True to Me

by Kay Bratt

  He sat down in front of her, blocking her view of his parents.

  “Can you take off the sunglasses?” he asked.

  She took them off and laid them on the table.

  “I know who you are,” he said, his voice resigned.

  Quinn wasn’t surprised. It made sense that since he was the one who’d refused to believe she was lost at sea, he would be the one to submit to an ancestry site.

  “Then why didn’t you stay and talk to me at the Sea House?”

  “At first I thought it wouldn’t be true. Couldn’t be true. I’d said since I was a kid that you weren’t dead, but I don’t know if I even really believed it. Then when I saw you and how much you look like my sisters, I was scared out of my mind. My suspicion that the Lineage site could be wrong was shattered. It was you. I knew it, and I needed time to process it. To find a way to tell them before you figured out who we were.”

  “So you’ve processed it now?” She hoped so, because she was about to blow his secret wide open.

  He shrugged, but she could see his hands shaking.

  “Looks like I don’t have a choice,” he said.

  Quinn sighed. She felt sorrow. A deep, tender sorrow for the hurt she’d unknowingly and unwillingly caused him. And also a sorrow for whatever he’d endured in Iraq. She could see pain in his eyes that looked there to stay. How much of it was because of her?

  “I’ve heard that it hit you the hardest. That you’re still suffering over the loss of Nama,” she said.

  “Nama. You mean you?”

  Now it was her turn to shrug. “I don’t connect with her. I’m sorry.”

  He glared at her now, his voice turning angry. Or desperate. “Where were you? What happened? I was inches away from you when suddenly you were gone. I almost had you. Tell me what happened.”

  “I really don’t know, Jonah. I don’t remember. I can tell you that I washed up to shore, and then a new life began. But I’m not ready to give the details of that yet. Is it enough that now you know I survived? That you were right, and I wasn’t dead?”

  He hung his head. When he raised it again, his eyes were filled with tears.

  “I told them I’d find you. I scoured the ocean for years for any sign of you. Until I just couldn’t do it anymore. But your face, and the way you always looked up to me—trusting me to keep you safe—just wouldn’t leave me alone. Then I thought a few tours of duty would get you out of my head. It didn’t. And when I returned, I saw you every time I looked into my mom’s sad eyes. I failed at erasing you from my memory and from theirs. I wanted to be the one to bring you home. Alive, of course, but if that wasn’t to be, I at least wanted to find something to put you to rest. Put us all to rest.” He placed his head in his hands, looking exhausted after his speech.

  Quinn saw around him that his parents were on their way over. She slid her sunglasses back on.

  “You were just a boy,” she said, reaching across the table to put her hand on his arm. “It wasn’t your fault.”

  He looked up, trying to pull himself together, but she could see that her words rang hollow. He’d carried the blame of her disappearance his entire life. But before he could respond again, Noah and Jules were there, and they sat down beside their son.

  Jonah turned his head so they couldn’t see the emotion on his face.

  Noah put his arm around his wife’s waist.

  Quinn knew then that their bond was real, and that made her flush with quiet joy. She’d never seen her mother have that kind of love. Never seen anyone have it, actually.

  “Hello,” Jules said. “Noah said you and your friends brought some donations. I’d like to thank you for that. This time of year the support is slim to none, so we need all the help we can get. Liam was generous to point you in our direction.”

  Noah nodded, agreeing with Jules. “There’re a few soup kitchens and mission centers around, but some of these guys don’t like to go there, so we come to them. They’re too private. Right, Jonah?”

  His expression held nothing but kindness for his son.

  Quinn was curious about the people who lived on the beaches. She’d always held a fascination for someone who could just leave a conventional life and take to nature for protection.

  “How do you think most of them get to this place?” she asked.

  “Many of them are just like you and me, but life threw them a curveball. See that woman over there in the flowery pink shirt?” Jules pointed to a woman squatting down next to the spigot outside the public bathrooms. She was wringing the water out of a shirt.

