experience, or what's the point?'

  'The point?'

  'The point in the struggle, in the suffering.'

  He grinned. He knew he shouldn't, knew he'd just made the ultimate gaffe, but he couldn't help it. Male pride won out, hopefully not at the expense of life and limb. 'So, you did suffer when we split up?'

  She picked up her fork and held it out across the table, pointed at his heart, one eyebrow raised. 'Is that what you've been angling for?' Her voice was even, in control, at odds with the twist of one corner of her mouth, suggesting a fight to suppress a smile. 'I deliver a profound observation on life and the universe and all you're concerned with is your ego?'

  He leant back in his chair and his grin widened. 'Save the profound observations...' he motioned to the fork '...and the cutlery for a night when we haven't eaten quite so much, and I might join you in a philosophical discussion.' He leant towards her, lowering the fork she was still holding to the table, removing it from her hold, and picked her hand up in his, caressing her palm between his fingers , savoring the feel of the smooth skin, suppressing a feeling of success that she didn't pull away.

  'Do you still think I'm a hypocrite for encouraging Sharon to take some time to think about her situation?'

  'No, and I'm sorry for having a go at you.'

  'So, we're all sorted now? All OK?'

  'Sure.'

  He could see her draw a breath in, and knew where the conversation was about to head, could almost have spoken the words for her as she said, 'So what happens next?'

  Before he could answer she carried on, 'I know there's no real "us", but last night on the beach was...' She paused as she searched for the word. '... nice. And since you're here for a little longer...' She let her words trail off, apparently only willing to go just so far out on a limb.

  'We could take it as it comes.' He knew he shouldn't; he also knew, now that she'd proposed it, he would.

  She nodded.

  'I don't want to sound arrogant, Lex, but are you sure you can play it like that?' He had to spell it out in black and white. He knew the conditions only too well, but he had to know she was going into this with her eyes open, too. 'Because I will be gone soon, and that's all I can promise.'

  Her eyes widened for a moment, but just a moment, and she scarcely missed a beat with her response. 'I know that. And, yes, I still want to do this, Tom.' Her smile was a little crooked as she added, 'Your time here may be short, but so is life.'

  He knew she was thinking of her sister, that Erin's death was behind her wanting to grasp whatever little time they'd have together.

  'Sure?'

  'Quite sure.'

  She slid her hand across the table and under his, the look in her eyes soft and pliant, her desire clear, but most of all her look was full of a simple affirmation of her words. Whether or not she had been completely honest about being able to keep her heart intact, she was sure she wanted to go down this path with him. He closed his fingers over hers and motioned to the waiter for their bill. Their time was short, and all he could think about was to make the most of every moment they had.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Lexi knew she was grinning like the village idiot and had been for several days, but she couldn't help herself. Every moment they'd spent together these last few days had been bliss, unmarred by old antagonisms and no more secrets to tiptoe around. Other than the fact she'd lied when Tom had asked her if she was all right with it being a brief fling and nothing more, no future, no promises. But if she told the truth, he'd call it off straight away, thinking to protect her. His sense of fair play wouldn't allow him to mess with her heart, but it was her heart, her call.

  So, other than that secret, there was nothing else hidden between them and they were free to revel in each other's company, needing only the simplest of settings and arrangements, needing nothing more, really, than the time to be alone. There'd been more walks on the beach, more talks outside under the stars, more kisses. She touched a finger absent-mindedly to her lips, remembering. She hadn't been this happy in a long time—five long years, a little voice kept saying.

  He still wanted her. The way he'd kissed her that first time on the beach had left her with no doubts on that score. The prospect of more kisses like that had been all she'd needed to convince her to suffer the emotional pummeling she'd endure when he left town. No woman who'd ever been kissed like that would decide differently. And in the days since their dinner, there'd been ample evidence her decision had been the right one. His kisses, and there had been many, had her waking from dreams that were barely this side of decent. She'd have been
mad to turn down the opportunity to snatch every possible moment with him, no matter what the outcome.

  So for once she wasn't going to make plans. Besides, her plans always seemed to go awry and what could she possibly wish for with regard to Tom? A few more stolen days of happiness were all she dared dream about. He'd be leaving soon and she didn't want to think about that day now so, to distract herself and turn down the wattage of her grin, she'd think about something else.

