Her One Mistake

by Heidi Perks

  Back on the beach, Charlotte and Alice’s silhouettes were fading into the distance. The light was dimming too now. Soon it would disappear completely. Already the sea was turning an inky black.

  I realized that one way or another it was all over for me. I’d likely pay for what I’d done, and I figured that if there was any slim chance of staying out of prison, then maybe I should stay on the boat. And surely I had the upper hand on the water? After all, I could swim. He couldn’t.

  CHARLOTTE

  Charlotte wrapped herself tighter around Alice to keep the little girl warm. For two weeks she had felt responsible for Alice’s disappearance and now she was holding her in her arms, breathing in her smell as the little girl’s head nestled into her chest. The relief was so intense Charlotte had to force herself to keep from sobbing. Alice was frightened and Charlotte knew how much she needed to keep it together for her, but it was getting increasingly hard.

  “Where’s Mummy gone?” Alice asked again. “When’s she coming back?”

  “Soon,” Charlotte told her. “I promise you she’ll be back soon.” She didn’t want to think about what was happening out on that tiny boat or where Brian was taking them. She looked down at the little girl whose body shivered against hers and pulled her closer. When she looked up again, the boat had disappeared completely.

  “Is Grandpa going to be okay?” Alice asked.

  Two paramedics now crouched on the rocks in front of them. She couldn’t see Les. “They’re doing everything they can,” she whispered into the little girl’s hair. She couldn’t admit it didn’t look good.

  • • •

  TEN MINUTES EARLIER Charlotte had arrived at Elderberry Cottage and was met by a woman who looked as confused as she felt. “Oh hello, I was looking for a friend, but maybe I’ve got the wrong address.” Charlotte leaned back to see if she could see a house name, but she was sure the weathered sign at the front read Elderberry.

  “Who are you looking for?” the woman asked. Behind her heavy, dark bangs and thick-rimmed glasses, Charlotte could barely see her eyes. “I own the cottage, but I have a guest staying here at the moment.”

  “Erm,” she stumbled. She had no idea what Harriet’s father was called and knew she shouldn’t risk getting into a conversation about him.

  “I’ve got a Les Matthews here, is that who you want?”

  “Yes,” she said cautiously. “This is Elderberry Cottage?”

  “That’s right. He wasn’t here when I turned up earlier and still isn’t now. I only came by again now because Glenda just called and told me there was someone funny lurking around last night. Glenda lives in the house on the corner.” The woman pointed up the lane in the direction from which Charlotte had come. “She’s nearly ninety.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  “We don’t get lurkers. No one comes up here. I told Glenda it was nothing, but I promised I’d check anyway. To be honest, I don’t think she likes me renting the cottage out. She’d rather have someone permanent living here, but what can you do?”

  “I don’t know,” Charlotte said. “What did this lurker look like?” she asked.

  “Oh, I don’t know.” The woman brushed a hand through the air. “Male, apparently. Glenda doesn’t have very good eyesight. That’s why I always feel like I have to come check these things out whenever she calls me, but—”

  “I’m really sorry to be rude,” Charlotte interrupted, “but I need to find my friend. Can you tell me how I can get to the beach?”

  “The beach?” The woman looked at her watch. “It’s half past eight; no one will be down there this time of night.”

  “I’d like to check since he’s not at the cottage. Can I get down that way?” She pointed toward the cliff top.

  The woman shook her head. “No. It’s far too dangerous to use the path at night. You won’t be able to see where you’re stepping. You’re best going back down the road and through the village by car. But the tide will be in, mind. There won’t be much of the beach left.”

  Charlotte thanked her. She would have preferred to get back into the car and drive home, but she knew she’d never forgive herself if she didn’t at least look for Harriet on the beach.

  She turned the car around in the narrow street, careful not to hit the cottage owner’s Land Rover that was haphazardly parked, and drove back the way she’d come, turning right into the small village and following the signs to the beach.