  “She’s smart as a whip. Before she came here, she worked for a big pharmaceutical company in Washington, blew the whistle on some of their unethical practices, was eventually fired, then blacklisted. After that she suffered from depression and then alcoholism. She got several drunk-driving arrests, then came here. She can’t keep a job because of her anxiety, but she’s been sober for more than a year. She gets disability, but it’s not enough to afford a roof over her head and all that comes with it. It barely pays for her medication.”

  Quinn shook her head. Such a sad story. It seemed like anyone could be just a few setbacks from disaster.

  Jonah pointed at an older man coming out of the restroom. “That’s Paul. He’s a vet too. When he came back, he opened a landscaping business in California. It was lucrative for a long time until times got hard, gas prices went up, and then he found out he got melanoma from so many years outside. He couldn’t work for a while and lost everything. After battling with the VA hospital for too long, he decided to finish out his years here and just let the cancer take him. But Dad helped him get on with the top dermatologist on Maui, and now he’s getting care and making payments. He still works at a golf course up in Napili but can’t afford housing on top of his medical bills. He hops beaches because the police keep running us off. It’s like musical chairs but with tents.”

  Quinn bit her tongue against the urge to ask Jonah why he didn’t just go home to his family. It really wasn’t her place to judge.

  Noah nodded. “The point is that these people didn’t just wake up one day and hit the streets. Most of them are from the mainland, and it took time for them to end up here. Usually a chain of events, piling up until they could no longer afford their mortgage or rent, sent them to the beach to live. They didn’t want to be here—at least most of them didn’t. You do have the occasional dreamer who has the ability to find work but only wants to move to Maui to surf and be one with nature. But for the most part, they want out of this situation. They’ll work, but it’s hard to get a job when you have no known address. And there’s no housing assistance or rent control for low-income families here in Hawaii like there is on the mainland. Rent is outrageously high.”

  “Chris Pratt from Guardians of the Galaxy and the Jurassic Park movies was homeless here for a year,” Jonah said. “But he found a way out.”

  “I’m starting to understand now,” Quinn said. “Thank you for explaining.”

  She looked directly at Jonah, taking a deep breath. He got up and came around to Quinn’s side, sliding in next to her where he could face his parents.

  “Mom, Dad,” he began, “she’s got something really important to tell you, and I don’t want you to be frightened.”

  Their expressions changed. Now there were worried faces all around.

  Quinn slid her sunglasses off and then her baseball cap, letting her hair loose and free.

  She could see the confusion in Jules’s eyes. She looked like she wasn’t sure what she was seeing. Or was supposed to be seeing.

  “What’s this all about?” Noah asked, for the first time losing the politeness in his voice. He was catching on that she wasn’t just there to help the homeless.

  “It’s about me,” Quinn said. She locked eyes with Jules, the mother who had probably suffered the most loss. Though she exuded grace and kindness, she also carried a certain sadness about her. Quinn had to admit, she’d hoped the woman would take one loo
k and know who she was. But of course, this wasn’t the movies; it was real life.

  “You?” Jules asked.

  “Yes, me. My name is Quinn Maguire, but once upon a time, I had another name.” She directed her gaze at Jonah. “I was Nama, and your son found me,” she said. “He was determined to bring me home to you, and now I’m here, thanks to modern technology and a vial of saliva.”

  Jonah looked surprised. Quinn thought briefly of Auntie Wang and hoped that she wouldn’t mind not being acknowledged for putting the pieces together first. Quinn would have to have a talk with her, Helen, and Carmen later, but this was how she wanted it to go. It was the least she could do for a brother whose life she had ruined. And if he had stayed to meet with her that day at the restaurant, he would have been the first to tell her who she was.

  Noah moved his arm higher around his wife, bringing her closer to him. Jules kept staring at her, taking in every inch of her face, hair, and hands. She still looked perplexed.

