“What are you doing, Jin?” Aaron’s judgment threw everything into a different light. Jin’s chest seized with regret.
Mimi stomped out of the bedroom. “Hey, it wasn’t like Jin forced me to do something I didn’t want to do. Believe me, it was consensual.”
Jin appreciated her trying to defend him, but she lowered her eyes immediately afterward, perhaps embarrassed to be having this conversation with her brother.
Aaron kept his eyes on Jin, demanding more explanation than he was able to provide. “You promised me you were going to protect her.”
“I didn’t intend for this to happen,” Jin quickly retorted. “Things changed between us.” He turned his head to Mimi, whose eyes were wet and glistening.
“You’re playing with fire. Don’t you know that she’s in lo—” Aaron halted himself as his sister’s eyes implored him.
* * *
Mimi finished pinning an alteration on the sleeve of the tunic. This morning’s words ricocheted front to back and left to right in her brain. With the wisdom of a third party looking in on the scene, Aaron had admonished them for taking unnecessary risks with their longtime friendship.
Aaron was right, of course. Mimi had been lying in the hushes that night had brought, Jin’s long arms wrapping her up like a package. After their moans and utterances of each other’s names had filled the room like music, it had been easy to shove away the obvious reality.
For a brief interlude, she’d been living out her secret dream, the one that Aaron had almost blurted out loud. How was it that he even knew? She’d never told a living soul what had been on her mind for thirteen years. Was it obvious to her brother? Had he known all along?
After Aaron had caught on to what was going on in the Zhang household, he, Mimi and Jin were all annoyed with each other. Finally Jin and Mimi had apologized for hiding what had been developing. No one was quite sure what was going to happen next.
As Mimi ironed a portion of the tunic she’d just finished, she glanced over to Jin on the phone at his desk. While he concentrated on his call, he used his fingers to rake back his thick hair. The gesture made her gasp. As it had hundreds of times before, but even more so now.
Fear pummeled through her as she thought about what the future held. So swept away was she by the desire between them that had finally been given flight, she had neglected to shield her emotions in any way. Jin had made it clear he would never love again, never marry again in earnest.
What would happen in a year’s time, when they would announce their amicable split? Would she crumble like her father had after he’d lost her mother, unable to exist without her?
Would the divorce be amicable? Was this physical relationship they were exploring going to run its course and then they would settle back into the comfortable friendship they’d always known? She realized it was quite possible that they’d wrecked their friendship by making love. Now that she’d had a taste of what romantic love with him could be, her mind might not be able to turn back to simply appreciating him as her loyal pal.
Worse still, she was sure that she would never feel about anyone the way she did about Jin. That in the end, she’d have no one. In not settling for less, she’d instead end up with nothing.
Mimi didn’t know how she was going to survive any of the possible endgames.
She was packing up a portfolio for her meeting when Jin approached after his call. “Do you have a minute?” he asked, indicating for her to come into his office.
Her stomach tightened with worry. Was this going to be the moment when he told her that he’d come to his senses? Would this be his declaration that they’d never share each other’s bodies again? That he was sorry for what had happened?
Even if it was, she was already running late for her appointment and had to leave. “Can we talk a little later?” she eked out.
“Oh,” he answered, not expecting her to be unavailable. “Sure.”
In a blur, Mimi grabbed her things and her coat, and flew down the studio steps.
Half a block away, she spotted Uri Azoulai at the café where they had agreed to meet.
“Nice to see you again,” he greeted her with a polite kiss to both cheeks.
She hadn’t asked him up to the studio for their meeting because she wanted to surprise Jin. When they’d invited some media influencers in to see the new pieces, Uri had asked her if he could do an article on her for the next edition of Fashion Forward. An interview in a major fashion magazine, read throughout the world, was a recognition that could be very important for LilyZ. She hoped Jin would be thrilled. Uri said they’d send a camera crew on another day to do some shots of her at work.
After they ordered hot drinks and took a window seat, Uri explained that he was doing a series of pieces on young designers who were shaking up the high-end ready-to-wear market and that he’d like to feature her.
“I’m so flattered,” Mimi replied. “This is a great time for our company. We’re coming into our next phase and hope to honor our founder Shun Zhang’s vision for generations to come.”
“What has been the response to your sizing concept?”
“Positive, so far. Our promise at LilyZ is to create a wardrobe for every woman that’s realistic to her life. We all want to look put together while being comfortable at the same time. No more marginalizing a woman based on her size. From petite to plus-sized, we’re all leading the same lives and need our clothes to work for us.”
“You’ll produce your collections in a range of sizes that’s wider than what we typically see in quality fashion?”
“Yes, it’s...” Mimi’s mind drained blank when she glanced out the café window. Pedestrians hurried past, darting this way and that in the endless bustle that was New York City. But amongst the movement, one stationary figure caught her eye.
It was Jin. Wearing his heavy black overcoat, he stood still, glaring at Mimi through the glass window, where she huddled inside at the small table with Uri.
