The Clever Strumpet

by Farmer, Merry

  “They are simply the most magnificent books imaginable,” the dark-haired one was saying. “Every woman in London is devouring them.”

  “Yes,” the lighter-haired one agreed. “They’re ever so naughty.”

  “If they are naughty, I want nothing to do with them,” Lady Malvis said, attempting to extract herself from the ladies. She glanced around, presumably searching for Rufus, but Caro’s friends forced her to pay attention to them.

  “Here,” the dark-haired one said. “Let’s sit here and we’ll read aloud to you.”

  “I’m not sure—” Lady Malvis started, but for a change, she was helpless and speechless. Caro’s friends wedged her onto a bench as though they were jailers set to guard a dangerous prisoner.

  “Remind me to thank Felicity and Eliza profusely later,” Caro said in a distracted rush as she skipped around the side of the Serpentine, Rufus in tow.

  “If they can keep her distracted for the next twenty years, I’ll reward them with their own kingdoms,” Rufus said with a shake of his head.

  “Just promise me one thing,” Caro said as they reached the far side of the water. She seemed to have deliberately positioned the two of them so that one of the stands of trees blocked their view to where Miss Dobson, Newman, and Hazelton presumably stood.

  “Anything,” Rufus said, meaning it from the bottom of his heart. “I’ll promise you anything.”

  Caro glanced over her shoulder to him with a grin that radiated mischief. “Promise me you haven’t proposed to her yet.”

  “I haven’t,” Rufus said proudly.

  “And promise me that you won’t,” Caro went on. “At least, not today.”

  “My father will have my hide if I—”

  “Promise me,” Caro insisted. “And trust me.”

  It would have been pointless of him to attempt resistance. “I promise,” he said.

  Her smile widened for a moment before she grew serious once more. They reached the stand of trees, but rather than edge around it to come close enough to overhear whatever conversation was happening between Miss Dobson, Newman, and Hazelton, Caro charged right into it.

  “What in the devil’s name,” Rufus began, but thought better of making any noise.

  The trees had been planted to resemble a patch of woodland, and they did their job effectively. The light dimmed and the temperature dropped as the pine boughs blocked the sky above. There were a good number of shrubs planted between the trees, giving the space the feeling of a thicket. Rufus wondered how many other couples had availed themselves of the unexpectedly private spot right in the middle of the very public park. He wondered how many other thieves and cutpurses had made the densely-packed shrubbery their den as well. It was something of a surprise that they hadn’t bowled right into a pack of thieving urchins plotting their next heist.

  Those thoughts flew right out of his head as they reached the far edge of the trees. Caro motioned for him to be silent and to crouch so that they wouldn’t be seen behind a particularly thick and particularly sharp holly bush. The barbs of the holly were worth it, in the end. Miss Dobson, Newman, and Hazelton had latched on to a similar idea to Caro’s and stood close to the edge of the woods for concealment.

  “—and I won’t take no for an answer,” Hazelton was in the midst of saying. “Not this time. Not when I have a nubile, young bride to impress.”

  Caro made a retching sound that was almost loud enough to give them away. Rufus reached for her hand and squeezed it to steady her.

  “It’s become too dangerous,” Newman said. “They’re on to us, the lot of them.”

  “Lord Herrington and that whore of a—I mean, your fiancée, Lord Hazelton, if you please, barged into my father’s home just yesterday to demand I surrender the diamond and all who have touched it,” Miss Dobson said.

  Rufus arched an eyebrow at the twisted explanation of what had happened in Kent.

  “Which is why the sale must take place swiftly,” Hazelton said. “I’d’ve brought you the blunt this afternoon if you’d let me.”

  “I couldn’t have sold you the diamond here if I’d wanted to,” Newman said, sending a thrill of victory through Rufus—the man had confessed to the theft, he’d heard it with his own ears—only to crash a moment later. “I don’t have the diamond in my possession.”

  “What?” Miss Dobson gasped. “You said you did. You said you had it and were ready to sell it. You said you’d give me ten percent of the sale for finding you a buyer.”