  Her plans for the practice.

  When Tom was gone, she'd need to immerse herself in work once more and she'd done nothing further about the clinic. She hoped she hadn't left it too late. She didn't want to be left with those two little words, What if?

  What if she could afford to buy the practice and never looked carefully at it? She knew she'd always wonder and it would drive her bananas. She jotted a few notes to herself:

  Check Pete's decision.

  Talk to Donna.

  Phone the bank to make an appointment.

  Draw up a business plan.

  It was time to start taking this seriously. She glanced at her watch. No time to call the bank, her first patient would be arriving soon.

  'Hi, there, how's it going?' Lexi took Tom's call when Peggy phoned it through. Her heart had soared the instant Peggy had said who it was.

  'Busy. It's a lot to fit into one day. We've just finished our second clinic and are about to head off to...' Lexi could hear papers rustling as Tom checked his itinerary '...Potter's Point.'

  'The relaxed country lifestyle is a myth, then?'

  'For a country doctor it is. At least for today. But it's important that I see it all. I also want to see you.' He cleared his throat. 'What are you doing after work?'

  'One more patient to see and then I'm picking Mollie up. It's the last day of school and her class is going to the park, sort of an end-of-term tradition.' Her disappointment that she couldn't see him today was tempered by the fact that he, at least, wanted to see her. 'But we wanted to invite you to spend the day with us tomorrow.' Nervous flutters were busy in her stomach. She was feeling like she was asking him out on a first date. 'Are you free?'

  'What did you have in mind?'

  ‘I want to show you one of our local attractions—there's lots you haven't seen.'

  'I don't doubt that for a minute. If I'd known more about the local attractions I would've visited a long time ago.'

  Tom's double-entendre wasn't lost on her and her smile was broad as she said, 'We'll pick you up at ten. Bring a beach towel and some walking shoes.'

  A cold gust of wind blew across the cliff-top and Lexi shivered as the chilly breeze raised goose-bumps on the warm skin of her arms, prompting her to scan the horizon to check the weather change. The day had been perfect, sunny and warm, ideal conditions for whale watching. Mollie had been in her element, reveling in Tom and Lexi's ready attention. There'd been a few discreet touches and kisses for Lexi from Tom, but the main focus of the day had been on Mollie and it filled Lexi with a mixed happiness to see Tom and her niece take so much pleasure in each other's company. To round out a perfect day, the whales had been obliging, too, breaching and playing in the waters at the base of the cliffs. But now the blueness of the sky was disappearing as black clouds rolled in. Lines of rain were already visible, streaking along the edges.

  A storm was brewing.

  Mollie and Tom were still engrossed in the antics of the whales close to shore. She didn't want to spoil their afternoon but the weather on this coast could change in a matter of minutes and they couldn't afford to stay exposed to the elements on this cliff- top. They were the tallest things here, and if it was an electrical storm she wasn't going to take a chance on being struck by lightning.

  'Sorry to break up the party, but I think we're in for a storm.' She nodded towards the horizon as Tom looked up at her voice.

  Sweeping their gear into their big bag, he said, 'Race you to the car, Mollie.'

  Mollie took off at her top speed, Tom close behind, holding out his hand to Lexi and pulling her along with him. The wind was blowing at their backs as they ran and the first drops of rain started to fall as they reached the car.

  Lexi turned the radio on, tuning it to a local station. The first thing they heard was the weather forecast, the announcer confirming that the storm would hit Pelican Beach within the hour and advising everyone to get indoors. Lexi's phone chirped as the weather announcement finished.

  'Would you get that for me?' Lexi started the engine and pulled away from the car park.

  Tom answered the call. 'Hang on. I'll ask her what she wants to do.' He turned to her. 'It's the hospital. Sue Murphy has gone into labor, Pete's the on-call doctor and he's on his way so this is just a courtesy call to keep you in the picture.'

  'That's fine. Pete can handle it but I might call past after I've dropped Mollie off. Sue's not asking for me, is she?'

  Tom spoke into the phone. 'Is Sue happy for Pete to be the attending doctor?' He nodded at Lexi. 'OK. Lexi might call in.'

  Lexi spoke as Tom ended the call. ‘I saw Sue yesterday, she was thirty-nine weeks and ready to pop. I'd be surprised if we don't have a few more deliveries with this weather.'

