The details really were fascinating. But right now Cole only wanted to hit a home run, break out of his slump and turn a triple play at second base. He pulled into the church parking lot and found a spot. She was still waiting for him to ask about the doctor visit, her pretty hair spilling in waves over her slim shoulders. He remembered to smile. “How was your appointment?”
Her eyes sparkled. “I found out.”
No telling what she was talking about. Sometimes Cole felt like they were moving in opposite directions. She was obsessed with the baby growing inside her, and he . . . well, he wasn’t. No matter how much he wanted to be. He turned toward her. They had to hurry. Church would start in fifteen minutes. “Found out what?”
Disappointment flashed in her expression. “Cole. You know!” She studied him for a few seconds. She must’ve seen that he clearly didn’t know, because she let her head fall against her seat and she let out a loud breath. “Cole.” Her eyes found his again. “I found out the sex of the baby.”
That! Cole shifted in his seat. Of course! He took hold of her hand. “I thought you were going to wait.”
“I was.” She seemed to forgive him. Her tone was more relaxed again. “But they did an ultrasound. I guess that’s normal at this point. Looking for stuff that might be wrong.”
“Was everything okay?” There. That was better. More interested.
“It was.” The corners of her lips lifted a little and her eyes danced. “The guy doing the ultrasound suddenly goes, ‘Are you feeling her move a lot?’ ” She allowed a single laugh. “And I was like, ‘Her?’” Elise lifted her free hand, as if she couldn’t contain her excitement. “And just like that I had my answer.”
“It’s a girl?” Cole tried to sound as happy as Elise.
“Yes!” she squealed. “Cole, we’re having a girl!”
We’re having a girl? The suffocating feeling was back. What was he doing? He wanted to correct her that they weren’t having a baby. They weren’t married. He had no idea if they’d ever be married. Rather, she was having the baby.
But it didn’t seem like the right time.
One thing was certain. As they walked toward the church building, their hands laced together, the idea of Elise’s baby felt way more real. Since she still wasn’t showing, it was easy sometimes to think of Elise as his girlfriend. The most captivating girl he’d ever met.
Here though, thinking about Elise having a little girl, the truth was much more tangible. With everything in him, Cole wanted to be like his dad. There for Elise, loving her through all that was ahead. But right now, even as they entered Clear Creek Community Church, Cole felt just one thing.
Overwhelmed.
They found their seats and Elise made her rounds from Cole’s mom and dad to his brother and sister and cousin. They all liked her. Though only his parents knew about their plans to move to Louisiana.
The church band sang four worship songs, and when they were finished, Cole looked at Elise. She had tears in her eyes. Spilling onto her cheeks. His heart broke for her. All she’d been through on top of missing this deep connection with God . . . of course she was feeling it today. On Easter Sunday.
The sermon seemed written just for Cole. Or maybe for Elise, too.
“Sometimes life comes down to trusting God.” The pastor looked around the congregation. “That’s the story of Easter.” He went on to talk about the fact that Jesus had told His friends He would rise from the dead. But still on Sunday morning they were shocked. Totally disbelieving that the tomb might actually be empty.
Cole let his mind drift. Was God trying to tell him to trust the situation with Elise? That somehow if he moved to Louisiana and spent the next few years—or even all his life—helping and loving Elise and her baby, then God would take care of things? Was that how he was supposed to trust?
He made eye contact with his dad and they both smiled. Maybe it was an entirely different spin. Maybe God wanted him to trust his parents on this and stick with his first plan. Going to Liberty. Trust that God would take care of Elise and that if it was meant to be, they would find a way to be together, later. When they were older. When Cole had his medical training.
As great as the message was, Cole was more confused than ever as the sermon wound down. If he were honest with himself, he didn’t want to move to Louisiana. Didn’t want to get a job and support Elise. He wanted to go to Liberty. His whole future was ahead of him.
What had he been thinking to make such a crazy promise to Elise? And now that she was counting on him, what was he supposed to do? The walls of the church seemed to be closing in, and once more he had to work to get a full breath. He lifted his eyes to the cross at the front of the church. Jesus, I have no idea what to do. I feel like I’m drowning. Help me, please.
That’s when he noticed Elise still dabbing at her eyes, still crying. Why was she so upset? Was it just that good to be back in church, or something more? Had she heard from God?
Later, at his house after an early dinner, they walked to the stream that ran through his backyard. Like the first time he’d brought her here, he took her to the rock that anchored the edge of the water. Once they were seated she turned to him.
“I didn’t want to talk about this before dinner.” The sadness in her face was gone. Her eyes held a peace that hadn’t been there before. “Cole, I think God was talking to me today. At church.”
“Really?” He pulled one knee up and watched her, the way the breeze played with her hair. “What did He say?”
“The whole trust thing.” She looked straight ahead. “I think He was saying I’m supposed to place my little girl up for adoption. With Aaron and Lucy—the couple I picked out.”
Cole’s heart started to pound. He couldn’t sound too happy. What would that say about his desire to help her? That it was all an act? He exhaled and forced himself to be calm. Like when he came up to bat in the ninth inning, bases loaded. “So . . . what are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Okay.” Breathe, he ordered himself. You have to breathe. He grabbed a quick bit of air through his nose. “I mean . . . do you really think that’s what He was saying?”