  “Keep your voice down, woman,” Newman snapped at her.

  Caro tensed, radiating anger. Rufus squeezed her hand to remind her silence was of the essence.

  “I do not have the diamond in my possession,” Newman went on, “because it never left the East India Company’s house.”

  “What?” Miss Dobson gasped, voicing the same shock that Rufus felt to the tips of his toes.

  “The diamond is still within Khan’s house,” Newman repeated.

  “Khan,” Caro whispered, barely audible. “Saif Khan. I knew he was involved somehow. He must be holding it for Newman.”

  “But if the diamond was never stolen to begin with, how can you sell it to me?” Hazelton asked, baffled and blustering.

  “I never said it wasn’t stolen,” Newman muttered, “just that it never left the house.”

  “Please explain, sir,” Hazelton said gruffly, crossing his arms.

  Newman huffed out a breath and rubbed a hand over his face. “Khan was supposed to present it as a gift to the king’s representative,” he explained. “The house was crawling with men. Removing it would have meant certain discovery. So instead, I nicked it from its case about an hour before the presentation and relocated it to another object in the house.”

  “Relocated it?” Miss Dobson asked incredulously, clasping a hand to her chest.

  “I came up with the idea of stuffing it up your cunny a little too late, love,” Newman said with a sly drawl.

  “I knew it,” Caro whispered, turning to Rufus. “That’s what Rebecca heard him say when she was watching the two of them—”

  Rufus touched a finger to his lips to silence her.

  “Why do you think I keep bloody risking my neck to go back for Khan’s bloody revels?” Newman went on, growing more upset by the moment. “I’ve tried a dozen times and more to retrieve the diamond, but they keep moving the—” his expression grew suddenly cagey, “—the thing I put it in.”

  “What did you put it in?” Hazelton asked like the buffoon he was.

  Newman’s face lit as though the sun had come up. “You bring me the money I asked for and I’ll tell you where it’s hidden. You can retrieve it yourself.”

  “That’s a might risky, don’t you think?” Hazelton argued.

  Newman shrugged. “You want the diamond, I’ll tell you where to get it.”

  Hazelton growled but said nothing further.

  “Khan is having another of his routs tomorrow night,” Newman went on. “You bring me the cash and I’ll tell you where it is. I’ll even help create a distraction so that you can pop it out and tuck it away in your pocket when no one is looking. Hell, you can stick it up Henny here’s honey pot and let her walk out with it between her legs, if you’d like.”

  Hazelton made a sound as though he were tempted and turned to Miss Dobson, wiggling his eyebrows in that odious way of his. For her part, Miss Dobson eyed the old goat up and down as though considering it.

  “Do we have a deal, then?” Newman asked, extending a hand to Hazelton.

  Hazelton hesitated for only a moment, glancing to Miss Dobson once, then reached out and shook Newman’s hand. “We have a deal. Tomorrow night it is, then.”

  “Fine.” Newman nodded. “Now be off with you. We’ve garnered too much notice already.”

  That was it. None of the three of them said goodbye or loitered where they were. They peeled off in different directions, evidently trying to get as far away from each other as possible.

  C
aro shifted to face Rufus, standing and taking both of his hands. “That was everything we could have hoped for and more,” she said, her eyes shining. “Except one thing.”

  “Saif Khan,” Rufus said, reading the answer in her eyes. “I know the man is bloody well involved. He has to know where the diamond is hiding within his father’s house. He has to be involved in some way.”

  “He is involved,” a serious, male voice said just feet away from them.

  Caro gasped and leapt toward Rufus, and Rufus’s blood ran cold as Saif himself emerged from the shadows of the shrubs. He was dressed completely in black and held a dully gleaming pistol in one hand. The second he noticed it, Rufus stepped in front of Caro, blocking her completely from Saif’s treachery.

  “You hurt her and I swear, Saif, I’ll end your miserable days on this earth with my bare hands,” he said in a threatening voice.

  Saif’s stance shifted and he held his hands up—one of them still holding the pistol, which Rufus noticed was not cocked—in an appeasing gesture. “I would never dream of hurting a woman of such beauty and cleverness,” he said.