  “What kind of sick joke is this?” Jules finally asked, her voice shaking.

  “It’s not a joke. It’s true,” Jonah said, reaching over to take his mother’s hand. “The DNA proves it. Nama lived that day, and this is her. I swear it, Mom. This isn’t one of my hallucinations.”

  Quinn turned her head and pulled back her hair, showing them the birthmark. But she knew even that could be manufactured with some ink and a good artist.

  Noah was stone silent. Quinn wondered if he was going to call her a liar, a charlatan, and try to run her off his beach. But he did none of that. Instead, he spoke to Jules, though his eyes never left Quinn. His words were laced with tears.

  “Jules, I think this is real. She looks just like the girls. And you. That’s Nama’s birthmark too. But listen, there are ways to make sure. Scientific stuff.”

  She ignored him, her eyes still locked on Quinn’s, finally recognizing what her heart already had: she was looking at her child. One silent tear seeped out of her eye and ran down a line in her face, dropping onto the table. “Where were you?” she finally asked, her voice weak. “What happened? We looked and looked. You weren’t out there. I swear, we looked for what felt like forever. Tell me. Where were you?”

  Quinn gave her a sympathetic smile. “That’s a really long story and one that will bring you both a lot of pain. It’s going to stir up a lot of chaos that I’m not ready for, and I’d guess that you aren’t either. I think we’ve had enough of that, don’t you? Let’s ease into this one step at a time.”

  “I need to know,” Jules said, nodding. “But I’ll give you time. You can tell us when you’re ready.”

  Quinn smiled at her. “I’d like to get to know you a bit first.”

  Noah still looked shell-shocked, but Jules stood up and made her way around the table. Quinn met her halfway. They fell into each other’s arms, and Quinn felt the tears begin to roll. But this time it was okay because they were happy tears, and they mingled with those of her first mother, a woman she didn’t even know she’d missed until they were flesh upon flesh. Blood—it wasn’t needed to be a family, but it sure had a strong magnetic draw when it was there.

  Epilogue

  Three weeks from the day that Quinn had stepped foot on Maui, she put the last box in the back of her brand-spanking-new white Jeep and then went up to the house. She’d spent the day packing and tying up loose ends. She was moving out of the cottage today, giving it back to Pali, who needed it now more than ever. The weeks he’d been nearly incapacitated had put him in the close company of his family for far too long, and though for the most part he’d kept his horns hidden, he needed his privacy.

  Maggie was gone now, and Quinn missed her desperately. She was already working on getting her to come join them in Maui. She just wished Maggie could’ve been there today, but she knew Charlie needed her more.

  Liam met her on the porch, and they sat down on the now-familiar steps.

  “You look beautiful today,” he said.

  She laughed. He was making a point to compliment her now every time he saw her out and about without full makeup and the resort-style clothes she’d come with. Today, other than sunscreen, she was keeping it simple. Just a tad of mascara and a layer of lip gloss. Her recent tan gave her just the right amount of color. Not to mention, she’d finally become comfortable in her own skin. Comfortable with herself.

  The self beneath the facade.

  It started a week or so after she’d met Noah and Jules. Their family had accepted her wholeheartedly, and being with them—especially her somewhat overly demonstrative sisters—had finally given Quinn somewhere to belong without fighting for her place or pretending to be something she wasn’t.

  Maggie had been helpful too. Through back-and-forth phone calls, she’d encouraged Quinn to figure out who she was without someone telling her who she should be.

  Quinn had to really think about it. Then she decided to take it one step at a time. First step: buy the Jeep she’d always wanted. The sense of empowerment she felt when she drove out of that dealership behind the wheel of her dream car would stay with her forever.

  Then a few days later, she and her sisters went shopping, and Quinn bought her first bikini since she was in college. No more hiding the curves that God gave her. And for sure no more spin class and salads. From now on, she was going to be healthy but not fanatical. She was going to learn to love her body.

