She slowly nodded and shrugged, then took some steps back behind Hunter and crossed her arms over her chest. I looked at Hunter, then over at Jagger. He took another sip, then tilted his head to the side. He kept his eyes on mine for a while before sighing and shaking his head. “I knew this day would come but I didn’t think it would be this soon.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
Harlow
Knowing there was something being hidden from me that could change the way I looked at Jagger forever scared me. I realized that he was so much more than just my brother, who I loved deeply, and never in my life was mad at. This time, it was serious. He knew he couldn’t keep this from me any longer, and seeing the pain in his eyes hurt me just as much, if not more so.
As for Hunter; there was more to him than what Bliss just told me. He was hurting inside, and keeping it in wasn’t going to help much. But it was Hunter we’re talking about, and he wouldn’t speak his mind. Ever. Maybe pushing him was the best thing to do. I needed to toughen up and tell him that I wanted the truth or he was not going to see me ever again. Of course, that was bullshit. I knew I couldn’t go long without seeing him. But this situation with them both hiding something from me made me want to do and say things I never even thought about.
The only thing bothering me was Bliss. She had nothing to do with it and I didn’t want her to see how ugly it could get. At least, that’s what I imagined the conversation between the guys and me to be. Yet I couldn’t just tell her to leave. She was Hunter’s sister, and maybe he needed her support in this.
I looked at her, studying her face and trying to find the right words. “I’ll leave you three to it,” she suddenly said and put her hand on Hunter’s shoulder. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” She kissed his cheek, giving Jagger a quick look and then meeting my gaze with a small smile. “Whatever they tell you, remember that they’re doing it for your protection. Especially your brother.”
With that, she patted Hunter’s shoulder once more and then left. My eyes were already filled with tears, and I wondered how I was going to get through this without having a panic attack. I stared at the door, not wanting to look at them. I could feel their eyes on me, and for once it was making me uncomfortable.
“Come sit down,” Jagger said softly, taking a step toward me and reaching out his hand to grab mine. I couldn’t believe how my body reacted. I took a few steps back and crossed my arms over my chest carefully. “I think I’ll stand.”
“You’re still hurting, Harlow. Come sit down with us. Please.” His voice had a touch of hurt in it and my heart broke right at that moment. I had never intentionally hurt my brother. I never wanted to.
I finally looked up at him, then pulled myself together and went back to sit on the couch. My hands seemed to be the most nervous since they pulled at each other’s fingers non-stop. I couldn’t help it. I was heating up on the inside and I felt some sort of fear.
I heard footsteps coming toward me and Hunter sat down on the recliner. Almost as if he were keeping some distance between us. But before I could go any further with that thought, Jagger crouched down in front of me and grabbed both my hands in his. He looked up at me with sadness in his eyes. He kept his hands tight around mine, making sure I wasn’t running away.
I looked back at him, waiting for him to start this conversation because I wasn’t sure how to. He took a deep breath, then he started to speak almost in a whisper. “I need you to promise me one thing, all right? No matter what I say, please don’t turn your back on me. I need you. You know you’re my whole life and I can’t let you run. Can’t live without you. Promise me, sweet girl. Promise me you will listen and stay.”
He was making it hard on me. How on earth would I ever leave him? He was all I had. But the fact that he was trying to get me to promise him, I knew there were things I wouldn’t like. He was being very smart here. We both needed to stick together. I started to nod, then let out a deep sigh. “I promise you.”
Something in his eyes lit up and he knew he could trust me with that. Hell, I guess I would even stay with him if he treated me like shit.
“Good. Now promise the same to Hunter.”
That was unexpected. To me and Hunter, since he looked at Jagger with a confused look. I gave the same expression back to Hunter, then my brother.
Jagger let out a small laugh. “Listen, he’s in this shit with me and he’s not getting out of it without me. He still owes me for wanting you, but he’s still my best friend. Wouldn’t be fair if you would let me get away with it and him not. Now, promise him.”
One thing I admired about Jagger was his way of telling his best friend how much he loved him too. And the way he stuck to him and supported him. Jagger had the biggest heart.
I looked over at Hunter, who was probably thinking the same. He was thankful for Jagger. “I promise,” I said in a whisper, and Hunter nodded, lifting one corner of his mouth ever so slightly.
My eyes went back to Jagger and I felt his hands squeeze mine. “If you want me to stop talking, just tell me. I figure I have to be as honest as possible, but I don’t want you to hear things you couldn’t endure.”
“I want to hear everything,” I told him with determination. He nodded slowly, taking in a deep breath.
“I’ll start from the beginning.”
Chapter Fifty
Harlow
I watched Jagger closely, waiting for him to speak. He was looking at our hands, his still covering mine and his thumbs caressing the back of my fingers. He was calm but I could tell he was nervous on the inside. This couldn’t be easy for him. Or Hunter, who had his elbows propped on his knees now, a cigarette in his hand, and his head low. No matter what would be said tonight, I had to remind myself that I made that stupid promise not to get angry and leave. Stupid, because I wasn’t sure there was something in this world they could’ve done to make me run. I loved Jagger. And Hunter…well, he had a special place in my heart too. I just needed some more time to tell him. I had yet to be sure he felt the same way.