  As soon as Charlotte had seen Alice standing on the rocks, she’d realized it was her. No sooner had relief swept through her when Charlotte had noticed the fishing boat with two people in it, slowly drifting out to sea.

  She’d climbed onto the rocks, yelling out Alice’s name. The little girl turned around, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Alice, it’s me, Charlotte. Come this way.”

  Gradually Alice took small steps toward her until Charlotte could reach her and pull her into her arms.

  “Daddy took Mummy in the boat,” Alice had cried. “And he hurt Grandpa. He threw him to the rocks,” Alice sobbed as she pointed toward him.

  “Jesus,” Charlotte cried when she saw him. She took a step toward the body, but didn’t want to get too close with Alice gripping her tightly. Reaching into her pocket, Charlotte had pulled out her phone and dialed 911. “Ambulance and police,” she’d said urgently when the call was answered.

  The police and paramedics had turned up, and once they’d obtained brief details from Charlotte, had called for the coast guard. It hadn’t crossed her mind to ask for them, too, and she berated herself, hoping they would get there fast because already the light was taking with it her last dregs of hope that Harriet would be okay.

  Charlotte talked to Alice, to drown out the noise of the two police officers and their radios, hovering nearby. “When the lifeboat gets here, it’ll go out to find your mummy and bring her back,” she said. As Alice hadn’t mentioned her dad, Charlotte didn’t either. “Now, tell me about what you did in Cornwall.” She tried to keep their minds occupied even though her own kept drifting to Harriet.

  She’d told the police Harriet couldn’t swim. Had shouted it to them as they made their call to the coast guard. Alice had looked up at Charlotte strangely and she’d told the little girl not to worry, that her mummy would be fine. She should never have said anything in front of her.

  But Alice continued to look at her, puzzling over something.

  “What is it?” she’d asked. But Alice had shrugged and didn’t answer, so she didn’t pursue it.

  “I don’t want Grandpa to die.” Alice’s voice was so small she could barely hear it. Charlotte couldn’t get the image of his body out of her head, skewed at an angle it definitely shouldn’t have been.

  She looked at the paramedics and wondered what was happening, then at the policemen, who’d question her shortly. And when they did, she’d have no choice but to tell them the truth.

  HARRIET

  Brian’s face was screwed tight as he steered the boat into the darkness. I’d thought it was rage that drove him, but each time he turned I caught glimpses of his eyes that were now nothing more than dead, black holes.

  There was nothing left of him. An empty carcass of the man I’d met, the one I’d allowed to control me since. Brian knew he’d lost me, but this meant he had nothing left to lose.

  My poor, tragic husband. So coiled up in his own world where there was no room for anything but me. Not even Alice. His own daughter came nowhere close to the so-called love he had for me. I’d seen that tonight.

  I needed to at least try and talk him down from whatever he was planning. Though I doubted even he knew what that was.

  “Brian,” I said gently, arching my back as I bent my knees beneath me. “I don’t think you want to hurt me, you love me too much for that.”

  “Love?” He laughed softly. His shoulders tensed as his right hand curled around the edge of the boat. “There’s no love left,” he said quietly, his focus fixed on the horizon ahead of us.

&
nbsp; “What are you planning to do?”

  “Shut up, Harriet.” His body tightened, his hand gripped harder onto the side.

  “I know you don’t want to lose me,” I said, figuring he’d had his chance to call the police at any point in the last twenty-four hours. Brian could have already made sure I’d pay for what I’d done, he could have had me locked up and away from Alice, just like he was always telling me.

  Only I knew now he wouldn’t have done that. He didn’t want Alice without me. Taking my daughter away from me was never more than a threat to ensure I stayed with him.

  I could no longer make out any figures on the beach, but as the blue lights lit in the sky I knew help must’ve arrived. It was a relief that my dad would be taken care of, though I also knew the police would be questioning Charlotte. They’d know what I’d done by now.

  I slumped against the side of the boat. Was it all over?

