Young Adulting

by Christina Benjamin

“Izzy?” His brows drew together. “What happened?”

  “Uh…” My voice sounded shaky and I cleared my throat. “He loves the script and he’s going to—”

  “I’m not talking about the script, Izzy. I’m worried about you.” He reached for my arm to stop me as I tried to keep walking past him but I jerked it out of his grasp.

  “Don’t,” I hissed right as Taylor and Kimmie walked through the doors of the lobby, their arms loaded with to-go bags. They stopped and gaped at the two of us.

  “Oooh, what’s going on here?” Kimmie teased. “Lovers’ quarrel?”

  Taylor laughed as she sized me up. “Please. If you’re going to whore yourself out, you could at least rent a room.”

  “We’re not. I’m not—” I turned to face the catty witch head on. “Mind your own business, Taylor. This isn’t about you.”

  She arched her brows as she smirked. “Come on, Kimmie. I need to give Colin his lunch. I grabbed something for him when we were out since I knew he’d be tied up reaming out our little Izzy here.”

  I clenched my fists but didn’t respond as they walked past, their stares fixed on us as they waited for the elevator.

  “Izzy, we need to talk,” Henry started in a low voice.

  “No, we don’t,” I snapped. Couldn’t he see what was happening here? Didn’t he realize he was making everything worse?

  “Iz—”

  “Just go, Henry. There’s nothing to discuss.”

  He didn’t move. His gaze was fixed on me and the hurt in his eyes was unbearable.

  I looked away. “The meeting was only about the script. If I need to talk to anyone, it’s Leo, so why don’t you do us both a favor and go back to your set? I’ll have Leo fill you in later.”

  His silence seemed to echo off the walls of the lobby and my skin burned with shame and guilt and regret.

  The elevator doors dinged and I heard Taylor and Kimmie’s whispers and giggles behind me as they got into the elevator.

  “Izzy,” he started.

  I couldn’t meet his gaze. The doors to the lobby opened and Tommy came in with one of the other interns, their eyes widening at the sight of Henry Landon.

  “Please,” I whispered to Henry, not even bothering to disguise the fact that I was pleading with him. “Please just go.”

  I kept my gaze fixed on the floor, but a second later I heard the doors open again as the other interns filed onto an elevator.

  The elevator doors closed and the front door snapped shut.

  Henry was gone.

  And I...was alone.

  Hours later I heard the commotion outside my bedroom door before it was rudely opened.

  “I told you, she hasn’t moved since she got home,” Becca whispered.

  “Izzy?” Kendal called from the doorway. “Are you sick?”

  “No.” Not sick, just disgusted. With myself, with that meeting, with all of it.

  I closed my eyes but that only made me feel worse because all I could see was that hurt look in Henry’s eyes before I’d been a heinous witch and ended what might have been the start of...something.

  It hadn’t lasted long enough to know what.

  Carolina’s head popped into view over Kendal’s shoulders. “Isabelle, are you eating dinner with us?”

  I shook my head.

  “She’s not even eating?” Becca sounded worried. She also sounded like she was unaware I was right here. Miserable but not deaf.

  “Good,” Carolina said. “She needs to lose some weight.”

  I turned my head to glare at the door and was met with three concerned faces.

  Great. Now I’d managed to make my roommates worry on top of everything.

  “Is she upset over those pictures?” Ashley’s voice came from the kitchen. “Tell her she looked hot. Everyone in her little hometown is gonna be so jealous.”

  I cringed because...Fallon! How had it not even occurred to me that Fallon would see this? The girl had freakin’ Google alerts set up so she’d know the minute Henry sneezed, for crying out loud. There was no way she’d miss this.

  I groaned at the thought of having to explain what had happened to Fallon. She’d hate me. Not for kissing Henry—she’d just want the details on that. No, she’d hate me for being cruel to a genuinely great guy.

  I knew she’d hate me because I hated myself.

  “Izzy, wallowing in here isn’t going to help,” Kendal said, her voice surprisingly gentle. “Come out and drown your sorrows in ice cream. I’ll even go get you the good kind...with carbs.”

  A huff of air escaped that was as close to a laugh as I could muster. Carolina had stocked our freezer with this Keto ice cream that we all agreed tasted like chalk.

  “Thanks, guys,” I said as I struggled to sit upright. “But I should really deal with the fallout that is my life right now.”

  One by one they headed back to the kitchen and I turned on my phone, cringing at the thought of all the texts from Fallon I’d probably missed...and the reply from Leo I was anxiously awaiting.

  I might have forgotten about Fallon but I’d meant it that I’d needed to discuss the meeting with Leo. The script was his baby and he’d deserved to know everything Colin had said about it and the changes we’d made.

  But I hadn’t been able to shoot off the email without at least addressing the tabloid issue. Leo was the third member of this partnership and I didn’t want him to feel blindsided if he saw those photos.

  I just hated to imagine how he’d respond.

  I ignored Fallon’s all-caps texts which seemed to incorporate a million exclamation points and opened up my emails.

  There it was. Leo had replied right away. He wasn’t angry, so that was good. But he did ask questions.

