Finding Teagan

by R J Gray

  Teagan knew exactly why she made him out to be the bad guy. Her feelings were speeding along on a fast track toward falling for him. She was trying to put on the brakes. She was looking for something bad, anything, at this point, to keep her from crashing into love. Not willing to say that, she apologized instead.

  "I am sorry for thinking you were overstepping boundaries and not communicating better with you," Teagan said, tugging a strand of hair.

  "Good girl. Thank you. Now finish your eggs so you can take a shower and we can get our day going."

  "I don't normally eat breakfast. A couple cups of coffee and I'm good. Sometimes, I'll grab a granola bar or something from the vending machine."

  "You eat breakfast now," Luca said. "You have much too physical of a job not to do so."

  "Well, if you keep making me breakfast, I'll keep eating it, especially if it includes bacon and coffee." They both laughed. The conversation switched to lighter topics as they both finished every bite of food on their plates.

  "Look, clean plate club!" Teagan held her plate up for Luca's inspection.

  "Good girl," he praised again, sending little butterflies into Teagan's stomach with the words. "Now, put your plate in the sink and I'll clean up while you take a shower. A quick shower, Teagan, we are behind schedule."

  "I didn't know we had a schedule today," Teagan responded.

  "I have an important client meeting that I can't miss later this afternoon. We need to get gas for your car and give it time to warm up some. Now, go shower," Luca said.

  "Yes, sir, Master Chief, sir!" Teagan mock saluted.

  "Haha. Brat."

  Chapter 8

  Luca wouldn't let Teagan fill the gas can or put it in the trunk. He filled her car with gas as she sat in his nice, warm one.

  It was an odd feeling for Teagan. She had been independent her entire life. Never really having parents who cared enough to nurture her, she had found her own path. She was responsible to no one but herself. It was unnerving how Luca took care of her, did things for her that she could do herself. It would really upset her if she thought he did it because she was incapable; she knew better, though.

  He was more than aware of her strengths; he continuously made that clear. Before he filled the gas can, he held up his hand to prevent her protest and reassured her, "I know you can do this, but I want to do it. Let me take care of you."

  The words hit her like a punch in the gut. Let me take care of you. No one had ever taken care of her. It was hard to allow it now.

  "Brr, it's cold out there. I think the coldest day yet; it might take a minute for your car to defrost. I've scraped all the ice off of the windows," Luca said, getting into the car.

  "Thank you. It's like an oven in here. You'll defrost yourself quickly," Teagan responded. Luca removed his gloves and held his hands up in front of the vents. After a moment, he turned to Teagan. He took her hand and traced his thumb across the small semicolon tattoo on the inside of her right wrist.

  "Is this your only tattoo?"

  "It is indeed."

  "Surprising choice. Do you have a secret writing habit I don't know about? I know, you write under a pen name. Is that it?"

  "Ha. Me? I don't even like writing my reports for work. Reading, sure. Writing, not my thing."

  "Then?" The question was clear in Luca's tone. He wanted to know why she had chosen a semicolon.

  "You've never heard of Project Semicolon, I take it?"

  "No, I can't say I have. Why don't you tell me?" Luca asked.

  Teagan studied his face. He was asking because he genuinely was interested, not as small talk or to pass the time while her car warmed up. She was beginning to believe that he did care, or at least, he was convinced he did. That was the way of the world, her world, her experiences. Men came, thought they fell in love with her, realized they didn't really love her after all and then, like every adult in her childhood, would abandon her. She hoped upon hope that Luca was different, but part of her wondered if she was simply unlovable and that was her lot in life.

  "Teagan?" Luca questioned, pulling her from her thoughts.

  "Project Semicolon is a suicide prevention and awareness organization. The semicolon represents the fact that your story isn't over yet. In grammar, a semicolon is an indicator of a pronounced pause. It reminds me when things are rough, to take a pause, that this, too, will pass, and not jump off a bridge that there is no coming back from."

  "You've had a hard life."