  Rufus frowned, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. Something wasn’t right. “What are you doing here?” he demanded. “Come to make certain your cronies carry out your deal?”

  Saif frowned. “My deal?” He glanced to Caro as she stepped to Rufus’s side and glared at Saif. “Is it true that the two of you pursued Miss Dobson to her father’s country house yesterday?”

  “We did,” Caro answered, tilting up her head.

  Saif narrowed his eyes. “Why would you do that? Why not tell the Runners her whereabouts instead?”

  “The Runners believe me to be a suspect in the theft,” Rufus said. “Had we told them, they would have accused me of collusion.”

  “No, we wouldn’t,” Saif told him.

  Rufus opened his mouth to argue, but the meaning of Saif’s statement struck him like a stone between the eyes. He continued to gape for a moment before saying, “I beg your pardon?”

  “We know you’re not the thief,” Saif said. “We’ve been certain you and Felix are innocent for several weeks now.”

  It was Caro’s turn to stare at Saif in open-mouth wonder. “Do you mean to say that you are a Bow Street Runner, sir?” she asked, her eyes going wide.

  Saif treated her to a saucy grin and touched his forehead in a salute. “At your service, my lady.”

  “No,” Rufus hissed incredulously. “You?”

  Saif nodded. “Indeed.”

  “Saif Khan?” Rufus continued, shaking his head. “Bounder, drunk, ladies’ man?”

  “All an act, my friend.” Saif stepped forward enough to thump Rufus’s arm. “I was recruited direct from university. Gibbon thought it would be useful to have a colonial on staff. Nobs hereabouts tend to underestimate us.” He glanced to Caro with a wink.

  “You mean to tell me that you’re not a spoiled Casanova?” Rufus still couldn’t comprehend it.

  “Well,” Saif said with a modest shrug, “I do enjoy the company of ladies of all sorts.”

  “It was you.” Caro narrowed her eyes and leaned threateningly toward him. “In the secret passageway the other night. That is to say, we assumed it was you, but it truly was.”

  “I confess it was,” Saif said, looking suddenly sheepish. He glanced to Rufus. “I may need to have you tutor me in the art of making a woman squeal the way you did. I believe you know the effect it had on me. It was all I could do to make myself scarce after my unfortunate lapse of concentration.”

  A flash of fury soured Rufus’s stomach, though he had to admit that Caro constituted a serious lapse of concentration for him as well in a great many ways.

  Saif broke the awkward silence that followed with, “We have much to thank the two of you for. Try as we did, none of us could discover Miss Dobson’s whereabouts.”

  “Did you try asking a woman?” Caro asked, one eyebrow arched.

  Saif could only answer with a guilty look. “We’ve known Newman is the thief for weeks now, we just haven’t had any way of proving it. And now we know why.”

  “You do?” Rufus asked, as irritated as Caro looked.

  “The diamond was never removed from my father’s house,” Saif said. “We’ve been breaking our backs for weeks trying to figure out how we could raid Newman’s lodgings to find it. As it is, it may be difficult to prove it was stolen at all if it remains under my father’s roof.”

  “Newman could claim it was moved or misplaced by a servant and that he knew nothing about it,” Rufus said, the pieces coming together in his mind.

  “But not anymore,” Saif said. “Now we have witnesses to his confession—the two of you.”

  “But he could still get away with everything,” Caro said, dropping her arms. “We merely heard him say the diamond is still in the house. He never said where it was. He could still claim he knows nothing about it.”

  “Which is why we need the prospective sale to continue,” Saif went on. “At least until the very last moment. We need to catch them all in the act or we have nothing.”

  “Not even the diamond,” Caro said. “It could be anywhere.”

  “Precisely,” Saif said.

  Another, ruminating silence fell. The situation seemed so close to being resolved and yet still so far out of reach. But at least Rufus now understood why Saif had suddenly appeared in the room at the same time as Newman, Miss Dobson, and Hazelton the night Felix and Jo thought they’d caught the thief. He’d sprung onto the scene in order to catch them in the act himself.

