Edified

by Marissa Sail Fike

  I try to bite my tongue and listen, even though every new piece of information rips a thread from my precariously sewn heart.

  “I had Jayden send me pictures of Hudson first, just to make sure that he did have him, and the pictures I got of my sweet boy were heartbreaking. He was covered in dirt and his tongue was lolling to the side like he’d been panting. So I gave Jayden my address and he showed up with my puppy that night. To my surprise, however, Hudson had been groomed to perfection and was wearing a little bowtie collar, complete with a new license that had his name and my address engraved on it. I told Jayden he didn’t have to go through all that trouble, but Jayden insisted that Hudson was far too loved by his owner to risk being lost again. I offered him the cash reward, but of course, he was a gentleman and declined, so I insisted on him taking at least reimbursement for the trip to the groomers. He told me that wouldn’t be necessary, because he had washed and brushed Hudson himself, and it was no trouble to do so.”

  I fidget with the fabric on my skirt, all too familiar with Jayden’s random bouts of thoughtfulness.

  “I was … charmed … that he had such love for animals. That he took time out of his day to do something that benefited him in no way. I asked multiple times if he was sure there was nothing I could do for him. That’s when he said the only thing he could think of was to allow him to take a ‘pretty thing like me’ out to dinner …”

  I purse my lips and look away, trying not to think about that too hard.

  “I’ll stop.” She offers.

  I just nod. I’d been drinking in the story, but it was blackening my heart. I crave to know more, but I don’t need to know more. I have to distribute my emotional taxing wisely with these questions.

  “Mind if I ask you a question now?” She asks.

  I shrug, “Shoot.”

  Her throat bobs, “How long were you two together?”

  I wince inside, “Just about four years.”

  “Four?” Her eyes widen.

  I nod, taking the last sip of my drink.

  She pushes the remainder of her second margarita toward me, “You need this way more than I do.”

  I smile at her weakly and accept the drink.

  A few beats pass between us as we soak up all the new information.

  “Did he ever mention me?” I manage.

  She shakes her head, “Never.”

  “Wow.”

  I would probably be upset about this on a normal day, but I feel like I’ve cried all my tears and all that is left is the hollow, empty drum in my chest.

  She shifts in her seat, “Earlier you said you recognized me at A&B … did Jayden mention me? How’d you know what I look like?”

  I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear, “He didn’t. I saw your pictures in his gallery.”

  Her cheeks redden, “All of them?”

  I wince, “Yeah … sorry.”

  She squeezes her eyes shut and wrinkles her nose, “What an idiot.”

  At that, I laugh, “I know right. Isn’t that like, the most basic and obvious rule of affairs? If you’re gonna cheat, at least don’t save girl number one’s nude pictures in plain sight for girl number two to find.”

  She smiles and hides her face with her hands, “Oh my word, that’s so embarrassing.”

  The bartender comes back over to us, “More drinks, ladies?”

  “Mm, I better not.” she says.

  I smirk, “Can we get two shots of Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel Whiskey?”

  The bartender nods and Hadley raises an eyebrow, “You have some good taste.”

  I scoff, “In everything but men apparently.”

  She sighs, “Same.”

  A few beats pass.

  “I’m really sorry this happened.” Hadley says, her body wilting slightly.

  “I am too,” I sigh, “I know this isn’t any fun for you either.”

  She shrugs, “I’m just trying to take in the idea that I’m the other girl, you know? Everything felt so real, but in reality, you were the main attraction … I was just the side chick.”

  My brows furrow in sympathy. I hadn’t even thought about that; how painful that must feel. Part of me wants to comfort her, but I don’t know how. I can’t tell her she’s wrong, and I’m in no place to reassure her of Jayden’s love for her.

  “I mean, what do we do now?” She says, “I feel like it’s more of your right to decide than mine.”

  I shake my head, “I don’t think that’s true. I think you can feel the same intensity of love for someone you’ve only been with for a few months as someone you have been with for a few years.”

  She exhales through her nose, “Yeah …”

  The bartender returns with our shots.

  I take one and pass the other to her.

  “Who says we have to say anything?” I say, “He doesn’t know we’ve talked. What if we just let it be … let it take its own course?”

  “Let it be.” She scoffs, swirling the whiskey around in her glass, “Not a chance. Not with me as his girlfriend anyway. I won’t say anything about our talk though … I’ll leave that up to you.”

  I smile in sympathy. I don’t blame her for wanting to leave him. I did, after all.

  “Whatever,” She says, becoming resolute. “I’m not gonna wallow about this, and neither should you. We’re two young, sexy, single ladies with our whole lives ahead of us. It’s a shame that he doesn’t get to be a part of that, for his sake.”

  I nod my head, loving her vibe, “Hell yeah.”

  She holds up her glass and I clink mine with hers.

  “Cheers.”

  We tip our heads back in unison and let the whiskey burn down our throats.

  20

  Rae - Friday

  I’m in a hurry as I lather my hair with soap.

  Adam had been in such a mood last night that he forgot to tell me that he rescheduled the photoshoot for this morning.

  “Can you be ready in forty-five minutes?” His voice spoke over the phone earlier.