“Please, say something. You’re making me more anxious with every second you stay silent,” I whispered. The corners of Jagger’s mouth lifted slightly, then he looked up at me with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, sweet girl. I’m just trying to figure out how to put my words into real sentences.”
I hated seeing him like this. I wasn’t the only one in the room feeling all types of negative things and I could tell whatever was coming was hard for him. I had to take it easy on him.
When Jagger still didn’t speak, I turned my head to look over at Hunter. He was studying the floor underneath him, picking at his fingernails and letting the cigarette burn down by itself. He had a deep crease between his brows, telling me his thoughts were running wild too. Was I being too hard on them? No, this time I’m allowed to push, I thought.
“I promised you both. I’m here and I won’t run. I don’t care what it is. I just need you to talk.” I felt some tears sting my eyes. All the tension in the room was slowly suffocating me.
“Too damn sweet,” Hunter mumbled while shaking his head in what looked like disbelief. I quickly looked back at Jagger, silently pleading for him to explain everything.
He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before starting to talk. Finally.
“I met Hunter one day at work. His car needed some fixing, and while I worked we started talking. We talked about all sorts of stuff. Guy stuff. And we got to a point where we talked about Dean. I told him about the way he treated us as kids and why I was raising you all alone. I also told him about this shithole we live in. I know I shouldn’t put it like that because it’s a safe home. The first we’ve ever had. But you and I both know that this isn’t what we deserve. Especially you. But I noticed a long time ago that you don’t mind it at all. You’re so damn humble. You don’t need much to be happy. But back then I wanted more for us.” He stopped, taking another deep breath and looking back down at our hands. For now, what he said wasn’t scaring me one bit.
&
nbsp; I let him collect his thoughts and took a glance at Hunter. He was positioned the same way, elbows on knees, but his eyes were now on mine. I tried to figure out what he was thinking or feeling, but his eyes were dark. When Jagger continued, I looked back at him and braced myself once more.
“Some days later Hunter told me about his job and how he was making good money. Money I could use to fix up this place or even buy a better home. Or money I could use to get us some more food. Better food. I was interested in all of that. I quickly started to imagine a better life for us and the best thing was, it was quick money. You do the job, you get the cash. So I told him I was in.”
I was waiting for something big to be said. Something to knock me off my feet. But the way he told this story was making it mysterious. The tension rose from sentence to sentence and I was ready to hear how it ended.
“Just tell me what you do, please,” I begged. I needed this to be over so I could forgive them and move on with my life.
Jagger looked over at Hunter and they exchanged looks I wasn’t sure I understood. It was almost as if Hunter was telling Jagger to relax or to take a step back. But I could’ve been wrong about either. Jagger’s eyes were back on mine.
“I’ll make this quick,” he said. “We sell drugs, guns, and ammunition.” He was quiet after that and I watched his face closely. I wasn’t sure if there was more, but I kept quiet just to make sure not to interrupt him. When he didn’t speak, I started to wonder if he was telling the whole truth. I knew there were drug dealers around town and I suspected them of dealing too. Hearing him confirm it didn’t really do it for me.
“Do you do drugs?” I asked, hoping I didn’t regret that question later on.
“Not the ones that could kill me,” he said. “Weed, that’s all.”
“What about your black eyes and bloody noses, then?” I knew he did underground fighting. I wasn’t stupid. I found out a long time ago and I wasn’t even sure anymore if he told me once or if I had just known for so long that I didn’t remember us having a conversation about it.
“Dealing isn’t just two people meeting and exchanging money and drugs with a friendly atmosphere, Harlow.” Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
“Have you ever used that gun?” I then asked, looking over at Hunter and nodding toward his waist. “And you?” I added.
Both of them nodded once, and somehow it seemed to be good enough of an answer for me.
I looked back at Jagger, wondering why he made such a big deal out of this and making me promise not to run off. There was more to this. And I knew he would’ve told me if Hunter hadn’t silently stopped him. There was one thing that interested me more than the drugs and guns.
“So, where is all that money?”
Chapter Fifty-One
Harlow
Jagger kept quiet after my question. He looked unsure and I could tell he was debating whether or not to tell me about it.
“You said you make good money. So, where is it? What did you do with it?” I didn’t care about the way I sounded. I had an icy tone in my words and I surprised myself with the way I talked to my brother. But this was serious. He just told me about his job, knowing it probably wasn’t the whole truth, but I wasn’t challenging him to spill all his secrets. If he needed some more time to tell me about it, I would give it to him. This was a good start. A bit late to tell me, but it was enough for now.