Jin’s lips were slightly parted. Eyes wide open. Brows raised. Shoulders so tense they almost lifted to his ears. She’d never seen a more pained expression on his face.
Mimi gestured for him to come inside and join them. Instead, after a final piercing look into her eyes, he disappeared in the moving crowd.
She needed to concentrate on this important conversation with Uri. So she allowed her mind only one question before she wrangled her attention back to business. Could Jin have seen her with Uri and been thinking something personal was going on between them?
After the meeting with Uri, Mimi returned to the studio. Unbuttoning her coat, she snuck a glance to see that Jin was at his desk, head bent down at some work he was attending to.
She entered his office and he looked up, expression bleary in contrast to his dress shirt, which was crisp as always.
“We need to talk,” he said.
“Okay,” Mimi replied and took the chair opposite him.
“I assumed it would be obvious, I didn’t think that I was going to need to tell you this. Kindly don’t make me the laughingstock of the industry yet again. Helene was enough. During this year that we are posing as husband and wife, should you decide to date someone, please don’t be seen with them in public.”
“Jin, I’m not dating Uri.”
“It was my mistake not to clarify that to you in the beginning,” he continued without taking in what she’d said. “I thought after Gunnar that you were on a romantic hiatus, and that this timing would work out for you.”
“It is, Jin, it is. I’m surely not doing anything personal with Uri. Do you want to know why I was having coffee with him? I planned to surprise you.” She proceeded to explain about the interview opportunity. What incredible exposure it was going to give to LilyZ. How much it meant to her that Uri took her seriously. For someone her age, to appear in Fashion Forward magazine was a huge career lea
p.
She might as well have been speaking a foreign language that Jin was unable to understand.
“I step out to get some fresh air and a cappuccino, and I find...”
Mentally, he stopped to regroup, seeming to acknowledge that his triggered fears about her dating someone were unfounded. “I think Aaron discovering that we’d let our relationship move away from our original intention was probably a good wake-up call. We’ve been friends forever. That’s what we were meant to be.”
“I see.” Tears welled up behind Mimi’s eyes as she concentrated on not letting any spill out. She’d predicted she would hear those words from him, yet they branded into her with a flesh-searing iron nonetheless.
Of course Jin was going to break up with her, for lack of a better expression. The cloud she’d been floating on was too plush to last, she’d known that in the center of her being all the way back to the kiss he gave her at the courthouse after they’d married.
“Mimi, I can’t be that guy, the one who becomes almost murderous with jealousy when I see you with another man. I watched my father betray my mother. Then Helene. Once you’ve had a spouse cheat on you, you spend the rest of your life looking for it to happen again, expecting it. I’m not good for anyone. I’m incapable of trust. You deserve better than that.”
“You don’t get me at all, do you?” Mimi could no longer contain the six tears she counted dripping down her face. “I want the man I’m with to be jealous. I want him to feel so strongly about me that it devastates him to see me with someone else. I want that dedication, that devotion. Like my parents had. I want whoever I end up with to demand fidelity and to give it to me in return. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t settle for anything less.”
“That’s why I came up with this pretend marriage in the first place. I can’t promise you any of that. I won’t give you the authentic thing you crave and deserve. We’ve made a mistake I hope it’s not too late to correct.”
“Of course.” Mimi brushed the few cold tears from her cheeks. With a gulp of an inhale, she willed herself to get out of his office without breaking down.
Jin should never know the depths to which his finality was killing her. She needed to make him think she was in agreement, that during the masquerade of married life they had done a little bit of experimenting, and gotten it out of their system. Now they’d go back to being the friends they always were.
She repeated, “Of course, Jin.”
It would be as simple as flipping a switch.
Sure it would.
* * *
Nothing went smoothly when Mimi and Jin went back to the flat that night. They both shuffled around the apartment, tidying up and taking separate trips into the kitchen to forage for food. There was a bitter draft in the air, one that Jin remembered only too well from when his marriage to Helene fell apart. Or when his father was at his worst.
“I can make something. We could have eggs and toast,” Mimi said, shutting a cupboard as Jin came into the kitchen for a glass of water.
“Ah, yes, Mimi’s cheesy eggs,” he snipped. While she wasn’t that interested in the domestic arts, Mimi had been whipping up breakfast for dinner for as many years as he knew her. A menu that sounded as good as any, Jin thought, considering his lack of appetite. He just wanted to fill his empty stomach and go to sleep.
“Do you want them or don’t you?” Her tone was impatient.
“That would be great,” he clipped back.
Mimi set to work, going out of her way to not make eye contact while she did. Jin ducked quietly into the master suite. Hoping she wouldn’t notice while she cooked, he gathered up all the clothing, electronic chargers, and various items of his that had made their way into the bedroom they’d begun to share. Tonight, and during all nights in the future, he would sleep in his boyhood bedroom as was the original arrangement. Which they shouldn’t have deviated from.
