“That’s a stretch.” He’d saved me already, and even when confronting Arthur, he’d not been angry, just sure of himself. I’d never met anyone like Dwayne. “You don’t seem to have a chip on your shoulder.”
“After my first mission, I realized the real stakes, and he died a fucking hero out there. I was proud he was my brother then, but I think I needed to see that for myself.”
We had opposite backgrounds. Joseph had been the only good person in my life until Bruce, and I’d run away from my brother. I curled up my legs closer to my chest and said, “I don’t know what to do right now.”
Dwayne, like he was someone with all answers, just said, “It’s okay. Nothing is happening. Your brother will be fine. The only decision you have right now is what movie you want to watch on TV.”
A movie on TV? Seriously? I fucked up my life and Bruce’s and everything. I jumped up as my body tingled everywhere and needed release, so I pointed to his other door. “I’m…” not good enough for you, but I couldn’t bring myself to say that. Instead, I bounced and asked, “Is it safe to go on your back porch to look at the ocean?”
Dwayne then reached out for Bruce’s hand and said, “Sure. We’ll all go.”
My son took his hand and held his palm out for me. I took it and he swung between us as we went to the beach to breathe the salty air. “You said your security team knew your brother.”
“It’s why they approached me the day I hung up my uniform,” Dwayne answered and made my son laugh when he picked him up. I pressed my fingers to the door panel, and it unlocked for us. I opened it, and the sea air was nice as Dwayne said, “They trusted I could help them build a case against Wanda to stop illegal weapons being sold while I fought for control to ensure no more weapons of mine got into the wrong hands.”
My cousins and family had been my guardian angels. My son let go of us to dig in some sand in the yard, and Dwayne dusted off some of his chairs. “Yeah?” I asked.
I sat, and he folded his hands in front of him and said, “I have been bored out of my mind for weeks until you came in my life.”
My neck tingled and wondered if boredom had been what drew me to Dwayne, but I brushed that thought away fast and intended to ignore it and asked, “Were you?”
His dimples came out when he said, “The party where we met changed me. It was like I met a good woman who would change my life for the better, in that one moment.”
Sweet words. I wanted to believe him. I lowered my head. If he would just focus on his job and not on me, everything would be different. I swallowed and asked, “Do you regret it?”
He leaned closer like he would share a secret. “No. I was talking about when I met you.”
I pressed my hands to my chest and stood up fast. “Don’t.”
He followed me. “Don’t what?”
I paced around, but I was weak and not helping myself or Bruce when I gave away all my power. My pulse raced with anxiety. “Don’t say I’m a good thing in your life.”
His eyes widened like I’d shocked him. Then he said, “You’re the woman I waited my whole life to meet.”
Just like that, raindrops. I glanced up and asked, “Why should I believe that?”
“Because it’s true.”
Another woman would probably hold him tight and never let go. Seriously, it was the worst day of my life. I swallowed, and he grabbed Bruce fast. He held the door open for me, and we rushed inside. As the door closed, he said, “Don’t worry about it. Pick the movie.”
My head pounded. If I didn’t stop myself, I would be weak and pathetic and never change the way I’d wanted. I rocked onto my tiptoes and heels then said, “I need a shower. Watch Bruce for a few minutes?”
He motioned toward his bedroom and said, “Of course. Take your time.”
“Thanks,” I said and grabbed my bag.
Hopefully, the shower would help cool me down. At that moment, I had crazy thoughts of grabbing Bruce and running. It wasn’t smart, but I’d worked the whole year to be strong and independent. Now we were under attack because I hadn’t been, and I refused to go backward and depend on Dwayne, even if he was the perfect guy.
Chapter Fifteen
Dwayne
Mary had chosen a slapstick comedy. The way her face contorted when she laughed made me chuckle. Bruce crawled onto my lap and cuddled up close.
The moon was out now, and the rain was pelting against the glass windows. I used my phone to close the blinds and turned toward Mary. She sat absolutely still, but her eyes were open. I bumped into her and said, “Bruce fell asleep.”
She blinked and stared at me like she’d just woken up, but she jumped up and said, “Let’s put him in bed.”
I carried him into the nursery and tucked him in the crib. Mary adjusted his pillow and kissed his forehead. As she came up, I asked, “Are you feeling better?”
Her eyes narrowed at me, and she whispered, “We need to talk.”
I pressed my hand on her lower back and said, “Whatever you need.”
“Good,” she said, but as we left the room, she sped up so I wouldn’t touch her. I followed behind her, and a moment later, we were alone.
Her face was pale, and she hugged herself. I headed to the kitchen and showed her a wine bottle, but she shook her head no. I put it back, and she pointed to the couch. I joined her and asked, “So what’s going on, Mary?”
She didn’t have one breath but three fast exhales, and she turned away from me as she said, “I can’t ruin your life.”
Ruin? I swallowed, unsure what to do, but I quickly said, “You’re not.”
She jumped up and walked toward the back of the giant room toward the beach view and clutched her stomach again. “We were supposed to be a one-night stand.”
I massaged the back of my head and quietly said, “I never thought that.”
She twisted her neck to stare back at me. “I did.”
