Amanda Applewood and the Return of the False King: An Everworld Book

by Raymond Williamson

  “I’ve heard of guard dogs…but never guard cats,” said Amanda.

  “Yes ma’am. Guard cats, fearsome felines as big as lynxes and angrier than a summer storm. You see the biggest danger to the cheese weren’t the people it were the mice.” Amanda marveled, as Merrick’s formal voice disappeared as he got into character.

  The mice, the poor mice drawn into town from leagues around by the cheesy fragrance like fish on a line. Drawn to the false promise; never to be favored with even a taste of the remarkable cheese. Not that they didn’t try mind you. Every year the city of Pule grew so full of mice trying to get close to the cheese that the nearer you got to the fromagerie, the thicker they got. It is said that on the day before the grand reveal, even with dozens of guard cats decimating their numbers, the mice formed a great seething mass of squeaking creatures so dense that it resembled a carpet of furry grey maggots.”

  “EWWWWW!” squealed Amanda as she shivered in her seat.

  That is until one day…A black mouse with a patch on one eye and a broken tail showed up.

  “I’ll get the cheese,” he said.

  Now Queen Mousebella had heard many promises to get the cheese before. Charlatans, and con-mice had appeared from time-to-time, spreading false hope and taking advantage of her subjects; staying in the nicest mouse holes and eating the choicest morsels; promising payment when the cheese was delivered but always disappearing before the fateful day and leaving her subjects a little more dejected and quite a bit poorer.

  “Arrest him.” she said

  The black mouse was brought before the queen, bound tightly lest he try to escape.

  “Explain yourself,” she demanded.

  “I have a plan.” said the black mouse.

  “I’m listening,” said the queen.

  “I’ll not be sharing my brilliant idea with everyone about,” said the mouse.

  “Then tell me why I shouldn’t have you evicted from Pule this very second,”

  “If you do, then you’ll always wonder, what if he could have gotten the cheese? The thought will gnaw at you and haunt your dreams as you smell the cheese that you can’t so much as taste. You’ll go mad thinking - What if? What if? That’s why you shouldn’t evict me,” said the mouse.

  “How do I know that you won’t eat my food and drink my wine then vanish in the night like all the others?”

  “I will place myself in your charge until such time as I deliver the cheese and should I fail, you may do to me what you wish.”

  “I’ll chop your head off if you’re a con-mouse,” said Mousebella.

  “I have a plan. You won’t have to.” retorted the mouse.

  “Do you have a name, mouse?”

  “Yes, but I’m not fond of sharing it. You may call me…” he paused and pondered. “You may call me Crooked Tail.”

  “Very well, Crooked Tail it is. Untie him and make him comfortable, but keep an eye on him,” said the Queen to her guardsmice.

  “Now Crooked Tail soon made himself at home in the palace mouse hole. He ate seeds from the Queen’s table, drank mouse wine from her stores and slept in a woolen sock normally reserved for visiting mouse dignitaries.”

  Merrick topped up Amanda’s cup along with his own, took a large swallow and continued.

  Things proceeded nicely for Crooked Tail. He was as charming a guest as the palace had ever entertained. He shared the most exciting stories. He’d been a pirate mouse and told the tale of how he lost his eye in a terrible sea battle.

  While a pirate, he had no trouble with robbing the blue-skinned royals but he wasn’t fond of the killing. One fateful day he led his charge of pirate mice onto the deck of a fat merchant ship. Just as he was about to claim his treasure, he saw the most beautiful princess mouse that he ever thought he’d ever seen or ever would see again. He commanded his mice to show her respect and led her across to his ship.

  Over the coming weeks at sea, he found himself falling in love with the beautiful mouse. He shared his finest foods with the princess and she shared her dreams of running away from her responsibilities to sail the open seas.

  Eventually, Crooked Tail had a change of heart about pirating and they agreed that they’d steal a cockboat and sail away together. But, when the time came to sail away, the princess mouse betrayed him and floated away with a dandy mouse who stabbed him in the eye just as they were about to set off.

