Primal Obsession

by D. M. Mortier

  “Not being there for her birth was my fault, and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life,” Justin told her solemnly as he continued pacing.

  “Are you expecting me to feel sorry for you?” Nakia switched Jayla from her right breast to her left.

  “No, I don’t expect that. However, I had hoped that the message you sent me was the truth.”

  “Don’t…” Nakia couldn’t help the crack in her voice at the remembered pain she’d felt when she wrote to him. After leaving Imani that day, she returned to her apartment to pack. The entire time it took to pack her meager possessions into her SUV she had hoped that Justin would come for her. She’d cried buckets all night, and when morning came and there was still no sign of him, she drove her packed SUV to Mario’s house in Atlanta. However, before leaving the apartment, which was still owned by the firm, she wrote a resignation letter and a personal letter to him.

  That letter had been her soul, and she hated that he could use that now to try to gain entrance back into her life.

  Dear Jay,

  This past year I have been physically abused by a man who should have protected me, I have been forsaken by parents who should at least have cherished their only child, I have been shot at, and I have been kidnapped. And yet, this has been the happiest year of my life. Despite the pain I feel now, meeting you has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

  Thank you for protecting me when no one else would. You didn’t have to step in and do what you did, but because you’re an amazing man, friend, and boss, you helped me, you saved me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I will always be grateful for what you did. Thank you for the opportunity that you gave me to grow my career, gain exposure in areas of the profession I would never have ventured, and the awesome experience of working with you and Colt. I will always cherish that.

  When someone said that their heart was broken, I never appreciated what that meant. Tonight, I know that my heart is irrevocably broken. I feel as though I’m drowning and falling endlessly at the same time. When you first asked me to leave, it was as though you’d stuck your hand in my chest and ripped my heart from me. I wish you could know what you make me feel when you walk into a room, when you touch me just so, or when you look at me as though I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. Those are the memories I will keep with me. Jay, despite the devastation I feel now, I know that I will always love you. If I could sing, I would tell you in song, but since I can’t carry a tune even if I had a bucket, listen to my girl, Emile Sandé’s “My Kind of Love.” I hope that when you read this and listen to Emile that you’ll know that you are my heartbeat.

  Love always,

  Nakia

  “I loved that you wrote to me. Pen to paper, wrote to me.” His lips twisted in a wry smile. “I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve our beautiful daughter. But I am hoping that, despite my unworthiness, you’ll give me another chance.”

  “Jay…”

  “No, hear me out.”

  “Look, I wrote that when I didn’t have a child to take care of. I don’t have the luxury of making mistakes now.”

  “I won’t—”

  “I’ve had a hard day.” Nakia edged a finger into Jayla’s mouth to get her to release her nipple. She stood and walked toward him with a drowsy Jayla slumped on her shoulder. “Here.” She handed Jayla over to him. “She needs to be burped. I’m going to start my dinner.”

  Justin took his daughter with the same look of awe that he’d worn when he first held her.

  Nakia didn’t blame him. She’d had Jayla for six months, and she still couldn’t stop looking at her as though she couldn’t possibly be real. Their daughter was tooth-achingly sweet.

  Nakia smiled reluctantly as she left the room. She’d just washed her hands to start gathering the ingredients for dinner when her doorbell rang. It was already almost eight p.m., and there was no way she would have visitors at this hour. She had yet to forgive her parents, and the only other person crazy enough to come to the house at this hour was Mario. She hoped to God it wasn’t him, because there was no way she’d want to hurt Mario like this. Sure, he knew about Justin, but nothing beyond his name and that he was Jayla’s father. Nakia still wasn’t ready to analyze why Justin was such a no-go zone for them.

  It was the smell that caught her attention at first. She was so hungry that she opened the door without looking through the keyhole or asking for a name. However, she was still unprepared to have that amount of food delivered from her favorite Italian restaurant. As far as she was aware, that restaurant didn’t deliver. Had Mario sent this?

  “Ah, I see the food got here on time.” Justin walked into her small dining area, where she had assembled the mountain of food delivered, as though he were the master of the manor and it was something he did every day.

  “Did you order this?” She frowned at him. “Why am I asking? Of course you did. Is this some more of your bullshit attempt to get me to allow you back into my life?”

  “You worked late. I wanted to help. No ulterior motive. Jayla’s sleeping, by the way.”

  “Right.” There was no way she believed him. And then another thought occurred to her, and she glared at him before marching toward her kitchen to retrieve utensils. “How did you know about Café Matisse? How long have you been on this island?”

  He didn’t look at all contrite or bothered by her questions. He lazily followed her to the kitchen.

  She stood in front of the cupboards in indecision. What the hell am I doing?

  He came toward her, reached over her head, his body pressing into hers as he collected plates and utensils with an eerie accuracy and confidence. She gasped as he pressed his hard length into her. The rush of lust had her swaying into him, and her stomach pillowed the hard column of his erection. The guilty thought that Mario had done the same and hadn’t gotten even a mild spark from her, much less the full-blown flame that Justin had ignited with that simple action, rushed through her.