I let out a small sigh and followed her to the closed blinds. “Well, I’m glad you changed your mind.”
She squeezed her eyes like her thoughts were hurting her. “I shouldn’t have. If I hadn’t, you’d not be stuck with us.”
My eyes widened. I would never think of her as a burden. “I’m not stuck—“
She let out a small yelp like I argued and she’d not hear me. Then she said, “And maybe what Arthur had done wouldn’t have been so deadly if he’d known I fought my own battles.”
This wasn’t about me. I opened the blinds so she could see the rain if she wanted. “What are you talking about?”
She pressed her forehead onto the window and said, “You answered the door, and you probably frightened him.”
My mind raced to the day before and how I’d stared down at the small guy with the bad attitude. I pressed my back against the nearby wall. “I read his rap sheet with the police. You’re lucky to be alive.”
Tears rushed out of her eyes. “I know that. I’m embarrassed you saw my bad choices in black and white like that.”
Fuck. I wasn’t good at comforting a woman. This wasn’t my training. I squatted. “Did you want him back in your life again?”
She rubbed her temples and stood back. “No, but it should have been me that told him to get out.”
Okay. If that was how she wanted to play that moment, I tilted my head and asked, “Why didn’t you join me at the door and kick it closed, then?”
Her face turned red. “Because I’m weak near you.”
That wasn’t the word for her. I stood up. “You’re not.”
She pivoted toward me and pointed like I’d insulted her. “Don’t fucking tell me what you think I need to hear.”
I held up my hands in surrender. “I’m not. You’re sweet, good, and strong as hell, rebuilding a life for Bruce like you have.”
She squared herself up as she stared at me, but she put her hands down. “I don’t know… because I think tonight, I should sleep on the couch, so we don’t get confused.”
Today had been t
raumatic. I gave her space but stepped away from the wall and asked, “Are you sure you want to be alone in a place you don’t know?”
Her hands curled into balls at her side. “No, but I can’t depend on you.”
“Got it,” I said. Arthur had screwed with her head. I couldn’t change her past, but I tried to figure out a solution. “How about I pay you to decorate my house?”
Her entire body went white as she said, “I’m not a whore.”
I put my hand in my pockets and rubbed the back of my head as heat rose in my cheeks. “I was talking about the house, not sleeping with me.”
I lowered my head as I knew that was the wrong thing to say.
“You’re only offering that because you see I’m upset.”
She saw through my offer, but I said, “Partly true, but I can set you up with a budget so you can make this place livable.”
Why did I suffer from saying stupid things? The way her lips pressed together told me I’d been wrong and stupid. She lashed out at me. “Because you intend to stay in Virginia once I’m out of your hair.”
I snapped my fingers automatically. I hadn’t planned out my life beyond keeping her safe, as the company had never been on my radar until now. “Actually, I’d have to move to Pittsburgh when I take control of the company, but I swear I’ll pack whatever you pick out to take with me.”
“That’s a lot of work.” She rocked back and forth as she said, “Besides, you’ll get a fancy place like my brother, where I also shouldn’t go and visit.”
Shouldn’t? I didn’t understand her at all. I asked, “What are you talking about, Mary?”
She pressed her hand to her heart. “I am not the woman you need.”
I took a small step toward her and said, “Let me decide that.”
She covered her lips while she stared at me. For a moment, neither one of us said anything, and then she said, “You’re not really seeing me.”
In battle, panic never helped make a good decision. I held my palms faceup and said, “I have two eyes that are pretty sharp, according to my former superiors.”
She went up and down on her tiptoes, then crossed her arms and shook her head. “You’re not getting it, Dwayne.”
True. I narrowed my eyes. “I’m not getting what?”
She inhaled and then said, “I need to stop sleeping with you.”
What? I lost sensation in my hands and feet. “For tonight or forever?”
“Forever.” She lowered her head and headed back to the kitchen. “I can’t be responsible if something happens to you. It would be my fault.”
“Nothing happened to me, and I can take care of myself.” I followed her across the room. “Nothing happened to you or Bruce. Don’t think of sneaking out and putting you or that boy in danger, Mary.”
She flipped around my empty home with both her hands in the air, like I’d proven some point. “There you go. You’re perfect and sweet and amazing, and I don’t deserve that. I’m barely hanging on by a thread.”
Maybe if she would say everything, I would understand. When I made it across the kitchen counter from her, I asked, “What are you talking about?”
She squared her shoulders and said, “I’m breaking up with you, and you still care about my son’s safety and my own.”
I flinched, but I got it now. She wasn’t into me like I was her. A future relationship was all in my imagination, and that dream had just been trampled. I put my hands behind my back like I was in the military again. “It’s my job, Mary. I get today was trying for you, but don’t run out on me. I promised your brother and myself.”
She lowered her head, and her shoulders slumped. “I don’t deserve you.”
I leaned on the counter and brought myself to eye level with her. “Since when is love about what you deserve?”
She gripped the edge of the counter. “Don’t tell me you love me. I can’t handle that.”
“Okay.” She absolutely wasn’t on the same page as me. My heart twisted—a balloon about to pop. I stood up and said, “Look, you take the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor out here as that’s preferable to a couch.”