  I couldn’t let it be. I had to find strength from somewhere.

  “Brian,” I started, “we need to go back for Alice.”

  “I told you to stop talking,” he snapped.

  “I know you love her,” I went on. Not in the way you’d want your child to be loved, but still I was certain he didn’t want to hurt her. “Imagine how scared she must be.”

  “I said shut up.” He swung around to face me. The boat tipped to one side, rooting Brian to the spot, and I saw his fear again—the precariousness of balancing on the water he so dreaded. “Don’t say another word,” he hissed, slowly turning back toward the horizon.

  I didn’t speak. Instead I crawled deeper into my side of the boat and watched him closely, imagining the sensation our situation had caused. The franticness of the officers and paramedics on the beach, the questioning, putting it all together. In contrast, it was entirely peaceful out at sea.

  We continued to drift farther away into nothing. I no longer looked back. I told myself a lifeboat would soon be on its way. Shortly it would race into the water, gathering speed as it approached. Would they reach us in time?

  I hugged my arms tightly around myself. Now that the sun had disappeared, it felt so much colder. I buried my head into my knees, biting a finger to stop my teeth from chattering.

  What if the coast guard didn’t reach us? What if they hadn’t even been called? There was no way of knowing for sure. My life hung in Brian’s hands, as it always had, and as renewed fear bled through me, I knew that somehow I had to take back control. I couldn’t give up. What kind of mother would that make me?

  I shuffled my legs beneath me, pulling my finger out of my mouth where my teeth had been clamping down harder than I’d realized.

  I couldn’t trust Brian. If I let him keep dragging us out into the black sea he would win. I had to stop him once and for all. But did that really mean I had no other choice than the thought that had begun rooting itself in the corner of my mind?

  Quietly I pushed myself off the floor and, still crouching, onto my feet. I had the upper hand, I told myself again. Brian couldn’t swim and he didn’t know I could. I repeated the words inside my head until they drowned out the part of me that knew what I was thinking was preposterous.

  My heart pounded heavily as I rocked onto the balls of my feet. As soon as I stood, I would have to lunge forward and catch him off guard, but I feared my legs wouldn’t move fast enough. Even as my mind formulated my next steps, I still couldn’t believe I was capable of what I was about to do.

  Taking a deep breath, I held it in my mouth, and as soon as I expelled it, I pushed up and leapt toward Brian, my hands grabbing his shirt. The boat rocked and Brian whipped around, his own hands reaching for my arms to steady himself.

  “What are you—?” he began to scream, and with every bit of strength I had left, I pushed him backward toward the edge of the boat.

  I knew that whatever happened, Brian would always take me with him. He’d keep his promise that he would never let me go. If he went over the side, I would too.

  His eyes were bright with fear, flicking between me and the water beneath us that stretched for eternity. I filled my head with thoughts of Alice waiting for me. Brian’s would be filled with the dread of falling into the icy darkness that lay no more than an arm’s length away. I thrust forward and together Brian and I toppled over the side of the boat.

  The sea was ice cold, stinging my skin the moment I hit it. With every breath, pain shot through my chest. Brian’s eyes widened as he hit the water, his arms still grappling to keep hold of me. As he opened his mouth to scream, he bobbed under the surface, his mouth filling with water before he rose back up, choking and spewing it out.

  I saw the horror burn its way deeper inside him as he struggled to hold on to me. He knew he would go under again and was prepared to take me with him, but his hands shook on my arms and already I felt them loosening.

  It was a bittersweet moment as my husband thrashed, his limbs flailing uselessly as I kicked my legs as strongly as I could to tread water.

  Still holding on to me, when Brian submerged, he pulled me down too. I had already inhaled a deep breath but he somehow managed to tighten his grip again and his frantic kicking took us deeper.

  I needed air and, as I pushed us both back up to the surface, I wondered how many times I could allow him to take me down.