  "So, I keep being told. But, in reality, it's not that bad. I mean, what I went through as a child pales to the type of evil I see in my job every day. Sure, there were traumas that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but I survived, and some would even say I thrived. I broke the statistical barricades by sheer will and stubbornness. I was told time and time again what I couldn't do. I couldn't graduate high school. I couldn't succeed in life. I couldn't overcome my past. I said, 'Screw you. Not only will I, but I will do it better than anyone else.' I was valedictorian of my high school class, first in my police academy. Earned my master's degree in half the time, worked my butt off with double the courses. When life would get tough, another Thanksgiving, pulling a double shift before eating a microwaved frozen TV dinner alone on the couch, I would see my tattoo, and it would help some. I mean, I've cried enough tears to fill an ocean but…" Teagan paused, looking out the window.

  Luca watched her, saying nothing. He just listened. It was odd to have someone listen to her and feel like they were listening to hear what she was saying instead of listening to respond. He was taking an interest in her feelings, something she could honestly say no man had done before. She was used to a lot of, "uh huhs" and platitudes. In fact, she hadn't gotten this deep with a man before.

  "I've never been so deep into the dark that I've taken that step. I've thought about it, once I went as far as to plan it, but I've never gone through with it or even attempted. I think my work helps some. I volunteer with abused and neglected kids. Kids who look up to me and think, if Teagan can do it, so can I. It's different when they have someone who has been where they are, to aspire to. I can't let them down."

  "Thank you for sharing that with me, Teagan." Luca continued to hold her hand. "I hope you know that you matter and that the world is a brighter place with you in it. I understand that dark place. After returning from war, I struggled, too. Sometimes, the choices I had to make, the split-second decision between keeping my life and causing someone else's death, well, we all live with the consequences of our actions. It might have been the right thing to do in the situation, and I would make the same decision again, but the dead, they haunt me. I've lost many a brother to their own hand when those memories have been too much for them to bear. I guess, what I am saying, is I can relate."

  The silence in the car after wasn't awkward. Two people sat side by side, growing in their relationship without even knowing it.

  "We have more in common than I thought," Teagan joked.

  "I wish it wasn't this. I'd give anything to take away all your pain," Luca said, and Teagan believed him.

  Chinese food was spread out across the table. Teagan didn't know what her sisters liked; they were still getting to know each other. She wasn't about to assume that they liked the same foods she did as she had been proven wrong several times.

  "There's enough food here for an army, or at least to feed the guys at S.E.A.L.!" Ro said, arriving first.

  "I didn't know what you and Evie liked, so I got a mix. Rice and noodles, egg rolls, Crab Rangoon, beef and broccoli, sesame chicken and Chinese BBQ pork."

  "You provided an entire buffet!" Evie laughed, coming into the room. A minute later, they sat at the table eating.

  "You barely have anything on your plate," Ro stated accusingly to Evie as she added several heaping spoonsful to her plate.

  "Too many carbs," Evie said, shrugging.

  "You and your damn carbs," Teagan grumbled.

  "Oh, shut it with your judgement. There are expectations I
have to maintain. I'm going to be attending a lot of events as the First Lady of Oregon," she recited.

  "Yeah, yeah. Our sister, the celebrity," Ro teased. They finished their dinners and moved into the living room.

  Teagan cleared her throat before talking. "First, I want to let you know that Ro didn't tell me of her own accord. I guessed, so you can't be mad at her."

  "What are you talking about?" Evie asked.

  "I know about Montgomery hitting you," Teagan said gently.

  Evie froze, and there was a flash of fear in her eyes before she pulled the shutters down, shutting them out. "I don't know what she told you," she pointed a finger at Ro, "but he is not hitting me."

  "Evie, you're safe here. We love you. You don't have to deny it," Teagan responded.

  "There's nothing to deny, Teagan. I'm fine." The smile she gave them was perfectly polished, and fake.

  "Evie, please," Ro pleaded, reaching for her.

  Jerking her hand away from Ro's touch, Evie glared at her. "I trusted you! I knew I couldn't trust you!" Teagan heard the panic and fear in Evie's tone.

  "Evie, it isn't like that. Please, just hear us out," Ro plead.

  "Hear you out? Why? I trusted you once, Rowena. It's a mistake I won't make again." Evie stood.

  "We just want to help you," Ro begged.