“Why?”
“I slept on dirt as a Seal. I’ll wake you if I hear Bruce.”
She squeezed her eyes shut like I’d hurt her, but she backed up and said, “Dwayne, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, Mary.” I headed into my room to grab a pillow since I had two. She followed me in. I held it and grabbed the extra blanket from my closet. “I’d never force you into anything you don’t want.”
I headed to the door so she could be alone, but then she said, “For the record, I want you to find a woman who loves you unconditionally.”
Damn, she knew how to tighten the screws near the valves of my heart.
“I wanted to be that for you, but I can’t be.”
“Good night,” I said and closed the door.
It was fine that she didn’t love me. I would handle that, but inside, I needed to deflate and find a way to cover up the wounds she’d pounded into me. I would live with rejection as long as she stayed safe. Maybe one day, Mary and Bruce might be happy on their own and remember me. It was all I’d have left.
Chapter Sixteen
Mary
I closed the bedroom door and tossed myself onto his blue comforter and covered my head with his pillow. It smelled like his sweat, which, unlike most men’s, was a sexy smell like adrenaline and sweet chocolate chip cookies that were freshly baked.
I licked my lips, and the memory of the first time he kissed me in that ballroom hit me.
Damn, heat stirred in me even now, and my mouth watered.
I sat up and tossed the pillow. I wasn’t ready to sleep anyhow, as adrenaline raced in my veins. I massaged my temple and forehead, like that might somehow get Dwayne out of my head.
I glanced up at the ceiling and wished my skin wasn’t so prickly.
I was shaken by the ring from my phone. I tugged it out of my back pocket and saw the name of my cousin who owned the shelter I worked at. She was somewhere across the globe with her billionaire husband. I answered, and instead of hello, I asked, “Indigo, where are you these days?”
“Japan,” she said, and it sounded like she closed her door and then slowed down. “I heard about why you didn’t come in. Did I call too late?”
The clock on my screen read a little after nine. I closed my eyes and wished she was there. She’d been my rock when I checked into the shelter and let me rest without telling Joseph for a week, though our family was always close. She owned the shelter I worked at. I crossed my legs and said, “No. You’re in New Zealand, which must be nice, but I want to say I took a few days off.”
“You’re safe, though, and Bruce is okay.”
Thanks to Dwayne. I tugged my ear and ignored the heat in my face. “We’re fine, just scared.”
“Joseph said you’re staying with your new boyfriend?”
The butterflies in my stomach grew fast and furious. This wasn’t good. I cringed, but I spit out the torturous words that felt like fire on my tongue. “He’s not… my boyfriend.”
“Fine. Your new man, and he has a security team in place?”
My hands fell to my sides, and I glanced at his blue comforter. He’d slept under this. “Yeah, Cole Securities.”
“One of the best in the world,” she said, like his job excited her. “I’m glad you’re safe. Can I get you anything?”
Maybe I was projecting. I was in his house and bed because Dwayne was good. I pressed my eyes together and focused on her question. She’d done enough for me in the past, but I slowly opened my squinting eyes and asked, “How about advice?”
“On what?”
I let out a long sigh and stood up. “How did you open up to Jacob? You were the most independent woman I’d ever met, and now you seem so different and happy.”
“I… was scared to love Jacob. Is that what’s happening with you and your new man?”
My face felt tingly, li
ke something was pressing against me, though I was alone. I paced around and said, “No. I told Dwayne we were never going to be anything serious.”
“Because you’re scared?”
Damn, those words shot straight through my chest and pierced my heart. I took a deep breath and said, “I got to go.”
“Don’t be scared. It’s okay to fall in love and depend on a good guy. You have to trust your own judgment because you know what a bad guy looks like now.”
“Okay,” I said, and I knew my voice cracked a little. But I had no other answer. I’d told him that because he was wonderful and I was a disaster. I was a train wreck that had landed in his house.
“Well, if you need anything, we’re family.”
My cousin’s house had been the only safe place Joseph and I had as children. We were functioning and better because we were taken in and showed that not everyone hurts children.
Her mom had been my inspiration. I turned and continued stalking the white walls of the room. “We’ll talk soon.”
We hung up, but my stomach still had butterflies. I tried to shake it off. She was wrong about me. I wasn’t scared to fall in love. I was being safe. I rocked on my feet in the corner and then continued for a few minutes.
Then my son screamed.
He was in a new place. I rushed out and darted through the house. Luckily, I didn’t see Dwayne on the couch, just his pillow and blanket.
I ran to his bed and saw my son standing in the crib. I patted his back and said, “Bruce, it’s okay.”
His face scrunched up, and he screamed, “Dada.”
His father? He didn’t know his father. I swallowed and assumed he was just vocalizing, but I pressed my hand to my heart and said, “It’s Mama, sweetie.”
He threw his hands up and said again, “Dada.”
Dwayne knocked on the door. I turned around and goose bumps grew on my body. He was shirtless and in gym shorts, and he smiled with those dimples and asked, “Does he need milk?”
Bruce practically jumped in his crib and shouted, “Dada!”
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