  I’d just come back from my morning jog. I glanced in the mirror, a few wayward strands of hair sticking out from my ponytail and clinging to my neck, shiny with perspiration.

  “Do I have a choice?” I said.

  “Not really.” He sighed.

  “I had work today, Adam.”

  “I had work yesterday …”

  I peek at my watch and sigh back at him. “Okay, I’ll be ready.”

  I called SportsTop and apologized for not being able to come in, and then hopped in the shower.

  When the warm spray clears my body of soap, I turn the shower knob and wrap a towel around me. My hair drips as I try to comb through the tangles. The shower alone had taken fifteen minutes of my time. It’s only half-way blow dried when Adam appears in the bathroom doorway.

  I smile at him sweetly, “Could you pick me out something to wear while I finish?”

  “You don’t have something picked out already?”

  “I trust you.” I say, hoping to soften him a little.

  The corner of his mouth twitches as he disappears into my room. It’s clear that we’re going to need to discuss what happened yesterday.

  My hair dries with a natural wave that’s surprisingly perfect. I apply a little mascara and then step into my bedroom to see a short white dress laid on my bed with matching earrings and heeled cowgirl boots.

  I smile absently at his choice. Despite the fact that I don’t usually like dresses, may as well go a little extra for a photoshoot.

  Adam hadn't, however, picked out any bracelets for me, so I go over to my dresser and slide on a few matching wristbands. I may be wearing a dress, but the fabric athletic bands make me feel more like myself.

  I step into the living room where Adam is waiting. “Time?”

  His eyes lock on my figure and he smiles, “Look at you.”

  I smile, rolling my eyes, “Time?”

  He glances at his watch, “five minutes to spare.”

 
; I cross my arms, “See that? That’s why you’re marrying me.”

  He laughs, “It is.”

  In the car on the way over, we are quiet. Our comradery had been short-lived, and now there’s this unnatural tension hovering in the air between us.

  “Can you at least act like you like me for the photoshoot?” I say finally, “If you’re pissed off at me, it’s gonna show through the pictures. Which are going on our wedding invites.”

  He sighs, keeping his eyes trained on the road, “Forget liking, Rae, I love you. Which is why I need you to be honest with me.”

  I throw up my hands, “How was I dishonest? I told you exactly where I was, and I had no problem telling you who I was with.”

  He laces his fingers through mine, “Okay, fair enough. But can you at least try to see how that looked from my perspective?”

  I stare out the window, frustrated. But I really do for the first time consider his point from yesterday. If the tables were turned and he’d been out with Lexi with his phone off, I’m sure I’d also be a little upset, even though he’s assured me there’s nothing between them anymore.

  But isn’t it different? Me hanging out with Sam is more like him hanging out with a good guy-friend. Just then, my phone vibrates. I peek down at the screen and see that it’s from — speak of the devil — Sam. I peek over at Adam, whose eyes are trained on the road ahead. I look back at my phone and open the text.

  From: Samuel Ross

  Sent: 10/11/19

  Time: 9:25

  “Rosie and I are going to the Café today - you should come! You can ask Rosie to be a bridesmaid in person :)”

  __________

  I quickly close the text, unsure of how to deal with it now.

  Adam has made his opinion clear, and I’ll have to respect it. But I still can’t shake how unfair his comparison feels: Sam and I are not like he and Lexi.

  “Sorry for the surprise this morning … I didn’t mean for it to be so last minute,” Adam smiles, “It didn’t even phase you, though … Just look at you. Gorgeous.”

  I smile, glancing down at our hands as he interlaces them.

  “I love you, Adam Compton.”

  He turns into Zoe’s driveway, “And I love you, Lacey Rae.”

  21

  Grace - Friday

  I wish I’d learned sooner how cool a girl Hadley is. It turns out she too is a bookworm, and we spent the rest of our time together sharing passionate fandom theories and recommending certain authors to each other — something I’ve never been able to do with Rae. These topics would bore her to tears, but I find myself grateful she encouraged me to meet up with Hadley in the first place.

  In a way, I am envious of my new friend. She is feisty and confident and has a careless ease about her. The way she was able to bounce back from the news I delivered and still enjoy the rest of her day is something I can only aspire to do.

  After Hadley and I part ways, I go ahead and updated her name in my phone. She said we should keep in touch, which I thought was pretty awesome of her. Find out your boyfriend was with someone else the whole time, and Hadley’s logic is to become her new best friend. Rae would certainly shoot me a smug look about this after the big deal I made of everything.

  There are two other notifications on my phone: A missed call from my mother, and one from — wouldn’t you know it — Jayden.

  I smirk.

  Feeling inspired by Hadley’s flippant attitude, I tap the call-back button with no hesitation.

  “Grace,” comes his low voice after the second ring.

  “You called?” I say, my heels clicking as I make my way to my car.

  “Yes … Thank you for calling back. I didn’t think you would.”

  I roll my eyes.

  “I just wanted to apologize for showing up the way I did last night … I should have called or something.”

  “You did call,” I point out.

  “Yeah, but you know what I mean.” He says, “I should never have expected an answer from you right away. Especially after … everything. If you need time, I’ll give you time.”