Instead of answering me, Jagger stood back up, letting go of my hands. I watched as he walked over to the bathroom, and for a second I wasn’t sure if I should follow him or not. I looked over at Hunter, who gave me a nod in Jagger’s direction. He was silently telling me to follow my brother and see what he was going to do. I got up, making sure my body was steady enough, and walked up behind Jagger, who was now standing in the bathroom in front of the toilet. Confused, I eyed the tiny white-tiled room, then watched as Jagger bent down next to the toilet. He reached for the wall with both hands, easily taking off a big tile and revealing a little hole. I was still unsure of what was going on and I hoped he soon would explain to me why there was a hidden hole in our bathroom wall. Jagger got back up and turned to look at me. His glance behind me let me know that Hunter was standing in the doorway right at my back and I realized I had no way to get out of here. It was almost as if they wanted to make sure I really wouldn’t run.
I kept my eyes on Jagger, waiting for him to explain whatever was going on. Then he held out his hand, revealing a card which he held between his fore and middle finger. I looked down at it, noticing it was a credit card.
“Everything I ever earned is saved in this bank account. I don’t remember how much money there is in there right now, but I stopped checking the numbers after a hundred thousand.”
My body went numb. I stared at the card with Jagger’s name on it and my thoughts were, once again, all over the place.
“When did you stop counting?” I asked, still in disbelief. Jagger shrugged, pushing his fists into his pockets. “Don’t know. About three years ago.”
I let out a harsh laugh and rested my hands on my hips. My eyes shot up to Jagger’s and a humorless laugh escaped my chest. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Not sure why, but I was furious. Money never was something I cared greatly about. I grew up with a little amount, made it through middle school with even less, and now I was happy I had enough to get some food each day. And he was only just now telling me, that he had more money in that stupid bank account than I could’ve ever imagined?
“Let me explain, Low.” Jagger was calm and his eyes were full of regret. “I know it’s not fair to hide this from you, but I was going to tell you sooner or later. It’s just…” he sighed, shaking his head. “We don’t need it. I don’t need it. And we both know we could easily go on with our lives without having full wallets.”
“Then why do you have this?” I asked, holding up the credit card and shoving it against his chest. He took it from me, letting out another deep sigh. “Because as soon as you finish college I want you to have it all. God, that sounds so damn stupid.” He took a deep breath, letting his head fall.
I watched him closely, hearing my thoughts telling me that he was right and that I didn’t need any money to be happy. But it just didn’t make sense. At all.
“His point is,” Hunter started to say and I quickly turned around to look at him. His eyes were instantly on mine and I couldn’t help but relax a little at the sight in front of me. He was leaning against the doorway, both his hands in his front pockets and a new cigarette tucked behind his left ear. Damn him.
“He’s looking out for a better future. He wants you to finish college, even though it’s a shit school. And he doesn’t want you to change anything in your life right now. He sees how humble you are. How grateful, even though you don’t get to spend any of the money you earn at the diner on yourself. You never complain about not having the newest clothes or having a perfectly furnished bedroom. You accept all of this even though it’s a shithole. You care about others much more than you do about yourself and that, my love, that’s your biggest gift. Your brother talks about you exactly the way I just did almost every week. We see who you truly are.”
His words affected me in a way that made my body feel warm and protected. Yet I didn’t quite understand what Jagger’s goal with it all was. I slowly turned back around to look at Jagger. “He pretty much said it all. But that still doesn’t explain why I keep that much money hidden from you when we could’ve used it to buy a bigger house or a better car.” He reached out to me, and I took the two steps between us to stand directly in front of him. He grabbed my face with both his hands, wiping away the tears on my cheek. “This city isn’t safe and I can’t quit my job just like that. We had to sign a contract.”
“With Gunner,” I said. They talked about him once before and they were all very secretive about him. So why not assume that he was the famous drug lord in Hastings?
Jagger pressed his lips into a thin line, then nodded. “Yes, Gunner.
My contract with him doesn’t end until next summer. That’s when you will be done with college. That was my plan. As soon as you’re done, we’ll leave Hastings and start all over. That is if that’s what you want. But for now, we have to stay. And spending money in this city will probably cause a stir.”
I studied his face for a while, wondering if what he was saying made any sense. It somehow did. And I thought I could let him get away with that for now.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Harlow
I watched Jagger studying my face while still holding my head firmly between his hands. I replayed all the things he said to me in my head just to make sure I didn't miss anything important. I couldn’t find anything that made me want to ask more about all of this. It all started to make sense. And I realized he was doing it all for me. Risking his life just to make sure my future would be better than now. He was looking out for me, just like he did when we were little.
“Please, say something,” Jagger whispered with a sad smile. My heart felt full, even if what he did was illegal, and he still was carrying a gun and drugs on him daily. And I knew, no matter what Jagger did to keep me safe and alive, I would be thankful.
I put my arms around his waist, leaning my body and head against him and closing my eyes tightly. He returned my hug carefully, making sure not to hurt me. His hand cupped the back of my head and I could feel him relax. “I just need you to be careful.”
“I am. I promise you that.”
That was enough for now. I wasn’t sure how long we stood there like that, but when we let go of each other and I turned to look at Hunter, he was gone and the front door shut. I looked at Jagger with a questioning look.
“He probably had something to take care of. Come on, it’s late.”
The Hastings Series Page 16
