Savage Wilder: Dark New Adult High School Bully Romance (Sinners and Saints Book 4)

by Veronica Eden

  It’s getting worse the closer I get to graduation. Between Fox and my parents my problems threaten to drag me so far down I’ll drown.

  There’s no way for Fox and I to be together. Maybe I was holding my breath in the hope we could still be friends—or more. His old promise of someday is something I still think about. I never forgot it, even if he has. Knowing his touch, I’ve been hoping to have that promise come true even more.

  “No.” I scrub my hands over my face. “Not in the cards.”

  My old feelings for him and the fact I find him hot can’t cloud my judgement of how he’s treated me. It’s not okay.

  That can’t happen again.

  After today at school and last week at the tree it’s even clearer.

  The harsh way Fox called me desperate echoes in my head. Is that why I let it happen? Why I didn’t tell him to stop and allowed him to go as far as fingering me where anyone could have found us?

  But you know what? No. It was a choice I made and I have to live with the fallout. In the moment, I wanted it and I refuse to let the guilt over it all fester. I’m not going to beat myself up feeling bad about anything. That’s not my style.

  Annoyed that this has taken over my mind for hours, I move into a flow, continuing even when the playlist switches off. I don’t need the music to lose myself in twisting my body. I keep moving as my breathing syncs with my heartbeat, pushing away the fact Fox somehow destroyed my classwork so thoroughly, then violated Holden’s car with it followed by the sinfully good exhilaration of his touch paired with his cruel words making me come so hard I couldn’t move.

  It feels good to keep pushing my limbs, stretching and arching through the flow.

  My mind doesn’t empty. Did I want to be caught, or did I just want to stay in his strong arms and let him torture me with his addictive pleasure?

  The heat that floods my cheeks is searing and I cover them with my palms, closing my eyes while I concentrate on breathing. When I open my eyes, the fierceness I keep tucked away in my heart is there in my reflection.

  I need a way to fight back against him so he sees I’m not the liar he’s accused me of being. I won’t be scared of him anymore because it’s getting me nowhere. I thought he was capable of hurting me, but he’s had the opportunity and hasn’t taken it. That has to give me the only hope I can cling to. There must be a way I can find out how to get through to him so he’ll stop hating me. I twist the leather bracelet around so I can see the stones.

  If I can just get close enough to figure out if there’s any scrap left of the boy I knew, I’d be able to break through his wall and fix this. Fix us.

  Centering myself, I move into a handstand split against the mirror, using it for balance as I practice perfecting my inversions. My shoulders burn as I curve my spine and spread my legs.

  The lights cut out.

  My heart skips a beat as I suck in a breath, trying to adjust to the darkness. I keep working. It’s not the first time the custodial staff turned the lights off on me. Besides, I have a key. Yoga in the dark is nice.

  I work to get my breathing back in sync, feeling the exertion in my shoulders from supporting my weight. After I focus for a minute, I notice that something feels off. The hair on the back of my neck stands on end and a shiver travels against my exposed stomach not covered by my tight crop top.

  The air thickens and my pulse speeds up, along with my breathing.

  A touch comes from out of the darkness, nearly startling me out of my skin. It’s a barely there, familiar brush of fingers right over my center that echoes the memories from earlier. My heart stutters in my chest. I tremble, but remain frozen in position. Is my imagination going wild? There’s no way he’s really here right now, no way he touched me.

  I swear I hear a deep chuckle in the pitch black shadows. Then the lights flicker back on. Breathing hard, I carefully force my limbs to move out of the handstand split. My shaking knees make me crumple to the floor and I lean my forehead against the mirror, my breath fogging the glass. My heart is racing when I rest a hand over it.

  Did I imagine it or not? It doesn’t matter.

  The message is loud and clear—I can get to you anytime I want.

  It should terrify me. So why is there a needy ache between my legs?

  Braced for hell when I get home a short while later, I’m met instead with a weird phenomenon. Mom and Dad aren’t mad, they’re disappointed.