  Life was short. She’d gone half of hers without knowing her people, her roots, or her land. Without knowing herself.

  She was ready to make up for it now.

  “You okay?” Liam asked, reaching out and taking a strand of her hair, then twirling it around his finger before letting it go. He didn’t say he preferred it down, loose and free, but she knew he did.

  “Yep. More than okay. I even told Ethan everything this morning.”

  “How did he take it?”

  She chuckled. “As expected.”

  “What did he say about your new job?”

  “That it wasn’t a good career move to leave a big-brand hotel chain to renovate and manage an inn with only nine rooms.”

  Her grandmother was desperate for her to stay on Maui and had offered her the project of reopening the dilapidated inn they’d bought in Hana a year before. A project no one else in the family had wanted. Quinn accepted. They set up terms, and if she pulled a profit after the second year, she’d be part owner. Helen was so grateful that Quinn had helped the family forgive her actions that she would’ve handed the entire property over free and clear, but Quinn wanted to earn it.

  “You having second thoughts?”

  “Not at all. I can’t wait to get my hands on that place,” she said. “Or should I say your hands? There’s a lot of renovation to do, and this time you’d better not delay things just to keep me here longer like you did on Maria’s house.”

  He laughed. “She’s so happy with the maple butcher-block counters. You’d think they were inlaid with pure gold.”

  “I’m glad. She should have the house exactly as she wants it. We were just lucky the soapstone got delayed, and we could change it to Maria’s preference.”

  Right on time, Maria stepped out of the house and walked out to them. She looked like she had something important to say.

  “I’ll go see what’s left in the cottage to load,” Liam said, then left them.

  Tears welled up in Maria’s eyes as she reached out and took both of Quinn’s hands, holding them tightly.

  “The new furniture came in yesterday,” she said. “You’re generous. The house is so beautiful now. It’s everything I ever dreamed it could be. And it’s ours again. How can I ever thank you?”

  Quinn shook her head. “You don’t need to, Maria. The Rochas caused your heartache, and they’re making up for it. It was only fair to legally give the house back to you, this time with both of your names on it. Please don’t thank me for that.”

  Maria’s tears flowed freely now.

  “But a pension too? How?�
��

  Quinn wouldn’t take credit for that either. She didn’t want Maria thinking she owed anything to anyone. “Jaime worked for that pension. With the loyalty he had for that company, they should’ve had patience and given him more time to adjust. He’s only getting what he’s already worked for, what he would still have if he’d continued on there. Now he won’t have to go out and get a job unless he wants to.”

  Maria pulled her into a tight embrace, and it felt so right to Quinn. It hadn’t been long since they’d met, but it felt like what a real friendship should be. Warm. Accepting. Forgiving.

  When she let go, she nodded forcefully. “Oh, he’ll want to work. Jaime is not the type of man to let grass grow under his feet. Liam has talked to him. I just wish Jaime had gone to Liam before all this happened. His pride—that’s something that has always gotten in the way.”

  “It’s all going to work out,” Quinn said.

  “I think so too,” Maria replied. “And Alani is thrilled she doesn’t have to leave her best friend.”

  Liam joined them again, glancing from one to the other. “Did you hug it out?”

  “Of course we did,” Maria said, laughing. “Did you expect anything else? We’re just talking about how, all at once, everything has changed.”

  “So fast it’s making my head spin,” he said. “I’m not complaining, though. I’m coming out ahead too. I guarantee I’ll have the best site foreman on the island.”

  Maria turned and hugged him too.

  Quinn loved seeing how affectionate they were with one another. Yes, they would be just fine. Maria was getting shortbread cookie orders faster than she could fill them and had hired Pali’s girlfriend to help her. Of course, the girl wouldn’t know the secret recipe, at least not until—or if—she became a permanent fixture of the family. For now, she was in charge of cutting out the dough and seeing the cookies through the packing process.