“Maybe.” She turned to him again. “I think it’s me who’s holding on. And now that I know she’s a girl, she’s so much more a part of me.” Tears welled in her eyes again. “She’s my baby.”
Clouds gathered overhead and in the distance thunder rolled low and long. They had maybe ten minutes before the rain hit. Cole waited, listening.
“It’s hard to explain, but I think I heard a voice. Not a real voice, but . . . I don’t know.” She hesitated. “It’s like I could feel God telling me to trust Him. My baby girl would have the most amazing life with Aaron and Lucy.”
Cole nodded. “What about you?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to ask. “What do you want?”
She leaned closer and put her hand on his face. Then she stared into his eyes. “I want to be with you.” Doubt flickered in her expression. “I’m not sure about raising a baby. That’s the truth.”
A flash of lightning lit up the sky not far from where they were sitting. “We need to go.”
“I know.” They stood but the rain came before they could make their first move toward the house. Like most Indiana springtime storms, the rain came in buckets. The rain simply released all at once right over them.
“Come on!” Cole shouted over the sound of the sudden downpour. “Run!”
They held hands and sprinted across the property. Thunder shook the ground and they moved even faster. By the time they reached the shelter of the porch they were drenched.
“Cole.” She was out of breath, making a sound that was more laugh than cry. “Hold me.”
And he did. He opened his arms and she fit right between them, up against his chest. “Elise.” He brushed the rain from his face, still breathing hard. He whispered into her wet hair. “Sometimes . . . I’m so scared.”
“Me, too.” She held him tighter. Li
ke she was only a child herself. “Why does life have to be so hard?”
Cole had no answers. Not for himself and certainly not for her. All he knew was that the idea of her placing the baby for adoption hadn’t only eased the boulders. It had allowed him to breathe again.
And that had to mean something.
• • •
LONG AFTER ELISE was in bed that night, when sleep wouldn’t come and the storm raged outside, Cole’s words played over and over in her heart. Sometimes . . . I’m so scared.
So scared.
She had known for too long that Cole wasn’t being completely honest with her. Yes, he loved her. She could tell by the way he looked at her. But he didn’t really want to be with her. Not yet, when they were so young. That’s what his eyes told her even if he didn’t say the words.
What did either of them know about raising a baby? And how could they plan to be married when they’d hardly even dated? All because he wanted to be like his dad.
Elise rolled onto her side. As she did the baby moved. The feeling was more of a kick this time. The flutters were gone, since the baby was getting bigger. Her doctor told her she would probably be showing to the world by mid-June. At the latest.
Which meant she and Cole could go through graduation in love with each other. Spending their free time together. Cheering each other on through baseball games and paintings. But all of it was only pretend if Cole Blake was afraid.
How could she let him give up his dream of attending Liberty University and becoming a doctor if he was scared of what was ahead? And what about her dream of being an artist? Since she’d moved here she hadn’t painted anything at all until Cole found the easel and paints from his mom.
But now that she was filling a canvas again, all she could think about was NYU. Her desire to become an artist had only grown stronger over the past weeks. Something she hadn’t told Cole. Which meant neither of them was being fully honest, the type of honest they would need to be before they packed up for Louisiana. Before they even considered marriage.
She had talked to her mother today, told her she was having doubts again about the baby. About keeping her. This time her mom had seemed different, less willing to push Elise toward coming home and bringing Cole. Which all lined up with the way she felt God telling her to trust Him by placing her baby for adoption. Some thing she wouldn’t have experienced if she hadn’t gone to church with Cole’s family. And today her mom had seemed to be on that same page.
“This is a decision that will change your life forever,” her mama had said. “I’ll stand by you, baby girl. Whatever you choose.”
Her words brought Elise a feeling of relief. For a while there she had thought her mom might be disappointed if she placed the baby for adoption. But now things were completely back to what Mr. Green had told her. This was her choice. Completely hers.
And how much of her decision to keep the baby in the first place was because of Cole? Because she could picture him by her side, bringing the newborn home, feeding and changing her. All the little milestones were only beautiful in her mind because she had Cole right next to her. How could she even consider letting Cole pass up going away to college? It was beyond selfish of her. Agreeing with him that he’d be fine taking classes online? That was terrible.
Staying home to raise a baby or going away to college. There was nothing even a little similar between those two plans.
She rolled onto her other side. If Cole was the only reason she was excited about keeping her baby girl, what did that say about her desire to be a mother? Elise exhaled long and troubled. Tomorrow she would tell Aunt Carol and Uncle Ken about the baby. Everything was getting so real. So complicated.
No wonder Cole felt scared. They both should be terrified.
Her thoughts did spins and somersaults pulling her one way and then the other until finally she fell asleep. Suddenly she wasn’t in her aunt and uncle’s flowered little guest room. She was in her mama’s house in Louisiana. And Cole was sitting on the couch working on a laptop.
But he looked older. Not as happy and carefree.