The strain was palpable as they sat and ate their eggs. A memory flashed in Jin’s mind.
“I remember a time eating these cheesy eggs,” he blurted out, hoping a little reminder of their long history might leaven the mood. “You were probably eighteen. I was sitting at the table with that forest-green tablecloth that your mom liked. The one Aaron and I used to tease her about, saying that it was comfy cozy.”
“My mom liked you a lot. Aaron and I were so tired of the blueberry muffins she’d bake every week once she discovered you enjoyed them.”
The side of Jin’s mouth ticked. “I remember two things about that day you made the cheesy eggs. One, yours were the best eggs I’d ever tasted. And two, when you served them up for me and Aaron, your eyes were bloodshot. I had the feeling you might have been crying. But I didn’t think I should say anything so I didn’t.”
“You were dating Leslie.”
Leslie Wang. He was surprised that Mimi even recalled her name.
“Were you crying that day?” he asked, holding a forkful of tonight’s eggs in midair.
Mimi sat quietly as she seemed to be making a decision. One thing that was certainly different from that day so many years ago was Mimi herself. She was in college then, with cheeks that were easy to blush. He couldn’t have pictured that girl becoming the brazen, sexy, accomplished woman sitting across from him.
Finally, she spoke in such a low register that he had to listen carefully to hear her.
“You know how I told you that I want to be with someone who would be jealous if he saw me with someone else?”
Doctor Freud would have a field day with Jin and Mimi. Jin grew up in an unhappy home with a father who was incapable of love. Where jealousy was used as a weapon. Mimi lived in a caring family where she regarded jealousy as a measure of devotion. They could hardly have been from further apart beginnings.
“It goes both ways, Jin. That day you’re remembering. You were full of enthusiasm about your date with Leslie the night before. You’d gone to a basketball game.”
“That’s funny,” he mused. “I don’t even remember.”
“You were asking me for advice on what to buy her for her birthday.”
“I have no recollection of that. What did I get her?”
“You broke up before her birthday.”
Jin let out a snort. “So you remember that detail, too.”
“I remember everything. That’s what I mean about it going in both directions. Just like I want someone to be jealous if they thought I was with someone else, I’m that way, too.”
He put his fork down. Mimi drew her own fork in a circle around her plate. He could tell she wanted to say something but was having trouble getting started. “What is it?”
“You never knew how jealous I was over Leslie. And Helene.”
It slowly dawned on him what she was telling him. That she valued jealousy as an emotion of someone in love. And that she felt jealousy about the women he’d been with. Therefore...
The words tumbled out of Mimi’s mouth. “I’m in love with you, Jin. I always have been.” She bit her lip afterward.
Thirteen years’ worth of experiences dropped into his mind like a photo collage. Holding her when her mother died and then again after her father’s death. Her making dinner for him after he broke up with Helene. The hundreds of times they’d worked closely together over a pattern or sewing machine. The thousands of movies, concerts, restaurants, every block in New York. Mimi in his life had become second nature to him, always there. And now, in an instant, all those memories took on a new meaning.
“You’re what?”
Her lips trembled ever so slightly. “Did you really not know?”
Was there some cute kid sister of his best friend flirting over the years? Sure. A little teasing. Lots of cuddling. Traveling. Grieving. A road shared.
Had that all been a lie? He’d been thinking one thing while she was thinking something else entirely?
; “You hid it well.”
“Of course I did. I couldn’t take a chance of you finding out.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He knew that confession would be hard for anyone, but keeping her feelings a secret must have been just as difficult. “Does Aaron know?”
“I never told him. But now I think he may have known all along.”
“Does my mom know?”
“No. Of course not.” Although if Aaron had figured it out, what was to say Bai hadn’t also? Regardless, she continued. “You and Aaron were best friends. Our families cared about each other. I wasn’t going to be the one to cause ripples. I planned to get over you. Then you married someone else so I knew there was no hope. Next I met Gunnar, but I couldn’t have loved him even if I had wanted to. Because I never stopped loving you.”
His brain raced down memory lane. “You were a bridesmaid at my wedding.”
“You can imagine...”
“How awful that must have been for you.”
“By the time you got divorced, I knew you wouldn’t give love a second chance, and certainly not with me.”
Oh, how her words were bouncing all over him inside. The way he’d come to feel about her had him confused. In this false marriage he’d found something very true. But he’d sworn to never love, and risk loss, again. A vow he was going to stick to.
“So now you know, Jin. And you were right when you said that Aaron catching us was an alarm sounding. I can’t continue to make love and pretend all the wishes I’ve had for thirteen years are coming to fruition. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to you. We were naïve to think we could pull off this charade. I can’t play anymore.”
Mimi put her hand over her mouth as her eyes overflowed with tears. Jin wanted to take her into his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. But it wasn’t. He merely watched as she pushed away from the kitchen table, stood up and dashed into the master bedroom.
His Convenient New York Bride Page 13