  Questions I didn’t really want to answer.

  Enquiring minds want to know… Did that kiss mean anything or was that a lie you told your boss?

  I swallowed. I’d explained my conversation with Colin to Leo because I hadn’t wanted him to worry that me and my lips had ruined his chances for a deal. I’d told him word for word what I’d said to Colin in the hopes that it would make him feel better about the mess I’d made. But now his question…

  He was asking as a friend, I knew that.

  But was he jealous?

  Should he be jealous?

  I paused with my fingers hovering over the phone as if the response would magically come to me. My first instinct was to lie—to say that the kiss hadn’t meant anything and that he had nothing to worry about.

  The fact that my first instinct was to lie made me question everything, though. That wasn’t me. I didn’t lie to people just to get my way.

  Colin’s little speech had clung to me like wet clothes that I couldn’t wriggle out of. They made me uncomfortable and cold to the bone.

  He’d been implying that I was willing to do whatever it took.

  Was I?

  After a few more moments of stewing, I decided to tell the truth. The whole truth. In a flurry of typing I told Leo that I had feelings for Henry. That I liked him, and that maybe I liked Leo, too. I told him all about how confused I was. How torn.

  But how, at the end of the day, I couldn’t let my feelings for either of them stand in the way of my dreams.

  If I let Henry into my life… If I tell him how I feel and he feels the same, then even if I succeed, I’ll never know if I’d earned it or if I’d been handed a win because I was dating someone powerful.

  I know you probably can’t understand that, and Henry probably won’t either. But I need to end this flirtation with you and I have to stop this thing with Henry before it goes any further because…

  Because I’ve come this far for my dreams. And I can’t go back.

  I hope you understand. I hope Henry will, too.

  When I hit send I felt like I’d just poured my heart and soul out to Leo. And to be honest, it was probably what I should have said to Henry. But tonight, I couldn’t handle the thought of Henry’s reaction.
/>
  Because if he tried to convince me otherwise...if he tried to sway me into choosing him over my career…

  I wasn’t sure I could say no.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Henry

  I stared at Izzy’s email, my heart beating like a kickdrum in my chest as cuddly little cherubs circled around me trumpeting in triumph.

  If I let Henry into my life… If I tell him how I feel and he feels the same.

  I don’t know how many times I’d read and reread that line, but I couldn’t stop smiling. How could I when I knew she felt the same? That kiss had meant as much to her as it had to me.

  I knew it!

  Well, actually I hadn’t. I’d been downright doubtful after her cold reaction to me this afternoon.

  But I could admit, things hadn’t gone as I’d planned at Polarizing Pictures. I’d let that tyrant, Taylor, get under my skin. I knew better, but that girl was a real piece of work. No wonder Izzy was so stressed about pitching. Competing against that girl had to be like swimming with sharks.

  I knew Izzy was serious about her job, but after crossing paths with the other ruthless interns at the studio, I was even more impressed that she’d managed to get my script to the next level. I mean, my script was good, but there were plenty of good scripts out there. Having someone like Izzy fight for it was what made all the difference.

  Taking a few deep breaths to quell my racing heart, I tried again to get through the rest of Izzy’s email without letting my emotions run away with me. I channeled Leo, trying to focus on what she was saying about the script rather than my feelings for her.

  If I let Henry into my life… If I tell him how I feel and he feels the same, then even if I succeed, I’ll never know if I’d earned it or if I’d been handed a win because I was dating someone powerful.

  I know you probably can’t understand that, and Henry probably won’t either. But I need to end this flirtation with you and I have to stop this thing with Henry before it goes any further because…

  Because I’ve come this far for my dreams. And I can’t go back.

  I hope you understand. I hope Henry will, too.

  I have to do this on my own. And that means I have to keep our relationships strictly professional moving forward. Given the circumstance, I think it would be best if you forwarded our correspondences to Henry so I can avoid any personal feelings jeopardizing the chances of your script making it to the next round.

  I have a meeting with the development team tomorrow. I’ll share more then.

  Thank you again for your understanding and for trusting me with your script.

  I won’t let you down.

  Isabelle.

  The cherubs that had been circling moments ago went silent as they plummeted back to whatever place it was hope went to die. Because that’s what this felt like. All the hope in the world, being sucked out of me.

  It didn’t matter how much she liked me if she wasn’t willing to give me a chance.

  I probably didn’t understand? How could she even say that? I understood better than most. And that was the problem. Because I knew what it was like to have something to prove, to want to make something of yourself on your own, I would have to respect her wishes.

  But that meant stay away when I knew that she felt the same way about that kiss that I did. Just the thought of giving up on that kind of potential gutted me.

  Could I do it?

  I started typing out a response, but it was impossible to think rationally when my heart disagreed with everything my fingers typed.

  Groaning, I pushed back from my desk chair and stretched the tension from my neck. I needed to go for a run. I needed some space to clear my head. I needed…Izzy. But apparently that was no longer an option thanks to my impulsive lips.