  "I don't need your help! I'm fine on my own!" Evie spat.

  "Evie, you aren't fine. If I was to lift your shirt, what would I find?" Teagan asked. Evie's jaw dropped. She pulled the hem of her shirt down tightly, all the evidence Teagan needed. "Exactly. I'm a police officer. I've sworn to protect and defend. More importantly, I'm your sister. I can help you; we can help you."

  "We just want you safe, Fancy," Ro said, tears shimmering in her eyes.

  "Please don't be mad at Ro. I had figured it out before she said a word," Teagan said. Evie looked at both of her sisters and collapsed back onto the couch.

  "I'm too exhausted to be mad." Evie let her head fall back against the couch

  "The question is, Evie, are you ready to get the help you need to escape him?"

  "It isn't that easy, Teagan. I had the courage to call the police once, and I'm sure Ro told you what happened then."

  "She did. It pissed me off. On behalf of the brotherhood in blue, I apologize for failing you. If I knew who was responsible, I would have their shield—un-fucking-acceptable. I tried looking up the call, but there is no record in the system."

  "Of course, there isn't," Evie said, defeated. "He's too smart and too powerful to leave a paper trail."

  "No. You aren't allowed to give up. Not now, not ever." Ro got up off the floor and came over to where Evie was sitting on the couch, squishing herself between her two sisters.

  "We are going to figure this out," Teagan said.

  "I just don't know how. Believe me, I have spent a lot of time thinking about this. Every plan I have come up with has had multiple ways it could go wrong, putting me in the direct path of his wrath," Evie said, frustration clear in her tone.

  "I think you should let me take your place. This would be over tonight," Teagan said.

  "You can't just kill him in his sleep," Ro said, shaking her head.

  "Besides, he would know in five minutes flat that you weren't me," Evie added.

  "Hey! What are you trying to say?"

  Evie shrugged. "Our mannerisms are different. The way we speak, the way we walk, even the way we sit, is completely different from each other."

  "I see." Teagan glared at her. "I am not as refined as you and can't pass for an educated, upper class woman."

  "It doesn't matter anyway, Tea," Ro said, "it's not like Luca is going to let you—"

  "Let me? Let me? What do you mean let me?" Teagan interrupted her sister, clearly offended. "Luca is not my boss. He doesn't tell me what to do. Like hell, is he going to let or not let me do anything."

  "—put your life in danger. That's what I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted," Ro said.

  "I don't know who she thinks she's fooling anyway," Evie said, looking at Ro. "But, it's not us."

  "What is going on with you two anyway?" Ro pried.

  "He gave me two days to make a decision on whether or not I want to be in a relationship with him."

  "When's your deadline?" Ro asked.

  "Tomorrow," Teagan muttered under her breath.

  "Tomorrow?" Evie parroted. "Are you going to tell him you want to be with him?"

  "Hey, this meeting isn't about me!" Teagan protested.

  "Doesn't matter. It is now. What's your decision?" Evie asked.

  "What do you mean 'what's her decision?' There's really only one acceptable answer," Ro said. Teagan reached around and grabbed the pillow behind her back and hit Ro with it. They all laughed.

  "Back to the situation at hand," Teagan changed the topic quickly. "I have a plan. I want to set up hidden cameras around the house but specifically in Evie's bedroom. You said that is where he usually beats you?"

  "Jesus, Ro. Did you tell her everything? Fine, yes, that's where he beats me," Evie confirmed, rolling her eyes before looking down at her hands, which were busy twisting the ends of her shirt into knots.

  "My plan is to sneak in tomorrow while you are at the event and set up cameras. They are little, stick on ones that I can easily hide. They transmit wirelessly, so I'll need the wireless password for the internet." She looked at Evie, who nodded.

  "I can text it to you."

  "Do you think you can get in and out without getting caught?" Ro asked nervously.

  "Yes. With Evie and Sleazy at the dinner, there will be a skeleton crew at the house. Besides, if they catch me, as long as I have Evie's permission to be there, I can't be prosecuted."

  "I…" Evie caught her breath. "I'm not sure I could. I mean, of course, you have my permission, but I'm not sure I could tell anyone if you got caught." She lifted her head, the plea clear in her eyes. "He'll kill me if he finds out, Teagan. I'm sorry."