  Justin held her gaze as he snaked an arm around her waist.

  “What are you doing?” She hated the telltale breathlessness in her voice. God, he smells so good. She was drowning fast and wondered if he could see the frantic pounding of her pulse.

  “Thank you for the gift of my daughter,” he whispered, his lips brushing hers. “She’s beautiful.” He gently kissed her lips again before pulling away and turning toward the dining room and the table laden with food.

  Nakia took a few seconds to gather herself and tried like hell not to be pissed that he didn’t press for more intimacy. She should have slapped his face, cussed him out, anything other than stand there panting for more. It was fucking embarrassing how her body betrayed her so easily, wanting him and only him.

  For her and Jayla’s sake, she needed to control her libido around the only man who seemed able to decimate her with a simple touch. Before following Justin into the other room, she stiffened her spine and resolved to do better.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Why don’t you come over here, sit, and eat.” He waved her forward as though she were the guest and he, the host. “No reason for you to be uncomfortable,” he coaxed as he pulled a chair out for her.

  She tried to get her tongue to cooperate and tell him off, but her stomach chose that moment to make hungry, angry noises.

  “Sit. Disrupting Jayla’s food supply is not an option,” he teased.

  She didn’t return his smile but, instead, gave him the stink eye, trying to mask the onslaught of lust and hunger pangs warring within her.

  He ignored her look and started unpacking the food.

  Nakia was trying her best to not be swayed by his thoughtful meal when he plated the lobster with avocado salad, calamari, rack of lamb with potatoes and grilled tomatoes, and grilled salmon with fennel. However, she was a goner at the sight of the dessert. There was no way she could pretend to be immune when he plated the chocolate cake. “Damn,” she mutte
red before hungrily digging in.

  Justin grinned, watching her eat before he, too, dug in.

  She was in food heaven, and the best part was that she didn’t prepare it, didn’t have to clean up after it, and she sure as hell didn’t have to get dressed up to get it.

  “When you left, our family was a mess, and things were bad for a long time.”

  His sudden statement jolted her out of her food bliss. She stopped mid-bite and stared up at him.

  “In addition to the mess of clearing up with the State Department how fifteen dead Russian soldiers ended up on our property, my parents were devastated by Matt’s and Sarah’s deaths. They refused to accept that Matt and Sarah intended to hurt to Imani and Alex. It became abundantly clear that nothing we said would convince them of that fact. Melissa and Anna made sure to add their twists and turns to the story, and our parents believed them.”

  “My God! I’m sorry, but they had to see the destruction of the house, and little Alex being kidnapped had to have swayed them. He’s their grandson.”

  “They didn’t care, and Mom refused to speak to us. She blamed me and Colt for not protecting Matt and Sarah.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. I need you to understand why I didn’t come after you right away. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to. It was because I couldn’t. And then it was too late because you vanished.” He grabbed her left hand and tightened his grip when she tried to pull away. “I need you to listen.”

  “I needed you to listen to me too. You ignored me. What I wanted didn’t matter.”

  “Be better than me,” he scolded.

  “Nope, I’m going to be petty. I’m the woman you told that you would never marry, remember?”

  “I said I didn’t see myself getting married again. I never said that I wouldn’t marry you specifically. I was in a toxic marriage already. Of course, I wasn’t going to be an advocate for marriage again. After your own experience and the number of cases we deal with in our profession, I was surprised that you couldn’t see my point there. My aversion wasn’t about you and had nothing to do with how I felt about you. So, get that shit out of your head. I never intended to hurt you, and you know it.”

  “You may not have intended hurting me, but I would be lying if I said that it didn’t. Yes, I love you. I mean…” she sputtered. “I mean I loved you.” She bit into the lamb with a little more violence than she needed to and winced at the jarring of her teeth. “As was proved time and again, love isn’t enough,” she insisted doggedly. “Nothing you say now will change the last year of my life. Nothing will change me being pregnant, me being alone, and for damn sure, nothing would change your choosing to fuck me then leave me.”

  “Nothing might change any of that for you, but I’d hope we can move past that for our sake and for Jayla. We might have fucked a few times, but we also made love. There was nothing in our relationship that proves what you’re trying to paint it out to be.” He pressed a soft kiss to the back of her hand. “Stop hurting yourself by painting such an ugly picture of us.”

  She tried pulling her hand from his again. His hold was absolute.

  “I can’t wait to fuck you and make love with you again, but that was always mutual. You love me, and I love you. You want me, and I sure as fuck want you.”

  Her nipples shouldn’t be beading and her clit pulsing so damn hard right now. She forced herself to take deep even breaths, fighting the urge to cry. “Finish your tale, Jay.” The crack in her voice gave her emotional struggle away. She swallowed and pressed on. “Finish it and then leave me alone. Please.”

  “You’re wrong, you know. Our love is enough.”

  She tried blinking the tears away and then, in frustration, wiped at her face with her napkin.

  “Please don’t cry, baby.”

  “Don’t…”

  “I love you.”

  “You’re just saying that because of Jayla.”