  “So, I’m not grounded?” I stand on the steps with my yoga mat under one arm and my gym tote, ready to escape to my room. When they met me at the door, Dad spared me a quick don’t make it a habit after you’ve worked hard and left me alone with Mom. “The last time I got a detention you grounded me for a month.”

  The last and only time I’d ever gotten detention. It was freshman year, earned because I wanted to nap outside beneath the sun during the lunch period, which made me late for class. It was DEFCON 5 when Mom got wind of it, so I was expecting much worse this time.

  She still hasn’t yelled, or done the scary calm undressing that is even more terrible. She frowns at me.

  “I’m not thrilled, don’t misunderstand,” she explains. “You caused a scene, and that is deeply disappointing.”

  Tiny invisible knives prick at my skin. “Sorry. I’ll go upstairs and do my homework over. It won’t happen again.”

  “I wasn’t finished, Maisy Grace.” She puts a hand on the banister, lines forming around her mouth. “I can’t have you involved with that boy. I know he’s to blame for this, just like his rotten drunk of a father.”

  My throat tightens and a hot lash of anger rushes through me. How can she talk about someone she was friends with like that? Mom and Dad believe every rumor about him.

  “Fox? That’s what you’re pissed about? Not that I was fighting or that my GPA will drop because of my missed assignments and allow someone else to take the top spot you need me to have?”

  Her mouth pinches. “Those things are important, but nothing is more serious than my warning to stay away from him. I thought I made that clear. Everything we’ve worked for to provide paths to success for you and your brother are wasted if you let that boy infect your life.”

  “That boy, Mom? Do you even hear yourself? He was my best friend. Holden’s too. Your friends’ son.” I grip the strap of my tote bag. “Holden was allowed to hang out with him without you and Dad intervening, so why do I have to avoid him? It’s impossible when we have classes together, and he—”

  I cut off. I can’t tell her about what’s been going on because I don’t want more rules from her.

  My parents don’t like Fox. If they find out there’s more going on than me slacking on homework, they’ll do something to get the school to expel him. I want to be able to handle this on my terms.

  “Yes, and look where that got your brother,” she says shrewdly. “Drafted to play for one of the top schools in the country, but he flushed it down the toilet by associating with trash.”

  A disbelieving scoff rips from my throat. “Jesus, Mom. Tell me how you really feel. You can’t seriously believe that a college like Ohio State really looks that deeply into their incoming students, especially the athletes they accept.”

  One manicured brow lifts skeptically. “You’re naïve if you think otherwise. This is what I’ve tried to teach you. The world is always watching. What you do matters—every move you make. Do not make the same mistake as your brother.”

  God, Holden and I really have become pawns to her if that’s all she cares about. I open my mouth to protest, but she’s not finished.

  “You need to do damage control to get your life back on track. You’re so close to graduating, Maisy. I won’t let you throw it away because of your impulsive tendencies.” Her nails tap on the banister as the gears of her mind turn. “What we should do is call that sweet boy, Samuel Blake. Invite him over for dinner. Why hasn’t he been around lately to take you out? Your father and I like him.”

  “You’ve got to be kiddi
ng me,” I mutter low enough she doesn’t hear. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Why not? He’s perfect for you. He’s a handsome and intelligent young man from a wonderful and well respected family.”

  “Mom, I broke up with him. It wasn’t going to work. He’s not someone I see myself with.”

  I’d tell her he doesn’t make my heart flutter, but I don’t think she’d give a damn about things like feelings.

  “You did what? When was this?”

  “Last week.”

  She gives me a look full of displeasure that calls on my urge to leave. Not just to run upstairs, but to get out of town.

  “Maisy.”

  How she can make my name sound so cutting, I’ll never know. I smother the urge to snark back and say Mom.

  “You are such a disappointment. Go to your room.”

  Forcing out a breath, I turn to face her fully. “So which is it, Mom? Am I grounded or not?”