  "Then I guess I shouldn't get caught." Teagan put a reassuring hand on Evie's knee.

  "If you get caught, it would be by one of the men from S.E.A.L. Pretty sure, they wouldn't report you to the police," Ro said.

  "True. See, nothing to worry about," Teagan said confidentially.

  "I can't believe you guys are going to make me be the voice of reason. We could go to the guys, tell them what's going on. They would be more than willing to help us," Ro suggested.

  "No!" Teagan and Evie said in unison.

  "How do you think those Neanderthals would react to finding out he's beating Evie? They'd go all special forces on him and rip him limb from limb. As tempting as that sounds, I'd like to keep them out of prison," Teagan said.

  "Neanderthals? You do realize that by this time tomorrow night, you will be dating one of those 'Neanderthals', right?" Ro's mouth was hanging open at her sister's colorful description of her husband and his best friends.

  "I don't want them to look at me like a victim, especially not Jason," Evie said.

  "Why Jason?" Ro asked, giving Teagan a knowing look.

  "Why Jason, what?" Evie asked.

  "You said especially not Jason," Ro nudged.

  "Did I? I didn't mean especially him; I just mean him and the men. In general. That's all." The blush on Evie's face spoke louder than her words.

  "Shoot! I have to go! I'm already late," Ro shouted an hour later.

  "Did Oct give you a curfew?" Teagan asked, disgusted. "While you're with your sisters? You're a grown woman!"

  "Teagan, I consent to this, remember?" Ro looked down at her hands, chewing her lip.

  Teagan wondered if she had hurt Ro's feelings. "I'm sorry. I don't understand all of this. I know you do, but a curfew. Why?"

  "Someday, you'll understand, Tea, and that someday might be here sooner than you think. After all, you have to give Luca your answer tomorrow. Until then, I wish you would be a little bit more understanding with the way O and I choose to live."


  "I'm going to be a tad bit busy tomorrow, Ro. Remember? That's when I'm setting up the cameras."

  "I don't expect Luca will let you forget. Anyway, I have to go before I get locked out of my phone." At her sisters' questioning looks, Ro continued. "Oct put a code on it. Talk to you tomorrow. Love you!" And just like that, Ro was gone.

  "She exhausts me just watching her," Evie joked.

  "I wanted to ask you, how are you doing? Really?" Teagan turned to Evie.

  "I don't know if I can do this, Tea." Evie was curled up in the corner of Teagan's couch holding a large pillow to her chest, her eyes red and swollen from crying. "I can't keep living like this, but I don't know what else to do. I'm trapped. He has money and connections and power. My parents adore him." The laugh that escaped was sharp and bitter. "Hell, I'm not even sure they'd believe me if I told them what was going on. And still, what would I even do if I left him, Teagan? I'm not as strong as you or as smart as Ro. All I'm good for is looking pretty."

  "I know it seems hard right now, Evie. But we've come up with a plan, and if we stick to it, I just know we will succeed," Teagan replied.

  "Impossible, Tea, not hard!"

  "When I was in foster care, there were days when I felt like that. There were long periods of time when I didn't have a day that I didn't feel that way. Hopeless, helpless, and full of despair. I get it, Evie. More than probably anyone else, I can relate to those feelings. I know what it's like to want to escape pain and destruction caused by someone who is supposed to protect you. But you can't give up."

  "How? How did you keep going?"

  "My favorite movie as a child was Annie," Teagan said. She held up her hand to pause Evie's question. "I think, partially, because I wanted to believe there would be a happily ever after for me, too. I used to hum the lyrics the sun will come out tomorrow in my head, over and over again. The sun will come out tomorrow, so you gotta hang on till tomorrow, come what may. I would tell myself, "Just gotta hang on until tomorrow." Tomorrow would come, if I could get through that day, just that one day. I didn't think about years to come; I didn't have that privilege. Sometimes, all I could do was focus on the next breath, minute, or the next hour. I told myself, "Be strong, Teagan, just for today." That is all you have to do, Evie. Be strong, just for today."