  After this terrible experience, Crooked Tail got off at the next port and left pirating behind. He wandered about for a while taking odd jobs until he came across a prospector and his donkey heading inland to try their luck. Feeling lucky himself he decided to tag along.

  One day. the donkey got his foot stuck in a crack and the prospector was unable to free him, worried that working with his big heavy tools in such tight quarters might injure his mule. Crooked Tail jumped at the chance to assist his comrades. He dug and dug and chipped away until, after a whole night of work, he freed the donkey.

  Strangely, he emerged from the hole he’d dug covered by a strange blue fungus.

  The grateful prospector rewarded him with a piece of his favorite cheese. The next day the cheese had turned blue and

  smelled to high heaven. Food was scarce so they kept the stinky

  cheese vowing only to eat it if they became desperate.

  Later, Crooked Tail returned excitedly from a trip scouring the local hills and led the old man to a treasure in gold. In perfect harmony, the three prospectors worked the claim until they had a pile of gold so big that the donkey could barely carry it. Merrick threw a heavy sack over his shoulder and mimicked carrying the load with an exaggerated expression on his face. Amanda laughed and Merrick topped up her drink.

  The bard continued. On the day when they were supposed to return to civilization and start to enjoy their new wealth, Crooked Tail woke up with his tail caught in a mouse trap and discovered that the old man had gone with all of his gold. Betrayed, he vowed to get revenge. He pried his tail free with an iron nail that he kept in his belt and set off after his treasure.

  On his travels, and to earn a living, he became a circus mouse who ran on a giant wheel around a giant track for the amusement of the crowds. The crowds grew fat and the food was plentiful, he’ d almost abandoned his plans for revenge when he caught a whiff of the cheese. Only then, did he realize that he had a plan.

  Now, there was a serving mouse named Clarice in Queen Mousebella’s household who listened to his stories intently and before she knew it, she’d fallen in love with Crooked Tail. She brought him special seeds, the sweetest bits of fruit and finally, one day, a bit of news.

  “The Queen means to have you killed immediately after you try for the cheese whether you succeed or not,” she warned.

  “Never fear,” said the mouse. “I have a plan.”

  “Come away with me now,” pleaded Clarice. “We can be happy living in a field eating leftover bits of grain and raising hundreds of little pinkies.”

  “Never fear, my dear. I have a plan.” He gave her a long mouse kiss and she swooned. Amanda hiccupped, and Merrick filled her cup.

  One day the Queen came to him.

  “Crooked Tail. I’ve seen nothing of your plan. I’ve only seen you eat my food, sleep in my mouse hole and drink all of my mouse wine. You’ll share your plan with me now or I’ll chop off your head.”

  “Calm yourself your highness,” said Crooked Tail. “Tonight, is the night that we start the plan. Gather all the mice in the city and have them meet me in the courtyard.”

  Later that night, thousands upon thousands of mice crowded into the gallery to see the one-eyed, crooked tailed mouse who was going to get them their cheesy treasure.

  “Right here,” he said to all the assembled mice. “Dig right here.”

  And the mice dug. And they dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug…for seven days and nights the mice dug.

  Merrick took a long drink and poured one out for Amanda who was clearly enjoying the tale.

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nbsp; They continued to dig and dig and dig and dig and dig until they heard a noise. It was a faint noise but it was the noise that Crooked Tail was listening for. He called out… “Stop digging!”

  Crooked Tail dug a little further and emerged in the middle of the fromagerie. The mice slowly followed and were about to follow him into the large room when he held out his paw to hold them in place. He pointed - there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there. Guard cats were everywhere. He pointed up and there above them was a shiny copper pipe used to move milk from storage containers through a tiny hole into the large fermentation vat that sat on high stilts on the other side of a locked door.

  Like a train of furry little cars lined up end-to-end, the mice scurried up the copper pipe and across the high ceiling to the top of the fermentation tank while the guard cats slept peacefully beneath them.