  “Go,” she snaps. “We’ll finish discussing this later.”

  My feet slam on the steps, echoing in the foyer. The weight on my chest gets heavier and heavier.

  “Maise,” Holden calls from his open door.

  I stop. He’s sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed. Five o’clock shadow covers his jaw and his brown hair is a mess, but he doesn’t look as down as he’s been since my senior year started and his future halted in its tracks. Must be one of his rare good days.

  He motions with his head for me to come in and I do, shoulders sagging as I dump off my stuff from the yoga studio inside the door. I collapse on the floor beside him, dragging my knees up.

  “Did you hear?” I almost don’t want to know.

  “A little. Not all of it.” He motions to his headphones sitting on the floor. “Just the last part.”

  I hope that means he didn’t hear what Mom said about him. Acid sloshes in my stomach. Holden puts a comforting arm around my shoulder and I tip my head back against his bed.

  “Do you wish things were different?” I ask. “That you’d gotten to go to Ohio State, like you wanted?”

  He grunts. “Yes and no. Ridgeview Community College isn’t so bad.”

  “Even though you’ve been sulking about it for two semesters straight?”

  He chuckles and pinches my shoulder. I punch his leg in return and he smirks at me.

  “I started talking to some of the people from my classes instead of avoiding them and I realized the other day that it’s pretty freeing actually. Not having to deal with the pressure they’ve put on us.”

  God, I want that. It’s like this year Mom has taken what she divided between us and put twice as much on me as her last horse in the race.

  “I don’t think it’ll work out like that for me. They won’t even let me go on my road trip.”

  “So take it later. Who says you have to chase everything in your life now? You’ve got time.”

  I stare at the sports paraphernalia all over his room, wondering if he believed the same. “It’s not even about the trip. I just hate being smothered and never getting to do what I want. Why does my life have to be so planned out?”

  Holden ruffles my hair. “Just chill.”

  “Easy for you to say.” I rub my lips together. “Can I ask you something?”

  It feels nice to have my brother back after he’s shut me out most of the year, but I don’t want to piss him off.

  “Shoot.”

  “Don’t be mad.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Spit it out.”

  “When Fox came back last year, why did you hang out with him?”

  “Uh…” Holden blows out a breath. “I don’t know. We didn’t really go back to being friends, he just sort of became my shadow. The guy grew up to be a real dick.”

  I suck on my teeth. “So what, he made you look good for the kids you shook down for money with your bets out at the quarry?” Holden’s brows fly up. “Oh, don’t give me that look. I knew exactly what was going on out there. It’s not a great kept secret when it hits the Silver Lake High rumor mill.”

  He rubs at the back of his neck. “I guess. It didn’t hurt and he helped enforce the rules.” His mouth tips into a lopsided grin. “Especially when your friend Thea’s guy showed up. Dude could really lay them out.”

  I didn’t care about Connor’s fighting skills, I was hungry for more about Fox. This is the first time I’ve gotten Holden to open up about him since his return. “What was he like?”

  He shrugs. “Like I said, he was a dick. Didn’t talk about much—only cared about the fights, his Charger and his motorcycle.”

  I’m quiet for a moment. “It’s the same one his dad had. Remember?”

  “Yeah,” he says somberly, momentarily lost to the memories of our childhood. “Listen, I know you’re not going to like this, but he’s different. We were kids then. He’s not that same kid we knew at all. Got it? You should avoid him. I don’t want him messing with you.”

  I almost snort, but I keep it in. Holden has missed so much while he’s been brooding over his own problems. I climb to my feet and grab my stuff, pausing at the door.

  “Thanks for making me feel better.”

  Holden gives me a jerk of his chin on my way out.

  I go to my room. Plopping on my bed, I stare at the roadmap I pinned to the ceiling, mulling over strategies for how I’ll get closer to Fox without him realizing what I’m doing.