  I changed into my running shorts and laced up my sneakers, praying I didn’t run into any paparazzi in Griffith Park. This was their fault. I wasn’t an aggressive guy, but today, my limits were being tested. So help me if even one photographer tried snapping another photo of me.

  I had the overwhelming urge to text Izzy and tell her that they’d be tailing her too, but her words echoed in my head like a warning.

  Strictly professional…

  Avoid any personal feelings…

  No, she definitely wouldn’t be happy to hear from me, even if I was only trying to look out for her.

  Gritting my teeth, I shook my head, grabbed my keys and headed out the door, hoping I’d find clarity on my run.

  Breathing heavy, I bent over, resting my hands on my knees. Once I caught my breath, I stretched a bit to ease the lactic acid building up in my overworked muscles. I looked at my smartwatch to check my stats, amazed that I’d broken my record for the grueling run that led up to the Hollywood sign.

  The sun was just setting and by some miracle, I had the overlook to myself.

  Deciding to seize the moment, I took a seat on the bench and stared at the iconic sign that drew so many to LA in pursuit of their dreams.

  Izzy was one of them.

  Our talk from the other night had made me wonder if I would’ve been.

  She was right. I was born inside the fortress. I had the keys to the kingdom so to speak. All the doors opened to me. But that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

  That kind of power led many astray in this town and I was determined not to be one of them. That’s why carving out a career of my own making was so important to me. If I didn’t do it now I never would. It would be too easy to take a part in my father’s next big film, letting that catapult me into something else, and then something else, and before I knew it, I’d be so far away from the life I wanted that there would be no way to claw myself back.

  And that was my dilemma.

  Izzy had the same problem. If she failed at this internship, she’d end up back in Iowa, probably leaving her confidence to pursue her dreams behind. She’d end up on some path that her parents set out for her, back in Iowa where her creativity wouldn’t be free to blossom like it could here.

  I’d meant what I told her. I didn’t think she was even close to peaking. This internship was only the beginning. But that was an easy thing for me to say. When I failed, I had my fortune to fall back on. Izzy didn’t. And right now, the only reason she might be in danger of failing…was because of me.

  I couldn’t let that happen.

  And that meant that I needed to stop putting myself first for a change.

  I took a deep breath of the cool California air, soaking up the calm this place always brought me. Then, before I could change my mind, I grabbed my phone, pulled up Izzy’s email and replied.

  I understand. I’m sorry if pushing Henry on you has made things more difficult.

  Please know I’ll do anything I can to make this work.

  Knowing Henry the way I do, I can safely say he will do the same.

  We’ll get through this, Izzy. I promise.

  It’s only the beginning.

  Leo.

  I pushed send before I could think it through too much. Because yes, I did understand. I hated it but understood why this distance was necessary. For now.

  The final pitch meeting was coming up.

  I could keep the Leo lie going for a little longer if it meant Izzy got to achieve her dreams. If she won that would secure her position with the studio, which meant she’d be staying in LA. And wasn’t that what I wanted…more time with her? A chance to see this script through with her?

  I can do this. I can back off and put her needs first.

  I stared at the Hollywood sign, sending up a silent prayer that there was enough glitz left in the old letters to make one more dream come true. Because more than anything, I wanted to see Izzy succeed.

  It was a strange feeling, shifting someone else’s happiness above my own. But I rather liked the steady feeling that settled over me.

  For once, I knew without a doubt, I was on the right path.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Izzy

 
; The closer we got to the big pitch, the more toxic my office became.

  A tense silence filled the air, only broken by the sound of keyboards clacking as me and the other interns worked away—on grunt work we’d been assigned, and on the scripts we planned to pitch at the final meeting next week after our Thanksgiving break.

  Almost two weeks had passed since the tabloid incident, but if I’d thought my situation among my peers might improve, I’d been wrong.

  Colin seemed to be over it but word had spread among my competition and I wasn’t oblivious to the whispers and gossip going around the office about me and Henry.

  The fact that I hadn’t seen him since then didn’t seem to matter.

  Well, not to anyone but me.

  I missed him like crazy.

  I missed both the guys in my life.

  I still exchanged emails with Leo, but it wasn’t the same. We no longer joked around, there were no flirty quips or funny stories to brighten my day. Leo had respected my wishes and was keeping it strictly business.

  Henry had respected my wishes, too, and was giving me space.

  I’d caught sight of him on the lot a few times, but if he spotted me, he didn’t let on. Twice he’d been talking to Elena and I tried not to be jealous.

  Tried and failed, but Fallon assured me I got points for trying when I called her to complain.

  The other time I’d spotted Henry, he’d been with some girl. It might have been his assistant but I’d only seen the back of her head. Whoever she was he hadn’t been in the mood to wait for her. He’d been scowling as he’d talked on the phone and she’d been practically jogging to keep up.

  I still wondered what he’d been so upset about.

  “There she is.” Colin’s voice cut through the heavy silence and all of us lifted our heads to watch him heading toward us.

  Toward me.

  I tried not to flinch as all eyes moved from Colin to me. It was hard to ignore the glares that were currently aimed in my direction.