  Jayden. Jayden. Jayden. Ever charming.

  “In my experience,” I say, enjoying myself, “You’re not a patient man.”

  “But I will be for you, baby. I have all the time in the world.”

  I laugh humorlessly, “Okay, first of all, I’m not your baby, so you can quit with that. Second of all, I’m gonna need you to go ahead and confirm something with me before this conversation continues.”

  There’s some shifting on his side of the line, “Anything.”

  He says it almost seductively. As if I can be swayed.

  “You broke up with Hadley … right? I need you to promise me I won’t ever have to worry about her again.”

  I can practically hear his wry smile, thinking that he’s got me. “That’s right, love. Ancient History.”

  I narrow my eyes, deciding to ignore the ‘love’.

  “Well, she will be happy to hear that, seeing as though I just spent the last couple hours with her.”

  At the silence on his line, my lips stretch into a smile.

  “You … what?”

  “Mm-hmm,” I sigh joyously, “I can see why you like her. Turns out we have a lot in common.”

  “You — ”

  “Like books and drinks and terrible taste in men. The whole shebang, really.”

  “Grace, I swear, if you’re bullshitting me — ”

  “No, darling, I’m afraid I’m not. She should be arriving at your house right about now actually. I should really let you go handle your business like a grown man.”

  Right then, I hear the doorbell ring on his line. Something resembling a laugh almost escapes me, because I couldn’t have chosen a better timing for Hadley’s arrival.

  “Shit.” He says, and the line cuts.

  I smile and open my car door, confident that Hadley can take it from here.

  ***

  My phone call with Jayden gave me such a high that I actually felt like calling my mother back. With a smile on my face, I tapped out her number as I pulled out of Vanelos.

  “Corinne,” she answers.

  “Hey, mom.”

  “Oh hey, thanks for calling back.”

  “Guess what I just did.” I bite my lip.

  “What?”

  “Totally told Jayden off. Gave him a big ole’ middle finger.”

  “You did what?” She sounds concerned.

  “I told him to get lost, mom.” I say, “You know, the jerk you never liked in the first place? Why aren’t you thrilled?”

  There’s silence on the line for a moment.

  “Grace … did you ever take a pregnancy test?”

  I sigh. Why won’t she hear what I’m saying?

  “Yes, mom, like, two days ago. We’re all good.”

  “Have you taken one since then?” She says.

  “Um … no? The first one was negative.”

  “Jesus,” I hear her whisper, which actually kinda bothers me.

  “What, mom? What’d I do wrong now?”

  “You need to take another test, baby. Especially before you go telling off the potential father.” She says.

  “What? Why?”

  “The results of those tests depend on so many factors …” She says, “How closely you followed the directions, how long you waited before checking your results. In fact, nine out of fifteen women will get a false pregnancy test until their eighth week of pregnancy, and you’re only in what? Maybe your fourth? I wouldn’t trust any reading you got.”

  My heart falls. I thought I had rid myself of this nightmare, and here it comes creeping back?

  My mother tsks, “Today is the 7th day late from your period, right? That’s perfect, actually. Even though it may still be too early to tell, tests are supposed to be way more reliable a week after your supposed start date.”

  I want to blurt, That’s what I originally thought! But for many reasons, I keep it in. I don�
�t want to believe that my test results were false, or that I’d put too much hope in Rae’s judgment. I just want this whole thing to be over.

  “Why don’t you come down to the clinic?” She says, “We have plenty of tests here. I could snag one for you.”

  The thought fills me with dread.

  “I don’t know, mom. Maybe I should just get one down here. My car’s acting funny, anyway.”

  My Volkswagen shudders in response and I lightly tap the brake so she will stop. Persia has had transmission issues in the past. I’m hoping I won’t have to go through all of that again.

  “Quit making excuses,” She chuckles, “Really. Come to the clinic. I seriously doubt you want Rita spreading word about you buying a pregnancy test — do you?”

  I sigh, because my mother is right. Rita is the owner of Gevali’s local pharmacy, and she happens to be the town’s biggest gossip.

  “Alright, I’ll head over.”

  “Cool. I might even take a lunch today if you do.”

  Which is a big deal. My mother never takes breaks from her work.

  We hang up and I turn on to the interstate.

  My car shudders again as I accelerate the gas pedal, and I try tapping the break again. Usually, that snaps her out of it, but this time she protests a few seconds longer.

  “Oh please, God, keep her running,” I whisper.

  And He does.

  For about ten minutes.

  I pull into a gas station off the Waterbury exit, too cautious to continue.

  I open my wallet and remove my car insurance card, which boasts one free tow to any location within an hour of my current location. I dial the phone number and explain the situation to the man on the other end. Luckily for me, my insurance also provides a free taxi service when you utilize your one free tow, so the man assures me he can get my Volkswagen back to the Mechanic in Gevali, and arrange a ride for me to my house.

  “No,” I say, “Actually, I need to go to Montpelier if possible. To the Oakland Clinic.”

  “Alright, we’ll send someone your way!”

  I thank the man and pocket my phone.

  I figure my mom can give me a ride home when we’re done.