  First I need to figure out why he only shows up to school half the time, or where he goes when he cuts out early. As far as I know, it’s random. Determination settles in my bones. Before he knows it, I’ll be inside his walls and we’ll hash out the negativity between us.

  Eleven

  Maisy

  Sneaking out on Friday night is the best idea ever. Another day of detention after school left me restless, and annoyed that I had to serve it alone—Fox didn’t show. It was straight home after that. Mom’s judgmental stare was too much at dinner and I was going stir crazy in my room while the sun was still shining outside, begging me to have some fun.

  Luckily, Thea is best friend goals and loves me. When I messaged her, she and Blair helped me sneak out past our security system undetected.

  As we peel away from my house, I reach forward to hug Blair from the back of Thea’s Mini Cooper, arms wrapping around her seat to reach her. “You guys are the best.”

  Blair used to stiffen at my hugs—or anyone’s affectionate touch who wasn’t her boyfriend’s—but now she gives me a husky laugh and reaches up to squeeze my wrist. “Who doesn’t love a little jailbreak. Keeps life interesting.”

  I laugh. From the story Devlin tells of how they ended up together, she can get down and dirty, going as far as attempting to steal his car and earning a reputation for being a smooth pickpocket.

  “I’m so glad you’re back from school.”

  “Me too,” she says.

  We head for downtown Ridgeview, where the guys are meeting us to see a movie. My phone is off, so there’s no worry of Dad tracking me down at Mom’s command. Freedom feels damn good.

  “Where’s Gemma?”

  “Her and Lucas and his parents drove out to Denver for the weekend to see her brother,” Thea says.

  I remember him. Our brothers both played football together for Silver Lake High. Gemma’s really cool, someone who has an energy that matches mine and killer confidence I admire. It’s no wonder her boyfriend Lucas, Silver Lake’s ex-football quarterback, is off the deep end in love with her.

  Once we reach downtown and park, the guys meet us in front of the theater. Connor and Devlin both have eyes only for their girls as the three of us head for them arm in arm with me in the middle. The guys look like the angel and devil that might sit on your shoulder, with Connor’s lighter features and charming smile and Devlin’s dark everything—hair, eyes, presence. When they’re together, you know trouble is going down.

  As soon as we’re close enough, Devlin steps forward to cup Blair’s face for a deep
kiss that makes me and Connor whistle at them to tease. They both flip us off without looking or breaking their kiss. Chuckling, Connor slides his hand around Thea’s waist and drops a trail of fluttering kisses across her cheek to her lips, lingering with a pleased hum.

  Without meaning to, the memory of Fox’s lips brushing against the corner of my mouth, but never connecting springs into my head. My cheeks heat and I clear my throat.

  “All right, save the making out for the movie you’re only going to half watch.”

  “Jealous? C’mere, I’ll kiss you, too,” Connor teases.

  Rolling my eyes, I walk ahead of my friends. “I’d rather kiss Thea. She’s way cuter than you.”

  Connor makes a sound like he’s dying, then stops partway through to make an intrigued sound.

  A round of laughter sounds behind me as we go into the theater. It’s not that crowded inside, most of the seats in the dim room left open. Devlin immediately pulls Blair down one of the rows with only a few seats that will end up shadowy as soon as the lights go down. She smirks as he tugs her down into his lap. Two rows ahead of that, Connor leads Thea to a seat, whispering to her to make her giggle. I go one more row in front of them to give them some space to cuddle.

  The movie starts and I get sucked in. It’s about halfway when someone slides into the seat beside me.

  It’s Sam.

  “Thought that was you I saw,” he says, dropping an arm across the back of my seat.

  “Uh, hey,” I whisper.

  I try to pay attention to the movie, but wariness sets in as he inches closer. At first he grazes his fingertips over my shoulder, toying with the thin straps of my summer dress. I don’t want to cause a scene, but I’m not cool with this. We broke up.

  “Sam,” I murmur, shifting his arm off. “What are you doing?”