  Justin smiled sadly. “I have a lot of work ahead of me. That’s my fault, and I will do whatever it takes to regain your trust.”

  “I want you to leave.”

  “That’s never going to happen, Nakia.” He leaned across the table and kissed her softly.

  Just as she angled her head to better savor the wine on his lips, he pulled back, and emerald gaze locked with gray.

  “We’ll get to that, my love.”

  “I hate you.”

  “Yeah, and I probably deserve it.”

  “Let go of me,” she gritted out.

  “Never.”

  Her breath hitched at the absolute confidence in his voice. She should have been angry, ready to do violence, but she was mortified by how happy her heart was. She contented herself with trying to maintain a haughty glare.

  Despite her attitude, Justin tightened his grip on her hand and continued eating his dinner as though all was right in their world. He calmly told her what had happened. “Colt refused to speak to our parents after their behavior toward Imani and Alex. He took Imani and Alex out of Texas. Given the interest in Imani’s work, they’ll have to live off the grid for a few years.”

  “What about the firm?” She couldn’t help her fascination.

  He grinned. “You doubt I can run it?”

  “No.” She blushed sheepishly. “Will they come back to live in Austin?”

  “Alex starts school in another year. They will probably move to Florida then. Colt has already bought a house and will work from the Miami office.”

  Nakia sighed with relief. “Is there a safe way for me to call Imani without compromising their location?”

  “Imani is how we found you. She’ll be contacting you as soon as “I get my shit together”. Her words not mine.” Justin grimaced. “I wasn’t Imani’s favorite person after you left.”

  “Why?”

  Justin laughed. “She thought I was a dick for sending you away.”

  “Yeah, that was a dick move.”

  “I love you.” He brushed her lips with his.

  She rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the smile that came to her lips.

  “I called her two days ago in desperation, and she found you in within hours.”

  “Imani has some scary skills,” Nakia murmured in awe.

  “Yeah.” Justin grinned. “Thanks to your skills and the file you’d put together, Melissa will spend the rest of her life in prison.”

  “God, I never liked her, but I still feel sorry for her.”

  “Yeah, well, we couldn’t let what she did go unanswered. We did that with Sarah when she first went after Imani. That didn’t turn out well.”

  He stood and started clearing the table. “Why don’t you take a bath while I clean this up. Jayla will be up in a few hours. You should get some rest.”

  “You’ve only been here for a few hours. How do you know our schedule? And no bullshitting me, Jay.”

  “I know everything about you, Nakia.”

  “Were you having me watched?!?!” She remembered having the feeling that someone was in the house. Hell, she’d smelled him and thought she was losing her mind. She was more than pissed that he was fucking with her mind like this.

  “Calm down.”

  “Don’t tell me to calm down. Answer me.”

  “I wasn’t having you watched. Once Imani found where you were, I got on a plane as soon as I could. I got into the country last night and might have spent the night here with you.”

  “Here? You were here last night?”

  “What did you expect? I only found out about Jayla when I arrived. There’s no way in hell I was leaving you two alone after that.”

  “God, I hate you.”

  “You said that already. And I happen to know you love me too.” He smirked.

  “I swear I’m going to brain you!”

  He laughed. “Besides, I don’t have to watch you to know you. You tell me you love me; I believe you.
I don’t have to see Jayla’s birth certificate or have a blood test to know she’s mine.”

  “Well, it’s hard to miss that. She looks just like you!” she muttered.

  “Yeah, there’s that.” He grinned. “Go, take your bath. I have this.” He started gathering the empty food cartons and plates.

  Nakia turn and marched from the room.

  Justin watched her leave with a heavy heart. He knew that he’d fucked up. His initial reaction to finding out that he had a daughter was joy, and then he was filled with rage when he realized what he’d missed from her life and what he would have continued to miss if Imani hadn’t found Nakia. Then, once he came to his senses, he was happy again. This time his happiness was derived from a completely different front.

  When he saw Nakia for the first-time last night, he’d been shocked at the avalanche of emotion that had gripped him. He had forgotten how she had the ability to turn him into a primitive male. It had taken every bit of his control to not give in to his baser needs and stake his claim then. While he’d been without her, the thought of fucking another woman never crossed his mind. He was ill prepared for the wave of lust that almost overwhelmed his good intentions. Everything in him was prompting him to take her, make her his again.

  Last night, while watching her sleep, the little device on her nightstand suddenly crackled to life and soft little baby sounds filled the room. Justin hadn’t understood what that meant; he was too busy watching Nakia. She sleepily rolled from the bed and, looking like every man’s wet dream in a white singlet and boy shorts that molded her incredibly curvy body, stumbled out of her bedroom into the bedroom next door. As he fixated on her round ass, it took him a minute to realize that she was lifting a baby from the crib she’d just walked up to.

  “Hi, sweetie,” she’d cooed. “How’s mommy’s Jayla doing?” She continued talking to the baby as she changed her diaper.

  Justin watched in stunned fascination as she sat and started nursing the baby. He’d been in awe and humbled when he saw his daughter for the first time. Not only did she have his baby, but she’d also named her with him in mind.