And then there was a loud noise at the door and someone kicked it open and Randy stepped in. Mean and big and screaming mad. “Elise, where’s the baby?”
She didn’t have to ask. She knew what he was talking about. “The baby’s mine, Randy. Leave us alone.”
“No. I changed my mind, Elise. I’m keeping her.” Then he pulled out a gun and pointed it at Elise. At the last second he spun and aimed the weapon at Cole. “And I’m finished with you forever.”
Randy pulled the trigger and Elise screamed. But before the bullet could tear into Cole, Elise sat straight up in bed. Her lungs gasping for air. “God, help me. Please . . . save Cole!”
She was still only half awake, and gradually the reality washed over her. Randy wasn’t here. He hadn’t burst through the door and he didn’t just shoot Cole Blake.
It was a dream. The worst one Elise had ever had. But as she settled back into the pillow, as her heart found its regular rhythm again, she realized that one part of the dream was actually very possible.
The idea that Randy might come after her if she kept the baby. He had signed off his rights, but that didn’t mean he’d leave her alone. Even if he moved away from Leesville, he could come back. And one day the kick at the door wouldn’t be a nightmare. It would be real.
Suddenly the pieces started adding up. The fact that Cole deserved his own dreams and that she wasn’t sure she even wanted to be a mother. The reality of Randy’s temper and the way she longed to attend NYU. The truth that any day she would find out if she was accepted there, and she had the strongest sense she would be.
Elise put her hand on her stomach. It was still flat, but it was firm now. Getting hard as her uterus filled out. She ran her fingers over the area and felt something that hadn’t been there before. A gentle rise between her hip bones.
“I’m sorry, little girl. I wish I could be what you need. I wish things were different.” Her voice was barely a whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
She cried herself to sleep and when she woke up she didn’t have to ask God what the answer was. It was clear as the morning outside her window. And that afternoon a letter from NYU was waiting for her in the mailbox.
As fast as she could she tore into it and began to read.
Dear Ms. Walker,
We are pleased to inform you of your acceptance to New York University. We find your paintings to be of the highest caliber, and we look forward to the next four years of shaping and refining your skills . . .
Elise couldn’t read another word. Not until she did what she couldn’t wait to do. She took a breath, trusted God with all her heart, and made the call.
The call to Mr. Green.
21
With all the intensity of the situation with Elise, Ashley woke up on Cole’s graduation day feeling a little cheated.
Years ago when he was little, as much as Cole delighted her more every day, she was often sad at how quickly he was growing up. That every few months he stood taller and talked more clearly.
Back then, when Cole was four, Ashley had taken a day to clean out his dresser drawers. Clothes Cole had outgrown she boxed up and gave to the Goodwill. All except a few special outfits. When she was done cleaning that day, she’d played the song “House at Pooh Corner” by Kenny Loggins and found her journal. Tears had filled her eyes as she opened it to a blank page. She could still remember what she wrote.
I grew up believing I could do anything. But today I realized there’s something I’ll never be able to do. I can’t stop my Cole from growing up.
Then she had turned the page and done a little projecting. She wrote out the next fifteen years on so many lines and beside each date she wrote the grade Cole would be in. A minute later she was scribbling out the year 2019, and then the two saddest words she could imagine.
Cole graduates.
As far off as that year felt, Ashley had made a decision that day. S
he would savor every minute. Appreciate the seasons. Paint them. So that when 2019 had the nerve of rolling around and sweeping Cole from his little-boy bedroom to a whole new life, she would be ready.
But now here they were.
And Ashley felt like they’d wasted most of the semester helping Cole figure out what to do with Elise, how to navigate the situation, what decision to make. When he wasn’t with the girl, he was talking about her, distracted by her.
Nothing about this past semester was how Ashley had seen it playing out.
Elise was a very kind girl, a free spirit and an artist. She’d been accepted to NYU and for the past month she seemed set once again on placing her baby up for adoption and heading to Manhattan for school. But she still had to give birth and hold her baby, still had to get through those last two weeks before the adoption would be final.
All those days before Ashley could be sure Cole wasn’t going to throw away his dreams and follow Elise to Louisiana.
Ashley had studied the calendar, and depending on when Elise had her baby, there was a chance her two-week window could be the last two weeks Cole would have at home before leaving for Liberty. Which meant the final days before Cole moved might not turn out how she pictured them, either.
Whatever happened, Cole was going to be crushed when summer ended. He loved Elise that much.
It was early Saturday morning. Ashley had set her alarm for seven o’clock—way before the rest of the family would be awake. She wanted to finish Cole’s graduation video, the one she’d been putting together since the start of his senior year. She had a few more edits to make and it would be good to go.
They’d play it tonight after the ceremony, when everyone in their extended family and many of Cole’s friends gathered to celebrate. But before Ashley could work on the video, there was something she wanted to find.
At the top of her closet were two boxes filled with things that meant the world to her. Things she couldn’t bear to throw away. Not ever. She pulled them down one at a time and took them to the living room. So she wouldn’t wake anyone. She sat in the nearest chair and opened both of them.
Two Weeks: A Novel (The Baxter Family) Page 21