  “You thought Felix was involved,” he said aloud as more pieces came together. “The night the diamond was almost sold before.”

  “What other reason would he and Miss Hodges have had to be there?” Saif asked, confirming his suspicions.

  “Then why did you run from them?” Caro asked.

  Saif frowned. “At the time, they were believed to be criminals. I feared for my life after revealing myself.”

  Rufus narrowed his eyes. “Felix would never harm a hair on your head. After all our years of friendship, how could you distrust either of us so much?”

  Saif lowered his head, then shrugged. “My only defense is that one learns to trust no one when delicate matters of investigation are at stake. And I could ask the same of you. We’ve known each other since university, and yet you would suspect me of stealing from my own father?”

  Rufus’s face went hot and his skin suddenly seemed too tight. He rolled his shoulders to dispel the awkward sensation, but it was no good. “I’m sorry, old friend,” he said. “Allow me to make it up to you by offering my help in any way that you might find useful to bring this matter to a close.”

  “Apology accepted,” Saif said, offering his hand. The two shook, and while their hands were still clasped, Saif said, “I could use your help, you know.” He glanced to Caro. “I know that you and your friends are well-acquainted with the secret passages in my father’s house. Father wishes to keep them as closely-guarded a secret as possible. If you are willing to participate in what I’m certain will be a final operation to catch Newman and his accomplices in the act, then fewer people would need to be made aware of the passages.”

  “We’ll help in any way we can,” Caro said. “Just tell us how.” She glanced to Rufus for confirmation.

  Rufus nodded to her, a new sense of purpose filling him. If Caro played an instrumental role in defeating a notorious diamond thief, then perhaps his father would see clear to allowing him to marry her instead of Lady Malvis. It was the last hope he had for ensuring the only thing that could make him happy for the rest of his life.

  Chapter 8

  It was unusual for Caro not to feel in control of any given situation, but as the day of what she was coming to call The Final Party in her mind wore on, her nerves bristled. Rufus was late. He should have been there hours ago to plan their evening’s course. It was a bad sign that she hadn’t heard so much as a peep from him all day.


  “This will be fantastic,” Felicity told both her and Eliza as the three of them dressed in the room that had formerly been Miss Dobson’s bedchamber. It was the largest bedchamber in the house, and the two wily young ladies had commandeered it as soon as Miss Dobson was gone. “An entire house filled with sin.”

  “I simply do not know how I will be able to maintain my focus with so many handsome men about,” Eliza agreed, pinning Felicity’s curls into a fetching style atop her head.

  Caro sent the two a warning look as she paced the far end of the room, already dressed in one of her more revealing gowns. “I’m afraid you may encounter more than you realize,” she told them. “The bacchanals our neighbors throw are of the most scandalous variety. You may find yourselves manhandled in shocking ways.”

  “Yes, please,” Eliza said in a longing voice, winking at Felicity in the mirror.

  The two of them shared a flurry of giggles that did little to set Caro’s mind at ease. Of all the young ladies at the school, Felicity and Eliza were by far the cleverest. She needed them to be alert and to think quickly in the mission they were all undertaking. If Mr. Newman caught so much as a hint that his game was up, he might bolt yet again. Which was why, as much as Caro might have wanted them there, Rebecca, Nigel, Jo, and Felix couldn’t attend. They would certainly be standing by outside of the East India Company’s house, but one sight of them and the guilty parties would know trouble was afoot. If it wasn’t for the fact that she and Rufus had become a regular part of Khan’s parties, they might not have been able to attend either.

  Where was Rufus? The party was racing toward them and he still hadn’t arrived.

  “There’s no need to be so anxious,” Felicity told her when Eliza finished with her hair and the two of them switched places. “The plan is in place. You know that Mr. Newman, Miss Dobson, and Lord Hazelton will be in attendance tonight and that they will, out of necessity, attempt to carry out their dastardly plans.”

  “And you have all of us in league with you,” Eliza added as Felicity drew a brush through her hair. “What could possibly go wrong?”