  The fermentation vat was a full story tall and as wide as

  a small pond. The cheese was still milky white and just starting to settle. The mice stood on the edge and were about to dive in when Crooked Tail stopped them.

  “You may fill you bellies with this inferior tripe or you can wait until morning where I promise you the stinkiest cheese you’ll have ever smelled.”

  After a moment the mice all agreed, the queen mouse as well, and Crooked Tail removed from a pouch on his belt some of the magical blue fungus. He threw it in the air and it formed a blue cloud of dust that he allowed to settle all over him. When the air was clear and he was coated in the blue dust he said to the Queen. “Take everyone down and gnaw through that stilt.”

  “But what good will that do?” asked Mousebella.

  “Just do as I say,” said the Crooked Tail. And before Merrick could say it, Amanda interrupted him and said with the giggle of someone who’d had far too much to drink,

  “I have a plan.” Her voice was slurred, and Merrick grinned.

  Merrick topped up her cup and continued.

  The mouse dove into the vat and started tunneling through the soft cheese. Everywhere the blue fungus touched became infected. The mouse tunneled all night and into the morning. Just as the cock crowed, he heard the support crack and the vat shift. Crooked Tail climbed out of the vat and called to the mice. “Quickly, quickly, everyone up here. We’re not yet done.”

  All the mice climbed up on the edge and stared at the black one-eyed mouse. The support cracked again and the vat shifted further, then it cracked louder and it shifted even more. “Well?” demanded the Queen. “This is your whole plan?”

  “Not yet,” replied the mouse. “But soon.”

  The lock on the fermentation room door clicked and the large double doors creaked open. Scores of workers pushing trays of empty cheese wheels came in. You see today was packing day explained Merrick. But before they got too far the support cracked one final time and the vat crashed towards the floor. The wooden staves that made up the vat exploded apart and an enormous wheel of stinky blue cheese as big as a house came to rest in the middle of the floor.

  “Follow me and run together,” shouted Crooked Tail.

  All of the mice jumped on the side and began to run. The wheel turned slowly at first. Then it lumbered towards the door. Before any of the stunned workers realized what was happening the giant wheel of cheese was rolling out the door and into the street.

  “Faster!” called Crooked Tail. “We’re not in the clear yet!”

  The mice ran faster and faster and the wheel of stinky cheese rolled faster and faster. The cheese maker chased after them screaming at the top of his lungs.

  “Burglars! Robbers! Thieves!”

  The sheriff still in his nightshirt heard the cries and ran into the street. He barked orders to his men, he barked orders to the baker, he barked orders to the cutler, he barked orders to anyone who would listen. Soon he had a line of men and women lined up across the street. He stood boldly in the path of the oncoming wheel of dairy destruction and shouted at the mice. “STOP!”

  The wheel was rolling quickly now with no way to stop even if they wanted to. The Queen was next to Crooked Tail running as fast as anyone. He looked over at her and said. “You don’t remember me. But I remember you. You took my eye and left me to drown.”

  The Queen looked horrified and a spark of recognition filled her eyes just as Crooked Tail stuck his crooked tail between her legs causing her to trip and fall off the side of the wheel.

  “Alright…who’s with me?!” he shouted.

  “We are!” shouted the mice

  “Off with guards!”

  With the smallest of scuffles, the thousands of mice

  shoved the scores of guards off of the wheel.

  “Hurray!” they all shouted together.

  “Faster!” he called out to the mice.

  And they all ran faster.

  At the very last moment, the sheriff decided that he didn’t want to get killed by the tremendous wheel of cheese. He dove out of the way along with his recruits. The wheel barreled along towards the main gate which was opening right on schedule to welcome the day’s visitors. The wheel smashed the gate wide open and past the patrons who were leaping and diving and dashing out of its way.

  The last thing that anyone in Pule saw that day was a wheel of cheese as tall as a house with thousands of mice running on the top disappear over the horizon.

  Amanda laughed so hard when the giant wheel of cheese crashed through the town gate with all the mice rolling away to safety that she spilled her cup in her lap. She sprung to her feet and swooned, having had too much to drink without realizing it.