  'Pardon?'

  'The quick change in the atmospheric pressure that's brought on this storm also seems to affect pregnant women. Seems to make their waters break.'

  'You're kidding.'

  'Not at all.'

  'And the scientific evidence to back this up?' The teasing note she loved was in his tone.

  'Just ask any country GP, or farmer for that matter. If it's lambing season, a storm will bring on lots of births.' Tom's laughter filled the car. 'You can laugh all you like,’ she said, ‘but the maternity beds will be full tomorrow.'

  Mollie had been delivered home to Lexi’s mum, a sleepy little girl content to head indoors for hot chocolate, and as they continued into town, Tom answered another call on Lexi's behalf.

  'It's the security company,' he explained. 'Apparently the alarm's gone off at the surgery. They want to know if you can check it out.' She nodded and he relayed the response. Ending the call, he shot her a puzzled glance.

  'Why would they call you to check it out? Isn't that their job?'

  'Most of these callouts are for false alarms. They charge you every time they actually check the premises or reset the alarm, so we're on a roster system for responding to the calls. It's my turn.'

  'But what if it's not a false alarm and there's someone on the premises? That's a risk the security company is getting paid to take, not you.'

  'If the alarm goes off during the night, I make them go.'

  'Intruders don't discriminate between night and day, Lexi. It's no less dangerous just because the sun's up.'

  'It's probably just the wind with the storm. It's no drama. I'll drop you off on the way.'

  'I'm coming with you.'

  Lexi was about to protest but one look at the determined set of Tom's jaw and she knew she'd be fighting a losing battle.

  'Fine.' Not a terribly gracious reply. The wind made her nervous but she didn't want to admit she'd be grateful for the company. And she didn't like the inference that Tom thought she couldn't manage. All too soon she'd be managing without him again, so she'd be a fool to start relying on him now.

  They pulled up at the surgery. The wind was roaring and they could see a loose sheet of iron roofing banging up and down. Other than that, the building looked intact. It was close to six o'clock, a long time before dark at this time of year, but black clouds blocked out the sun, creating a false night. Opening the car doors, they ran for cover.

  The rain was coming at them horizontally, blown sideways by the strength of the wind. In the distance, almost drowned out by the noise of the storm, they could hear the waves pounding the beach. Lexi held the keys in her hand and fumbled as she tried to insert the right one into the lock, her curls whipping about her face, stinging her skin. A flash of lightning lit the sky, illuminating the lock as thunde
r crashed overhead.

  Tom took the keys from her. 'We need to get inside. Let me go in first, just in case.'

  Lexi didn't argue. This was no time for false courage. Maybe she could rely on him just a little, just this once.

  Through the glass door they could see the furious blinking of a red light on the alarm box. Something had triggered it.

  Tom unlocked the door, pushing it open in one swift movement. He flicked the light switches, but nothing happened. Lexi glanced over her shoulder. The car-park light wasn't working either.

  'The lights must be out with the storm. There should be a torch on top of the fuse box. It's behind the door.'

  Tom stepped into the clinic, moving behind the door. Lexi followed on his heels. He closed the back door, grabbed the torch and pushed the button to light up the passage. Lexi felt a little less apprehensive once the darkness receded, but only momentarily.

  The torchlight threw up all sorts of strange shadows, familiar objects taking on very unfamiliar guises. She stayed close to Tom as he started moving along the passage, methodically opening each door and checking each room. If he noticed Lexi dogging his footsteps, he was too polite to comment.

  Eventually they were in the front reception area. He swung around to face her. 'Everything seems to be OK. What's the procedure now?'

  'I'll have to phone the security company and reset the alarm. It will only take a minute.' Lexi moved behind the desk and picked up the telephone handset. As she started to dial another flash of lightning lit the room and thunder reverberated directly overhead.

  An enormous splintering sound stopped Lexi in her tracks, and before she could process the noise and its origin the sound of shattering glass filled the air. She looked dumbly at Tom before the noise registered.

  'The back door.'

  Tom took off along the passage, calling over his shoulder, 'Wait there.'

  There was no way Lexi was staying by herself in the blackness. She ran after Tom, chasing the bouncing beam of torchlight.