  The beam of a flashlight curved in the sky above us, closer than the lights from the beach. It had to be a lifeboat, and when Brian’s panicked eyes followed my gaze, searching for signs of help, it hit me how someone who might have been so prepared for us both to die looked like he wanted nothing more than to live.

  I had the power, I told myself again. He had none any longer.

  I looked at my husband and felt a fleeting pity for him. There were two things he’d been so scared of all his life: being left to drown and losing me. In some ways it felt like his life was coming full circle.

  He didn’t deserve to die.

  Did he?

  The lights were getting closer. The coast guardsmen would be with us soon.

  My heart raced and I looked into his eyes. Cold. Dark. I’d fallen for those eyes once, had thought them powerful and protective, but I had seen them too many times in the years since, controlling me. Making me his.

  Drawing up my legs as much as I could, I drove them into him, feeling his thighs against my feet as I pushed him away. His hands slid off my arms, his eyes searching mine as his arms thrashed above his head.

  Did he realize I could swim? I wondered.

  As Brian sank under the surface I waited a few seconds, all the time knowing I could dive under and save him if I wanted.

  The tide was slowly pushing me away from him. I counted to five but Brian didn’t reappear. Frightened, I swam forward to where the ripple of water spread in swelling circles.

  The lifeboat was nearby now; its light swept across the sea and caught me in its beam.

  Then finally I lay on my back and pushed myself away from Brian. They would pick me up in a moment. By then it would be hard to tell where my husband was.

  HARRIET

  Where’s your husband?” The coast guardsmen were understandably frantic that they couldn’t see any sign of him. I gestured vaguely into the water. I was struggling to breathe, the icy coldness had hit me hard and pain was spreading rapidly through my body.

  “Over—” I tried, but it was hard getting the words out. The moment I’d been pulled out my body went into shock. I closed my eyes until their voices hovered above me in jumbled whispers. Adrenaline coursed through me, but just for a moment I wanted to blank everything out.

  The voices made decisions. They would take me back to the beach, they finally agreed, another lifeboat was already on its way. “Don’t worry,” one assured me. “We’ll find him.”

  I wanted to tell them not to bother, Brian couldn’t swim. He’d be long gone by now. He only felt safe dragging us both out to sea because he didn’t think I could either. But my breath came short and sharp and I chose to save it.

/>   In minutes we were on the beach. A policewoman helped me out of the boat and wrapped me in a foil blanket as a paramedic ran toward us. Eventually my shaking body began to absorb the warmth and my head started to clear.

  “Where’s my daughter?”

  “She’s taken care of,” the paramedic told me, ushering behind her to the far edge of the beach where an ambulance sat, brightly lit, with two or three people milling around it. “Can you tell me your name?”

  I screwed my eyes up until Alice came into focus, sitting in the back of the ambulance. Charlotte was at her side, one arm around her shoulders while a man in a green uniform crouched in front. He waved some kind of instrument in front of Alice. I imagined I heard her laugh, which made me smile.

  “Do you know your name?” the paramedic asked again, slower and louder this time as if I might not understand. Her fingers pressed into my wrist as they searched for a pulse.

  “Harriet Hodder.”

  The commotion had drawn a small handful of onlookers who stood together in a huddle, pointing and nodding and drawing their own conclusions about the drama unfolding on the beach. We must have been an exciting surprise to their otherwise boring evenings.

  “I need to see Alice,” I said.

  “And you will in a minute, but we need to make sure you’re okay first.” She fussed around me. “Do you know what day it is, Harriet?”

  “It’s Friday. I haven’t seen my daughter in thirteen days.”

  “I understand, Harriet,” she said to me. “And you will soon.” She released her grip on my wrist and carefully laid my hand down at my side. The sand was damp beneath me. “Open your mouth, please,” she asked. I obliged, allowing her to look, then take my temperature, until eventually I pushed her away and begged her to let me see Alice.

  The paramedic looked up at the policewoman who stood beside us, silently deliberating for what felt like an eternity. “Okay,” she said finally.