  She steadied herself on Merrick’s shoulder and leaned into him unintentionally. He stared down at her, the wide grin on his face in the firelight gave him an eerie jack-o-lantern appearance that frightened her. Suddenly, a loud cry came from the direction of the caravan. With a firm grip on her arm he dragged Amanda towards the wagon. Igoss was there.

  “You little pest. I’ll skin you to make a hat,” snarled the drunken minstrel.

  Another wail, “Let me out!”

  “Who’s in there?” said Amanda.

  “Not who, what. It’s none of your concern,” said Merrick as he tried to shut the gate.

  Igoss snarled and clawed at the bard, but Merrick was quicker and he grabbed the g’noll by the scruff and held him out at arm’s length as the g’noll struggled. Amanda peered through the opening. There in several iron cages stacked together like a dog kennels were several pathetic looking g’blinken.

  Amanda recognized one of them.

  “Ribesal? Is that you?”

  “Oh Milady. Please help me,” he pleaded.

  Amanda turned to the bard and saw the back of his hand as it struck her across the face.

  The Windowless Van

  The rocking of the caravan over the rough roads woke Amanda. Her head throbbed and the light peering through a skylight pierced her eyes and the pain forced her to squeeze them shut.

  “Milady?”

  Amanda grunted.

  “Milady? You alright?” whispered Ribesal.

  Amanda started to rise, as she reached a seated position, she struck her head. “Ow.” She looked up and realized that she was in a small cage no much bigger than one of the dog crates they use at a veterinarian’s.

  She turned away from the voice and retched. Clear bile splashed on the straw covered floor; the final dribbles rolled down her chin. She wiped her chin with the back of her dusty hand.

  Her eyes still closed, her body trembling, she took a moment to make sure she wouldn’t vomit again. “If this is a hangover, I’m never drinking again,” she said.

  “Most likely it’s something more than that, you should watch what you eat,” cautioned the g’blinken. He’d moved right up to her bars so he could speak more quietly.

  “Where is he taking us?”

  “Not sure, there’s plenty of places in need of g’blinken slave labor. With luck it’ll be an inn looking for a serving girl for you.”
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br />   “You call that lucky.”

  “Could be worse, there’s lots o’ old lords with a taste for young pink skin.”

  “Ewwww,” moaned Amanda. She pulled her arms tight around herself in an attempt to stop her shakes.

  “Not to worry your Eminence, you can free us, can’t ya?” he said hopefully.

  Amanda closed her eyes again and try to find the whale song in her mind. Her thoughts were slippery, each one sliding away just as it was trying to coalesce in her mind. The song was a submerged memory trying to float back up into her consciousness.

  “No, something’s wrong,” she said “The magic is there, but I can’t quite reach it.”

  “Don’t worry Milady. When whatever he’s given you wears off it’ll be back. Just be careful. It gives you a good feeling at first but after a while you’ll need it just to get by. These two are in its thrall,” he said while motioning to the two pathetic looking g’blinken lying in cages like her own, knees curled up because the boxes were too short. They were rocking slightly, oblivious to their surroundings.

  “Why aren’t you like them?”

  “I haven’t eaten or drunk anything in a day and a night. Not sure how much longer I can hold out.”

  “We’ll get out here,” she said. “Have you seen Igoss?”

  “The furry one? Merrick tried to cage him but got a tore up arm and bit hand for all of his efforts. He lit out and that was all I saw.”

  “I’m glad he’s safe.”

  She curled up in a ball and closed her eyes in an attempt to escape the misery she was feeling. She drifted in and out of wakefulness as the wagon continued to trundle along, each bump sending shockwaves of pain through her skull and occasionally making her retch.

  Amanda felt the wagon turn sharply, throwing her against the side of her cage. It jostled them about, swaying side to side like they were traversing uneven ground. The crunching sound of the road under the wheels disappeared and the ride was smoother for a moment, then the wagon abruptly stopped.

  “Be on your guard,” warned Ribesal.